*Hugs Lia* Whats happened Lia?

* hugs everyone *
I am triggered by raw emotions of self hate
I want to die but there is no way of killing myself as my husband keeps all the meds locked away i have tools i could use them but my nephew is here and so i cant do anything too bad that he will notice

*hugs lia* whats up? :(
*hugs mark*
*leaves rest of hugs near various peoples hidey places*

gahhhh im so freaking bored =[

*cuddles Mark & Lia*

Lia, hon, you ARE good enough. Try not to let people tell you that you're not. If they do, they're not worth your time. :( I'm sorry that you feel that way and I wish that I could make you see/understand that you are good enough, that you DO do thing well enough... *hugs gently* I wish I were there IRL for you to talk with... is there anything I/we can do to help support you now?? My PM box is always open - for any of you - if you need to talk. <3

Mark, love, sounds like you tried oh so hard not to SI. I'm sorry that you did anyway - but I think you're getting to a point where you will be able to not SI. You managed 9 days without. I'm sorry I don't have any good suggestions, sounds like you tried a lot of distractions. :( I wish I could be there for you IRL as well to just be someone you can talk with when you feel like SI'ing. I'm also sorry that I wasn't on FB for you to talk with, maybe that would've gotten you through, I don't know. But I know that you will get to a point when SI isn't such a huge thing for you. Over half your life IS a long time, I am not going to say it's not (and no I'm not saying you're old :P 'cause you're definitely not - it'd be long for anyone), but - in my eyes - there is nothing wrong with being a 30 year old SI'er. As long as you're fighting it - and you are - then I don't see anything truly awfully significant about hitting 30 and still SI'ing. :( I mean yes, 15 years is a very long time, but... SI is not all that you are. You are so much more than that. ANYONE who self injures is so much more than that, whether you're 16 or 60 or anywhere in between. *gentle hugs*

Sorry, didn't mean to go into "lecture mode," lol. >_< Hope it didn't offend anyone...

*extra cuddles to all*

*cuddles Reaper & Heather too!!* Sorry, my post took long enough I didn't see you two sneak in!!

Reaper, sorry you're having to cope with self hatred... I know how that goes, sadly. :( I'm kinda glad that your nephew is there though, maybe he'll keep you from SI'ing for now. I know that sounds kinda mean when you really really want to do it, but it is a way of keeping you safe. I wish I knew what else to say... :( Sorry. Brain's shut down on me now.

Heather, sorry you're bored. Are you into journaling? reading? what kind of music do you like? Maybe "chillax" and do some of those things - journaling or reading or listening to music, and have a cup of tea or hot choc or something... or maybe go for a walk with earphones, as long as it's in a safe neighborhood. I don't know. Sorry if those are stupid suggestions. :-X I can be the queen of denseness sometimes. >_<

Blah. My hands are a little shaky & I don't know why. :(

Thank April, and everyone else who cares, but I'm not. I will never be good enough because I am weak, pathetic and dirty. If you knew me, if you really knew me you would hate me too. You would hate how weak I am in every way imaginable. I hate myself so much. The bottle's in my hands and it would be so easy just to stop all this. Just stop.

I'm sorry Reaper. Sorry you're feeling this way and sorry this is a pointless message because I don't know what to say. Just wanted you to know I see you and I care.

*Hugs April* Thankyou for your encouragement , I feel SO FAR away from that 9 day stint harm free but I get where you are coming from. It seems that harming is the ONLY option and I really did try very hard to not harm , I think it's a good thing I'm taking myself off to my parents tomorrow , that SHOULD give me one day where I won't /can't harm.
I want to go to bed , heh , thats my solution o it all right now.....

*hugs everyone* It seems like a lot of us could do with them.

I'm not doing too great right now either :(

*Hugs Reaper* Please try really hard to fight the urges , Try and distract yourself , Play with your nephew maybe if he is a playing with age (Make Sense?).

*Hugs Lia* What bottle do you have there? Am worried , please try and be safe :)

I don't know. A bottle of all sorts. Pills that is, not the sweets. You're a better person than I'll ever be Mark. You try and resist. I can't even do that. I cut when the urge arises because I am worth nothing more. I hate myself and I hate this life.

What's the matter Claire?

Lia (have you changed you username, or am I just imagining that?), you are worth a lot, worth a lot more than you think you are, and worth more than the feelings you have right now.

I'm cold, tired, triggered, just feeling like I want to curl up.

Lia you are worth SO much . It's really hard to try and resist the urges and beleive it or not I have day when I get an urge and cut straight away , sometimes I just don't fight . I am not a better person than you .
Please Lia, put the bottle away somewhere out of sight ( out of sight , out of mind ) .

Yes, I did change my username. You're not imagining things. I was found on here.

Thanks Claire and Mark, but you don't know me. You don't know what I am, how...just how completly...urgh, I don't even know, there aren't words to describe it. Just the most, disgusting, weak, pathetic BITCH ever to be here. Anywhere. I have an image of little girl me in my head. I hate her. I hate her more than I hate myself now.

We all have things we don't like about ourselves, all of us. That doesn't mean we don't deserve happiness.

*hugs everyone*

Just got back from the amusement park out of town. Went with my friends, which would've been fine... but my best friend's boyfriend ALWAYS needs to make fun of me. I know he's only doing it in a joking way, but he makes comments about how fat/lazy I am every time I see him. He knows about the SI too, which makes me wonder why he tries to mess me up worse... Maybe he's just praying I'll snap and off myself so that he doesn't have to always worry about his girlfriend freaking out about me. Gahh.... it's f*cked up.

Sorry for the lack of individuals... 8 pages since I posted. Hope everybody is hanging in there <33

*sits next to lia and offers hugs* i know you dont believe me but from what ive seen you're none of that at all <3 promise. wish i could do more to help but try to take care, xoxox. but i agree with claire, doesnt mean you dont deserve happiness even if theres stuff you dont like about yourself. sucks being found on here though :(

*curls up* thanks for the suggestions april :) i cant write anymore, and i brought all my books back to the library :( might go take a walk though... if can get up the motivation ><

*hugs taz* sorry your friend's bf is such a jerk to you =[

Oh Taz that royally sucks that he feels the need to poke fun at you , are you okay? Please stay safe . you're not going to "Snap and Off yourself" are you? :S

lia- how come you hate little girl you right now? [if you wanna talk... if not ignore me :)]

Night Night Everyone , I know it's ridiculously early to be going to bed but I'm going anyway . I can't hurt myself whilst sleeping .

*Bedtime hugs Heather as I spots you*
*Bedtime hugs rest of the ward*

"Asleep is the safest place you can be"