RYL Forums

RYL Forums (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/index.php)
-   Veterans Board (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=34)
-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Scarletdreamer 21-01-2010 11:29 PM

I don't know if I can resist the SI urges... I really don't want to either. I know, rubbish and I'm supposed to be recovering & all, but I don't have any motivation not to cut. I NEED to cut... :( that sounds stupid and all... I know... but... :(

I'm really rubbish at life. I just need to quit it. :(

MammaMia 21-01-2010 11:35 PM

Ugh I had pizza tonight too (plus a second dinner, don't ask, I didn't want either of them!!!) and only ate two slices. Beginning to wish I brought the rest home to pig out on. Good job I didn't though. (Y)

I am soooooooooooooo tired and feel so shitty and ill >_>

Am going to read your thread sweet.

Scarletdreamer 21-01-2010 11:40 PM

Am exhausted too. Went to bed at 9pm last night after a late night class (it got out an hour early or else I'd've gone to bed at 10 instead) and got up at 5:45am... I usually go to bed at 7pm or so... so yeah. :( Tiiiiiiired.

I feel really **** right now... *cuddles Helen because we both need cuddles* What's going on in your head, love?

MammaMia 21-01-2010 11:44 PM

*cuddles April lots*

I'm going to crawl into bed and try sleep soon. Ugh. What's the betting I'll still be awake come 3/4/5am? :(

[Awakening] 21-01-2010 11:55 PM

*cuddles Helen and April*

Don't feel guilty if u can't resist sweetie. We all know that its our coping mechanism. Pretty ****ed up one but still if we haven't addressed the issues and haven't found any decent alternatives then it's normal that we'll stick with what u know.

Try to be safe whatever u do hon.

Weldone hon for not taking it home. eating too much doesnt make anyone (or most people anyway) feel good. I hope u get some decent sleep

x x x

Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 12:02 AM

Good luck sleeping, Helen. *sleepytime cuddles*

*sigh* Yeh it is pretty ****ed up that we have coping mechanisms like that... :( I wish I could just get over it. But, as we all know, it's not that simple...

I don't have anything else that really and truly works. I feel so desperate I'd do it tonight except Jarrod's home and I feel guilty if I do it when he's around.


[Awakening] 22-01-2010 12:11 AM

Oh im so sorry sweetie. I feel the same when my gf is home. It's tough hon. I just want to let u know that i know how hard it is *hugs* x x x

Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 12:16 AM

*hugs back* Thanks love... nice to know someone understands - or a lot of people rather - since I know there are others on this site... but I'm sorry that you understand, too... :( no one deserves this pain except for me. :(

Gonna go do my workout, then soak in the tub for a bit, then bed I think...


[Awakening] 22-01-2010 12:31 AM

Thats a good plan hon. Hope it goes well...

P.s u don't deserve it either! x

Kahlia1981 22-01-2010 12:39 AM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry no individual replies, I have been reading but don't feel like I'm in a position to comment. :(

It's been a busy morning so far and it's just after 10:30 am. I decided to have a shower before waking up my housemate, and he woke himself up. We talked a bit and I got a text from my tdoc with an alternative email address on it, so I resent my email to his other address. Then I rang my employment counsellor to let her know what was going on. She suggested ringing the crisis team, so I did and now I feel even worse than before. To give you some kind of idea of how the conversation went I ended it with "if I'm ever feeling fine and want to feel suicidal I'll give you a call". Pretentious pricks they all are. Now I just have to wait to hear back from my tdoc ... and if he doesn't reply in time, it will mean a hospital visit. My housemate has said that he won't come with me this time because of how much responsibility they shrugged off onto his shoulders.

Personally I just want it all to stop.

*sneaks into the denial tent so all the crap isn't happening*

SoMuchMore 22-01-2010 12:39 AM

wow there have been a lot of posts... *cuddles everyone* sorry that some of you had such a bad day.

day 3 of classes was a bit better for me. Got a headache right now though. I'll reply to u guys later maybe if my head stops killing me.

MammaMia 22-01-2010 01:49 AM

*sends cuddles for all*

Kahlia1981 22-01-2010 03:06 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I had a call from the crisis team saying they had spoken to my tdoc. My housemate and I actually believe that my tdoc rang them and told them to pull their fingers out ... but I guess we'll wait and see. They have arranged with me to do a home visit at 1:30 pm - which is less than 30 minutes away now. I'm going to record the conversation, which I'm sure that they won't be happy about but I have been misquoted, misdiagnosed and mistreated so many times that I need to have a record of what they are saying. I do realise that I have to inform them first of what I am going to do.

My housemate and I have talked about things, and we are trying to set things up so that those higher up (and out of the boys club that forms our city health service district and hospital) are aware of the situation.

My housemate floated the idea of moving south because the health care is better there ... and I seriously agree with him. I don't know whether he wants me to move with him if he goes, and if I decide to go, but right now I really have to think about what is best for me, and if moving is the best option, then move I shall.

If anything my situation is getting worse as the day progresses. I'm just so sick of all of this.

MammaMia 22-01-2010 03:12 AM

Glad they're finally sorta helping you Kahlia :(

[Awakening] 22-01-2010 03:39 AM

*cuddles laura, Kahlia and Helen*

Sorry about the headache Laura? maybe take some strong painkillers?

Kahlia I'm glad the Tdoc is trying to do his bit to help. yes if moving willget u more support that may be something u should think about, i agree. Recording the visit is also a good idea. I hope its going well hon

Helen, I'm sorry ur still awake...

I am too :-( I took 2 sleeping pills 4 hrs ago and had no affect so just had a small drink and am finally starting to feel drowsy! Bout ruddy time!
Have an appt with gp on sat so will mention how crap the sleeping pills are and request a dif type. Hopefully will work *fingers crossed*

Seeing a pysch tomorow as my uni counsellor referred me cause he didnt think i was getting enough support through the gp and hosp.

ergh, i dont cope well with little sleep :-( I was so drowsy yesterday, too drowsy to go to my counselling appt :-/ eek he won't be happy :-(

I just want to feel tired, i want my body to let me!

*hugs again to all*

MammaMia 22-01-2010 03:40 AM


Hope you'll be asleep soon.
Well hope we'll both be xD

[Awakening] 22-01-2010 03:46 AM

^ nods! Yes please! *fingers crossed for us both*

*makes some warm milk or whatever hot sleep inducing drink u prefer*

Pnuemonia[Blue] 22-01-2010 03:50 AM

Morning lovely people.
Sorry you're awake too, it's very sucky.
*passes around blanket and snuggles down*

MammaMia 22-01-2010 03:52 AM

*drinks hot choc*

[Awakening] 22-01-2010 04:09 AM

*takes blanket and snuggles into Emma and anyone else who wants to join*

Pnuemonia[Blue] 22-01-2010 04:11 AM

*snuggles back*

This is getting silly now :-(

[Awakening] 22-01-2010 04:12 AM

^ *agrees*

MammaMia 22-01-2010 04:13 AM

La la la la
it's nto 4am.
someone texted me as i was drifting to sleep.
ugh >.>
so yeah been awake since then haha

[Awakening] 22-01-2010 04:21 AM

ugh! thats not fair! sucky text message *hugs*

risenfromperdition 22-01-2010 04:33 AM

*curls up in corner sleepily*

Strawberry.Bananas 22-01-2010 07:12 AM

Helen, can you text me when you see this. I just need somebody to talk to. I feel so lonely. I miss him already :'(

MammaMia 22-01-2010 10:33 AM

Still haven't really gone to sleep hahaha >_> Oh wells.
Vicki, have texted you, but was awake then and thinking of texting, godammit.

Strawberry.Bananas 22-01-2010 10:55 AM

Nor me Hells. What a bunch we are!

MammaMia 22-01-2010 11:01 AM

Aye my dear

Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 11:20 AM

Aw loves, I'm sorry that you didn't get any/much sleep last night!! I just got up after sleeping since 7pm (got up a little before 6am), lol, not to rub it in your faces or anything... :( I really hope that you all manage to get some sleep soon... Joc, I'm sorry that those sleeping pills are rubbish. I got put on Sonata, Lunesta, & Ambien CR (not sure their other names) - not all at once, hah - when I had horrific insomnia in spring 2007. That's really been the last time that I've had REALLY bad insomnia.

*cuddles Kahlia* Why is the medical treatment so **** where you are? That's really rubbish... I hope that you get some help at least, and I'm glad that your tdoc responded to you. :) That's good... having open communication with your treatment team members is important. I wish I could help you get better... I couldn't believe it when you said how many times you've attempted suicide. *gentle hugs*

So we have two Lauras in here, Imaginary Friend & Fallinstar0317. How do we want to resolve this so it doesn't get too confusing? :P

Laura ('star) I'm glad that day 3 of classes went okay with you... sorry your head's aching though. Hope you managed to get some sleep last night!! *cuddles*

Emma *huggles* how you doing?

I'm really tired (believe it or not)... today I don't have anything until 1:30pm, so I have the morning to relax & do schoolwork, alternately. I don't want to go in to uni at 8am which is when my dad would pick me so I'm going to see if my mum can drop me off when she takes their oldest dog in to the vet's for fluid (he's dying of congestive heart failure & is very triggering [ED] as he is emaciated really badly). Anyway, so yeh, I ought to be around today more than yesterday or Wednesday!! :) So that's a good thing...

I'm listening to Steven Curtis Chapman now... good songs. Light Christian rock, relaxing. Not usually my style of music but he has a really good song on there about his daughter, called "Cinderella." :)

Anyway, I'm feeling okayish this morning. Right now at least... it feels like there is a dark cloud hanging over me though... :(

*sneaks into the denial tent with Kahlia*

MammaMia 22-01-2010 11:26 AM

I'm in the denial tent too hehe.
Much better in here =)
*cuddles* Glad you got good night's sleep.

Imaginary_friend 22-01-2010 11:43 AM

urgh. i need to put somewhere so i don't do stupid things and get myself into massive states like last night. bad, bad night.
*crawls over to a corner and cries*

Absynnthe 22-01-2010 11:56 AM

:( *runs over to Laura and huggles* Do you wanna talk about it, hun?

*prods April* :O OHAI!

I'm feeling okay right now. :) I had an appointment with an ED specialist, and I was terrified, but actually, there was pretty much nothing to be scared of. She was lovely. :)

Writing alot of songs!

Love to all. :)

Imaginary_friend 22-01-2010 12:01 PM

it is confusing having 2 Laura's in here isn't it...hmm...meh. lol
i just...bad night. i do stupid things when i'm drunk and last night my friend tried (and succeeded) in stopping me, but i still feel bad that she had to do that. we were shouting at each other for ages, and she totally shouldn't have found out about some stuff like that.
i'm such an idiot
*sobs into a blanket*

Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 12:13 PM

Awh Laura (IF), I'm sorry that you had such a rubbish night last night. :( Getting drunk isn't usually a good thing to do... but who am I to say that, heh, as I've never gotten drunk. Just heard that bad things can & do happen then... despite how "good" you can feel. But maybe today will be better & you can make reparations if you need? *gentle hugs*

*cuddles Helen* How're you, love?

*huggles Franz* OHAI? Please translate... lol. :P I'm glad that the appt with the ED specialist went well and that you are writing lots of songs... :) You should post some of the lyrics in the creative corner.

I knew it, I knew it. As soon as I really woke up, I started feeling like crap. So here I am, sitting & being sad & quiet, wanting to cut, knowing I can... I don't know. I'm just a mess disguised as a person. :( I want to be better, yet I'm scared to be... I want to get over all of this, yet I don't know how... I am so sick of my life but I don't know how to change it.


Imaginary_friend 22-01-2010 12:16 PM

i get drunk a lot at the moment. it makes me feel better. for a while. until i do something stupid and someone shouts at me. or the morning after if no-one stopped me. hmm...apparently no-one's talking to me since last night...well, they haven't replied to any messages so who knows. maybe they're just busy. here's hoping.

Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 12:20 PM

*cuddles Laura*

I just posted in my thread in the main Vet's support forum... :(

*hides away forever & ever*

Absynnthe 22-01-2010 12:50 PM


Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 12:57 PM

Ahh I see... Franz, you are a silly goose!! :P *cuddles* How you doing this morning?

Absynnthe 22-01-2010 01:08 PM

April: :P I'm good! Just sat in college, working on my tribute song for The Rev. :D I'm so proud to be an A7X fan.

I haven't cut since Sunday either, so I'm happy about that as well. :')

Scarletdreamer 22-01-2010 01:10 PM

Ah cool. :) Congrats on not cutting since Sunday... I just cut. :( Stupid stupid me.

I want to hide forever & never have to come out... :ermm:

MammaMia 22-01-2010 02:24 PM

I'm happy :o but very tired >_<

Strawberry.Bananas 22-01-2010 03:20 PM

*curls up in a ball*

can it be over now please?

MammaMia 22-01-2010 03:31 PM


I know it hurts so bad right now, but it WILL end. I promise. Love you Vicki.

[Awakening] 22-01-2010 03:58 PM

*cuddles* everyone

maybe we could have laura star and laura friend?? silly but u know

My girlfriends really struggling with food atm. I dnt know what to do. She keeps getting really anxious. She said she's too fat too have an ed which is such a lie (but she cant see it) shes in the healthy brackets of bmi (at the lower end even) Any advice? support?

Love u ladies (and fellas if any venture in!)

x x x

MammaMia 22-01-2010 04:07 PM

I know someone who has that problem :( It's hard, but ANYONE can get an eating disorder. Useless reply but heh >_>

I shall be disappearing soon, heading up north to see my sister, she doesn't know we're coming. It's her birthday tomorrow but she's busy. So we're suprising her tonight instead. =D

SoMuchMore 22-01-2010 04:13 PM

laura- hi! im the other laura!

hmm.. idk what we should do about this 2 laura business lol... i guess u could always just add an M onto the end of my name if u want.. thats easier then typing star everytime if u are replying to me.

*hugs april* dont hide forever! sorry to hear that u just SI'd. *cuddles*

*hugs franz* good job!

*hugs vicki*

*hugs jocelyn* sorry, i dont have much advice about your gf situation. Just make sure she knows u are there for her and don't feel like any of her troubles with eating are your fault.

*hugs helen* sorry you didnt sleep well again hun. have fun surprising ur sister!

I dont have class on friday's! woot woot! but i have so much work that i dont think that will matter lol. Oh well. Had a very interesting conversation with a friend last night... let me just say, history for me is very repetitive.

Imaginary_friend 22-01-2010 04:40 PM

*hugs everyone*
haha Laura does your surname start with M too?! haha how funny. lol
i don't think my best friend is in a great mood with me tbh...she still hasn't replied :'( i **** everything up. all the time. especially when i'm drunk.

Strawberry.Bananas 22-01-2010 05:00 PM

Wish I could believe you Hells. :( - I just want him back :(

*Hugs everybody*

Jocelyn - A really close friend of mine (practically sister) is in the same place. Except she's underweight, and there's nothing I can do for her. I hope you manage to help her see sense, but I'm here if you need to vent or anything.

Laura, what's happened hon?

Imaginary_friend 22-01-2010 05:11 PM

i just want someone to hold me until i feel better. and i wish it could be him. but it can't. and it can't even be my best friend because i'm an idiot and shouted at her. basically i wanted to go back to this guys house, and my friend knew it was a bad idea so she tried to stop me. she did stop me after about half an hour of shouting at me in the road. why did i do it? why didn't i just lie and then go anyway? or not have done it in the first place?*hides under a blanket and cries*

All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:49 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.