*huggles mark* i know. but it wont be, cause it will be everywhere, i can feel it, if i cut, i wont be able to stop.

*Hugs Nicole* Please try hard not to start in that case , play the 15 minute game with yourself maybe ?

whats the 15 minuite game? :/ i just know im failing everything and dont see why im even bothering to keep living :(

The 15 minute game is:-

you look at how you're feeling wanting to cut and say "in 15 minutes if still feel the same I'll do it " then in 15 minutes you check to see how you're feeling and if you still need to cut put it off for 15 more minutes , and repeat the process until you get distracted , stop getting urges , fall asleep , generally don't need to cut anymore

Hmm I hope I made that make sence .

oh, right, yeah you did lol. i might try it, at the moment, im thinking-is there any point in stopping, i love my self harm, i love the way it makes me feel, its all ive got.
and at the same time thinking-its stupid and you dont need it, youre past that now, forget about it.
and i dont know what to listen to :(

You are worth so much more than S.I. Nicole , You should tell yourself that . Do you really want to start again if you KNOW you won't be able to stop?

*cuddles Nicole*

yes. im sorry but yes, i need it, i cant live without it, its my life!

:( im sorry about that post ^^ i dont mean that, i'm just struggling with the urges, i cant control it, im not strong enough to.

It's okay to struggle with the urges , it shows you are trying to beat it *HUGS*

*hugs* my sisters picking on me already :'( i've been home 2 hours. and shes saying that i dont deserve anything cause the way i act. i dont DO anything, and even if i did, ive not been here!

Don't let your sister picking on you get to you , rise above it if you can and keep your distanse from her

i cant :(
i need a fag :(

*Hugs Nicole TONS*

My Mums Taken All My ****ing Blades!!! Thats It! I Cant Live Here, I Cant!

*Makes Nicolle Some calming Camomille tea*

i can't cope, i can't handle this...

...i just want to curl up and die. i'm so ****ing sick of being triggered... can't cope with it all. need to cut, still, again, always. i want to be rid of it, but i can't... i just can't give it up... but i have to... :crying:

pitiful wreck.

and so fat, too. looking at my bestie... and her little sister... they are tiny and healthily so, too. blessedly skinny. i wish i could be small... :'(

so sick of this life.

updated r/v... :crying:

if i scream loud enough will the frustration and anxiety go away?

*hugs/waves at all ward mates*

I apologise in advance for the lack of individual replies. . .

April: Honey, I really hear you on being triggered. AND I really hear you in regards to other people being so tiny. I get it and feel it all the time. I wish I could offer you something that would help. :-( All I can say is that I have read - both here and your r/v - and I want to offer you *hugs* if that's okay . . .

Just want to scream my head off this morning . . .

Oh, but I got RPL'd through 3 Stages of my Diploma. So I guess I should be happy . . . right??