Sorry to hear about your Grandad Emma, my Dad just died so I know how you are feeling - it leaves you with so many different feelings and doesn't go away over night - so just hang on in there.
At the funeral everyone was saying such nice things about him - how funny and friendly he was - and I just felt so guilty as I never saw that side of him - I'm struggling with it right now - I just felt as though I was always in the way - he didn't know me and I didn't know him - yet we lived in the same house all those years.

Aww Emma *massive snuggles* I am sorry to hear about your Granddad. It's so hard when people you love and depend on die. :-( Please take care luv, and remember, you can lean on us *snuggles*

*hugs Cloe, Jo, Emma, Jeremy, Susan, Helen, Katch and anyone else she missed in here-sorry about that-, passes around a tea tray full of everything anyone could want, then retreats to her corner, wraps her arms around her knees and stares vacantly into space*

****.

My mum just gave me some photos that belonged to me. I should have known there would be pics of my ex...who raped me. ****. Course me being so stuipd didn't. Now I'm just sat here....and the pain is hurting me....the memories.....I wanna burn the pics of him in them...shredding will do.....but I wish I could burn those memories. Burn him in real life- have him dead. Meh :(

Why do people hurt others?

aaArargghhh, the CT are shiiiiiiiit!
I want to OD so badly, and Beth is ****ing me about. Really scaring me, wanting me to hurt people and they suggest I 'have a bath, have a cup of tea'. Yeah, like that's going to ****ing help when all I want to do is obey her and really injure somebody.
I want to injure myself in fact, but there's no space left anywhere on my body to cut. What the hell is wrong with me??
I have to OD, it's the only way out.

Zowie. Please don't OD, don't let her win, please *hugs*

We care about you so much xxx

Hi Hells, sorry you are hurting right now - just remember how much support you have out here - I've only been on RYL for a short while and you are always sayign good things to other people - they will all be there for you too. I think you should burn or shred the photo's and whilst you do say goodbye and good riddance to him. Know that he can never hurt you again - the memories will be with you but use them to understand the sadness in some people and the goodness in others - you are one of the good ones. I think we would all like to actually hurt the people who have hurt us so badly - but we wouldn't benefit from it - whilst destroying the photo's you should tell him exactly what you think of him - how he has left you feeling - and how you intend to move on from this eventually and will enjoy the day his Karma comes back to haunt him.
Hugging you tight and keeping you safe..

I wish I'd seen that before the photos got ripped by me (heh) but thank you so much. It means a lot hun. ((Katch))

I think I might mention it in counselling yeah =\

sounds like you felt a bit better ripping them up than looking at them - good for you. I suppose you could always draw a picture of him and then rip that up whilst shouting it all out - you never know it may help.

hey guys.
my baby cousin is sick in hospital. he had surgery last night and is in recovery but is struggling a bit and has lots of tubes everywhere. I dont live close so i can't go and see him.

emma, i'm so sorry about your grandad.

helen, i think it's a good idea to talk about the photos to your counsellor. it might help to be able to rant about it.

alexx, i see you there, how are you?

zowie, please dn't OD, it won't help in the long run it will just make you feel worse, and u dont deserve to feel worse.

of course you miss us jeremy :p how are you today?

i hate the world. everything sucks.

Katch, thank you hunnie, I might just do that.

Chloe, I hope your baby cousin gets better soon hunnie :) Could you go see him at the weeekend maybe?

Oh god :blink: *feels like she's spinning*
I MIGHT have got myself in abit of a mess...
but it's all so clear now....why didnt I see BEFORE ><
GOD IM STUPID!
All this time....searching for someone...
and he was right in front of me...
GAWD.
But where do i go now?:blink:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Emma sweety...I'm really sorry :( My PM box is open if you need a chat.....or feel free to text.call me.

Helen-well done for ripping up the pics. The guy was a jerk. He may have hurt you but you came through it. You are better than him.

Zowie-Please stay strong hun :( Dont let Beth win! *huggs*

Katch-How are you today hun?

Ally, Callie, Carole, Jeremy, Chloe, anyone ive missed...how are you all?

Chloe Im sorry about your baby cousin. I have my fingers crossed he recovers soon
xxxxx

Hi there, thanks for asking - I'm the same as everyday - all messed up inside but no idea how to let any of it out - would love to share - hopefully one day - meanwhile I keep popping back in here and listening and wishing I could help.

When I watch the stars tonight I will be sending wishes to Chloe and her baby cousin - really hope he gets well again soon.

Oh God Oh God Oh God >.<
*runs into the wall*
*begins to bleed from a gash on her head*

I want to turn back time.
Just by an hour...or three...
I want to go back..
I want to fill this void again...
because for that split second...I was happy....and Emma probably wont be pleased with me...but...I felt so alive...so...amazing...
He missed me....He made the first move...it was him...all him...

I'm gonna sit here and whack my head on this lovely brick walll...
but at the same time...I can smell him on my skin...and its so comforting....i feel content...

NO ONES EVEN IN!!
*theyve all left you Alexx :/*
Oh well :-(

Sorry - I was coming back - I just didn't know what to say to you - I don't really know whats going on and didn't want to say the wrong thing.
Wish I understood

i'm here, sorry though am not much help tonight. things not going to well am just trying to keep busy for a little while se if it helps at all :crying:
huge hugs though

:O HELLO!!! *pounces on you*
sorry...I'm giddy :/

In a nutshell...I fell for this guy at college about 9 months ago..and we've been on and off....I didnt even know which way was up....I didnt want to like him so much..but didnt want to be without him...
and so I started looking for someone...someone to love me...etc etc...
and I went on a date yesterday...and all I could think about was this guy...and it upset me so much that i went home, cried and hurt myself after a month of being free.
But I went to see him tonight and it started off all friendly...then I moved and he kissed me and I've missed it so much...and he said the same...and now I feel SO incredibly happy that maybe it was him I was looking for all along....but I didnt notice....even though he was stood right in front of me...
Im just worried...about...i dont really know...
My parents ruined it for me last time...but...
I dont understand how I can cry over him and want to move on....but I cant get him out of my head and I cant imagine not being around him...
Its stupid but i still remember pretty much every details about the night of our first kiss and stuff :/
(Im not NORMALLY this pathetic and shallow btw :/)
The only problem is...the guy I went on the date with...keeps saying he really likes me...but he doesnt know the REAL me...and we have nothing in common...
Where as the guy from college...knows EVERYTHING...he's been through alot...and we have lots in common...and my scars dont even bother him or anything...