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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

CrazyHayley 20-02-2010 10:59 AM

whoo hoo! Diet pills and slimming patches arrived this morning... feeling tad moren hopeful....

am I even allowed to write that?! not wanting it to be advocating it or anything, jst stating a fact....

*shuts up in fear of saying wrong thing*

one_step_closer 20-02-2010 12:00 PM

I need to be in a constant state of overdose, I don't know how else to cope with life.

Doikers 20-02-2010 04:05 PM

I was just shopping in the supermarket and everything wasfine but I ran into a guy who takes pottery classes at the hospital and it reminded me of being in hospital and sent me into anxiety/panic attack I put back some bannanas but left the rest of my shopping on the floor and walked fast strait back to my flat where I took a Diaz which I hope calms me soon . I just have to wait for it to kick in . I'm shaking , god its pathetic I REALLY want to cut but I am so close to 1 month and I'd be SO pissed off at myself if I did , 20 more minutes and the Diaz should kick in .
*Crosses fingers and hopes it will all calm down soon *

* hugs to allthat need them *

Sorry to ramble/rant ....

MammaMia 20-02-2010 05:14 PM

*cuddles all*

Please try & stay safe everyone. I know how hard it is :(

I just want to know what's going to happen to my best friend & her daughter :'( Please hurry up and decide. Please :/ Last night was awful enough.

Scarletdreamer 20-02-2010 09:30 PM

Heya everyone... sorry to hear that people are having a hard time right now... :(

LauraStar, well done on getting your talk done. I would be scared, too... geez. In fact, a story about my social anxiety - I was supposed to be going over to a friend's apartment last night but got so freaking anxious - from 2:30pm until 8pm-ish - that I had to cancel. I bet that they had a great time watching DVDs and everything... but funnily enough, I don't feel left out. *shrug* But the anxiety was terrible. I couldn't control it; I did everything I could, including taking 3mg Klonopin and doing all of the relaxing things I could, minus a hot bath - but even all of that didn't work. :( Anyway. That's my recentest bit of social anxiety... and it SUCKS. *cuddles LauraStar*

*cuddles Kahlia* How you doing, love?

*cuddles Hayley & Crimson* How're things going today with you?

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry that you got so panicked. :( Are you feeling better now? I hope so... and I also hope that you got through it without SI'ing. A month is amazing!! and even if you did slip up, almost a month is still amazing, especially when you struggle with the urges so much. :)

*cuddles Helen* How you doing, sweetie? how's your foot?

I'm so tired... got up at 5am today but did have a nommilicious nap today for about an hour and a half, listening to my iPod. Hehe. It was so nice just to curl up under the covers & sleep!! :)

Not much is going on. Really want to cut... and purge... but nothing new there. *sigh*

*more cuddles all 'round, then goes to hide for awhile*

MammaMia 20-02-2010 10:19 PM

My foot's getting better thank you April :) Well seems to be. Probably jinxed it now haven't I?? :p I'm feeling...overwhelmed & emotional. It's not been an easy few days at all.

*hugs everyone and returns to hiding*

PoisonedApple 21-02-2010 12:13 AM

april ~ doing ok today. i got my hair done the other day. i cut 12 inches off to donate to locks of love and then got my hair layered and dyed black and highlighted with purple. i love it :) and yesterday i talked to a new tattoo artist (the last one wanted to butcher my design totally) and he said he'd take pictures i like of real flowers and use them for a stencil rather than stock sketches of flowers and he said my choices in colors was totally doable... i like this one he's knowledgeable and friendly and experienced... i think he'll be my only tattoo artist from now on. anyhow i'm dropping off new pics and my deposit on tuesday and plan to have the tattoo done end of next week. i also got a new piercing done yesterday after work. all in all i was much better after i vented and got the hell out of work.

how is today going for you?

*huggles everyone and skips away*

PoisonedApple 21-02-2010 12:15 AM

p.s. glad your foot is doing better helen... it sounded like a pinched nerve.

Doikers 21-02-2010 10:51 AM

Thanx April , Luckily the Diazapam 10mg kicked in after 30 or so minutes and I calmed down and got through it without S.I. :) I still have to go to the shops to pay bills and buy grocerys and am all anxious about it now , wondering who I will run into :S .
One more day until I hit the month , I just have to tell myself I can do it.
I just am going to keep checking into this thread all day , I find that helps, you are all so nice in here :)

* Hugs to everyone*

CrazyHayley 21-02-2010 12:06 PM

Just wanting to give out some huggles....

I'm up and washed and dressed before midday! Whoohoo! That's the first time in weeks, haha evil M.E, you did not win, I will not have a relapse, just a rough patch. Also on day 3 of period, so PMDD is diminishing and sanity returning for its brief period of time in my cycle. So yeah, think I'll cope better next few days, so huge hugs all round and I hope I can share some positive vibes with you all.

(Sorry for lack of personal replies, but I've been out of it hiding in here for sooo long, I've lost complete track of what's going on with who! My brain just isn't up to going through it all, sorry)

MammaMia 21-02-2010 01:34 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I feel EXCITED and HYPER!!!

(Wait...I was supossed to be feeling this way today anyway, going to my best friend's tomorrow, but as that's not happening...but anyway :()

Strawberry.Bananas 21-02-2010 05:46 PM


I'm sorry.

I need to check in.

Not that I deserve to.

I'm sorry.

CrazyHayley 21-02-2010 06:44 PM

Hey Vicki, no need to apologise, I'm sure I've seen you in here before and chatted to you and given you huggles, so you know that everyone is always welcome and we're all good listeners in here, even if we're unable to offer advice. Do you wanna share? *huggles*

*huggles Helen* So glad that you're having an excited and hyper day, I hope it lasts!

*huggles Doikers* Sorry don't know your name, I don't believe we've met before! This has been my hang out since I joined, but sometimes I hide for months....I once went out in the smoking shelter and stayed out there for a few weeks, another time I hid under the floor boards for a few months when my councellor wanted me to see if I could cope without RYL...anyhoo, I love it here, hope checking the thread today has been of some use to you.

*huggles all others where ever they may be in the ward*

*waters pot plants*

oh is the psych ward pet dog still around somewhere?! *hangs head in shame that I can't remember his name....*

Doikers 21-02-2010 07:11 PM

Hi Hayley , My name is Mark :) Checking into this thread has been really helpful to me today yes . *Hugs back*

MammaMia 21-02-2010 07:13 PM

No need to apologise Vicki *snuggles*

*snuggles Hayley and everyone else*

Scarletdreamer 21-02-2010 08:41 PM

Puppy SinClair has been sadly abandoned, Hayley. :( Perhaps you would like to take him for a walk?

Am not doing very well myself... wrote about it some in my r/v thread but really nothing new. :( I hate life, I want to purge, blah blah blah, same old same old.

And uni, ****, I feel like I am drowning in all of the work. :crying:

MammaMia 21-02-2010 09:30 PM


Scarletdreamer 21-02-2010 09:42 PM

*cuddles Helen* What can't you do, sweetie? *lots more cuddles*

Drowning. Just want to give up.


MammaMia 21-02-2010 10:52 PM


Need to destruct so much in so many ways
cant stoay safe or majke mch sense
pleas e

wildly insane 21-02-2010 11:07 PM

Puppy SinClair hasn't been abandoned, I wouldn't do that.

Helen, You can get through this, you're amazing.

sorry feel like a bit of a stranger in here again.

MammaMia 21-02-2010 11:09 PM

Not amazing but thank you Hannah.

wildly insane 21-02-2010 11:12 PM

yes you are, I have tremendous respect for you, keep fighting

MammaMia 21-02-2010 11:15 PM

That means more than you could ever know..

Scarletdreamer 21-02-2010 11:55 PM

I feel awful.

Want to self destruct. No one IRL understands, and some people online don't either. I feel like they are attacking me with their comments when really they just care. But still. It hurts.


MammaMia 22-02-2010 12:09 AM

I understand April *cuddles tight*

Strawberry.Bananas 22-02-2010 10:03 AM

*Sits in the corner hugging puppy SinClair.*

I just feel so unwanted, so unloved...so unlovable. I don't have a single good trait about me. I'm such a horrible, jealous and deperate person. I don't deserve to be loved but I crave it so much.

My pup is the only one that loves me, and when I move out I wont have him anymore. I wont be allowed a pet. I'll be so alone.

Even my MHT don't care about me. My GP doesn't care anymore. The world's given up on me.

Scarletdreamer 22-02-2010 01:15 PM

*cuddles Helen & Vicki* How are you doing, Helen? feeling any better?

Vicki, love, we still care about you here... the more you post the more support you get (usually anyway, to a degree)... and we haven't given up on you. How do you know that your MHT has given up on you? & your GP? have you asked them directly? Usually people in those professions don't give up on their clientele... the profession(s) wouldn't exist then. What's going on? *more cuddles*

Am feeling like ****... want to binge... want to purge... want to cut... and I just want to ESCAPE this life that I'm living because it's so difficult. I am so tired of being asked why I'm so angry that I "can't" self destruct, why I'm so angry that I "have to" be healthy/happy/positive, etc., etc. :( I don't ****ing KNOW why, I just know that I am.


Scarletdreamer 22-02-2010 02:47 PM

Wrote in my r/v thread & also posted in the ED forum, if anyone wants to take a look.

Probably not, but that's okay.

I'm not really that important anyway.


MammaMia 22-02-2010 02:51 PM

Vicki, I care about you & I love you. So that's another person who does. I'm always here for you. *snuggles*

April *snuggles* YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! I will try read your threads today sweetheart. I do care so much and I know others do too. Try stay safe please *cuddles again*

Scarletdreamer 22-02-2010 04:36 PM

*cuddles Helen* You're a right sweetheart... how are you doing today? feeling any better? ♥

I'm so triggered right now, and frustrated, and struggling. I hate my body. It's so nasty... I should probably post in my r/v thread about this but I want to get feedback. Maybe my blog on here. I'm sick of the comments I get on LJ... they make me think but I don't want to think, I just want to rant and get it out of my ****ing system. *cries*

I hate my life, hate my life, hate my life. It hurts so bad right now. I don't know what to do. I'm wearing dress clothes and they are girls' clothes which are much tighter than what I normally wear (sweats & baggy shirts) so I feel like a bloody elephant... hell, I want to cut so badly!!!!


Sorry for being a mess.

*hides in a dark corner where she can be a mess without anyone noticing*

MammaMia 22-02-2010 05:36 PM

*cuddles April* Keep staying safe if you can sweet, I know it's really really really really hard right now

I'm doing badly too today. But that doesn't matter.

Imaginary_friend 22-02-2010 05:40 PM

hey guys
*cuddles Helen and April* sorry you're both feeling bad today. look after yourselves*hugs*
i'm checking in again. sorry haven't been around for a while....things have been a bit...well, a bit better but more manic and stressful. but i currently feel shiiiiiiit and need to stop thinking of ways to end it...it's not helping.
*sits in a corner*

MammaMia 22-02-2010 05:53 PM

*sits with Laura and gives hugs*

Scarletdreamer 22-02-2010 06:00 PM

*cuddles LauraFriend and Helen* Sorry you two are also feeling shitty. :(

I just want it to end. I am so sick of living. :crying:

Imaginary_friend 22-02-2010 06:02 PM

*hugs Helen* thanks

*hugs April* aww hun :( i know exactly how you feel.....sucks. massively. *hugs*

i just wanna cry. for hours. which won't help. but i can't. so that's cool. :/

SoMuchMore 22-02-2010 06:06 PM

*cuddles vicki, laurafriend, helen and april* Stay strong you guys. I know its hard.

Oh man... another week begins. Hopefully this one will be less stressful than last week, but I doubt it. I hate that everything has to be stressful for me. Even things that are supposed to be fun trigger anxiety. Stupid.
I need to have a serious chat with my boyfriend. Too bad neither of us can find any time to see each other. Its kind of frustrating.

3 weeks until my spring break! can't wait.

MammaMia 22-02-2010 06:28 PM

*hugs everyone*

Doikers 22-02-2010 06:38 PM

*Hugs April , Laura , MammaMia* I'm sorry life is being so rough to you guys :(
I feel kinda guilty saying this but I managed to stay S.I. free for a month as of today ,strangly I don't feel proud of myself and I'm a little triggered , I was studying my scars earlier , just staring at them .Sorry .

MammaMia 22-02-2010 06:56 PM

Congratulations on one month free :) It's okay to feel triggered & study your scars *cuddles* We all do it..

PoisonedApple 22-02-2010 06:58 PM

*huggles to all who need them*

I'm so sick of this emotional roller coaster... its getting nauseating.

*hides in a corner under a duvet in hopes the world can't find me*

SoMuchMore 22-02-2010 07:51 PM

*hugs mark* great job on being a month free! I understand not feeling proud. Whenever i reach a landmark point I always think I'll be proud but i never am. Just keep fighting. Its okay to be triggered. Try to keep distracted

*hugs helen*

*hugs crimson* I'm sorry that you are tired of everything. Hope it gets easier soon.

Ileana 23-02-2010 12:18 AM


Kahlia1981 23-02-2010 12:27 AM

*hugs all*

Sorry I disappeared off to hospital again Sat night and got back yesterday but was really physically unwell. They gave me 1000 mgs of normal Seroquel instead of the Sustained Release and all night I had problems with my temperature and really severe leg cramps. I managed to walk down the corridor for lunch and even the orderly could see there was something wrong. My skin was freaking purple. I really think the staff at the psych ward of the hospital are trying to kill me ....

Would you believe it's about 30 degrees Celsius and I'm shivering ???

*cuddles everyone, gives Mark a special cuddle for his 1 month free, plays with Puppy SinClair, and then disappears into the darkness*

SoMuchMore 23-02-2010 03:09 AM

do any of you ever wish that something would happen that would just completely change you? I think i'm always waiting for a moment or a breakthrough i guess like that..

I know it doesn't work like that. People don't just change/recover... it takes time and work... but i still wish that somebody or something would happen that would give me some sort of hope i guess.

Imaginary_friend 23-02-2010 10:27 AM

*hugs everyone*

hey Mark *waves* :) I don't think we've met before but congrats on one month free! *hugs* that's so cool. wish i could go a week....

Laurastar - i know exactly what you mean. i just want to feel ok. for a change.

i currently feel shocking. i was ok when i woke up but then i got back from breakfast and i want to hurt myself so badly....argh.
*hides under a blanket in the corner*

Scarletdreamer 23-02-2010 12:07 PM



frenchhorn 23-02-2010 12:08 PM

*finds a corner where he can sleep* this insomnia is driving me up the wall

Scarletdreamer 23-02-2010 12:38 PM

I HATE insomnia. We should strike against it!!!! *wraps Oliver in a blanket & rocks him to sleep* :)

Scarletdreamer 23-02-2010 02:33 PM

I just want to say, "**** IT" and binge.... there's so much food here at my parents'!!! :crying:

MammaMia 23-02-2010 02:38 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Don't know why I even bothered to wake up today, let alone get out of bed.

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