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Pomegranate 21-10-2008 10:24 AM

*hugs you shadowed seraph* I'm so sorry they are being like this. Have you spoken to them about why you don't want to go back to the flat?

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 10:46 AM

*hugs Emma and Becca*

I got a script for diazepam. :D Unfortunately the dosage is miniscule and there were no repeats. I do see my pdoc again in 3 weeks ...... I hope it lasts that long but I've got a feeling that it's not going to.

I feel like crap again. I'm not even sure why. I think it's just that I miss my friend that I drove to the airport this morning .... even though I know that I'll be picking him up from the airport tomorrow morning. Or it could just be the psychotic symptoms giving me **** again. Or the fact that I know I'm going to be awake all night again. Meh.

Zowie - LOL. Thanks for making me smile :D

*hugs everyone and hands out chocolate*

Pomegranate 21-10-2008 10:56 AM

*hugs Kahlia* When is your friend back? Hope you manage to get some sleep xx

zowie 21-10-2008 11:26 AM

*Hugs everyone* Don't wanna go to college today, I've prettied myself up and made a packed lunch but just don't wanna face it. I hate the people, I don't feel very safe today and I'm behind in every class. I just want to stay home and catch up on the work I'm behind on.
Maybe I'll pretend to miss the train. x

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 11:44 AM

Emma, his plane is due to land at 10:40 tomorrow. I've just had a conversation with him via text. He called me an angel and I'm not exactly sure why. I think it might be because I told him that his daughter would never forget him and that his feeling sad about leaving her was totally understandable. He also gave me a virtual kiss. It was kind of weird.

Zowie - *hugs you back* I can't offer you any advice, but I have had similar feelings. Just wanted to offer you support for whatever you decide to do.

*hugs everyone*

Pomegranate 21-10-2008 02:24 PM

Got to uni, drove into the carpark. Decided I couldn't face it and drove back home. I am now in bed. Pathetic.

MammaMia 21-10-2008 05:12 PM

Not pathetic at all hunni *squuezes*

*cuddles Kahila & Becca lots too*

I've have had a REALLY good day off uni today. *squeals*

MammaMia 21-10-2008 05:15 PM

Before I forget, will you still be ok to come tomorrow Em??? xx

zowie 21-10-2008 05:55 PM

Not pathetic at all, Pomegranate. I got the train to college, walked in, went straight to support services and said 'I can't stay here, sign me out of my classes' Got on the train and went home.

My dad is being a real ass at the moment. He's really upsetting me. First he called me an alchoholic even though I don't think I drink more than anyone my age; he's just pissed off that I drink on meds and decides to hurt me by incinuating that I'm turning into my mother (drink and OD killed her). No offence to my mum, I'd love to be like her, but I am NOT an alchoholic.
Secondly, even though he knows I'm unwell and therefore sleep a lot during the day he still has a go at me and calls me lazy. My sister sleeps a lot of the day and she isn't suffering from psychotic depression, and he doesn't call her lazy.
Thirdly, he owes me 45 and wont give me any of it because I'll spent it on alcohol and fags. Just because he doesn't like drinking or smoking (any more) doesn't mean it's wrong to do it.
Don't get me wrong, my dad is a lovely guy but sometimes he can be such an ass.
So pissed off right now. Want to cut. Maybe I am a bad person.
Wish I could cry.

1ofmany 21-10-2008 08:11 PM

I am in a bad place at the moment and think all my friends are ignoring me and i think they really are this time...and i need to talk to one so bad right now :(

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 09:51 PM

*hugs 1ofmany* I'm sorry you're in a bad place hun, is there anything I can do to help ??

*hugs Zowie* From what I've read and the support you have offered people I don't think you are a bad person. Sometimes parents get like that for whatever reason. I'm not surprised you want to cut. My hope is that you can stay safe and start to feel okay soon. *cuddles you tight*

*hugs Emma* Neither you, nor what you did is pathetic. I've done the same thing before, especially when I haven't been coping particularly well. Uni/college can be a bit like that at times. It takes an awful lot of energy and coping ability to deal with the large number of people in classes, and also the concentration and so forth required can be hard to achieve if you aren't feeling well. Sorry if that seems like a bit of a lecture. I just wanted to let you know that I can understand where you are coming from, and you aren't alone in having done so. *hugs you tight*

*hugs Helen* I'm glad you had a good day off uni. It sounds like it was the right decision for you. I hope that you feel okay today/tonight and that you have another good day.

*hugs Becca* I hope things are going okay for you. Sorry that you have/had to move back to the flat. If you are still crying please allow me to offer you a box of tissues and a large cuddle.

*hugs everyone else*

It may only be 5:30 am but this day has been going on for way too long. I got, at most, half an hour's sleep last night and none the night before so the day has been going since 6 am the day before that.

I pick my friend up from the airport today. :D It's really stupid that I missed him so much considering I knew he would only be gone for 24 hours, but maybe it's just that I'm so pathetic. Either that or my mother has a point. She keeps asking me whether I'm in love with him or just dependent on him. She does ask jokingly. She knows that I love him like a brother .... he's more like my brother than my real brother is. That could just be because both my brother and sister are 6 years + older than me and were barely around when I was growing up.

Anyway I'll stop my whinging and whining now. Anyone feel like joining me in the smoking shelter for a bit ?? I'll bring the ashtray...

*gives everyone another hug then disappears into the smoking shelter*

MammaMia 21-10-2008 10:16 PM

*gives you a big hug*

My day is still going goooooooood! GET IN!!!

*hugs everyone else who needs them*

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 10:24 PM

*hugs Helen back* Good to hear. :D

I just realised what a mammoth post that last one of mine was. Wowwee. Sorry about that everyone. I just hope I didn't leave anyone out!

Anyone want some of my secret stash of chocolate ??

MammaMia 21-10-2008 10:28 PM

I do *jumps up and down*

*hugs lots*

I have a busy day ahead tomorrow. Feel like yelling ah crap :D But I have no idea why haha :)

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 10:44 PM

*hands chocolate to Helen*

Shhhh! Don't tell anyone I have chocolate. LOL!

MammaMia 21-10-2008 10:57 PM

I wont, thank you hun :D

I'm tired but happy :)

1ofmany 21-10-2008 11:34 PM


Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1167402)
1ofmany I'm sorry you're in a bad place hun, is there anything I can do to help ??

No Just on a low mood thank you so much for the offer though it helps :)

Kahlia1981 22-10-2008 03:25 AM

1ofmany - okay, I'll just offer you some nice, warm cuddles and the hope that your mood will begin to improve.

Helen - hehe the chocolate is our little secret. :D

Pomegranate 22-10-2008 07:05 AM

AAArrrrgghhh!!! Why can't I ****ing sleep???? I hate hardly any sleep yesterday or the day before and it is now gone 6am and I am still awake. *sits and stares*

*hugs anyone who needs them*

Kahlia1981 22-10-2008 08:23 AM

*hugs Emma* I have similar issues with sleep. I hope that you start to get some decent sleep soon because I know it can play total havec (sp?) with your head. *sends warm wishes*

*hugs everyone who wants or needs hugs*

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