You did Not make me sad Owen , I just have been sad for a few days, thanks for the hug :)

Depression Sad Owen , I can't help it , No sprecific oudside cause for me being sad I just am sad , Not your fault at all.

My Sister just rang and is coming up to try and do Christmas shopping , I don't know what shops are open here on a Sunday but It will be nice to meet her :) and my baby neice Mariama :)

Hey Owen *waves*

Hey Mark *hugs* have fun Christmas shopping :)

*Hugs Kitty* I don't really know what advice to give, I'm pretty sure you've already said something about not having many friends around where you are, unless you made that up entirely, so I can't really suggest going to stay with one of them, but if your marriage is making you so unhappy, you need to get out somehow. How much longer do you have left at school? I do know how you feel, I hate my home and the family I life with are dicks most of the time, but I no way have the courage to leave and go and live alone, although I am 16 so technically could. But I also love my school and couldn't leave so I am going to stick it out for another two years and go on to uni somewhere far away. Is there any way you can just get out of the house as much as possible? Stay in school long hours, leave the house early and hang back to get more work done? I'm not really sure what else to say except for hold on. Things won't be like this forever and even if you can't now, you wil someday be able to leave. *Another hug*

I'm almost ready for the Holidays . Less than 2 weeks I think I bought my first Presant in September :p hmmmm. My Green (Festive eh?) Tinsel is wrapped around my clear white lights , they throw out a lot of light , as much as my lamp I reckon.

*Hugs Lia* How are you this morning?

Don't hurt your foot Owen . Kicking away.

You alright Owen?

I love Christmas :) Although the day's always a bit meh since I have to spend it with my family, but a lot of my extended family come over and I love them so it's cool.

I'm alright today Mark. And in your response to yesterday, I really can't tell anyone else. Partly because I am ashamed, partly because they wouldn't take me seriously, partly because they'd take me too seriously. There are a lot of reasons. It would mean opening up to so much as go to doctor which I'd totally rather not do. Anywho, I'm OK for now. Looking forward to Christmas :)

Oh I know how scary it was for me going to a Dr the first time , it was totally nerve wracking all those years ago so I can empathise with you there , telling people is TOUGH *Squishes*

Sisters here :) Be back Later :)

What's wrong Owen?

Have fun Mark :)

Doesn't seem like nothing. You sure you're alright?

We're all here to listen to you, Owen.

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you feeling today?

Scared. I'm going to a bereavement service at church today and I don't want to go on my own but there is no one who can go with me. I haven't been to church since I was about 12. I'm scared that i'll sit in someone else's seat or something.

How are you, Mark?

I'm.....well I don't know how to describe it , My Sister and Neice have come and gone , I went for a walk , I'm numb I guess , but that's not all of it *sigh* .Words.escape.me.

*hugs Mark* When you find the words i'll be here to listen. Just PM me if i'm not around.

*Hugs Mark* I agree with Lindsey. We're here to listen if you do find the words. Did you enjoy shopping?

*Hugs Lindey* I'm going to church later, it's my youth group's Christmas party. From my experiences, no one has 'seats' you just sit wherever's avaliable. Besides, it's a church. No one's going to shout at you. You'll be alright :)

Lindsay , If your Bereavment serice is like my Grandma's funeral , The very closest family sit right at the front , then the rest of the family ,then family friends . I really don't think people have specific seats though so I'm sure you'll be fine wherever you sit .
Thanks for the Offer of a PM , I'd just worry that I was burdening you though , I know you are struggling as well *Hugs*

Thank you both. It's a bereavement service for everyone who has lost someone this year.

You wouldn't be burdening me at all, Mark. I'm here for you no matter what is going on in my life.

Shopping was nice and we clogged up a cafe with the Baby stroller heh , but coffee came with little welsh cakes :) , Then we did grocery spopping , Pringles are on offer and I bought apples and Tonic water amongst other stuff . Then they left and I had cereal and went back to Adlis for a walk and mooch around . I don't know what to do now I'm looking at the veins on the back of my hand in "That Way" sorry . *Hugs Lia*

Same for me Lindsay . My advice is craptacular but if you need to rant or talk or anything I'm willing to listen :)

Sorry I ranted last night . I was worried that my Lithium ......well I'm worried I've built up a tolerence to it . Taking myself into bed in the daytime is definatley a sign of depression for me and it's been too frequent recently for comfort . I HOPE HOPE HOPE it's just a blip brought on by the Holidays. I think I'm going to go to bed again just too get away from being up and having to do stuff . Just for like an hour or so *Justifys it to himself*

I'm sorry Mark, I hope it starts working again soon.

Best wishes for your service Lindsey.

I really want to shoot my emotions. They can never make up their effin mind. It's weird. I am both happy and unhappy at the same time. 'Numb' and hurting. Ice Queen and moaning Myrtle. I don't understand it and it just confuses me. I wish I just had straight emotions that went one way or the other, how can I feel all these opposites at the same time?

hugs everyone

Hey Louise. *Hugs*. You alright?

*Hugs Lia* Emotions like that screw with me too Lia , It's so frustrating :S I get Numb and Anxious at the same time heh, It does not make sense . My mind is racing right now , it's like Sad , now content , now anxious wait I've changed my mind sad again.

*Hugs Louise* How are you today?

Glad isn't really the right word, but I am kinda relieved I am not the only one. It sort of makes me feel as if I am going insane and it's unsettling. I don't want you to feel like this too though because it's doing my head in.

It is a releif to know you're not going through this alone . Thats one of the reasons RYL is such a great place , all of us thought we were alone until we found this place .

:) It is a little. It makes me feel more sane, although it makes no more sense than it did before, I feel a little better about feeling it. I also wrote about it. Made this poor fictional character of mine feel what I am feeling, which helps me to sort through my emtions and I came up with the analogy that it's like there's a little box of feelings in the centre of me and all of what I should be feeling is trapped in this little box so I can still feel them because they are there, but not nearly as much as I should but even when I am happy, they are still there making me hurt a wee bit and other times I feel them more than others because not all boxes can stay closed forever.

That's a good ananlogy Lia :)

Thanks :) It helps me to sort out my feelings, I have to analyse everything, it's just what I do and drives most people insane :) I'm tired, but I still have to go out. It's a Christmas party at my church group though and I am looking forward to it.

Just had a small heart attack because a boy called Jack who I think likes me in that way just text me and asked me to call him as he needs to talk to me but thank goodness he just wanted to know if he could borrow a Christmas hat for tonight.

Enjoy your party Lia , Phew! do you have a spare hat?

Hope you enjoy your party, Lia.

The service went well. I want to email the minister and thank her but i'm not sure what to say. I'd also like her support with coming back to church but, again, I don't know what to say.

*cuddles ward*

Sorry for not being in, its been hectic for me recently with getting ready for Christmas and uni stuff. I'm failing 3 modules out of 6 :( Not happy with it but there's not much I can do about it. Looks like I might be re-taking the year, but eh, it'll be fine I'm sure.

Wish I'd been in more, been thinking of you all x

Thanks Mark and Linsdey, and yes, I do have a spare, but it says 'kiss me' which isn't entirely appropritae for church group methinks.

Hmm...Linsdey you could just start of with 'thank you for the lovely service this afternoon...' or something along those lines and then go on to say you want to come back to church on a regular basis, but you're a little nervous about it and could use some support. They're very nice in a church :)

*Hugs Sarah* Hey :) I hope you're alright.

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Lindsay* I agree with Lia , I'd just lead with a "Thankyou for a lovely service today"

Does anyone know if Crimson's about, all this talk of church's make me want to ask her advice about something. Nothing bad but important (To me)

EDIT:- Crimson is only on on the Weekdays isn't she ? I've just thought this

*hugs sarah* im sorry uni hasnt been going fantastic, but hopefully it'll work out alright. Its okay to have to re-take some courses. especially as you struggled so much this semester. don't let it get you down too much.

*hugs mark* i havent seen her around today at all but i'm sure she'll pop in soon. She doesnt always come to her computer when she's at home. I think she prefers to be on here at work. I hope that your lithium tolerance isnt increasing too much. Maybe its just a depression blip... but maybe u should mention it to your doctors just in case.

*hugs lia* I hope you have fun at your party! Im glad that boy just called about a hat lol. I sometimes have to analyze things too a lot of the time... although sometimes my brain does it for me and thats when things get a little messy. I like to be in control of it for sure.

*hugs lindsay* I agree with lia's idea :-) i'm glad it went well.

*hugs kitty, helen, felicia, heather, and everyone else*

*waves to owen* Here if you need to talk as well. It is okay to talk in here if you need to.

Sorry i didnt do everyone, tried to catch up a little bit. Won't be around again until tomorrow though... got 12 hours of meetings/work today and have to study a bit for finals.

its 3 degrees (fahrenheit) with a real feel of -22 (again fahrenheit)... i don't want to walk a mile and a half to this meeting. I'm going to feeze to death :-(

*Warming Hugs Laura* OOhh Keep bundled up Laura! Is that a mile and a half combined? or each way ?

Does anyone know if you can tell if you have Lithium tolerence from your blood tests ?, I'm due them tomorrow but kept putting off the appointment . I'll get them done , It doesn't have to be every 3 months to the day , just 3 monthsish.

Mile and a half each way :-( and itll be dark when im walking back so itll probably be even colder.

I don't think you can measure tolerance in a blood test. I'm pretty sure blood tests only detect the levels. You could always ask your doctor about that though, as I am definitely not an expert. Do you want to know if you tolerance is up? or is that why you are putting off the appointment?

I didn't really put off the appointment it just didn't get made hmm oops.
I mean I was on 800mg Litithum and got better then depressed because of tolerance (Lithium is the only med My Dr Changed and it worked), then I was increased to 1000mg and got better and then Depressed again so ...1200mg and it worked but I think it could be wearing off and I can't just keep taking more and more Lithium *Sigh*

*hugs*

*Hugs Felicia* How're you hun?

I'm okayish, I suppose.
Last night with my sorority sisters was great. Today's just ehh. It's 1:45 PM, I'm still technically in bed. At least I have my uni work out, not that I'm doing it, really but you know...
I'm stressed, and anxious, and sad. I don't know.

*hugs Felicia* I'm here if you want to talk.

I emailed the minister and she replied with:

Hi. Thanks for your email. I am so glad you braved it and that the service helped. I am more than happy to support you. You are always welcome. If you would like I can have a cuppa with you. Just let me know.
Email is a great way to talk as well and ask questions.
Thanks again
Warm regards
Sarah.

Now I don't know what to say again.