Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!! Why the hell do I bother.

*huggles all who can accept them* - I really wish it could be more. Thinking of all of you and sorry that you are all struggling. :-(

Not everyone is struggling. But hugs for you Kahlia and everyone who wants one. Well suppose I am a tiny bit :/

*hugs helen* i'm so happy that you enjoyed the first day!!!! :-D that's great! Hope that your bus pass comes soon!

*hugs kahlia* you okay hun?

*hugs mark* hope you are sleeping well. Don't feel bad about leaving early. Stay safe.

*hugs felicia and heather* how r you two doing? how's uni going for both of you?

*hugs jill* what happened? you bother because you are good person who cares about others.

Graduate school research is terrifying me and exciting me all at the same time. I have to go ask people for letters of recommendation soon though. I don't really know how to do that or who to ask. I never really got close enough with any of my professors for them to know me, and I never really needed extra help, so I didn't meet up with them outside of class. The idea of even asking makes me crazy anxious. Stupid social anxiety disorder.. i know this shouldnt even be that big of a deal.

*hugs Laura* Thank you hun :) I just sorted out my folder (well little while ago), plus made my lunch for tomorrow (think I need to buy a new lunchbox, mine is missing), got my PJs on, packed my bag & about to brush my teeth. Then soon watching something before sleepy time!!! Good luck with stuff for grad school!! Sorry it's making you anxious though, but it's understandable...

So angry! My mum is so hypocritical. *sigh*

I guess I should be used to it but nooo. I just want some peace.

*glomps Sarah & Laura*

*tiptoes off to hide in the warren, invisible* :'(

*huggles Hels* - Sounds like you are going to have some fun with college. I'm glad you had a good first day. Sorry to make it seem like you are struggling if you aren't - I'd had to quickly read several pages of posts and get a glimpse of how everyone was doing in general. I'll try not to be so general in future. Hoping that the second day went/goes well and so does the rest of the time. There will be hard times ahead but what do we say??? It can't rain all the time!

*glomps* - I'm ... starting to improve in regards to my physical health and the chest infection. My mental health is still ... not crash hot. I'm sorry to hear that graduate school is giving you problems. Is there any way you can sort of take it away from yourself? Like think of the professors as numbers on a card. "I just need to ask number x if he/she will give me the letter of recommendation, if not than number y" and so on. I don't know ... just a weird idea. I guess it comes from the weird ideas I've had people try and give me when it comes to stage performances with musical instruments, speech and drama, singing, musicals and dance. *shrugs*

*cuddles Sarah*

*finds April with her April-invisibility-detector and gently cuddles her and offers tissues*

*glomps April*

So frustrated with everything today :( could do with a punchbag to vent my anger with. *hides away*

Edit *cuddles Kahlia* we posted around the same time I think :p

*cuddles Sarah* - Yeah, it happens alot here. lol

I can't do this anymore. I can't hold on. I can't keep on being strong. Yet I don't want to slip back into SI, and can't really do ED behaviors without it "wrecking" Jarrod's life as well.

How I wish I could just die. Why is it that we wish this so much?

*gently cuddles April* - I don't know sweetpea. I wish I did. :-(

Cuddles all, lol it's totally not worth it. Lol it really isn't. so screw it I'm not even going to try anymore. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I managed to turn around a really **** day and made it productive.
I just couldnt find the energy to get out of bed and despite waking up at 12:30 in the afternoon...I lay in bed until 04:15....and then i got up and after moping around for an hour decided to try and clean the house.
So....when I started going I cleaned the kitchen, the living room, the hallway, did the pots, did my washing and started to clean my room before I burnt out and had to stop.
Im proud...and disappointed all at once

Just dropping in to give anyone who wants one a *cuddle*

Alex: I'm proud of you for managing to get that much cleaning done by the way hun, you must have really been able to motivate yourself. Please try not to beat yourself up about what you might not have done but to think of what you did do.

Jill: *cuddles you*

*sends hugs to everyone* I'm so sorry I haven't been around.. really struggling ed wise.. got the ed people worried about me and *sigh* just all so overwhelming etc. I don't know. I'm just sorry I haven't been around <3

*hugs Katie* - Sorry to hear things haven't been great. Sending you my caring, warm thoughts. <3

*Hugs The Ward*

I didn't sleep for over an hour last night , my mind kept thinking horrid things but I was so tired I must have fallen asleep between 9pm and 9.30pm . I seriously considered getting up and S.I.ing but I didn't .

Helen I hope your bus pass comes today and am happy you are enjoying induction week :)

Sorry for the lack of individuals , I just feel a bit numb and need coffee

*hugs Kahlia* Thank you hun, how are you going tonight?

*hugs Mark* Glad you didn't get up to SI. *sends you a coffee* got any plans for the day? Look after yourself.

Gosh, don't even know what to say hey, cept I'm pretty scared about my next appointment on friday, I need to try not to lose weight before then coz I don't know what she will do if I have.. then again I'm tempted to just keep going just to see what will happen.. oh what a sick sick mind i have, stupid effing ed >.<

*Hugs Kaytee* I have a ear accupucture appointment at 2pm and then I am going to talk to the volunteer buero lady , . The accupuncture is very relaxing and Kat , who does it , is very nice and so is Anne at the volunteer buero .

I'm sorry you are struggling with your ED , try not to lose weight just to see what happens , Friday is 3 and a half days away , I know that can seem like a long time but if you take it a little chunk at a time it might fly by .