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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Doikers 27-08-2010 04:31 PM

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Helen* Why do you feel poisened? You obviously needed the sleep , don't feel ashamed Helen .

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 04:52 PM

*cuddles Mark & Hels*

I second Mark's question, Hels. Why do you feel poisoned?? If you don't want to say on here, then feel free to PM/message me if you want. :) Also, am sorry that you're exhausted (know the feeling!! lol), and feeling low and ashamed (also, why ashamed?). Wish I could make you feel better. Just know that we're here cheering you on... you are fighting whatever it is that is plaguing you very well!! *extra big hugs*

Hmm... I took a nap but I am already exhausted again. I really don't know what to do about that. I really ought to do the dishes. Really really ought to. I've been planning to for a bit but it just never happens. Ugh. :( I feel so damn lazy and stupid and all things bad.

I'm kind of upset at/with Jarrod... :(

*hides in the warren & cries yet more*

RYUU 27-08-2010 05:03 PM

* hugs everyone *
Still feeling numb wanting to cut trying to keep busy

Kahlia1981 27-08-2010 05:14 PM

*huggles everyone*

Had a flashback nightmare, woke and thought I saw him [CSA perpetrator] standing in my room. Haven't been able to get back to sleep and now I'm in the living room and there's noises outside and it's freaking me out.

Sorry, so selfish. :-(
*grabs bear (my teddy-bear) and hides*

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 05:17 PM

Reaper, glad you're trying to keep busy. Well done. I'm sorry that you want to cut though. :( *gentle hugs if okay*

Kahlia, sweetie, so sorry that you had that nightmare. :( I hate that type of thing... it really sucks. I hope that you can calm yourself down - maybe a cup of tea or milk or something would help? Warm drinks usually soothe me, I don't know why. As does talking with people so well done posting on here. :) *gentle cuddles* Things will be okay. You've just got to believe that. Sorry if what I say is dense, sometimes I just can't come up with the words...

MammaMia 27-08-2010 05:22 PM

Nightmares suck Kahlia *cuddles you tight* Try remember you're safe though.

*cuddles everyone else*

Doikers 27-08-2010 05:45 PM

*Hugs Kahlia* Nightmares are horrible . Don't let the Noises outside get to you , They are made probabley by wind in plants and cats and cars going by.

*Hugs Reaper* I know how it is to feel numb. Try not to S.I. .

I am triggered too , Hmmm I was laying on my bed semi napping but before I "Slept" I was picking out places to harm on my arm . I'm going to try not to though , but ick it's hard .:(

LuvableLyssie 27-08-2010 06:06 PM


Kahlia1981 27-08-2010 06:21 PM

*hugs April* It's okay, it just really freaked me out. It happened at like 21:00 and I wrote that post at 02:14 when I'd managed to calm down. I wrote about it in my thread <link in my sig>. I'd had a cup of tea to calm down and tried to go back to sleep and got up to have a smoke and so forth .... I'm going to PM you if that's okay??

*huggles Hels* Yeah, I'm trying to remember that. Thank you.

*hugs Mark* The noises were people walking past downstairs - leaving the flat below us and walking past on the street. But they were really noisy as it was otherwise so quiet. I guess that was what freaked me out. Thanks.

*offers hugs to Alyssa or some tissues* I have to confess I love your name, and your nickname of "Lyssie" because Alyssa is the name of my youngest niece and I call her Lyssie. Sorry, side-tracked myself. Are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?

*huggles Healther because she spies her*

risenfromperdition 27-08-2010 06:26 PM

*cuddles everyone who wants :)*
dinner out tonight :/ *sigh*

risenfromperdition 27-08-2010 06:32 PM

*offers kahlia safe hug and shares one of my 50 teddies :P*

one_step_closer 27-08-2010 06:37 PM

What's wrong, Lyssie?

I need to be unwell so that someone can take care of me. I need the controlled illness that comes from overdosing. How did I survive before I knew the care and safety of hospital? Sometimes I wish I had never taken that first trip down to A&E, then i'd still be blissfully unaware that there are people out there who care. But actually, most of my trips to A&E have shown that some people don't seem to care and most of them don't understand me and my problems. I want to be close to death and be brought back to life, truly brought back to life, where I can feel the wonders of being alive like I used to. I did used to, right? I was happy as a child. I'm sure. Even though Mum was often drunk and her and Dad were arguing a lot.

Sometimes I want to be properly insane so that I don't care how I feel.

Doikers 27-08-2010 07:05 PM

*Hugs Lyssie if okay*

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you are feel so low . Please try not to get close to death as you put it , something could go terribly wrong :( We all care about you here :)

nicole94 27-08-2010 07:26 PM

*kicks self for missing JK, then hugs everyone else* how are you all today? im very tired, had a bit of a bad night last night, and now i REALLY wanna know whats going on next door.

Kahlia1981 27-08-2010 07:29 PM

*hugs Heather* - Thanks for the offer of a Teddie. I know how hard it can be to part with one. I had hundreds before I had a "cull" where they went to nieces, friends of family and so forth and now I only have a few stuffed animals with special memories like my Nessie (a Loch Ness Monster from my trip to Scotland) and so forth.

*hugs Lindsay* - Honey, I can understand the feeling of needing to be cared for but ODing isn't the way to go about it. Mark is right, something could go terribly wrong and we do all care about you here. From my experience A&E staff treat psych patients or recurring OD patients like total *****. I'm sorry that you are feeling so low but please try to keep yourself safe. Also, if this comes across as patronising or abusive or something I'm really sorry that's not what I'm intending to do, I'm just concerned about you.

*huggles Mark* - How are you doing hun?

Well it's about 04:30 in the morning and as you might have guessed I didn't manage to get back to sleep since the flashback nightmare last night. Oh well. I did manage to get another chapter read in my Management textbook and have had my Whose Line Is It Anyway? videos playing so it's been at least bareable but definitely not pleasant.

*sigh* So over it all.

Doikers 27-08-2010 07:41 PM

*Hugs Nicole* Why ? do you think something interesting is happening next door? :)

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm really sorry that nightmare ruined your nights sleep , I too have had a "cull" of stuffed toys , at my flat I have Ratty(A rat) that I've had since as long as I can remember and an ape , all they rest are in my parents loft , but I just got my first neice this year so maybe she will get some.

I feel ..... no thats a lie I DON'T feel anything maybe a little sad *Wells up* Sheesh . I harmed , I am doing it daily and keeping a log for my nurse , I'm banking on finding an inpatient programme , I Can't take it much longer. Sorry. I'll be 30 in November , I CANNOT be a 30 year old cutter alongside all my other problems.

nicole94 27-08-2010 07:48 PM

*hugs mark* well my neighbour is a drug addict and violent and slightly mental, and there has been a police man stood outside hers for about an hour now trying to get in :/

Doikers 27-08-2010 07:52 PM

Ohh Nicole stay out of the way! , sorry I don't want that to sound patronising I just don't want any harm to you and it sounds like your neighbour is unpredictable.

nicole94 27-08-2010 08:02 PM

i am staying out of the way, i just really wanna know whats happening lol, the police have dissapeard now, think theyve given up, shes probably dead.

one_step_closer 27-08-2010 08:17 PM

*hugs Kahlia, Mark, and Nicole* Sorry, I have no words.

I've just been cutting. I can't stand much more of this. I NEED to at least overdose on something that I know is safe to make me feel 'out of it' for a while but I don't know if I physically can because I find it so difficult to swallow those meds.

nicole94 27-08-2010 08:21 PM

*hugs lindsay* you dont NEED to overdose hun, although i understad that feeling? have you not got anyone IRL that you can talk to right now? please try and stay safe x

Doikers 27-08-2010 08:25 PM

*Hugs Lindsay*Please be VERY VERY careful . Could you maybe make yourself a cup of tea , hot choc , anything like that , relaxing drinks , maybe have a bubbly bath and take yourself off to bed for an early night . Sleep might help you feel better tomorrow , I hope these are not crap suggestions

one_step_closer 27-08-2010 08:29 PM

I should probably save the overdose for when I have a whole day to fully appreciate it. I'll try to stay distracted tonight and phone the crisis team if I can't.

The One Who 27-08-2010 08:51 PM

Do phone them if you feel you have to. ODs are so, so dangerous *hugs*

risenfromperdition 27-08-2010 08:57 PM

*hugs mark and kahlia and lindsay and nicole and everyone else* <3
love you guys. sorry im so useless atm

MammaMia 27-08-2010 08:58 PM

*curls up but first cuddles everyone who can accept them*

Sorry I didn't answer yours and April's question Mark, well I did to April over fb, but yeah....

Ever get scared of pissing someone off? Well someone in particular? Maybe so much that you end up rowing/them leaving you? :'(

MammaMia 27-08-2010 08:58 PM

Heather, you're not useless.

Doikers 27-08-2010 09:02 PM

*Hugs Claire*

*Hugs Heather* You aren't useless Heather.

*Hugs Helen* It's okay that you didn't answer my question so long as you are safe , I am a bit concerned about you saying you felt poisened :S

Doikers 27-08-2010 09:05 PM

Well I stayed up until 9pm , I think it's fair to go to bed , maybe tomorrow I won't want to hurt myself , So sick of it .

Goodnight wardies :)

MammaMia 27-08-2010 09:05 PM

*hugs Mark back* Sorry, I should have explained that it was nothing to do with an OD or anything. It was just to do with a person. Although I have been wanting to harm :/

Night night Mark xxx

frenchhorn 27-08-2010 09:05 PM

*feels invisible*

MammaMia 27-08-2010 09:06 PM

You're not invisible Oliver. What's wrong??

frenchhorn 27-08-2010 09:15 PM

sorry I'm just being stupid. meh don't know guess I'm not really telling people how I feel anymore cos I have lost all the little trust I built up again.

FlyingNy 27-08-2010 09:19 PM

Lol, sounds fun Nicole. Mark's right though, do try not to leap in like superman and get murdered or something. OK, I know this isn't EastEnders, but still, your neighbour doesn't sound like the most...neighbourly of people.

Lindsay- Overdoes= bad idea. It might make you feel better now, but in the long run, you know it will just make you feel bad about yourself and like you failed in some way. Is there anything you can do to relax or distract yourself? Anyone you can at least go and spend time with, even if you don't talk to them about anything particuarly important, just so you aren't alone? Please try and stay safe sweetie. *Hugs if that's OK.*

*Hugs for everyone else who wants them.*

Tea anyone?


FlyingNy 27-08-2010 09:23 PM

Oh bum, I missed this page.

Hey Oliver, you're not invisible. I see you, Tudor geek :P I know what it's like not to trust people, I can hardly tell you to talk to someone, because that would make me a massive hypocrite, but still. Do you know what made you lose the trust in the first place?

I hope you're OK Helen, please try and resist those urges, you're doing so well. *Hugs*


SoMuchMore 27-08-2010 09:27 PM

*hugs oliver* i see you. you're not invisible.

*hugs helen* try to fight those harming urges. Hope you are okay with the whole feeling poisoned thing... And yes I often worry about making people angry or annoyed with me and then they will leave. Its a horrible worry, but unfortunately, i actually worry about it with most people i know.

*hugs mark* hope you are able to sleep. sorry you had such a hard time today. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

*hugs lindsay* please don't overdose, and call the crisis team if you need to hun.

*hugs april* good luck with your nutrionist. I'm glad you've at least eaten a little something today.

*hugs heather* you are not useless!

*hugs claire, reaper, nicole, lyssie, kahlia, lia and everyone else*

I can't keep up in here lately, I know i didn't reply individually to everyone.. i apologize...
I did manage to get to sleep for a few hours. Uni is going okay. I have a lot of work to do already this weekend. I kind of feel like just holding up in my apartment though... which is odd for me, usually I like to get out on the weekends. Oh well I suppose. Umm... don't really have much else to say about myself. I suck at talking.

MammaMia 27-08-2010 09:38 PM


Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2464376)
sorry I'm just being stupid. meh don't know guess I'm not really telling people how I feel anymore cos I have lost all the little trust I built up again.

You're not being stupid Oliver, we all feel invisible sometimes. I understand it's hard to trust people & open up right now. But we're all here for you, regardless of whether you're able to open up or not :)


Originally Posted by IceQueenHasAHeart (Post 2464387)
I hope you're OK Helen, please try and resist those urges, you're doing so well. *Hugs*

I'm low but hey. I'm resisting the urges as always. Just want to scream and shout, show people I'm not okay & hurt myself. Meh. Won't happen. *hugs*

Oh & before I forgot. I won't be around tomorrow & most of Sunday. I'm off up north to see my sister tomorrow =)

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 09:42 PM

Urf, no individuals with this post... just... I don't know. I'm sorry. :-X

Got bad news about Jarrod & work. He's not fired (thank God!!) but he got suspended for something that he didn't really need to suspended for. Basically it's a bunch of idiots causing trouble - or so I gathered. He's gonna call the head of HR tomorrow to get it straightened out. :-/ And that's about as much as I know and as much as I'm gonna post on here for fear of incurring his wrath. Hah. I doubt he'd get angry but... you never know.

So that's got me all freaked out. :( I hate feeling this way. I wish that I were contributing more monetarily. I mean, yes, I am looking for a job, but I am actually scared of the one for which I interviewed yesterday. It sounds like I'd really need to do a lot of growing (as a person) and being more independent etc... definitely scary things on my list. :( Soo... if they say I got it... I don't know what I'll say. I'll probably take it but I'm scared I won't be "good enough." Of course, most of their people are afraid of that. :-/ I'm just... oh ****, I don't know. :(

Make the crap stop coming. :'( And I totally ate too much today, over my "limit," although by far not "enough" by caloric estimates on websites. :( Stupid me.


MammaMia 27-08-2010 09:47 PM


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2464392)
*hugs helen* try to fight those harming urges. Hope you are okay with the whole feeling poisoned thing... And yes I often worry about making people angry or annoyed with me and then they will leave. Its a horrible worry, but unfortunately, i actually worry about it with most people i know.

*hugs Laura* I'm trying to fight the urges :) Can't act on them anyway :( Well could on the OD one, or try >.< I'm not okay about the feeling poisoned. Sorry you worry about it too =[

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 10:18 PM

*cuddles all & curls up & cries*

shadowedsoul 27-08-2010 10:26 PM

Huggles all, sorry April wasn't ignoring you. Sorry I wasn't about, woke up wishing I had gone ahead with my plan. Feeling very low all day, stuiped thoughts going around my head. so spent all day on face book playing games. Still feel the same way, really want to do somthing stuiped.

MammaMia 27-08-2010 10:32 PM

*cuddles April tightly*

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 10:54 PM

*cuddles Jill & Hels* Sorry you two aren't feeling the best. Jill, please try not to act on the stupid thoughts, glad you could distract yourself today some. Maybe keep distracting yourself somehow?? And Hels, wish I could help you with the way you're feeling... :(

I'm really exhausted. Frustrated. And I feel like I've eaten way too much. :'(

anarchistl0ve 27-08-2010 11:01 PM

*hugs and safe packages*

RYUU 27-08-2010 11:05 PM

I ended up cutting wound is all sorted out

MammaMia 27-08-2010 11:30 PM

*cuddles all*

Does anyone want to wake up before 7am for me? :( I have to be up no later than 6.30am I expect. It's already 11.30pm. Haven't even packed yet lol.

anarchistl0ve 27-08-2010 11:31 PM

*hugs if okay reaper* hi im becca i am a regular here

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 11:44 PM

Lol Hels, sure, I'll get up before 7am for you. :P Since I usually wake up/get up at 6am that shouldn't be a problem for me. Sorry, not rubbing it in, or at least, not meaning to. :-/ It's very uncommon to find someone my age that gets up that early... even my parents are surprised. Heehee. XD *cuddles* I hope that you have a good time at your sister's (?right?).

*cuddles Becca if okay* How are you doing, love?

*glomps Lia 'cause I spy her!!!*

frenchhorn 27-08-2010 11:48 PM

*sits in a corner somewhere safe and cries* sorry i have been a useless ward mate recently.
I'm also anxious and excited for tomorrow

Scarletdreamer 27-08-2010 11:54 PM

*cuddles Oliver* Don't worry about being "useless" - you weren't being useless anyway - you just had a TON of stuff on your plate that you were coping with, and it's no wonder that you kind of took a break from the ward!! What's tomorrow? whatever it is, I'm glad that you have something to be excited about again. ^_^

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