Thank you for the hugs Mark :) they are quite welcomed indeed. How's your night been thus far? A pleasant good evening to everyone :) Tea?
22-12-2010 11:02 PM
I'm sorry you are a bit triggered. I have gone numb.. :s
22-12-2010 11:06 PM
Hugs :) care for a mug of tea and a blanket dear? I am sorry you feel that way I ve been there many times.
22-12-2010 11:16 PM
:D I love work christmas parties...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : ramblings... how is it my holidays with work are better than at home?
I always get something good at them. in 08 I got this, in 09 I got a bag of stuff (bath pillow, hot chocolate with peppermint, etc), this year I got a bag (with a mug, 3 flavors of coffee and a set of 3 chocolates). This year there was only one thing I liked more but it got swapped so much I couldn't pick it... it was a bottle of wine and these super awesome glasses... but I know where to get the glasses so I'm okay with that!
As to where with any other party or anyone else giving gifts, even when I specifically ask for something I am usually disappointed. For example, last year I received from family: 4-5 bath sets (not even in scents I would choose), a pair of socks and a fairy statue (the most appealing item). All in all the one of those I liked is a dust collector. *sigh* This year with the family I made a list (got complaints and insults for my effort followed by them all leaving it on the floor or throwing it away) and more than likely got only one thing from the list... and, of all people, G got me that and let me pick out what I wanted from the website she chose.
22-12-2010 11:18 PM
Aaw :( Sorry about that. Do you know whats making you feel numb?
22-12-2010 11:18 PM
-hugs back- thanks. I have unlimited pillows and fuzzy blankies and I'm not a fan of tea. thanks for the offer, though. -smiles-
What people don't realize is that when I go numb it's bad. It means I have completely given up and can't handle the emotions anymore. My past few suicide attempts have been while I was numb. If I still feel anything, whether it be anger or depression or panic, at least I am still feeling. But when I go numb... -sighs- it's hard to explain. Sorry.
22-12-2010 11:25 PM
Nicole: Everything has just bottled up so long that I can't handle it anymore. My brother's death this past month threw me in a whirlwind of hurt. It totally ****ed up my sleeping. Amara started getting stronger after his death. Then I found out that my sister is back to her drinking again. I have so many bad memories of her and drinking. I can't handle it anymore. She won't be around much longer, we all know that. The problem is, she's killing herself by drinking and she refuses to stop. I can't handle losing another loved one. I really can't. The only sibling I will have left is an asshole. My sister is hosting christmas this year which is even worse because she is going to ruin it by being drunk. She was even drunk for my wedding! I just can't handle it anymore. So I went numb. -shrugs-
22-12-2010 11:26 PM
*Hugs Kitty* Sorry, right now, I am useless.
*Hugs Nicole* Glad you found the Christmas spirit.
*Hugs Aoife* I'm Lia.
Sorry I don't have many words. Everything just keeps crumbling. I find new strength then something knocks it down. Is there even a point?
22-12-2010 11:27 PM
*Hugs kitty* I'm so sorry hun...I dont know what to say. :/ But i am thinking of you.x
*Hugs lia* Yes there is a point Hun. I dont know what it is yet, but there is one. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk. That goes for all of you.
22-12-2010 11:29 PM
-hugs and snuggles and squishes lia- hi lia. I lubbles you. -squishes more- I knows how you feel. I sorry you feel this way. wouldn't wish the feeling on anyone, not even my worst enemy. -offers pillows and fuzzy blankies-
Edit: We posted at like the same time, sorry Nicole. -hugs back- thanks. -smile-
22-12-2010 11:34 PM
I gots to go for now. Trip to the laundromat, tons of fun. I'll be back later. -hugs ward- I lubs you all
22-12-2010 11:35 PM
*Hugs Kitty and curls under blankets*
Courage. Just need a little courage.
Bye for now Kitty. Lubs you too.
22-12-2010 11:48 PM
*peers at lia*
Do you want a hug?
22-12-2010 11:48 PM
Loving the decorations, could have sworn I decorated but perhaps not =P
22-12-2010 11:56 PM
May have Hels... I did skip some weekend pages Monday morning lol but with cheery decor more's the better :) *resumes hiding*
22-12-2010 11:59 PM
I quite agree =]
23-12-2010 12:05 AM
My Gallbladder is playing up, I'm trying so hard not to be sick or pass out from pain. It'll pass in 2-8h but if not I need to go hospital. This is all I need at Christmas :(
23-12-2010 12:06 AM
Yes please Nicole.
*Hugs all* Sorry.
23-12-2010 12:11 AM
*Holds lia* Do you wanna talk?
23-12-2010 12:23 AM
*Leans into Nicole* I don't know what I want. I just can't do it. She was happy, she had finally found something with him but now she's left him because she thinks she's not good enough and it's back to me again to pick up the pieces. Two friends, two people relying on me to keep them off the edge of suicide, another relying on me to get her through her sister's depression. Three people who all need me and I just can't do it. It's too much. One of them will cave someday and it will be all my fault. I can't do anything, I can't be enough and I'm so scared what I am isn't going to be the right thing.