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MammaMia 04-09-2010 06:37 PM

I'm sorry your family aren't being supportive *cuddles if okay?*

Doikers 04-09-2010 06:48 PM

Hi Ribenalion :) Welcome to the ward , I'm Mark .

*Hugs Helen* I'm glad you are feeling a little better at least, you must be on the mend .

*Hugs Jill* Please try not to harm yourself .

*Hugs Claire* I'm sorry you're feeling poorly :(

SparkleKitten 04-09-2010 06:56 PM

Yay, cuddles, thanks, *cuddles back*

Hi Mark, I'm Sarah.

one_step_closer 04-09-2010 08:05 PM

Hi Sarah, i'm Lindsay. How are you?

Doikers 04-09-2010 08:07 PM

Hey Lindsay *Hugs* How are you this evening?

nicole94 04-09-2010 08:18 PM

first off, hi sarahm im nicole, welcome to the ward. x
and then.....

Doikers 04-09-2010 08:21 PM

*Hugs Nicole* Whats up ? You're not stupid , You are a very bright person :)

SparkleKitten 04-09-2010 08:31 PM

I'm not feeling safe here so I'm going to spend the night with my fiance, thanks for being here and I'll check in again tomorrow x

Doikers 04-09-2010 08:36 PM

*Hugs Sarah* , try and stay safe :)

nicole94 04-09-2010 08:39 PM

*hugs sarah*
*hugs mark* i AM stupid, i let a little argument with my cousin get in the way of our friendship and now she has new friends, which i wouldnt mind, but they are drug addicts and now she is getting into drugs, and i feel responsible, but i cant tell anyone, i mean, she only smokes a bit of weed, its not that bad right? but then theres her son.......

taz35 04-09-2010 08:50 PM

*waves to Sarah* Hi, I'm Taz.

*huggles everybody else* 8 pages since I left, so no individuals right now. Amusement park went alright, it started downpouring 2 hours in, so we left and went to the mall which was nearby, spent 2 hours shopping and then returned to the park since the weather had cleared up. Feeling really tired + just fed up at the moment, but am on day 5 of not cutting and am really determined to make it at least a week... but we'll see.

Hope everyone else is staying safe <33

Doikers 04-09-2010 09:03 PM

*Hugs Taz* Day 5 is really good :) !!!

The One Who 04-09-2010 09:19 PM

Hi Sarah, I'm Claire. Hope you have a good night and feel a bit better.

How are you feeling Lindsay?

Nicole *hugs* that's a tricky situation. It's her choice to take drugs though, you haven't forced that on her. I would try to talk to her, calmly so that things don't escalate.

Hi Taz, five days is good! *hugs* have a relaxing night watching a film or something?

Mark, how are you doing? *hugs*

Doikers 04-09-2010 09:28 PM

*Hugs Claire*
I'm a touch triggered.
Have done my shopping list for tomorrow , usually I wing it but I made a list , How Efficient!
I have been really BADLY wanting to drink ( alcohol ) this evening but I haven't got any in , although the off licence is open until 11pm . I want Monday to come and for me to be able to take my Antabuse , it's a huge insentive to not drink.I need to be breathalised by my nurse first .
I'm off to bed soon , I have taken a Diaz and got up at a reasonable time so I hope I sleep well.

How are you claire?

shadowedsoul 04-09-2010 09:42 PM

Cuddles all, hmm really not in a good frame of mind tonight. Was walking to catch my bus home and all could think of was i really wanted to step in front of a car. My heads so messed up right now.

The One Who 04-09-2010 10:01 PM

*hugs Mark* try to use that as an incentive, and you know that alcohol doesn't help anything, you know that. Sleep well!

*hugs everyone* I'm not feeling too great, a bit mangled in my mind I think.

FlyingNy 04-09-2010 10:16 PM

I'm at my friend's and in a fairly good mood watching 'tv's greatest mistakes'l I'll do a better reply when I'm not on my phone. xx

nicole94 04-09-2010 10:32 PM

what can i put with vodka? i have no orange juice or coke or anything and i cant drink it neat....

one_step_closer 04-09-2010 10:35 PM

Taz, well done! You're doing fantastically.

Mark, you can do this, I believe in you. Stay strong.

Shadowedsoul, that sounds scary. I have been in that position before. I hope you feel better soon.

Claire, do you want to talk about it?

Lia, i'm glad you're feeling ok.

I'm not too bad. I haven't self harmed yet which is good but I don't know if I can hold off for much longer. The crisis team are supposed to be getting in touch with me but i've heard nothing yet.

one_step_closer 04-09-2010 10:37 PM

Nicole, can you drink something else?

nicole94 04-09-2010 10:39 PM

no. i have only got vodka, and i want it, but it makes me sick neat.

taz35 04-09-2010 10:43 PM

*hugs Mark* Thanks. I hope you sleep well tonight <33 And good job on not having a drink! You can keep it up :D

*hugs Claire* Thanks... and I hope your mind unmingles itself soon <3

*hugs Lia* I'm glad you're doing alright!

*hugs Nicole* You can always put water with it. It covers the taste of the vodka quite nicely. Even better, put water and then a lemon wedge if you have one :)

*hugs Lindsay* Thanks :) Fingers crossed the crisis team contacts you soon <3

*hugs Jill* Ick, sorry to hear hun :( I've had that feeling too, it's awful. I'm glad you still posted though, which means you didn't step in front of them :)

nicole94 04-09-2010 10:49 PM

*hugs taz* thanks, i might try that, i dont think i have nay lemon, but i will have a look, im hoping drinking will stop me from ODing or self harming even more :(

The One Who 04-09-2010 11:00 PM

*hugs Nicole*

Lindsay, my dad isn't well, and I don't really know how to cope. I'm not good at this stuff. Now I'm sitting in tears trying not to cut. I'm just totally lost.

nicole94 04-09-2010 11:06 PM

*hugs claire* please try not to cut hun, im sorry your dad isnt well.
im not drinking now, i need a clear head if im ever gonna talk some sense into my friend. :'(

Scarletdreamer 04-09-2010 11:28 PM

*huggles everyone*

Sorry I've not been about this afternoon/evening, been sleeping wayyy too much - and guess what? - I'm still tired. :( Hate this. Whatever it is. Just got back from a walk and it was freezing outside, plus it was raining... thankfully Jarrod thought to bring along his umbrella. Ugh. I hate walking in cold rain. :( It should've woken me up a bit but no go, now I just want to curl up under warm covers even more. :-/

As far as the family stuff goes... it all has to do with how I view how private family matters should be kept and how the rest of my family views that matter. I think that while there are some things that ought to be kept secret... ummm... some stuff, like my sister "leaking" the SA stuff to my parents, well, I think it's okay if I write that in my LJ. It's my space after all. And so is here. Even with a lot of people reading it that my parents don't know. But my sister/parents think that I should've kept it more "hush hush" and not given the personal details that I did (like who did it). Ugh. Family matters bite. I wrote more about it in my r/v if anyone cares to take a look. :'(

My head hurts. Jarrod thinks it's because I'm not eating near enough even though I'm on a meal plan and following it to a T. I don't know. I guess that could be it - the tiredness and the headache (almost constant). Blah. I don't know. EDs are so dumb. :'(

*hides where no one can find her and cries softly*

nicole94 04-09-2010 11:35 PM

*throws things around the ward and screams*


Scarletdreamer 04-09-2010 11:49 PM

*cuddles Nicole* Shh, sweetie, calm down a bit if you can. What's exactly happened? You aren't an idiot, and you oughtn't put all of the blame on yourself for your friend's wellbeing... if she's in such a bad state she should call a helpline or go to the hospital or something like that, she oughtn't expect someone who is still recovering to know all of the "right" things to say or to be able to keep her safe. Does that make any sense? I hope so. And SI is really, really tough to be rid of. It's taken me several tries to get through to being rid of it, and I still get urges. I'm sure that Kahlia and Hels could tell you the same thing that I just did, that it's awfully hard to quit self injuring. So please, hon, try not to beat yourself up over that. I do understand how frustrating it can be to keep self injuring and not being able to stop, because I was there just a few months ago... but... please, don't be angry at yourself about it, because that anger is counterproductive. *extra special strengthening hugs*

And this is something that all of us should remember: "there's no such thing as perfect people, there's no such thing as a perfect life..." (from "Perfect People" by Natalie Grant, can look it up on YouTube if you like but it's a Christian song so I didn't want to offend anyone by posting it). It's hard for me to remember sometimes/a lot of the time, so I thought I'd remind all of us. Sorry if that is out of place or something along those lines.

*cuddles all*

nicole94 04-09-2010 11:58 PM

*huggles april and tidies up the ward* i know i shouldnt be like that about me self harm, im so much better than i used to be and have come a long way, its just hard that i havent got it under control yet :( my friend......i dont know whats happening :( shes gone offline after saying she was going for a walk. to a bridge about 5 miles from her house, and she doesnt know if shes gonna come back...i dont know where she lives so i cant call the police, i cant help her :'(

Scarletdreamer 05-09-2010 12:17 AM

Honey, if anything does happen to your friend - and I hope and pray that it won't - please try not to blame yourself. There's nothing really that you can do when someone's suicidal and you don't know where s/he lives or any personal details, really. I've had moments like that, and have just had to move on. I mean, the person about which I'm speaking... that was about 4-6 years ago and I'm still not sure if she's alive, but I know that I couldn't really do anything because I didn't know her last name, I didn't know really anything about her except that she struggled with a lot of the same stuff that I do... so I've just had to let that go. I don't know. Sorry to be talking about me so much. :-/

But anyway - that's the best advice I can offer. Your friend can't have truly expected you to "save her life" or anything, even if you feel like you MUST (I understand that as well, feeling so close to someone and feeling like you NEED to help them)... she should know that only professionals know what to say/do. I hope I am making sense and not sounding like I don't care about you or your friend, because I do... I am concerned about the both of you, but am trying to stress that you oughtn't blame yourself. For anything that happens. *cuddles gently*

shadowedsoul 05-09-2010 12:53 AM

Cuddles everbody. Nevermind

MammaMia 05-09-2010 01:22 AM

I know I'm a little late & I hope you do see this Nicole...

But everything April said I agree with. IF your friend comes to any harm, then you did everything you could. At the end of the day, it's ultimately up to the person who's suicidal whether they attempt to do something or not. It's horrible to think/say at times but it's true. There is only SO much friends/family/professionals can say.

There have been times where I've worried about Jade/Gemma going to hurt themselves seriously, more Gemma, but anyway, sometimes even when you DO know their full name/address/numbers, you can't always get them help anyway. There's been many times I've worried that Gemma was going to come to serious harm and I couldn't get her help because I didn't know where the **** she was. It's been very very distressing but I've just had to wait it out and keep trying to contact her. I've had the same with other friends and not always for suicidality. I do hope your friend comes to no harm & if she does, she recvies medical help.

You may 'constantly' self harm when you are. However, I know you've attempted giving up before & hopefully will again in the future. Nobody stops one day and never does it again. Well I'm sure there's some people who do. But I know with me, it's not worked that way. I've stopped/started for the past few years. Hopefully this recovery period won't end on this occasion but who knows. What I do know is....all the days you do go without cutting/oding/etc all still count as free. So if I ever did cut again or anything, it wouldn't take away these past six months (and a little more) where I HAVEN'T cut despite the insane amount of **** I've had thrown at me. If I were to OD/attempt suicide again, it wouldn't take the past year that I haven't done that..

Hope this helps sweetheart.

Jill, I'm sorry you had to edit your post, hope you're okay x

taz35 05-09-2010 03:20 AM

*hugs Nicole & hands over a soft plushie* I echo exactly what Hels & April say. Don't blame yourself if anything DOES happen <3 And admitting you've come a long way in terms of SI is definitely a step in the right direction. Hell, I'm close to reaching 1 week free for the first time in over a year. And yet, it still feels like I'm doing it constantly. So, I guess my point with that is, it's easy to get down on yourself... but keep reminding yourself of the little progress you have made <33 Stay safe.

*hugs April* Sounds like a bunch of crap at the same time :( And I wish I could do more to help. Personally, I think you should be allowed to write whatever you want on here / on LJ, without people questioning your motives and whatnot. But some people are just weird I guess... sorry I don't have much else to say :( But *extra cuddles*

*hugs Hels* How are you doing?

*hugs Jill* I hope you're alright hun <3

taz35 05-09-2010 04:05 AM

Just got insanely triggered by my dad. Trying to focus on not cutting. Or trying not to harm in general. GAH.

misskitty112 05-09-2010 04:40 AM

*hugs Taz* if you need to talk, my PM box is open.

So... I was gonna do another video today, just talking about stuff... then I thought I would also do a cover of one of my favorite songs... but... alas, I got sick and my voice is shot. I feel like crap. I need to go to bed soon, but I can't.

Detour. Derail 05-09-2010 05:07 AM

Sorry guys. Im no use tonight. Im drunk. I just fell off a chair.
Im sorry...ill just leave

taz35 05-09-2010 05:09 AM

*hugs Felicia* I hope you sleep well <3

*hugs Lex* Stay safe hun. Falling off chairs is never wise :)

Detour. Derail 05-09-2010 05:13 AM

I text my boy the other night...told him i loved him. He sent back a "sorry i didnt txt, been busy, how are you" txt.
So....How AM i? well i love you....and....im struggling because right now I dont want to eat....I dont want to sleep....I just want him back again. Im scared. Scared he'll find someone better you know? Because hell I know Im too nice...I get walked all over...but thats just who I am. I know im not the prettiest girl....Im barely average looking....and thats why Im so nice I guess....its a compensation for being...well...*looks in the mirror* but for once...I would love things to go my way. I would love someone to love me back. Maddly. Truely. Deeply. *sigh*
Im a dreamer....I promised myself Id change when I moved into this house. I promised Id stop being a dreamer. Dreams dont come true and I picked the wrong guy to fall in love with. Simple.

Detour. Derail 05-09-2010 05:14 AM


Originally Posted by taz35 (Post 2475286)

*hugs Lex* Stay safe hun. Falling off chairs is never wise :)

I know right?! I have already hurt my shoulder from falling down the stairs and it made work really difficult....and i went to lean back in my chair and then i saw the ceiling and was like "woah..."

Kahlia1981 05-09-2010 06:49 AM

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end ...

Doikers 05-09-2010 11:00 AM

I'm feeling really quite low and flat this morning , I was awake for a while before I finally forced myself out of bed at 10.40am , I really didn't want to get up. I have no motivation and I have to go out to pay my bill and grocery shop today :( I haven't felt so crappy for a little while , I hate it . Sorry.

*Hugs Ward*

Oh and thankyou to everyone who has said they are proud of me , It means tons :)

Kahlia1981 05-09-2010 11:53 AM

I'm invisible .... or maybe i'm a ghost

Scarletdreamer 05-09-2010 11:57 AM

*cuddles all*

Mark, sorry you're feeling so low, is there anything that I/we can do?? and do you know if there is any reason that you are so low? :( I'm sorry, again. Extra hugs coming your way!!

Lex, you are of use, but being drunk perhaps isn't the best idea. Seems like a lot of people are either struggling with that or doing that - getting drunk I mean... it's interesting to see how the ward kinda flows. I don't know if that even makes sense. Anyway. Sending extra hugs out to you too.

Taz, hon, I hope you made it through the night okay. <3 I'm sorry your dad triggered you... that really sucks. Especially when you can't really get away from it. Ugh. PM box is open whenever/if you need/want to talk to someone. <3

Kahlia, are you okay? *concerned* Sending you extra hugs too!!! (maybe I'll just send EVERYONE extra hugs, since it seems like they all need them)

Jill, what's up, sweetie?? *is also concerned*

Felicia, sorry you're ill, that sucks too. :( Wish I could make you feel better. Are you taking anything for the cough? Hope you managed to get some sleep last night...

Hels, I hope you are doing okay. Thanks for the post. :) I'm glad I wasn't just spouting off a lot of crap. I really do feel/think the stuff that I type though... (not that anyone said otherwise :P)

And Nicole, same to you - hope that you're doing okay. :( I'm worried about a lot of you in the ward...

There, think I got everyone that posted since the last time I did, and if I didn't, many apologies. :-/

Oh and Taz, thanks for the response to my r/v and/or what I said in here. :) Much appreciated.

MammaMia 05-09-2010 12:10 PM

Afternoon ward :D

I'm nearly almost all better, just need to shake off feeling sick, improve eating (still struggling a little) and the exhaustion off, which I am slowly and I'll be just fine :)

*cuddles ward*

Doikers 05-09-2010 12:46 PM

I just woke up depressed April , it happens , I just hope it isn't the beginning of a long term slump :S *Hugs*

*Hugs Kahlia * You're not invisible .

*hugs Helen* I am glad you are feeling a bit better :)

The One Who 05-09-2010 12:55 PM

*hugs everyone*

Doikers 05-09-2010 12:59 PM

*Hugs Claire* How are you feeling this lunch time ?

The One Who 05-09-2010 01:01 PM

I'm still not too good. Hardly slept last night, still have a headache, and I just want to disappear :(

*hugs* I'm sorry you woke up depressed, can you do anything to lift your mood any?

Doikers 05-09-2010 01:07 PM

Well I'm listening to fairly upbeat music , I just about managed to go out and pay my bills get my food shopping but I started shaking in the supermarket , it was so busy :S I don't know what else to do , I might call my parents after I think they might have finished their lunch. I REALLY need something/someone to "Pep" me up hmmm

The One Who 05-09-2010 01:15 PM

I don't really like supermarkets, especially when they are busy. I usually have to leave.

What would pep you up?

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