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*cuddles Oliver* I'm sorry you had a flashback and that it got worse than usual because you couldn't cut with your gf there to snap you out of it. Maybe you could talk to her about that helping to snap you out of it. See if she could handle that or would be willing to leave the room if it happens again... She stayed with you and tried to help even when it got bad though, she sounds like a keeper. ;) |
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*sorry guys for so many posts but I'm replying at the end of each page so I don't lose what I've copy/pasted... |
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WooHoo! Caught up!
*huggles everyone* nicole- i'm off to read your other thread (so I know what's going on). |
Nice job on the replies crimson! *hugs* how r u doing?
*hugs everyone else* feel bad for not doing individual replies but i just cant right now. So sorry everyone. Might go back to sleep.. dont have much point in staying awake right now. i wish someone would see me.. i mean really see me. feeling alone. |
Thank you, Laura.
*hugs back* I'm ok so far today. Not getting much work done (though I should since D isn't getting files closed so I could be getting caught up...) just not super motivated. Trying to follow my written routine and do stuff 15 min at a time... How are you doing this morning? |
*sends over some motivating juice and music so you can get a lot done* :-) The 15 min of work at a time thing can work really well though, hope that you can get some stuff done.
well its 1:20 in the afternoon here, so not morning anymore lol.. but its been alright i guess.. returned my rental car after going back to my hometown over the weekend b/c my mom has been in and out of the hospital.. Other than that just generally feeling low/lonely/blah. I'll be okay tho, always am. |
lol yeah I guess it isn't morning for ya anymore... it's just 1030 am here lol
Is your mum doing okay now? *wanders off to work some more* Lunch today is gonna suck... I'll be working on essays... Anyone up for proof reading later? lol And I still have to find someone 'qualified' to give me the proctored exam (which I'll probably fail when I get anxious and freak out) |
*wanders back in and sits in the corner, trying to catch up on everything*
I'm back. Momentarily at least. We'll see how long I last :) *big hugs for everyone who wants/needs them* *care packages for everyone too* |
Taaaaaaaaz & Lauuurrrrra *squishes you both*
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*waves at Taz* I'm not really needing a care pack right now but I'll take one to ferret away for later if you don't mind. How are ya?
*glomps Helen* Hi! |
*Hugs Laura * How is your Mum? That must be a worry you don't need.......
*Hugs Crimson* It's hard to get motivated isn't it?! I struggle too * Spots Helen and HUGS* TAZ!!*Hugs*I missed you :) |
*jokingly tries to push Helen away* :) How have you been?
Obviously I need to work on my speed at responding :P *waves at Crimson* They don't have expiry dates, they're good forever!! *hugs Mark* I missed you too :) How has life been? |
Taz :) Life has been , well its just been , I've been existing with my low mood and numbness , I'm going to ask my social worker if he thinks my anti-depressants might be wearing off , like I've built up a tolerance to them .
HOW ARE YOU? |
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I spy a Julie! and I spy a Helen! and I spy a Mark!
*starts a pillow fight* |
I have a feeling I'm going to miss a lot of posts but I'm tired and have an early morning for me.
Plus I DON'T want to cut and am worried the triggeryness will come back like earlier today. *Night Time Hugs Wardies* *Leaves Tea of all types on the table and honey for the sweet toothed* |
Hmm, sounds like a possibility... but I've never heard of someone developing immunity (in a way) to their anti-depressants. Although I suppose if you were taking them long enough it could happen. Hell, I don't know :/ You've got me questioning that too now! :)
Have a good night's rest Mark, sleep well :) I'm... alright. I won't get into anything right now because I hate doing the disappearing from the thread act, and coming back in complaining right away. But I'm safe. And that's a good thing right now. Tired, but going to drag my butt to hockey anyway. :) *grabs 5 pillows and waves them around wildly* |
*Bashes Crimson with a super soft Pillow* Lol
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*glomps you 3*
Taz, not great, you?? |
*tackle hugs helen (but gently, dont wanna injure you lol)* Sorry to hear that you are not doing great right now. Hope you are at least safe.
*glomps taz* welcome back again! we've missed you. feel free to talk about whatever you want, complaining or not, we don't mind. Good that you are safe right now though. *hugs mark* goodnight! hope you sleep well and avoid SI. *hugs crimson* hope you got some work done. sorry that your lunch involved more work. That doesn't sound like much fun. good luck on that exam you have to take. For those that asked, my mom is okay-ish. Thanks. She was having cluster headaches after an car accident, but she hasn't had one in 3 days now so hopefully they will calm down. I was worried, but its a little strange b/c when you see her when not having a headache she seems perfectly normal, not injured/ill at all... so its hard to have all the ups and downs. But things should hopefully be more okay now since its been a few days. I see I apparently missed a pillow fight *grabs a pillow incase it starts up again* |
*throws feather pillows at everyone in the ward before running out to work on the essays*
Mark~ Have a good nap or night (whichever it may be).... hmmm maybe I should just start saying have a good sleep lol Laura~ Glad she's doing better and hope it stays that way. Taz~ We don't mind you 'complaining' but glad you're safe. :) |
Laura, I'm safe at the moment :) *hits you with a pillow* Glad your mum's doing a little bit better, hope she continues to not have them :)
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Well, Jarrod's signed up for the army, seeing as he's too old for the air force (it's ridiculous really - he is just 7 months too old!!)... he knows that he'll be headed off to basic training sometime after October... so that gives me some time to get used to the idea of him being gone. And Crimson, we've thought of the idea of me going to res while he's at basic (and advanced)... but I'm not sure I want to. Yet at the same time, I don't know what I'd do instead?? :-S
Sorry no individual replies but Taz, good to see you back!! How are you?? besides safe that is (which is lovely). We've missed you!! and it doesn't matter if you're complaining or not. :) I'm in a bad place mentally right now, even though we just got back from a few-miles-long bike ride (we being Jarrod & I). I'm really worried about him going into the army & how I'll function with him being gone for up to a year at a time... I really don't know. And this is kinda... I don't know, putting MY career on hold? because we'll be moving around so much. I won't be able to go to grad school... I don't know. Is that selfish of me?? :-X because he's intending to make a career out of this and stay in until retirement, if all goes well. And I pray that it does... And then he wants to go to school... and maybe then I can go to grad school. But I really don't know. :( We haven't really talked about that. Guhhh. Sorry for whinging once again... :-X |
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I do think if you are going to do residential treatment that going while he's gone is the best way to go. You would be away from him anyway and going separately would add more time than going while he's gone. Have you looked into graduate schools you can do long distance? I'm not sure if you could but you may want to try talking to someone at base's education center. They typically help soldiers get schooling done through schools that work with them on long distance learning and they may be able to help a dependent the same way. You may also want to check into their 'social work services'. If I remember right you were going to school for psych (feel free to correct me if I'm thinking of the wrong person)... Social work services is a civilian employed place for therapy and such... (not the best wording but c'est la vie) Does he know what job he wants to make a career of yet? |
Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Curls up in corner. Screw it all there is no point!!!! People are pushing me to breaking point.
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*offers cuddles* do you wanna talk about it?
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One essay done, one layed out and one done-ish.
I still have to have someone look them over and to type up the one but all in all I don't feel like I'm drowning just like I'm not ready to hand in even the done ones. I think they're crap but I've been working on them for forever and the deadlines are fast approaching so I'm giving it a whirl. And I even managed to eat a little bit as I worked. |
*huggles/waves at everybody*
I just tried to spell everybody with like 10 b's. Hmmm way to much keyboard action. There's been about 4 pages since I was last in here, so I'm sorry I'm not able to keep up with the individual replies. I have read everything. I just don't want to leave anyone out. I have to email my psychiatrist today or tomorrow to tell him how the trial of the meds has gone . . . and I think the answer so far is !good. (Or no good for the non-programmers.) My anxiety definitely hasn't lessened and I think my depression has increased, which really isn't helping. I'm not sure what the next step from there is. But he'll email me before the day is out and let me know. *sigh* |
Crimson, well done on the essays!! :D I can look 'em over, if you'd like, since I was an English tutor "back in the day" (okay, okay, so spring semester back to spring 2007 or summat like that :P). But only if you'd like. I can PM you my email address if you would like me to.
And no, Jarrod's not entirely sure what he wants to do as far as careers go - yet. He has a few ideas though... And most of my questions did get answered - oh and yes, I did go to uni for psychology. :) Way to go to remember that!! lol. :D I feel special, hehe. I'm really exhausted now. And my head hurts. I had some milk when we came back from our bikeride but I don't think that it was "enough." I don't know though. Suppertime is shortly, but I really don't want to eat anymore. What with what I had for breakfast, and then lunch, then the milk... guhhh. :-X And I know what we're having for supper, so that's not the issue... *curls up in a corner & cries* |
Mayhaps I'll take ya up on reviewing them... but definitely from home since I brought my netbook in to type them but it has not net access here at work :) *runs to my email right quick to email the essay I had on the work comp to myself for futzing with later* I suck at essays lol but as long as I get done with all this crap by August (and don't have to pay another 75$ I don't have to get an extension again) then I don't have to deal with it till I go back to campus based uni.*i suck at life sometimes*
*cuddles you* Maybe with all the biking you need some water. *offers Tylenol and Crystal Light (Wild Strawberry Flavor)* :) |
Oh oh oh!!! I LOVE the wild strawberry flavor, not even joking... although right now I'm drinking the raspberry lemonade flavor (mixed with a bit of fruit punch, lol). Thanks, Crimson. :D *cuddles back* Yeh, I did sweat a bit more than I usually do, although I still am radiating heat (literally - I don't sweat enough as I'm dehydrated so I radiate instead, and that makes me feel ill if I don't drink enough, guhh), so water is a good idea. :) Although I do hate drinking it... but flavoring it definitely helps.
How are you doing?? And I spy a Lia!! *cuddles gently* How are you, hon? |
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*curls up*
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*curls up next to Hels* What's up, sweetie?
*cuddles Crimson, Kahlia, Mark, & all of the other posters here, sorry I didn't name you* Am feeling utter **** right now. Won't go into details... but it's just stupid. :crying: |
whats wrong april? you can talk if you want. *hugs*
*cuddles helen* you okay? *hugs crimson, lia, mark, and jill* I spy oliver! *hugs* |
Feeling really unappreciated, unloved, uncared for, un everything.
Sorry for lack of reply. I will do so later on. |
Hmmm... I missed a bit sooooo *group cuddles!* I'll check back in a bit later in case anyone wants to talk about it.
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*hugs April* I hope that Jarrod going into the army works out ok for both of you, yes it will be hard with him beibg away for long periods of time and having to move around the country so much, that will be tough for you to go to grad school and then finding work, have you talked to him about all of this. a long bike ride sounds fun, hope your feeling less tired now and managed to eat some dinner. *hugs laura* I'm glad your mum is doing better and hope she continues to do better. how are you doing? *hugs Hels* whats up? *hugs mark* night, hope you sleep well. *hugs Crimson* well done on the essays, know the feeling with essays, I have to get a couple done by august 27th, thats with an extension already, dont want another one. good luck with getting the others done, hope they go ok. *hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry the meds havn't worked and that your depression has got worse, I hope your psych can help out with that *hugs Taz* I'm glad your safe, hope hockey goes well. *hugs Shadowedsoul* whats up? (sorry I dont know your name) *hugs Luke, Julie, Hayley, Lia, Jill, JK and all the other wardies, I'm really sorry if I have forgotten you* been an ok day, I got majorly trangsty earlier, but calmed down as we went for a nice walk in a country park, then bus home we had a massive talk where my gf talked about her being trans and being more male then female and wanting to partially medically transition, but is still coming out to herself, but was scared I would think she was doing it just cos of me, which I know she isn;t. also the other people on the bus kept giving us weird looks while we were having this convo, bless think they were all rather confused. wow just realised this reply has taken me 50 minutes to write, I get distracted easily!! |
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*cuddles everyone and runs* I'd love to reply more but I have to run and catch my bus home... then make dinner and stir the starter for the sourdough bread :) |
April...hi. What's up?
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It's lonely and empty. I'll just talk to myself. Feeling no better, I think I feel even more un-everything than ever. Wow, I sound like a child.
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lia - i'm around if you want to talk to someone.
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Thanks *hugs* I'm sick of throwing offers and help back in people's faces, so you're getting an exclusive uptake on your offer.
It's just like...I don't know. I could fall off the face of this earth and no one would notice. My mum would when she realised was out of milk and needed someone to go to the shop for her, my brother and sister would when they needed someone to put down and call names. April would when she realised her arm didn't ache as much from having one less person to glomp :) Whether anyone would just notice because of the absence of me is another matter. No one really appreciates how hard it is. Putting on a brave face, supporting others as much as I can. Never opening up myself (except for now). It is. It's damn hard but I'll do it because others need it and I care. But sometimes I just wish I could run, fast and far enough so I escaped myself and this life. Anyway. How's life on that end of cyber space? Thanks for the ear, it really was appreciated. xx |
*hugs lia* I understand what you are saying about the whole feeling invisible or like you wouldn't be missed. I feel that way a lot of the time. But I'm sure that some people would notice. You are an amazing, sweet person. You are great at offering support and we appreciate it here.. a lot, or at least i know that i do.
Here anytime you need to vent hun. I'm low, but okay i guess. I don't open up much either, especially lately, so sorry about the vagueness of my response about myself. |
Don't worry about it. I'm the same. It's a miracle you managed to get that out of me and I'll probably regret it when I'm not drunk on fatigue.
I hope you're ok, and you can come on here, or send me PM if you ever do feel like talking. Thanks by the way. Someone cares. I think I might try and get some sleep now as it's 2.39 in the morning here. Goodnight. Hope you can sleep at some point. Sweet dreams. xx |
Oh well you're in the USA, so it'll be almost 10 in the morning there. Won't be sleeping anytime soon then. I'm going to Canada in a few weeks.
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No problem at all. And yes i care :-)
Sleep well hun. Its 8:40 at night here so i wont be sleeping for awhile lol. |
To everybody who asked - Things are going... not well, but not horrible. They're bearable for the moment. My counselor has phoned my parents in for our appointment on Wednesday, and I'm definitely anxious about that. The only other time he had one of them there was after my suicide attempt...
*hugs Crimson* Congrats on the essays! :) I always have to fight with myself to get any done. Crystal Light really does rock. I'm partial to pink lemonade though :P *hugs April* Fingers crossed that things work out for you and Jarrod. And around as much as possible to listen if you ever need to vent more. *hugs Kahlia* That definitely sucks. Maybe next step is switching meds? And hope for a better result? I'm not sure... keep us updated though! *hugs Helen tightly* what's up? *hugs Lia* I'd notice. At least now that I'm aware of your presence (if we haven't previously met, hi :) I'm Taz). I can get the sense of how you're feeling, especially about the wanting to run away and escape life. If only it were really that easy... *hugs Oliver* I love getting into conversations in public that only serve to confuse people. And besides, people shouldn't be eavesdropping in the first place. Nor should it affect them in the slightest. *hugs Laura* Sorry to hear you're feeling low. I don't know what's going on, but I hope it gets better soon <3 *leaves extra hugs on the table for any other wardies* |
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