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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

jonikd 01-05-2010 01:43 PM

yeah, doesn't happen often Julie lol... so are you given you started work at 7!

I'm ok thanks Mark, just waiting for some sleep to come my way. As I said earlier I'm trying not to think about my 2 week SI free "milestone" and just taking it one day at a time doing the best I can. Good luck with your day, cereal and fruit's a great start, that's what I'll be doing in hmmmm, about 5 hours!

I better try to sleep, you guys take care of each other til the rest of the Northern Hemisphere comes to play.

*blows kisses goodnight*

Doikers 01-05-2010 01:43 PM

*hugs Julie* I bet you're tired it's really late in New Zealand isn't it?

Doikers 01-05-2010 01:44 PM

Night Night JK *Hugs*

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 01:44 PM

i'll probably fall asleep typing soon

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 01:45 PM


Doikers 01-05-2010 01:51 PM

I'm off out , fresh air is needed ....

Doikers 01-05-2010 03:40 PM

WOW , Full blown thunder storm !
I spot an April :)

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 03:44 PM

*peeks in & offers cuddles to those who want them, and dark chocolate to everyone* :)

Am at parents' trying to figure out this whole soc essay thing... it's very confusing to me... :-/ I hate feeling stupid!!! :(

I absolutely LOVE Delain, Mark!! Thanks so much for introducing me to them. :D

I'm really tired although we nearly slept in until 7am today. Oops, lol.

Sorry no individual replies at the mo, should be working on my paper. :-/

*more cuddles, then hides* :(

Doikers 01-05-2010 03:49 PM

HeHe , I am Glad you like Delain , I've only just discovered them myself.
*Random Delain Fact*
The Delain Keyboard player was the Within Temptation Keyboard player right up until a few months before they got popular but he had to leave because of ill health . So it's kind of Karma that he is finally gettng known :)

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 03:54 PM

Very pretty song... :D I need to get that album too, "Dark Passion Play" by Nightwish... I love Nightwish, they were the first Gothic rock band I ever listened to. :)

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 03:56 PM

That's a really neat fact, Mark!! :) And yeh, it's awesome that he's finally getting recognized. Is Delain a newish group? (2007ish I think?) *cuddles* How are you doing?? and congrats on the near week without SI, that's AMAZING!!!! :D (and JK and Hels and Kahlia, and everyone else who is fighting SI, you guys are AMAZING too!!! :D)

Doikers 01-05-2010 03:56 PM

OOoh I like Nightwish too , we have such great taste April :P

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 04:03 PM

We really do, don't we, Mark!! :D lol... I'm so glad that I have someone I can talk with about my favorite groups, as there aren't many people around here who have heard of Within Temptation or Nightwish (or Delain!! :D).

*curls up next to*

Doikers 01-05-2010 04:06 PM

*Huggles April* I only have one Nightwish Album from back whan Tarja was the lead singer .

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 04:09 PM

*huggles Mark back* I have three albums, all with Tarja... but I really want the ones with Annette... :) I like the operatic style that Tarja had but Annette's singing is pretty damn good too. Sounds a lot like WT though, now, so some of the individuality is gone. Which album do you have?

Doikers 01-05-2010 04:21 PM

I have " Over the hills and far away " it's got some live tracks on it , I like it :)

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 04:24 PM

Cool, that's one that I don't have. :) I don't like live tracks as much as I like studio versions, but they are okay. Hmmm. :)

I just had some baked potato chips and now I'm drinking hot choc and it tastes like it's the choc that's spicy, not the chips!! Really weird... lol.


Doikers 01-05-2010 04:29 PM

:) MMmmmm spicy hot chocolate.....

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 04:34 PM

Lol... I got Jarrod some dark chocolate with chili pepper in it for Christmas year before last... wasn't brave enough to try it though!! :P

How are you doing? And I spy a Hiddenlies!! *waves*

one_step_closer 01-05-2010 04:35 PM

It's busy in here. (every time I go to write busy I almost write busty!)

MammaMia 01-05-2010 05:11 PM

LOL I've done that before now Lindsay :)

It is a busy ward at the moment.

Just popping by as I'm actually going out in 30 minutes or so, got to try find something to call dinner!

*cuddles everyone lots*

katnovia 01-05-2010 05:46 PM

wow so many pages, i'll try my best, sorry if I miss anyone!
Thanks to everyone who was really nice to Rosie last night, big hugs from me!
mark: well done for getting this far through a week! *special hugs* don't be sorry for saying you're paranoid, you are entitled to feel that way at times. (and I want a thunder-storm!)
Crimson: I get like that too. Infact I only half feel IRL the things I type in RYL. It's as if I would be feeling them in full, if I wasn't writing them..make sense? *hugs*
Oliver: Well done on getting the list sorted, Good luck with what you need to do. *huggles* you are not a freak, not at all, and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise.
Kahlia: Hope you get a monitor sorted soon, I think I'd feel trapped without net access. You are intitled to complain and whine, just not go to sleep and never wake up. *huggles* I hope you find a way to clamber off the roundabout soon. And thank you for the lovely post you left on page 1190 to everyone.
Helen: *gives you big cuddles* sorry I wasn't about to give you them earlier
April: *huggles* I've not seena picture but i'm sure you are far from it.
Julie *huggles* hi hun, how are you? How are the others?
Hayley: *cuddles* yeah, we're keeping as safe as possible. I have to keep my mind as much as I can because of baby. *cuddles you tight* I know that slippery slope, the only thing that's keeping me going now is baby haz, other than that I feel pretty pointless.
JK: *huggles* 'do you understand how sick you are?* that is such an odd question to ask. I wonder what your therapist meant.
Mouseindarkness: Welcome to the ward *huggles* what can I call you?
AS: *hugs* thanks for talking to rosie *smiles* I'm Kat, nice to meet you.

Again, so sorry if i've missed you out *sends extra special huggles*

Feeling terrible today. Tired and confused and every muscle aches.

Doikers 01-05-2010 05:52 PM

*Hugs Kat* Thanks for the special hugs , thats quite a feat you managed to reply to everyone I think, wow .
I'm sorry you feel pointless , I do to , but feeling it doesn't make it so , we are nice people and deserve nice stuff to happen to us and it will we just have to hang on in there :)

katnovia 01-05-2010 06:03 PM

*nods* you're right mark. I just wish I could have some time to enjoy the nice things I do get without all the sh*t stuff hanging around my neck the entire time. I'd just like one day, one day when everything goes right, where nothing seriously messes up. I'd like to go to bed smiling for once instead of absolutely knackered, stressed out and in tears. Come to think of it i'd like a night without nightmares for once. *Sighs* i'm sorry, i'm ranting. I just feel for once. you know?

Doikers 01-05-2010 06:54 PM

I know Kat. It'll happen. We will get there one day at a time.

Ugh I feel physically ill , Part way through my (supposedly) Vegetarian meal and "POP" I uncover a bit of chicken , I thought it might be tomato cause it was red so I tested (bit) it and nope , Chicken Tikka . That has really triggered me and it's got nothing to do with S.I. at all . I just .....words can't describe it , I am a VERY strict vegetarian . It's upset me . My family who I don't live with were having curry tonight and thought they would buy me one just "because" and this happens . ****.

If anyones around I'd really appreciate a hug or wave or anything really.

katnovia 01-05-2010 07:19 PM

oh hun *hugs* that's crap. I'd complain to the makers.

Be back soon, I have to put baby to bed. xx

Doikers 01-05-2010 07:27 PM

*Hugs Kat* Thanks. I don't know if I even say anything , it would just cause hassle , I feel GUILTY of all things , I don't know why I just do .
I want to cut , I really , really ,really do

Doikers 01-05-2010 07:30 PM

*Waves at Laura* I spot you :)

Doikers 01-05-2010 07:40 PM

*Sigh* I cut . never mind . I needed to ......
I'm Sorry

jonikd 01-05-2010 07:44 PM

Morning everyone, I couldn't sleep so very pleased to see the sky starting to lighten down here.

Mark, honey, 's OK, you're still doing well and six days out of seven is still a pretty good percentage.All we ask is that you do your best, and be brave and believe that next time will be different. Oh, and look after the cut ;) We believe in you and you will too soon. *hugs tight*

Thanks Kat, yeah I don't know what she meant, and I didn't ask cos I never think to at the time, I just got quite a shock and it started a bunch of questions and doubt in my funny little head ;) Maybe I should ask her this week. How you doing? Nice to have a bit of a chat with you *cuddles*

Morning Laura & April - how are you two gorgeous ladies today? *thinks its probaby nighttime there*

Hugs to everyone who'll undoubtedly pop in over the next few hours, I'm off for a 3 hour cycle with some friends,in an effort to keep myself out of trouble. Hope I don't fall asleep on my bike!

*leaves everyone's favourite thing out for them to find when they stop by*

Doikers 01-05-2010 07:47 PM

Awwww My favouite thing! Thanx JK *Tries to think what my favourite thing is* OOh music mix CD of my favourite songs !
Enjoy your bike ride , 3 hours! how far do you go ?

jonikd 01-05-2010 07:51 PM

about 70kms, will be tough today.. off now, look after each other x

Doikers 01-05-2010 07:53 PM

Kilometers!? Put's on maths hats for conversion to Miles , the one true measurement of distance . :)
Ugh .Maths never was my strong point .

SoMuchMore 01-05-2010 08:00 PM

Ok this is going to be long... attempting to reply to everyone since my last post:

*hugs mark* Im sorry about your meal and that you cut. I would be really angry about the meal too (even tho im not a vegetarian... but i can imagine how bad that would be). I would probably send in a complaint. And, Even though you cut, remember that you were almost a week free, concentrate on that... its a much more positive way to look at it i think.

*hugs kat* you are definitely not pointless, and as mark said, someday things will be better. I bet you will have a day where things go right and a night where there are no nightmares. It maybe just takes time to get there.

*hugs julie* Hope you managed to sleep and that you have an ok time at work.
*waves at owen*

*hugs lindsay* It has been super busy in here lately. and I LOL'd at the busty comment

*hugs helen* hope you have fun going out. Sorry that you did not have a great day yesterday. *extra cuddles*

*hugs april* Another paper... wow.. I'm getting tired of papers too. I have 2 more due before next week and then i also have a test and then another final. The end of the semester is always crazy. Oh and I like the shorter hair cut too. I think that it'll look good on you.

*hugs JK* Im sorry to hear about your old friend passing away. Sometimes when i hear about deaths I don't really react either. I never know if that is a sign of mental health issues or just how I am. Either way, im really sorry about ur friend. Hope you are having a good, or at least okay day. And its not nighttime lol its 2pm in the midwest part of the US. Im pretty sure its night in the UK though..

*hugs kahlia* i really appreciated what you said on the earlier page. You can make it through those urges! I hope that they don't get any worse for you. If they do, please try to tell someone.

*hugs mouse in darkness, A&S, and Crimson* How r u guys doing?

*hugs hayley* you are definitely not a waste of space. You are a great person! you are caring and kind. Nobody will argue with that.

*hugs oliver* Congrats on officially being Oliver! And as for the loner thing, I can also relate to the feeling... I just try to keep in mind that i still have time to make friends and that someday i will have true friends (right now i feel like most of my friends are more like good acquaintances.. ppl that ask you how u r and the answer they want to hear is "im good.. lets party." lol)

*hugs everyone else that i missed* sorry if i missed you, it was not intentional at all.

I was feeling really badly after i went out last night, mostly because this guy was treating me like **** all night. He is new the group i was hanging with (its technically an engineering fraternity.. im not an engineer but i'm kinda adopted by the fraternity lol).. And he was so mean to me all night.. im pretty sure it was because he felt that i didn't really belong there. Whatever. I'm going out again tonight with mostly the same ppl, and i hope that he is not there. Anyway, I feel like i am going up and down way to easily these past few days. Its like one hour im okay and the next is horrible... feels kinda ridiculous. But, I haven't cut in over a week now, which is good i guess considering that i was cutting a lot for awhile there. I guess i knew that it had to stop tho b/c my rents will be up here next weekend for my initiation into the journalism honors society and i dont want them to see that anything is wrong.

nicole94 01-05-2010 08:03 PM

*curls up*

Doikers 01-05-2010 08:07 PM

You are right Laura . Almost a week is still something to be looked upon as a positive step right?
I hope the mean guy isn't there tonight and you have a good time too.
And its 8.08pm here in the UK

Doikers 01-05-2010 08:07 PM

Hi Nicole *Hugs* hows you ?

nicole94 01-05-2010 08:12 PM

not good. i should be in a real psych ward. i'm not safe. i dont think i can survive this week. *curls up again*

SoMuchMore 01-05-2010 08:12 PM

Mark - it is definitely a positive step! You can always try for a week again. You'll get there and then you'll go beyond a week.. and so on and so forth. :-)

*cuddles nicole gently* you can make it through hun. Im sorry that you are not safe. Keep posting in here if it'll help.

Doikers 01-05-2010 08:13 PM

*Hugs Nicole* Whats the matter mate?

nicole94 01-05-2010 08:19 PM

tuesday is the four year anniversary of when i was sexually abused. i can't make it through this week. i can't. i TOLD them, i told them i should be admitted, that i'm not safe. but they wouldnt listen....

Doikers 01-05-2010 08:36 PM

*Hugs Nicole*

nicole94 01-05-2010 08:40 PM

*clings to mark* i want to die. its the only way out.

SoMuchMore 01-05-2010 08:43 PM

*hugs nicole* it is not the only way out hun. You can fight these feelings. Can you tell anyone else in real life about how u r feeling?

Doikers 01-05-2010 08:43 PM

No Don't die Nicole , we'd all miss you terribly , you WILL get through this week , one day at a time, one hour at a time , heck even one minute at a time you will totally make it . *Super charged Hugs*

nicole94 01-05-2010 08:47 PM

*hugs you both.* mark-it's tuesday i'm worried about, if im like this now, what am i gonna be like then?? and laura-no, i cant tell anyone how i'm feeling right now. it would just hurt too much. right, im gonna try and calm myself down with a nice hot bath. byee.

Doikers 01-05-2010 09:25 PM

I'm officially pooped , time for bed methinks. *Leaves hugs on the table*

Scarletdreamer 01-05-2010 09:38 PM

'Nighty night Mark, pleasant dreams. *cuddles and tucks you up*

I've got a stomach ache, ugh. Hate it when this happens, usually does when I get back from my parents' because they make richer food than we do and I almost always overeat. :'(

Am so warm too, even though the apartment is cool. It's hot outside and I'm sitting next to a southern wall... which is pretty warm. Yuck.

I am so tired... don't want to do anything except sleep. :'( I hate being awake, it makes me think about things...


katnovia 01-05-2010 10:22 PM

*hugs april* i'm cold! could you package some of that warmth and send it over here?

Mark: I'm sorry you felt the need to cut, and did, look after it well and yourself. *huggles* well done on 6days. This time you'll do better, i'm sure. Rooting for you. *picks up hugs from table and leaves neatly wrapped and labeled pocket bag of magic healing hugs*. I think I should hit the sack too. otherwise i'll regret it when little lady is up at 3 am or something stupid, and hubby's not in until gone 6 tonight, so i'm all on my own *shivers*

Laura: Thank you for that dose of hope, I was in need of that *hugs back* Congratulations on not cutting for over a week, keep it up! *hands you hugs wrapped up in a box of confetti stars and mini champagne bottle bubbles*

Nicole: *comes up to nicole and sits with her* No dying. I don't do nice people dying. You'll be fine. I know it's going to be really hard, but what you need to remember is that it is just a date, numbers in a man-made calendar. I know it brings forth all the memories and feelings, but it's a tie you have to break. I know it probably wont happen for you this year, but one day i promise it will. After 5 years of hell every march it's now been 3 years for me now that the anniversary of the first time I was raped has passed without me noticing until afterwards that maybe I was a little down. It will get better hunny, don't give up on it now. Try looking on it from a different viewpoint, a positive one, counting the years you have been free of the abuse. The years you have survived. The years in which you have won. *gives you a well loved cuddly red polar bear* it's paulie, my friend of 14 years, he's very good at absorbing tears.

JK: Yeah, I'd ask, just to clarify what the meaning was, or why it was asked, a few things come to mind, and one or two are completely innocent and could put your mind at rest *cuddles back* Nice talking with you too. Thank you for leaving me my mink blankie, i was missing this *curls up in a ball* my hubby calls me the compost cat when I do this. I'm struggling... here goes the long answer..

I'm not too bad i guess, feeling tired of life in general. Anxious to do some work on healing me, but life just seems to be getting in the way. I'm so afraid of loosing my daughter if i ask for help, or if i tell anyone what really is going on in my head. I just dont know how to get the time and space i need. I'm afraid of breaking completely. I know i'm on the edge and there's nothing I can do about it. I havn't self-harmed in years, only once every 6-7 months, and I did the other day and I can't stop thinking about it again. I'm under so much pressure with baby, and so much emotional/mental strain from an ongoing police case that i'm afraid i'm just going to snap and be unmendable. *curls deeper into mink blankie* I dont know how to keep going.

xxjuliexx 01-05-2010 10:41 PM

wow so many pages
*higs everyone that likes cuddles and yawns*

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