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~Grace~ 28-12-2009 07:52 PM

am feeling all out of sorts
need somewhere quiet so I can be by myself
feel really tired and low

Hugs to all xx

Strawberry.Bananas 28-12-2009 07:54 PM

Welcome back to the ward Hels. I wondered where you were! :P

*Hugs to Grace*

Hope you're ok hon. We're here to talk when you need. x

shadowedsoul 28-12-2009 07:58 PM

walks in curls up in corner.cant take much more of this. just want to dissapear.

Scarletdreamer 28-12-2009 07:58 PM

*peeks in*

*cuddles Franz* Sorry you're feeling like crap. Why don't you curl up and relax at least, if not cry? It's okay for you to cry if you need, also. :)

*huggles Laura* I have come to believe that on the outside, people have it worse than we do, yes - no food to eat, no homes, no family, no internets to haveses our friendses on (sorry, had to be silly :P), etc. But on the inside... I think that on the inside our battles are all pretty much similar. Maybe not with the same issues, but I'm talking about the intensity. Does that make any sense? :-/

*hugs Jocelyn* What's a roast? like what kind of meat? :-/ I keep hearing about them on here but have no idea what they actually are!!! :P How are you doing today?

*hugs Vicki* To me, relationships are definitely worth it. That is, if you're willing to put the effort into it - and if your significant other is as well. You both have to work at keeping the relationship in balance. (I'm married so I know these things... lol. :P) If I didn't work at it, it would be my husband doing all of the work... and he'd get burnt out. Granted, I am unable to do a lot of work in our marriage right now as I am struggling a great deal with my mental health issues, but I do try to make things easier for him when I can. But I would say that yes, relationships are worth it. They can cause pain, but they can also make you one of the most content people in the world when all is right. Hope that makes sense!! Oh, and while I find it difficult to believe that ANYONE loves me, I find it easier to believe my husband. And I know that I love him. :)

*squishes Kiera* How you doing, love?

I'm really tired... listening to Evanescence right now as that's my mood. Either that or Paramore or something else equally rocky/raucous. :-X I have gotten some stuff done today - got out of the house (and bought some stuff I oughtn't've... nothing naughty, just I struggle with overspending >_< stupid bipolar), made an appt with the "car people" to have my car inspected since we're going on a 2600 mile round trip in January, and will be getting together with my best friend in an hour. :)

*sighs*

I wish I could lose myself in WoW forever... it is so pleasant there... I can forget about all of my problems and just play and pretend that I'm this tough person who never cries, who never has issues, and who doesn't want to die.

Absynnthe 28-12-2009 08:08 PM

*waves spatula at April* Hi hi!!!

*bounces over to and hugs*

*skips back and continues waving spatula randomly*

Scarletdreamer 28-12-2009 08:16 PM

*laughs despite herself* You goose. :P *hugs Franz, avoiding the flapping spatula*

*growls and goes off to hide somewhere*

shadowedsoul 28-12-2009 08:21 PM

hugs april.are you okay hun ?

MammaMia 28-12-2009 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Strawberry.Bananas (Post 2059799)
Welcome back to the ward Hels. I wondered where you were! :P

Here I am now :P *huggs*

Strawberry.Bananas 28-12-2009 10:19 PM

Sorry guys, my connection faltered. Again. Shocker.

Thanks for your reply, April. It did make sense. And it's given me some stuff to think about too...

*Scuttles back into dark, dark corner and pulls a blanket over her head*

Scarletdreamer 28-12-2009 10:56 PM

You're welcome, Vicki. :) I'm glad it made sense... my brain's been muzzy since, oh, February/March when I had ECT... I don't regret having it as it helped a tiny bit, but I'm blaming everything that goes wrong on it. :P Hehehe... Anyway, I'm also glad that I got you thinking. *hugs*

*hugs Shadowedsoul* I'm meh. Sorry couldn't reply earlier, RYL was acting up. Wouldn't post my response... don't know what was really wrong. But I'm doing okay. Had salmon fillets for supper - cooked in olive oil, basil, & a little bit of black pepper. Very tasty. :D And I made up the "recipe"!! so I'm proud. Lol.

Husband and I are having popcorn and will be watching Because of Winn-Dixie in a few minutes. We needed a night to just relax and forget about things... he's in pain from a sprained foot that's not getting better due to all of the walking he has to do at work in steel-toe boots, and I am just, well, struggling. >_<

*cuddles everyone & pops out*

PoisonedApple 28-12-2009 11:39 PM

*strolls through the ward*
hello everyone... i've been meaning to check in every day but i just haven't been up to it. at least my primary feeling of apathy leaves me fairly safe in its own way.
how is every one else?

Scarletdreamer 28-12-2009 11:43 PM

Hey a_m *gentle hugs* Good to see you here. :) Yeh, apathy tends to be safe, kind of, but not very fun. I'm sorry to hear that that's what you've been going through.

Hubby & I watched a bit of Winn-Dixie but I don't have a very good attention span for movies, so we stopped for the night and are online for a bit right now. :) Yey.

I really need to copy over what I ate for lunch, snack, & supper into my food journal. Urgh. I can't wait to NOT be seeing my nutritionist anymore. >_<

*cuddles everyone* ♥

Absynnthe 28-12-2009 11:55 PM

*has fallen over asleep in corner of ward kitchen, cuddling spatula*

Scarletdreamer 28-12-2009 11:56 PM

*wonders why Franz is cuddling the spatula?* :P

*snuggles up next to Franz with a book and a mug of gingerbread tea*

PoisonedApple 28-12-2009 11:57 PM

scarlet ~ how is it so far? i haven't seen that one...

vengenzz ~ *hugs and covers with a nice fleece blankie*

SoMuchMore 29-12-2009 12:42 AM

*hugs april* yeah, that makes sense. Hope you got to relax a little watching the movie at least.

*hugs helen* Good to see you back around! How r u?

*hugs franz and wonders if she would let something to cook up or mix with the spatula*

*hugs angelic monster* Its okay that you havent checked in in awhile. Good to see you though.

*wraps self in blanket and sits in corner*

Canis 29-12-2009 01:54 AM

*just curles up somewhere in a corner and ignores the world*

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 02:02 AM

why does noithing ever run somthly for me.i give up. i feel so sick and tired got a really sore head. hmm going to curl up in corner and hide.

MammaMia 29-12-2009 02:51 AM

I sees Heather :D

Laura, I'm okay, but at the same time, I'm really not. If that makes sense? How are you lovely??

Cuddles to everyone, sorry, the posts are moving so fast that I'm struggling to read them and offer support.

risenfromperdition 29-12-2009 03:12 AM

haha hey you :)

*sits in corner and stares at wall whilst cuddling with teddy*

xXxDeathDancerxXx 29-12-2009 04:23 AM

*sits in corner offers hugs to everyone*

Grampa's funeral is in two days. Having all the family down a little nervous but other than that I'm OK. I feel sad about his death but I'm not as devastated as I was that night. I know hes happy and free of pain and I find that Comforting .


Life seems difficult and Hopeless at time but what keeps us going are the one that care for us. I may not know all of you personally yet but I care for all of you deeply you help me when I couldn't help my self and I will help you guys as much as i can if you every need anything I'm here.

Accidentally Abstract 29-12-2009 05:30 AM

^ *sends hugs* sounds like a rough time.

I feel ****ing insane. Had nightmares & hallucinations & I'm not used to these things & I just need someone tot alk to & be there for me & argh.. >_<

SoMuchMore 29-12-2009 07:13 AM

*hugs shadowedsoul* Sorry things aren't going smoothly for you.

*hugs kiera* It would be very hard for anyone to take comfort in the idea... I know it doesnt feel like it is anyone's business but yours, I've used that ideology myself.. but the people that really care, will be very very much so affected. Please hang in there hun.

*hugs helen* Yeah, I know exactly what you mean... I'm not great, but still here.. so i guess i'm fine

*hugs deathdancer* sorry about your grandfather. Just stay strong and remember that he isnt in pain anymore... it's okay to be sad though.

*hugs accidentally abstract* Sorry that you feel insane. If you ever need to talk, you can always vent on here... or u can PM me.

I told one of my friends about some of the things that are going on. I think it was a good idea... even though my trusting-ness isn't at its highest point right now.

*leave blankets and cuddles for everyone*

Kahlia1981 29-12-2009 10:33 AM

*hugs everyone* - Sorry my last post was too many pages ago for me to make too much sense of things right at the moment.

I went to my GP today. I remember telling my housemate that it was against my better judgement. I haven't slept really since two days before christmas. The last four days have been ... difficult to say the least. The last three days i've been feeling incredibly nauseous and throwing up anything I tried to eat AND my medication ... which certainly isn't helping anybody. Anyway I went to the GP and tried to tell him what was going on. The problem is that when I get like this I go into a "tell no secrets, tell no lies" kind of mode. I told him that I hadn't been sleeping and I was extremely tired and he just said I looked fine and should "go home and get some sleep". I told him "I can't" and he said "you can" ... end of conversation basically because when I tried to explain things he just kept saying "go home and get some sleep".

Anyway, after seeing him I dropped around to my old residence and dropped back the keys and picked up the rental bond and some stuff that I had accidentally left behind and a couple of parcels that had arrived since I'd left. All hunky-dory there ... even if I was acting like hell.

My housemate and I stayed in phone contact this morning because he has reached a rational state and was concerned about me. Admittedly there's things he doesn't know yet, which would probably make him more concerned, but I felt that right now it's not important for him to know those things because he needs to concentrate on getting well himself. Yeah, possibly a bad judgement call, but I'm willing to wear it.

We managed to sit down and look at the household finances and have a couple of real conversations. Nice. Although it did feel a bit weird.

Anyway ... going all about me now. In a lot of ways I'm really not well. I don't know what started off the nausea but I haven't been able to eat since christmas day. I feel like I felt the first time I tried to kick my ED. Forcing myself to take little bites of something and then forcing myself to keep it down with my stomach saying "it's coming up sonny jim". The worst thing about that is the not being able to keep meds down. I rely on those meds so badly. It's now been what? 3 days since I was last able to keep them down?? This has got to be heading for danger territory. Maybe that's what's continued the lack of sleep ... idk. Anyway up until today I've also had to be extremely careful about what fluids I took in. Straight water was okay, adding cordial to it was not. Today I've managed a sports water, two powerades and a couple of cups of cordial provided that the cordial was weak. I almost collapsed on the short walk to the newsagent to get the sports water ... and several more times I must confess. I finished off the cleaning of the bathroom that my housemate had been unable to do and nearly collapsed 4 or 5 times as well as only just making it to the toilet to throw up once. Things really are not good ...

Sorry for the length of the post.

*hugs everyone again and leaves cuddles behind for everybody*

[Awakening] 29-12-2009 12:04 PM

APRIL! A roast is amazing, hard work but honestly one of the best things in the world! It can be any meat but i prefer chicken. Its just roast potatoes, roast meat, veg (i like mine roasted - usually carrots and parsnips) and optional extras of yorkshire puddings, stuffing and gravy. I put way to much oil on mine so i felt very sick afterwards but it was absolutely scrumptions!

Thanks for the help DaVengenzz - i loved the scaptula dancing! hope u had a nice sleep!

Hi Heather! *offers a blanket and comes closer for a cuddle* are u ok sweetie?

Canis - du want to talk about it?? *hugs*

*rubs Shadowedsoul's back and kisses head better* whats making you feel like this hon? i can often relate to feeling like that x

Kiera - The point is that its still hurting you which isnt good and when people love and care about you it hurts them too. You might want to die now but you may be missing out on a beautiful future. I would say to u stick it out, keep fighting *hugs and kisses for a wonderful person*

Deathdancer - i think you are amazing. you are a model for us all. I'm so glad that you are able to find comfort *offers you a cup of teas, a blanket and a cuddle*

Lucy - I'm here now. That sounds like a horrible night for you *holds you close*

Well done Laura! I think thats a really brave thing to do, its always good to let friends now whats going on. *offers tea*

Oh Kahlia - everything sounds like so much atm. Well done for going to your GP and being so open, im sorry that his advice sucked. maybe u could try going back in a couple of days and trying again - persistance can help get things into these peoples heads! I'm glad ur housemate is feeling better, i hope this helps you. Is there anyone you can ask for some emotional support from? have u tried taking ur meds like an hr or 2 away from eating? and only with a little sip of water? I dont know much about ED but if u manage to jst keep ur meds in for an hr or 2 it should have entered ur bloodstream by then. how u feeling now? x x

I was struggling a little yesterday, mainly because my toddler was stressing me out in the morning but when he went to daddy's, me and mrs scarlett were able to chill out a little. I still feel a bit off though :/ a little appathetic which isnt good for me because it means i don't give a crap about myself. hey ho.

x x x x x

Scarletdreamer 29-12-2009 01:36 PM

*hugs everyone*

I've got a cuddly kitten asleep in my lap - anyone else want some kitty cuddles? He's a very friendly kitten... :)

*gently hugs Kahlia* Sounds like you've been going through hell, love. I'm sorry that your GP didn't really listen to you... and that you're feeling so ill and unable to keep your meds down. What do you take, if you don't mind me asking? Is it mostly for psychosis, or a variety of things? I wish I could do more to help... sorry. :( I hope that things get better soon... not sleeping for that long probably has something to do with how ill you're feeling. I'm glad that you've been able to keep down some fluids... what's cordial?

*cuddles Laura* How you doing now, hun? Hopefully better... do you have any plans for today?

*hugs angelic_monster* We only watched a little bit of the film, as I get restless when sitting and watching a movie or whatever, but it's very good so far. Got us laughing in several spots. :D How's your day so far?

Canis *hugs* What's up? If you want to talk about it, I am/we are here for you...

Kiera *huggles* I used to think the same way, but when I saw how much it hurt my husband, I changed my mind. I still don't understand it, really, and I haven't stopped cutting, but it does hurt those who love us to see us hurting ourselves. Hope that makes some sort of sense...

*hugs Helen* Nice to meet you. :) And glad you're back... how're you? doing any better than last night?

*hugs Dancer* I'm glad that we could be of help to you. :) I'm still so sorry for your loss but you seem to be taking it pretty well... being sad, crying, etc., is fine... but I'm so glad that you haven't done anything drastic. Proud of you.

*hugs Jocelyn* Mmm that does sound good, although too much oil = ick. Hehe. Although if it's olive oil at least it's healthy fat. Hehe. Not much consolation, but still... :P I've never had parsnips I don't think... and I'm just getting back into eating meat after being a lacto-ovo vegetarian sicne 2006. :-/ It was an eating disordered thing and still is... but I really do like fish. *yum* Although I daresay I'm going to get sick of tuna shortly as it's been my lunch for the past few days... :-X

*cuddles Franz* How you doing today? feeling any better?

*holds Lucy* Sorry that you feel insane, love... is there anything that we can do to help?

I'm really not doing brilliantly today... I calculated my BMI for the first time in ages and it says I'm OBESE... literally... obese. I've never been at this high a weight, ever, and it's absolutely disgusting. *cries* I hate my body, I hate my life... just want to lose it and maybe I will if I eat enough and start exercising again... I'm eating more protein again, with the fish, so maybe I will lose weight instead of gaining? :'(

I'm wearing all men's clothes today... camo pants & a "twofer" - a tshirt with a longsleeve shirt under it, but it's really just one garment. This one is maroon and has a lion's head on it, says "Desolation" and has a hood too!! I feel better when I wear guys' clothes since they aren't so ****ing tight. Sometimes I wear tighter stuff (i.e., girls' clothes) but I really prefer not to. :( My husband and other guys have told me that I'm beautiful and that my curves are lovely but I don't believe them. Not at all. I think I'm as ugly as hell and that my curves NEED TO GO. Thing is, even when I was at my lowest weight, my curves were still there... just smaller. I could handle smaller curves!!!! :(

Anyway.

Ummm...

*hides* :o

EDIT - in my "Venting Spot" there is a full length fuzzy photo of me, if you want to see me... :'(

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 01:45 PM

thanks scarlet, hmm everthing at the moment is too much. a freind told me she has 2 weeks to live, make it worse she is joking about it. everthing i seam to do latley just falls apart. cant do handle much more.
big hugs for april. hope your okay today hunni.

Scarletdreamer 29-12-2009 01:48 PM

*cuddles Shadowedsoul* She's probably joking because that's her way of coping... I'd probably be joking too... I don't know though. What's wrong with her, if you don't mind me asking? *holds you* I'm so sorry that you're going through this, though... is there anyone you can talk with about it?

Scarletdreamer 29-12-2009 01:59 PM

Thanks for the advice, Kiera. I have a regimen that my personal trainer gave me that I've been doing now and then... I'm not much of a runner (exercise-induced asthma and I don't have an inhaler) and also my hip joints go funky (I can pop them in and out)... cycling is good though. I have a gym membership (campus gym) and will be starting going there every week once classes start back up again (19 January). I have some gym buddies lined up too, so that should be good. :)

Didn't realize that about BMR. :) I nearly completed a nutrition minor so I understand what you posted, but I forgot that your BMR continues to be high. :) I'm eating more than I was, although it is a disgusting amount :( and I can't wait to start exercising more...

*hugs*

MammaMia 29-12-2009 02:03 PM

*cuddles everyone lots*

Kahlia, you really don't sound very well :( Could you see another doctor perhaps?? *gentle cuddles*

Laura, I'm feeling pretty bad today. Had a bad night, then didn't sleep til gone 6am. I feel so exhausted, my head's giving me hell and a friend of mine has lost her baby :( Just upset for her and reminds me of my own *sighs*

Scarlett, nice to meet you too =) Hope you're okay xx

Accidentally Abstract 29-12-2009 02:11 PM

Thanks for the replies guys.. I don't know why I felt insane. I guess because I'm not used to hallucinating & stuff.. I've only ever done it once before.. & I only do it because of meds withdrawal. & my nightmares had me locked up in mental homes & stuff, so I woke up feeling like I'd completely lost it.

Anyway, yeah.. Thank you *leaves squishy hugs for all*. x

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 02:12 PM

thanks april,she has cancer. no i dont have anybody to talk to about it. just trying to keep myself buzy,and not to let her see that imstruggleing with this. she doesnt need my breakdown. need to atleast apear strong to her.

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 04:01 PM

thanks kiera, she was told by the doctors that she wont make her next brithday,which is 2 weeks away. april there joking about death,and saying really stuiped stuff like,when she is about to die she will chuck herself off the top of the hospital building. sorry hun. i think she joking,but i wouldnt put anything past my friend. =[

sorry imgoing to shut up about this.

Absynnthe 29-12-2009 04:07 PM

Hope everyone here is okay.

*walks over to dark dark corner and rocks slightly*

xXxDeathDancerxXx 29-12-2009 05:01 PM

Thanks Guys
I think the reason I haven't done anything is because of you guys and I promised my grand father on his death bed I wouldn't hurt myself over loosing him. No matter how much I miss him or how upset I get about it I will fight tooth and nail to keep my promise to him.

*gently hugs Davengenzz*
Need to talk?

*hugz Shadowedsoul*
You are not being selfish hun you Care about her and yes the kids will loose her but so will you.
*Snuggles up next to you offers shoulder and a blanket*

*Hugs MammaMia offers blanket and other shoulder*
I so sorry about your friend *squishys you*

*hugs scarlet*
hun Don't hate yourself you are beautiful in every way. if you try to loose the weight plz do it in a healthy way. I don't want to see you hurt.
*Hugs offers lap and a blanket *

*hugs everyone and hand out Tea and Blankets*

Absynnthe 29-12-2009 05:09 PM

I'm okay I guess. Just feeling fragile. One of my musical idols died yesterday, so that's not making me any better.

*huggles and nibbles biscuit*

SoMuchMore 29-12-2009 05:26 PM

*cuddles helen* I'm so sorry about your friend. *offers blankets and pillowss for hiding or sleeping in*

*hugs april* I agree with Kiera's advice to just eat healthy and maybe get some exercise. I hope you are feeling better soon. You are a beautiful person inside and out.

*hugs shadowedsoul*

*cuddles franz and wraps with blanket*

*hugs death dancer* I seems like your grandfather would be proud of you for hanging in there. Stay strong hun.

*hugs kahlia* so sorry about everything that is going on. It sounds very difficult. I agree that maybe you should try to talk to another doctor, it doesn't sound like yours is being very helpful at all.

I feel okay right now, I just woke up but so far... We'll see. I may be going to a party tonight, which could be a fun or awful experience with this particular group of people as my anxiety seems to kick into full on guard mode when I am around them sometimes. Still waiting to hear back from my friend. It's fine though, I'm kinda scared to hear the response.

Absynnthe 29-12-2009 05:30 PM

*nods off to sleep, still cuddling spatula and drumsticks*

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 05:57 PM

cuddles close to deathdancer. rests head on shoulder shuts eyes. sucks thumb cuddles teddy.

risenfromperdition 29-12-2009 05:59 PM

*borrows kitty* =]
am... yeah.
*leans into scarlett [i should know your name im sure ><]*

[Awakening] 29-12-2009 06:00 PM

It seems like everyone is going through so much :(

Shadowed soul, I'm so sorry. I hope u are able to spend time with her and that you have people who can support you through this hard time *cuddles*

*hugs* mammamia - i'm sorry about ur friend and that its bought up your own loss. I hope ur days picked up? i really hope u get some sleep tonight *offers fleecy blanket*


April - u do know that sex is the best exercise don't you? enough said. :P Plus i really don't think u look obese at all. I think u look gorgeous and i'm sure your husband would agree! Try to be sensible about any weight loss, u know the whole make it part of your routine stuff. I hope you're feeling better now hon x

I'm sorry Davengenzz *covers with a blanket and gently kisses your head* I hope u feel better soon

thanks for the tea death dancer. That's still very brave of you hon. That's an amazingly beautiful and equally difficult promise to make but i'm so glad you're keeping it. Have u got friends who can cuddle u while u cry and shout etc? I really hope u are looking after yourself *offers a big squishy cuddle* x x x

Laura look after yourself if you do go out. Enjoy yourself but make sure you're feeling ok first *hugs and offers a pretty new bracelet*

I just watch drag me to hell with the mrs. Not the best film in the world but hey. I'm feeling alright atm but quite up and down. I feel depressed and triggered but my mind isn't really entertaining the feelings which is bizarre. I don't really know how to explain it but I'm doing alright.

Pizza anyone? I might cook a cottage pie tomorrow, please sign the list on the ward fridge if you want some or have any dietary needs. Sorry April you won't get fish from me, i'm not a big fan!

I'm Jocelyn btw Heather :) x x

Scarletdreamer 29-12-2009 07:23 PM

Wow, lots of posts!! ^_^

OKAY... since there are two Scarlet(t)s here, Scarletdreamer - ME - is APRIL!!! and Scarlettwhore is Jocelyn. No more calling us just Scarlet... because I don't know who you are talking to then!! me or Jocelyn. :-X Hehe.

Anyway, erm yeh. :o

Jocelyn, yeh I know that sex is good exercise... heh... but I have PTSD so sex really doesn't happen that often. Thankfully my husband understands. I blank out/dissociate sometimes when we are getting intimate, even just cuddling at times, so... :-X

Hrm, fish is the best!! :P And it's good for your brain cells too... makes teh gray matterz better!! (sorry for the weirdness... I am in a weird mood :( ...sorry) But chicken will do. I had a chicken bleu melt today from Subway for lunch - a lot of protein!! Woohoo. :)

Thanks for the compliments. I really don't feel all that pretty... nuff said about that... I guess. You guys are probably really tired of my ED'd ranting. :(

*cuddles Franz*
*wonders why he is still holding the spatula and drumsticks?* :P
Which musical idol? (probably someone I've not heard of... heh)

*gently hugs Shadowedsoul* I'm sorry that you have to put up with the joking and all... it must be so difficult!! Wish I could say something that would make it all better... help her survive... etc. Is she in a lot of pain right now? *hands you a teddybear*

*huggles Laura* What's up now, love? It's been a few hours since your last post... still feeling okay? Are you going to go to the party? I have never been to a party, can you believe that? :o Unless you count the birthday ones I had when I was 6-9... lol. Hope you have fun whatever you do decide to do. :)

*hugs Deathdancer* You're doing a really good job... so very proud of you. I know that that probably doesn't mean a whole lot coming from someone whom you don't know very well, but... it's true. :) You're doing so well... keep fighting.

I'm meh. Got my car fixed up for the trip we'll be taking, tires rotated, oil changed, and brakes totally replaced - had no idea that that had to be done!! It all cost $600+ so I'm glad that we have extra money in the bank. >_< But now she is set for the road. Woohoo. We'll be leaving later this week... am really looking forward to that.

I'm listening to iTunes on shuffle again. :) And I has the kitty on my lap again. He smells like kitty litter though >_< so not the best. Oh well.

Hrm...

*sighs*

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 07:36 PM

hugs april. thanks for the teddy, its probley just her way of copeing. yeah she in pain mostly sleeps alot. just want to wave a magic wand and make it better. cuddles kitty walks into corner with teddy closes eyes.

Absynnthe 29-12-2009 07:58 PM

April- Teh Rev from Avenged Sevenold. >.< Le sigh... *cuddles drumsticks* He's bes the drummer, and an epic drummer he was.

Not feeling great. Very dissociated....

Scarletdreamer 29-12-2009 09:41 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Now I feel really dumb, heh. The post I put up in my venting thread was against the rules, due to numbers and the photo with deprecating comments. Grrrr. I'm not angry at the mods at all about this, just with myself - predictably. I should've thought of that - the fact that the photo could trigger, that the numbers could trigger, etc. I just thought, at the time I guess, that those rules only pertained to the ED forum. :o

I'm struggling now with the urge to purge. Predictable, huh?

I HATE MYSELF.

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 09:52 PM

huggles april,im sorry. argh!!! i feel so pis*ed off and angery im biting peoples head off for no reason. just so damn angery. *goes to corner hugs knees and rocks* need to came down need to came down.

Scarletdreamer 29-12-2009 10:00 PM

*holds shadowedsoul & rocks gently*

shadowedsoul 29-12-2009 10:14 PM

holds on tightly to april, and cries i cant came down,every little thing is driving me nuts. im sorry,im sorry,jill bad. i keep getting angery and angery.

Kahlia1981 29-12-2009 10:56 PM

*hugs everyone*

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarlett whore (Post 2061096)
Oh Kahlia - everything sounds like so much atm. Well done for going to your GP and being so open, im sorry that his advice sucked. maybe u could try going back in a couple of days and trying again - persistance can help get things into these peoples heads! I'm glad ur housemate is feeling better, i hope this helps you. Is there anyone you can ask for some emotional support from? have u tried taking ur meds like an hr or 2 away from eating? and only with a little sip of water? I dont know much about ED but if u manage to jst keep ur meds in for an hr or 2 it should have entered ur bloodstream by then. how u feeling now? x x

Jocelyn, thanks ... it's been very hard just recently. I don't have anyone that I can ask for emotional support right now. I'm in a bit of an isolated position. I take my meds well away from when I'm eating but do have to throw quite a bit of water down after it or they get stuck in my throat and I tend to go in a reflexive chocking sort of mechanism. Yeah, at the moment no one would say I have an ED, my BMI shows as Obese still I think - due to having been on Risperdal a few years ago. Right now I'm feeling extremely tired due to another night of not having slept and still nauseous as hell. I managed to keep down a coffee this morning though. Also, my head's playing up. I think overall the answer to how I'm feeling would be ... meh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2061212)
*gently hugs Kahlia* Sounds like you've been going through hell, love. I'm sorry that your GP didn't really listen to you... and that you're feeling so ill and unable to keep your meds down. What do you take, if you don't mind me asking? Is it mostly for psychosis, or a variety of things? I wish I could do more to help... sorry. :( I hope that things get better soon... not sleeping for that long probably has something to do with how ill you're feeling. I'm glad that you've been able to keep down some fluids... what's cordial?

April - At the moment I'm on Seroquel XR for the psychosis, Lithum for the bipolar, Xanax for the anxiety (on a PRN basis) and my asthma puffers. Thanks hun. I don't think anyone can actually help at the moment. Yeah, I'm glad that I've been able to keep the fluids down. Cordial is .... well a concentrated flavouring that you dilute with water. I can't explain it any better than that I'm afraid.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2061249)
Kahlia, you really don't sound very well :( Could you see another doctor perhaps?? *gentle cuddles*

Helen - *grabs you and huggles you tightly* I'm so glad to hear from/see you again!! I must admit that I don't feel well ... and I think it's going to get worse. I'm going to have to consider seeing another doctor right now. *sigh*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2061544)
*hugs kahlia* so sorry about everything that is going on. It sounds very difficult. I agree that maybe you should try to talk to another doctor, it doesn't sound like yours is being very helpful at all.

Laura - *hugs you back* Things are pretty difficult right now. My housemate at least is getting back on track so maybe things will start to settle for me as well.

It was another long night last night. But I guess, it's over now. And I just have to make my way through the day in such a manner as to appear normal. Or something like that. I just really wish I could sleep because I think that would help. Oh well. It might be a case of nipping down to the pharmacy if it ever stops raining and getting an OTC sleep aid or antiemetic or something to give me a helping hand. *sigh*

*huggles everyone*

MammaMia 30-12-2009 12:00 AM

Really really want to cut :'(


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