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Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 02:49 AM

*magics away the itchy allergic reaction*

Scarletdreamer 12-08-2010 02:51 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Hi Lex, I'm April. :) I totally understand about the hating yourself but not being able to hate anyone else. It's... well, yeah. :( But I'm sure you're not any of the things that you say you are. I don't know you as well as Hels does but I trust her view of you. :) If you need to talk or whatever, I'm here as well as, well, everyone else I suppose!! That's why this thread is so wonderful.

Laura, I'm worried about you... :-/ ...because hyper/goofy rarely comes without a crash afterwards (unless you're my sister, that is, ahahaha). Where would you like to float away to?

Hels, I'll try & respond more in depth later - i.e., tomorrow, as I'm getting really heavy-eyed and muzzy-headed at the moment - but I hope that the allergic reaction goes away. That must be SO annoying!! *extra cuddles*

I am exhausted. Pent-up self-hatred is getting really frustrating. :(
I don't know what to do now, except go to bed. So off to bed I go. <3

MammaMia 12-08-2010 02:53 AM

Thanks April, I'd appreciate that darling. Hope you sleep well. Damm this allergic reaction, it's way annoying. Least it's only on one side really, which helps a little.

Alex, thank you darling.

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 03:12 AM

Hi April! Nice to meet you :) I hope you sleep well and feel better in the morning!

No problem hells.

Someone I know from uni just gave me one word answers when I tried to talk to him then said he was too high and was going to bed. Which is fair enough....except I dont know whether to believe him or not....he's one of Liams close mates....

taz35 12-08-2010 03:22 AM

Hiding - I agree with Lex. As hard as it can be, keep reminding Sarah that she's loved by SO many people. And it would be heartbreaking for them to lose her. School starting again definitely sucks, I feel your pain there.

*tackles Hels* Hi :D I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. Well, on here at least! Do you feel better that you've gotten it all out via text? And here *hands magic allergy-be-gone lotion* :)

*waves at Lex* Hello :) I'm Taz. I know paranoia can be really hard to deal with, but it sounds like your friend could've been legit high - I know when I'm high I hardly talk and just want to sleep, or veg out... Maybe you could try talking to him again tomorrow and hopefully get more of a response? Oh, and you're not a bitch at all :)

*throws a pillow at April, because I can* :) I'm wandering off to read your r/v soon, but try not to hate yourself too much. That can get really exhausting! And have wonderful dreams :)

*sits and waits for Laura to float back* Like April said, I'm awaiting the crash. Maybe that's just me being my usual pessimistic self, but it seems like you can never have a high without a low. But do try to enjoy it while it lasts :) *spreads pillows out on the floor in case of a sudden crash landing*

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 03:28 AM

Hey Taz! I know, Im like that...I cant even close my mouth...I just sit there staring into space with my mouth open but its a really strange situation at the minute coz of a guy I like and Im just paranoid he's talking about me to people (whether he's saying good things or bad i dont know...he may not even be talking about me though!) gah

taz35 12-08-2010 03:32 AM

Ick, that sounds like a messy situation. Is it possible to ask him directly if he's talking about you? Or would that be too confrontational? =/

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 03:35 AM

farrrrrrr too confrontational. We are a bad combination because we are both paranoid and blow up all the time...but I love him

Kahlia1981 12-08-2010 03:44 AM

Not meaning to jump into the middle of a conversation but:

Paranoia can be a nasty beast. I really hope it eases a bit for you Alex because it sounds like it is being incredibly troublesome at the moment. Has it been getting worse over the 3 months he's been away? Please forgive me if I've gotten it wrong but if I remember correctly he (your bf) was going to Spain for 4 months and it's been 3 months now? Oh, I've been doubly rude. I'm pretty sure I've spoken with you before, but in case I haven't: I'm Kahlia. *waves and offers hugs*

Helen: Hmmm. Whatever product gave you that reaction definitely needs to be avoided. I have seriously sensitive skin and am allergic to so much stuff that it just isn't funny that even physios and ultrasound nurses have to check their stuff against my skin!! I really feel for you here my dear. I hope that it eases quickly. *big non-allergenic hugs* :p

April: *huggles* I hope you manage to have a good nights sleep without any nasty nightmares or bad dreams.

Taz: *cuddles* How are you going sweetie?

*hugs everyone who wanders in because my memory crashed out about 10 seconds ago*

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 03:54 AM

Its no worries :)
I remember you from last time I was here (:
Almost correct, spain yes 4 (excruciatingly long) months yes
but TECHNICALLY not my bf :(
I asked him out before he left...he avoided my question. I met him a year ago and we started getting together...you know the stuff...holding hands..kissing...etc etc...but then people started askiung what was happening and when we were going to get together officially (we lived in halls and it was like living in a soap opera!!) and he freaked out and so all that stopped unless it was just me and him or if we went out to a club and he got drunk. I remember one night our mates brother came out and picked me up and then dropped me and liam (my "boy") pulled me up and held me and kissed me like his life depended on it...and I keep deluding myself that it means something because I desperatly want it to....
I NEED it to mean something.

Kahlia1981 12-08-2010 04:26 AM

Ah sorry. I'm glad I managed to get any of it right to be honest. My memory isn't all that crash hot since the ECT - except when it comes to remembering things in excrutiating detail for assessments. I know what you mean about needing it to mean something .... *sigh* I just hope I didn't offend you. *offers hugs*

SoMuchMore 12-08-2010 04:35 AM

*hugs lex* i'm laura if i didnt introduce myself. Sorry about the situation you are in with the paranoia and liam. You can get through this though. I really believe that.

*hugs helen* Oo.. that allergic reaction do not sound good *gets rid of it* Glad that your dad and Jade were there for you today.

*hugs taz* how r u doing?

*hugs april* hope that you sleep well. You shouldn't hate yourself, you are a lovely person hun.

*hugs kahlia* how r u doing?

I don't know where I would float away too if I actually.. Anywhere. Somewhere new... or Maybe back to Italy, I loved it there when I visited last summer. Too bad I can't actually pick, but I could pretend I suppose lol.

I know this hyper/goofy feeling though... it used to be what i said happiness was... and that is a totally wrong description, maybe i'll find some way to avoid the depersonalization that will come along if i start to come out of the goofiness... but oh well. Take on the world while I can right? :-) Too bad its not more b/c if i could I would be like this more and more and more. I wonder if people would notice or if it would just blend in with my faking it personality. Hmm... an experiment.

I'm being and idiot now. Sorry!

Don't worry about me though. Never ever worry. I'm always here at the end of the day

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 04:47 AM

of course you didnt sweetheart! Im glad you listened and I wasnt boring you to death with my silly trivial life haha

Hey Laura how are you? Lovely to meet you!

SoMuchMore 12-08-2010 04:59 AM

Lex - Nice to meet you too! you're meeting me in a very strange state i must admit. I'm not usually all... hyper and stupid sounding like i know i am being... don't just too harshly please. I don't know whats going on with me right now exactly.

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 05:09 AM

sweetheart dont worry about it!
Im daft as a brush and theres a running joke at work that they are part of a care in the community scheme and thats why I have my job! (I assure you they arent, im just daft and a little crazy haha)

SoMuchMore 12-08-2010 05:27 AM

im sure you are not daft and everyone's a little "crazy" lol. are you feeling any better than earlier? I hope so hun. Here if you need to talk more.

Detour. Derail 12-08-2010 05:45 AM

a little. My best friend from home has said shes coming down for the weekend so we're making plans and catching up :)

shadowedsoul 12-08-2010 09:52 AM

Huggles all. Fu*k my feeling are all over the place, feel very unsafe very stuiped thoughts running through my head.really want to act on them. Feel like I'm a about to burst into tears any sec. So anxious about later on tonight not sure I can do this.

Kahlia1981 12-08-2010 11:13 AM

*huggles all*

Jill: *cuddles you in a protective hug* Sorry for the thoughts. Please try hard not to act on them sweet. I'm sorry about the anxiety - can you do anything to keep it in check or try to get it back in check?

It has been a really weird day. Phonecalls and emails and freak outs about having to go downstairs three times (rubbish bin, post box and hanging my washing). Also a random freak out where I thought my CSA abuser was standing on the porch and wanting to come into the unit. Gah!

Still, what does not kill us makes us stronger, right?

MammaMia 12-08-2010 11:53 AM

Someone has put on my bestie's (well one of them) facebook that she's dead. I'm TRYING to assume it's my best friend herself as she has her weigh in day today and her gran gives her mobile to my best friend (as it belongs to her anyway)

Arrrrgh, but I'm REALLY freaked out...just incase it's not her or something playing games :'( Have to be rational, if it was the case, I would know. But I'm still freaking out :'( SHUT UP HEAD >_<

Because I *really* need this on top of everything else today :'( I'm still really tired & have to go jobcentre, which I can't be ****ing bothered with. Please don't let it be like last week :(

*cuddles everyone*

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