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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedsoul 15-03-2010 10:22 PM

argh!!!!!!! how the hell can everthing fall apart at the sametime. hits wall hard curls up in ball and shuts out the world.

Jetforce 16-03-2010 05:17 AM

*Pops in a leaves cuddles for all and some blueberry muffins on the table*

Doikers 16-03-2010 12:07 PM

Possibly triggering for SI and OD

I'm REALLY triggered , I want to cut or OD to be out of it for a while or both . I've only S,I, OD'd once before but I am so sick of having scars and I ......I don't know what to do , I might make a thread for this in vets support but I don't feel I deserve the attention , I feel guilty posting in here .I Dont know whats triggered me , it's been building up for about a week..... what should I do ? I haven't a clue .

Scarletdreamer 16-03-2010 12:11 PM

*cuddles all* So many posts, can't reply to all of them, I don't think...

Hels, sure I'm sure I don't mind you PMing me!! *hugs tight* You're a dear person and I wish I could help you more... glad my last PM helped you. :) How are you doing today?

Mark, hope you got some good rest... how are you feeling now? *squish*

Crimson, it sounds crazy at your house!! Wow... 3 kids, two sisters, etc... I think I would go mad!! And yey for catching up on laundry (slowly)... we do it weekly, coin-op but we have to go to a laundromat as our complex doesn't have any laundromatty places. GRRRR. The landlord does want to put one in, though. Sometime. (I doubt it will ever happen... but maybe that's just me being a little TOO pessimistic. Haha.)

Hayley, how're you doing today? :)

Sefka, I hope that you manage to "hold it together" for those months without therapy... why can't you have therapy during those months? Just wondering... it seems odd. Of course, I'm in the position of having no clue when I will get back into therapy... have been out of it for 6 weeks and am using this site as a place to vent, as well as LJ... GRRRRR... lol. Anyway... how are you feeling today?

Jill, what's going on, sweetie? *cuddles gently*

Jet, thanks for the muffins. Omnomnom... *devours as she hasn't had breakfast yet* :P

I'm doing meh. Really tired, got up a bit past 6am, which used to be 5am, so I am very tired... but nothing new there. Played WoW for a bit this morning, finished up one assignment for advanced counseling techniques, and need to do a few more. GRRRR how I hate that class!!! It's so interesting but I hate all of the "busywork" for it... :( I feel so ****ing behind.

I really want to cut too... I see my NP tomorrow morning and am nervous about that... don't know what she'll want to do. I texted her this message: I really want to cut deeply and i dont know what to do. i'm trying to distract myself but my mind keeps returning to how much i hate myself. And she said in response: Safety first if u feel this way get to the nearest hospital !

Yeah right. Like I'm going to go check myself in!!, especially in the middle of my last term. >_< So stupid. (Not my NP, just the idea in general, although I do see where she's coming from. She's so medical-model oriented, which is I guess how she's "supposed" to be, as a medication-provider... so yeah. My therapist did everything she could to keep me OUT of the hospital instead of frequently wanting to refer me to the ER for an eval.)


*hides* :(

Doikers 16-03-2010 12:19 PM

*Hugs April* Sorry you are so triggered .
I'm triggered too, I posted just before you we must have been typeing at the same time :P
I'm getting a headache just to top it all off *Sigh*
I wish I knew what to say to help you guys ( myself too ).
Take the care , try and stay safe .

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 12:37 PM

*huggles helen* I'm glad that some good stuff happened to you - you deserve it. Here's hoping that more good stuff continues to come your way.

*huggles Sefka* I really hope that today goes as well for you as can be. I know I got in a great big pickle over my last councelling session. Bloody NHS telling me when I've had enough sessions. Don't know what your reason is, but I hope that things are put in place to help you through the transition.

*huggles shadowedsoul* (sorry I can't remember your name - *fels guilty*) We're here to offer support. I think we all know how it feels to have everything fall apart at once, life is so so unfair sometimes (thats me putting it politely).

*huggles Jeremy* aww, thanks for the huggles, it means a lot to me that you pop in and leave cuddles and scoff for us all.

*huggles Mark* don't feel guilty for posting in here, you were considerate to others by marking it possibly triggering. The whole thread here is possibly triggering, so we all know what we're doing when we come in here. Its a place though where often we're all at a place where we are only able to offer empathy and hugs, rather than constructive advice, so I think starting a thread of your own would be a positive step and you deserve the attention just as much as the rest of us - which is a lot more than we all think of oursleves.

*huggles April* wow, how the world has moved on by being able to text members of our medical team?! I have a crisis line to phone that often tells me the lines are busy! Yeah your NP has to give whats seen as the 'correct' advice even though its utterly stupid to us when we're in 'that' frame of mind. I am so very impressed that you could play WoW in the morning and complete an assignment. I don't allow myself to go on WoW until I've done all my days thingymabobs, otherwise I just waste away infront of the laptop, I even smoke about 60% less 'cos I don't want to stop whilst I'm on a roll, lol. Me, addicted?! Not just get....

How am I today?! Um, not too bad actually. Just eaten marmite rice cakes as I don't want to eat too much (partner's bday so Indian food tonight) but I've got to super clean my flat and I know that I need some fuel to be able to do it and I've already had to take extra painkillers today so I need something in my tummy otherwise I'll feel extra icky. Just wanted to check in here whilst I'm finding the motivation to get started, once I'm in the zone I'll be fine, its just...oh I can't even be bothered to explain my crazy thought patterns. How I miss my OCD behaviour sometimes, I swear life was simpler then.

*looks for motivation to super clean flat*

Jetforce 16-03-2010 12:45 PM

*hugs april* keep hanging in there! Oh same goes 4 u too doinkers!

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 01:42 PM

super clean kitchen - check
fag break - check
fight back random tears - check
super clean bathroom - next!

*group huggle* apologies if I smell of a cross between fags and cleaning products!

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 02:35 PM

super clean bathroom - check
check to see how fellow inmates are - check
nap time now perhaps? Then time to super clean living room and bedroom.
feel like crying again but I'm not really sure why.....PMDD.....not long to hnag on til my sanity will slowly return though, gotta make it to saturday....

MammaMia 16-03-2010 02:39 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry some people feeling triggered, hope you manage to keep safe.

April, I will PM you today, I promise aha!! Meant to do it yesterday.
Hayley, want to talk about anything???

I don't know how I feel. I just feel ****. This whole year has been ****. Except a couple good days here & there. I can't take much more **** to be honest, but going to have to I expect. Got heating people coming over AGAIN today. They finally replaced the boiler two weeks ago, but there was a minor problem & then the boiler broke aha. So they fixed all that on Friday. But one radiator kept acting up. It's not giving any heat in the living room. SO they're coming back this afternoon. Joy joy joy >_<

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 02:48 PM

oh my goodness, I let the thoughts happen, I shouldn't have stopped cleaning. This could be my partners last birthday. He's in breifs all day at work today about all the dangers and threats that he'll be facing on his next tour of afghanistan. It'll be his 7th tour of duty, his 3rd in a row of afghan. He said to me "Wow what a birthday, being told all day how I might die. I'm already thinking that it'll be 3rd time lucky for the taliban to get me" And here I am, crying making this about me?! I'm such a ****ing selfish self centred bitch :( I'm also terrified of life without him. *sobs*

PrincessSparkle 16-03-2010 02:55 PM

Hows everyone feeling today?
Scarletdreamer, just breeeeeeeeeeathe. Your college work will get done.
Write a to do list.Everything you have to do.
Then divide it up in today,tomorrow,next week etc.
I'm def a list person but everything I write down I wanna get done that day..which doesnt happen and then I get frustrated and mad.But then someone said divide it up and it helped me! :)
Spend three hours behind computer yesterday finishing assignments... :(

PrincessSparkle says for everyone to go Youtube Kerli-teaparty.
She's awesome!!
*hugs for everybody*
Paddys day tomorrow everyone's going drinkin...me?I'm working.and broke...I havnt beend drunk in so long,would looove to get wasted! :(

PrincessSparkle 16-03-2010 02:57 PM

PrincessSparkle is realising there really arent enough hours in a day and its kinda getting her down :(

*starts randomly dancing along to the Glee soundtrack to cheer herself up*

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 03:01 PM

I like lists too. They bring me comfort in one way and stress in others but I don't think I could function without some form of list.
I'm meeting my mum for lunch tomorrow for paddy's day. I'll be wearing my shamrock headband - I'm half Irish so allowed to half celebrate. No drinking though for me or my mum, we don't do well with alcohol, must be the english half, lol

nicole94 16-03-2010 03:16 PM

*hugs everyone* thanks guys, but sorry, i ODd again saturday night :( im still in the hospital, although theres nothing medically wrong with me, theyve decided im not safe enough to go home yet :( im feeling CRAP! i was admitted saturday night, my mum didnt come up with me, i havent seen her or spoken to her since :( im really starting to miss her, and need a hug, but kate (the nurse who i am really close with) is so upset with me for doing it again she will hardly talk to me :( gah. idk whether i wanna go home, or stay here, but i do know i wanna cut :(
*retreats into a corner and cries*

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 03:35 PM

*huggles nicole* I don't know what else to say atm, just...*huggles*

nicole94 16-03-2010 03:46 PM

thankyou. i needed that. even if it wasnt a proper hug. im just getting so stressed, and i need to catch up on my school work too, ive missed 8 weeks of school now, and im doing my GCSEs this year :( how're you feeling??

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 03:59 PM

Something that I've learnt through life, is that exams will always be there, we can always get qualifications. I'm still hoping one day to go back to education. I've dropped out so many times through ill health that I'm too defeated to try again at the moment. But I know one day when I'm ready, education won't have gone anywhere. So look after yourself first and foremost, then you can think about your school work when you're able to.

I've supercleaned my living room now. So time for a fag break and then super clean the bedroom. Then another fag break then it'll be time to put my happy face on for Ewan's birthday meal.

*goes out to the smoking shelter*

nicole94 16-03-2010 04:06 PM

thanks, i know that the education will always be there, but well, im so close, it seems a shame to give up now, so i wanna push through and get it over with. so im just gonna work hard for the next couple of months, do my GCSEs, and hopefully get good grades, it saves me having to re-take them later. lol. have fun cleaning, i hate it :/ thats one good thing about the hospital, i dont have to do anything lol

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 04:46 PM

if I had the energy I'd be jumping round my now super duper cleaned flat...just jumping 'cos I've finished cleaning and to keep me distracted.

Time to freshen up, hair & make-up to be done, try to have restraint when ordering food this evening. I've had 2biscuits whilst cleaning with 2 diet red bulls, so not too bad if I have 'proper' meal tonight....I hope. Just got to remember I'm feeling worse due to PMDD....and also weighing more and bloated. *tries to keep self rational*

*group huggle!* Sorry for masses of posts today, I just really need this place right now.

PoisonedApple 16-03-2010 04:52 PM

*huggles hayley*
that's what this place is for.
got any wood or laminate floors? sock sliding is totally fun... more fun that jumping for me :D

nicole~ good luck on getting good grades, i'm sure you can do it :) but don't push yourself too hard.

CrazyHayley 16-03-2010 05:20 PM

Thanks for the huggles crimson. Time for me to toddle off out now. *deep breath*

nicole94 16-03-2010 06:24 PM

good luck xx

AARGH panick attack :( *grabs blanket and hides in corner, clinging to her phone because its her lifeline*

nicole94 16-03-2010 07:17 PM

anybody in?? i need a hug? :(

Doikers 16-03-2010 07:20 PM

* Hugs to y'all *

I gave in and injured .
I feel guilty that I gave in :S
But I feel so much less anxious.
*sigh* I'm a bit numb now.
I'm so weak , I couldn't even tough it out out until tomorrow .
Sorry this is a bit disjointed.
I'm thankful that the loud thoughts have calmed, does anyone else get REALLY loud thoughts that tell you to hurt yourself ? Not Voices , Thoughts

PoisonedApple 16-03-2010 07:20 PM

*hugs nicole*
I'm in and out of here all day (working the rest of the time :) )
Feel free to PM if you need to talk to someone.

Doikers 16-03-2010 07:21 PM

*Hugs Nicole* Hope this helps:-)

PoisonedApple 16-03-2010 07:22 PM

sorry I missed your post Mark, we posted at the same time...
I know exactly what you mean. It happens to me a lot. Thoughts that at times even flow into images if I ignore them long enough...

nicole94 16-03-2010 07:31 PM

thanks guys. dw that you injured, everyone slips up at times, you've just gotta get back up on you're feet, brush yourself down and try again :D urgh. now i want my mum more than ever. she just called the hospital. but i only got to speak to her for a couple of mins then she ran outta credit :(

nicole94 16-03-2010 10:31 PM

*checks self in for the night* eurgh. feeling majorly triggerd and unsafe! damnit, i must seem like a right whiney cow :/ dw, im not always like this, just having a bad day :(...............................

MammaMia 16-03-2010 11:54 PM

I can't do this :'( :'(

nicole94 17-03-2010 12:06 AM

whats up?? *hugs* its ok, come join me in the corner.

MammaMia 17-03-2010 12:12 AM

But it's not okay :'( *cuddles*

Can't cope with the way one of my best friends is right now, it's not her fault, but I just can't. Daytimes she seems to be better but nights are really hard and awful to cope with :'( :'(

I need my other best friend too. please please please please :'( :'( :'( :'(

nicole94 17-03-2010 12:19 AM

hey, i dont know whats going on with you're friends, but im sure it will get better, and the way you're feeling will too. i know how you're feeling. i have a friend who keeps asking me to buy her pills and stuff so she can kill herself. im trying to persuade her not to but its hard when im currently in hospital because of my own OD. but it will get better, for everyone. we've just gotta stay strong and push through it. theres nothing wrong with getting upset either. it helps to cry. *hugs tightly* i dunno about you, but for me a hug really helps. and i know this isnt a physical hug, thats the problem ive been having all day, but its better than nothing right??

PoisonedApple 17-03-2010 12:22 AM

*hides under the closest bed*
too much bs... i just wanna let go of the stress and pretend it doesn't exist.

nicole94 17-03-2010 12:25 AM

urgh, sounds like we're all having a bad night :( *group hug* hmm, is it just me or is it cold in here?

PoisonedApple 17-03-2010 12:28 AM

*huggles back*
Not to me but then I have a leopard print snuggie.

MammaMia 17-03-2010 12:28 AM

*group hug*

Nicole, I'm sorry about your friend. Please don't buy pills & tell her you won't. I know you wouldn't. If you can't cope with ehr suicidialness, then you should try tell her :( *big cuddles*

I wish I could believe it'll be ok :(

nicole94 17-03-2010 12:39 AM

dont worry, i would never buy her pills, and i try not to buy myself them either. i know its hard to beleive that its gonna be alright. im currently hoping someone will comment on my post in the serious advice/discussions fourum, just to give me some support more than anything. is there anyone at home with you who can give you a hug? i know its hard to beleive its gonna be ok. tbh half the reason i keep saying it is to try and convince myself, but its gotta get better, i mean, we know theres such a thing as happiness, because we had it when we were little, back when our biggestt problems were deciding whether to wear a pink or purple hair bobble! *hugs and clings on tightly*

MammaMia 17-03-2010 12:46 AM

I'm glad you'd never buy her pills & good on you trying not to buy them for yourself either. It is hard to believe it's going to be alright. I will try post a reply, I have had a look at it already. My mum can give me a hug but she's in bed & don't want to wake her up :( I know I should.

*hugs and holds tightly*

nicole94 17-03-2010 12:49 AM

aaw bless, im sure she wouldnt mind?? i wish i had my mum here to cuddle, the last time i spoke to her was saturday, and the ambulance was there and i said 'are you coming with me' and she goes 'no, i cant handle this anymore' -apart from that, i havent spoken to her since thursday :/

MammaMia 17-03-2010 12:58 AM

:( Oh dear, could you not call her?? xx

nicole94 17-03-2010 01:00 AM

no credit. plus everybody else in my room is asleep! actually-i think everybody else on the ward is asleep except me and the nurses lol

nicole94 17-03-2010 01:20 AM

eurgh. the tiredness has just hit me :( thing is. my nightmares are bad enough at home, but theyre worse here because i dont have my music or my teddys or whatever. now what can i do to make myself stay awake?

PrincessSparkle 17-03-2010 01:36 AM

Hey Nicole, Dont stress!School work is sooooo not worth getting stressed about!(says me who's submitting assignments at half one in the morning...) Spoken to your mum yet? :( Hugs for all,hope everyone has fun tomorrow!

nicole94 17-03-2010 01:39 AM

hey, thanks, im not too botherd about the schoolwork atm, theres other stuff going on :( no i still havent spoken to my mum, should get to see her tomorrow though! :D

PrincessSparkle 17-03-2010 01:45 AM

Oh good! :) Happy for you! Thats the problem, life gets in the way so then your schoolwork suffers and then you get stressed...vicious circle, no fair! What subjects you doing?

nicole94 17-03-2010 01:48 AM

uuh. well im doing the core subjects, so-english, maths, science, IT and RS, then for my options i took: sociology, french, cooking and geography :D gah, kate just came in and got all funny cause my trousers have (dry) blood on them :/ and that i was still awake lol

PrincessSparkle 17-03-2010 01:51 AM

Have you got a bedtime? Wats sociology like? I bet its nice to know someone there already,especially if Kate is really nice! (does that work,nice?not sure how to phrase but you know what I mean!)

PrincessSparkle 17-03-2010 01:56 AM

I know ur stillo nline but I really need to go get sleep..... Will be back tomorrow,if I dont get ambushed by drunk people wanting to get me drunk...what a tradition.... Hope ur ok and you should gte some sleep too,sweet dreams and have a good day tomorrow with your mum! Hugs and goodnight kisses!

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