ahaha :tongue2: I think....its from throwing myself backwards in the bar lastnight...I bumped my head on the wall of our booth :P

good news....for once...i KNOW what triggered my attacks today :thumbup:

Blood tests...im SOOOOOO scared....he's testing for some rare blood disorder :blink:

Awwww Alex, that sounds reallllllllly painful :( I hope your head feels better soon though *kisses it better*

Katch, it's okay. Honest. I'm just really struggling to deal with a situation. All he wants to do is see me. I want to see him only cus I miss him. But I really just can't see him. I know that makes no sense.

I don't think anyone understands how much I'm having a bad night.

I can see why you are worreid about the blood tests - but it will be better to know than not to know either way. Hopefully it will come back negative - but if it doesn't then they will be looking at the best treatment for you - and we will all be here waiting to hear how you are.
I'm sorry I'm not sure if you meant the blood tests triggered your panic attacks today or whether you just knew what triggered them???

Oh Hells - your right I don't fully understand - but not coz I don't want to - but because I don't know the whole situation - I'm really not sure if you want to talk about it or be left alone (my own paranoia working - can't even spell it!!!) I'm worried about not asking you - as I don't want you feeling ignored but I'm worried about getting on your nerves by keeping chatting to you.
I'm here for you if you want anything OK..

naww its not the blood tests that triggered them...
but today i seem to know what DID trigger them...most days i dont :/

*pounces on helen*
you want to talk to me darling?

What the f*** is wrong with me?!?!
It is 5:30pm and I am just now getting outta bed!!!!

I'm glad you know - if you want to share please do but if you don't then it's OK - I just hope that by knowing what caused them it might help prevent them.

slips in, curls up and hides in the corner:crying:

Hi Amanda - good to see you - what time did you get to bed?

Hi katey-Lou how are you tonight?

Like 11 or 11:30 last night

Hey katey-lou...you ok hun?*hugs*
Hey There to you too Amanda...how you feeling?

Katch, that's my fault. Please don't let the parnoia kick in cus then I'll blame myself cus i know what it's like :pinch:

*is pounced on by Alex* Yah yah I do :)

I don't know why I feel so ****. I don't know if I'm making up what I think I can see on the landing of the stairs. I should really shut my door but I feel the need for it to be open. I hope it's just my mind playing tricks on me because I'm so tired. Plus I wrote a long post about my dad (and other things) in my thread if u wanna read to understand more maybe. I keep thinking about everything I shouldn't think about. Like my exam...recent attempts to die...and whatever else.

I don't think except you guys in here and one other ryl friend understand why I'm saying what I am about the exam. Plus one guy friend who is SUPOSSED to understand...keeps saying no change there then whn I reply to how are you? Plus...he said "this may sound harsh but I think you need to get a grip"....he said that last night when I was whining about the impending exam and how I'm scared that I'm gonna go like I did last time.

BLAH. I DON'T THINK ANYONE REALLY WANTS TO HEAR ME MOAN AFTER I'VE DONE IT FOR DAYS ON END....:sad: :blink:

I feel like I need to say something else....but my mind is dead for the momento.

dissociated... numb

Erm...first one was a dream...that i had chocolate all over my bed and that i was making a BIG mistake in something (cant remember what though)
Second was when i was walking through town and a pidgeon flew at me (i dont like them:-() and I felt its wing touch my head and I started panicking. I thought I was gonna die of a heart attack :(

*hugs Alexx*

Helen... are you ok? Please know you can talk to me...

no, not good tonight. but i'm pushing everyone away and upsetting people so just goiung to sit quietly xx

Am I okay? No. I want to be okay. I feel like I've not been okay in a long time. Well I know I have been better recently. Then this week changed all that. But I'm not okay right now. I cannot stop thinking about things I wanna forget cus they're over. He's beginning to haunt me though >.< I don't want to let him win. I dont want to feel spaced out or whatever I am tonight. I know I want to cut. I know I'm better off alive, but also wish I had died at the same time. ****.

Helen I'm sorry sweety :(
*takes your male friend and throttles him for a long time*
I wish I had something for you hun....
but I love you...
*huggles tight and offers you a blanket to snuggle under*