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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

one_step_closer 05-03-2019 06:13 PM

I'm glad the appointment went fairly well, I hope the other ones go well. It's definitely ok to take some time to rest, you've been full of anxiety about the appointments and that's bound to further drain you. Be kind to yourself.

chinahorse 10-03-2019 09:01 PM

I could do with something. I feel I don't matter unless I self harm. I'm insanely jealous of people who have recently. I want to self harm badly but I've work tomorrow and not enough money to go visit a friend next weekend AND go to a and e tonight. I want somone to tell me that I don't need to self harm for them to see I'm struggling. I'm really low and really really on the edge of cutting. I feel like a failure at life.

chinahorse 10-03-2019 09:02 PM

My meeting with my new cpn went terribly and I don't like her.

Juella 11-03-2019 01:38 PM

I'm sorry it didn't go well. What went wrong?

chinahorse 11-03-2019 02:02 PM

I don't know I can't quantify it I just feel it went terribly. Everything is terrible rn.

one_step_closer 11-03-2019 03:44 PM

I'm sorry everything feels terrible. Do you think you can give the relationship with your CPN a bit of time to develop and hopefully it will improve as you get to know each other? I know you need someone right now though. You do matter and you are not a failure.

chinahorse 11-03-2019 06:37 PM

I don't want to have to get to know someone else though. I know I sound like a spoilt child though.

Thank you.

I'm craving self harm. To be looked after.

one_step_closer 11-03-2019 06:40 PM

I understand that, it would be much better if you could have a longstanding supportive relationship with someone. I'm sorry you don't have that right now.

I also understand wanting to self harm to be looked after, and it's really sad that you feel like that's what you'd have to do to be looked after. What would being looked after look like/feel like? I hope there would be another way that you could get some comfort and support from someone.

chinahorse 11-03-2019 06:44 PM

Thank you.

I want someone to be with rn. Someone to spill my head to in person who understands. I'm not sure that's all of it but that's all I can verbalise.

one_step_closer 11-03-2019 06:46 PM

I know. A person, just someone there with you who listens and won't judge can be an amazing relief. Are there no people like that in your personal life right now? Are there any support services where you could talk to someone?

chinahorse 11-03-2019 06:55 PM

The last time I spoke to ooh I took an od that should have killed me because of them. I haven't got over how unhelpful they were.

I've message a friend. It says I want to die but don't think I'll act on it. Which is true.
And now I'm crying

one_step_closer 11-03-2019 07:07 PM

Oh Lillie. :-( I'm glad you've messaged a friend anyway. Is this friend usually helpful?

chinahorse 11-03-2019 07:11 PM

Not sure I can stay safe. I am so sad.

The friend is trying.

Juella 12-03-2019 05:31 AM

Are you okay? Did you manage to stay safe? I'm sorry everything is so tough and support is so hard to find.
Was your friend able to support you?

chinahorse 12-03-2019 06:30 AM

I ended up in A and E.

Eska 12-03-2019 07:30 AM

*hugs and love*

How are you doing now? Were they able to treat you and/or get you any support?

tamobhuuta 12-03-2019 10:26 AM

Sorry you had to go to A&E. How are you now? Sending love.

one_step_closer 12-03-2019 02:52 PM

I'm sorry you ended up in A&E Lillie. Did anything useful come of it? How are you now?

chinahorse 12-03-2019 05:50 PM

I got put back together. Went home. Slept for 3 hours and did an 8 hour work day. No point to see psych as they will just tell me I'm fine. I'm exhausted.

nonperson 12-03-2019 05:58 PM

Why do they tell you you're fine? =/

Can you get a super early night tonight?

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