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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 09-06-2009 12:29 PM

Thanks you two. I hope so too.

I don't feel free lol, I just feel destructive :/

shadowedseraph 09-06-2009 12:42 PM

*hugs Secrets and takes some birthday cake* My psyche has just called and is seeing me in an emegency appointment tomorrow, i suddenly feel a bit less dejected and worthless, lets hope it lasts!

*hugs MammaMia* i know how you feel, and im here listening

MammaMia 09-06-2009 12:46 PM

Been feeling destructive for few weeks, just getting worse, am trying to control it, but losing control...

Jetforce 09-06-2009 12:58 PM

*leaves some milkshakes on the table*

Tc ppl..hope things r going well for all of u!!


~Kaytee~ 09-06-2009 01:08 PM

*crash tackles helen* loves you hun xxxxx
you can do this :D

MammaMia 09-06-2009 02:15 PM

You're turning into Jem hehe, jokes ;) Loves you too sweetheart.

Just randomly decided I am going to visit my old school lol, haven't visited them in over 6 months as I've been so so so so busy with uni :)

[Fog] 09-06-2009 03:39 PM

Hey Helen :-D *Hugs* Sorry to hear things are bad for you at the moment. Uni is horrible when things aren't going well. I've missed all of my exams and coursework for 2nd year now cos of being in the psych ward but I'll just do it another time. I've cancelled my year abroad and I'm gonna finish my degree with the Open University because I can't cope with uni.

Shadowedseraph yay glad you got an appointment, hope it goes well for you.

Secrets sorry to hear things are bad *hands over a hot chocolate (calorie free if you would prefer)*

Just been to the library and got a load of books. Some of them are to do with EDs and my dad decided he wanted to check they weren't to do with mh issues (even though I find it a comfort to read about mh issues and know I'm not alone) so I just hid them lol. I'm feeling ok at the moment, barely eaten anything and I finished off my Guide on how to cope with me for my folks and boyfriend.

One perk to being mentally ill... I went to the library and had a 12.60 fine! So I told the lady I had been in a psych ward for over a month and she said if I bring in proof that I was then she'll wipe the fine.

So it's not all bad...

CrazyHayley 09-06-2009 08:50 PM

*comes back in from smoking shelter* well actually, I had a little escape, lol, my partner came home early from his work trip in normandy whilst I was looking for positivity in the smoking shelter and he took me out!! He then placed me back as he'd had enough of me! lol?!

Anyhoo, sorry but my brain can't do individual responses, i'm all fuzzy headed and worried I;d miss someone out, especially as its been so busy in the 48hours I've missed. But it seems like theres something in the air/water as we're all having tough times, even those who have been doing so well are worried about slipping up.....

......AND SO......here is fresh oxygen tank breathie thingys for us all and an endless supply of bottled water!!!!

*hands out oxygen tanks & bottled water to all*

oh yes, and someone made a comment about this psych ward being a 'room' with unlimited free corners?! oh they so have not investigated the place thoroughly enough!!! From my past experience I have survived under the floor boards for over 8months, there is also a padded cell, a huge dark but oh so secret cupboard, somewhere there are some pot plants....I hope they haven't died since I last watered one.....hmmm....what else?! Anyone think of something I've missed out?!

*goes back out to smoking shelter and pays attention to psych ward on her journey*

CrazyHayley 09-06-2009 09:11 PM

*sprays self with pretty smelling stuff so as not to stink of fags*

Aha! I found a room of requirement!!!!! but it only does SAFE requirements. Just go to your left, past the big pot plant (freshly watered), keep going along the bendy corridor until you come to a collection of small, also freshly watered, pot plants. Jump up and down 10times saying "I have a safe requirement!", then spin in a circle anti-clockwise 3times, whilst clapping your hands and thinking of your safe requirement, then.....ta dah!!!!

CrazyHayley 09-06-2009 09:26 PM

you know what?..... I typed those random things as I needed to keep my brain active, to use my imagination to get away from the real stuff.
It hasn't helped.
I feel like crying all of the time.
Sometimes I'm not even sure why.
I hate my mood swings.
I hate that I can't get myself out of this pit.
I hate that what the c**t did to me 11years ago still affects me.
I hate that I'm not strong enough to get through this.
I hate that I'm full of hate!!! RAAAAA!!!!

sorry to rant guys, I just needed to scream and get it out. No need to reply. Save your energy. *goes to padded cell for her own and other inamtes safety*

wildly insane 10-06-2009 12:26 AM

You forgot the denial tent ;) rant away Hayley *huggles and cuddles* you are strong enough to do this, you're still fighting

*hugs HannahBanana* a guide on how to cope with you, sounds like a great idea :) good job with the library books, hope you're doing okay

*hugs Helen* I didn't forget you, honest you just hadn't posted since my last message and there was so much going on, you look after yourself, work on that positivity

*hugs Katie* you can do this too

*hugs Jem* hope you are okay, mmm milkshake, vanilla flavour....

*hugs Shadowedseraph* hope the psych appointment goes well, fingers crossed for you

*hugs Secrets* sorry to hear things aren't good, I know how hard it is to pretend that everything really is fine, keep going though, you can do it.

*hugs Foreverlost* how are you?

*hugs Cheryl* hope things are okay

*hugs Kahlia* how's the wrist? how are you?

am slightly better today and made 6 weeks, whoop!!! job application deadline friday :P

MammaMia 10-06-2009 03:24 AM

*curls up and dies*

Trying to reply to your posts because I want to help, but I just can't :(

Damnation. 10-06-2009 03:24 AM

I cut today. After weeks, maybe even a month free. Oh well, I wasn't actually trying to give up.

My friends have all gone to bed now, so I'm alone. And I feel like crying. A really sad song that I absolutely love shot my mood right down, but I don't want to stop listening to it.

Just one more time,
For the sake of sanity,
Just tell me why,
Explain the gravity.

Just give me peace,
You owe me that,
To help ward off the fears,
I must combat

wildly insane 10-06-2009 10:11 AM

*hugs Helen* what did I say? oh yeah, you do have to look after yourself occasionally.

*hugs Dayna* sorry to hear you cut but it's a good thing that you went for those weeks without cutting :) songs are very powerful and it's wierd how the same song can affect us differently depending on our mood. hope you got through the night okay.

I didn't get out of bed in time, I have this whole list of things to do. blah.

~Kaytee~ 10-06-2009 10:21 AM

Hannah *hugs* the days not all gone yet, but i hate having days like that =[ take care ok?

[Fog] 10-06-2009 10:37 AM

Hayley - thanks for the oxygen tanks and water! Maybe that will cure us all... I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're going through. Feel free to rant and shout and vent as much as you want, you don't have to go into the padded cell sweetie :-) *Offers hugs* How are you doing today?

WildlyInsane - wow 6 weeks, well done! What job have you applied for if you don't mind me asking?

Helen - *Big safe cuddles* Hang on in there deary. PM me if you ever want to talk.

Dayna - sorry to hear that you cut but try not to beat yourself up too much about it. Going weeks without it is fantastic and you should feel really proud of that. Try and think of it as a slip up, rather than slipping back into it. Hope you're feeling ok today *Big hugs*

Yesterday ended pretty crap. I had dinner but had pudding and stuff and it was just too much so I purged it and my mum was all upset that she hadn't been able to help or stop me and I just felt like sh*t. I read a book last night about anorexia and I enjoyed reading it, unfortunately though it had plenty of detail on the before and during of the illness, and hardly anything about recovery! Didn't get to sleep until half two (my dad turns the internet off at about ten because he's convinced that someone's hacking into our wireless...) so I'm knackered now. I feel really low this morning but today I'm going to try and get some uni coursework done and try and keep my food down. Anouk's getting more and more threatening and I'm scared.

*Runs and hides in the secret cupboard*

Take care everyone xxx

zowie 10-06-2009 12:34 PM

Hello :)
I'm not going to reply to everyone because it's been very busy since I was last in. Sorry.
I had a nice night last night. My sister came over and we had some wine. I told her how well I'm doing staying away from SH and hospital, and she was so happy she actually shed a tear! That sort of thing really makes it all worth it :)

realflifefaerie 10-06-2009 12:55 PM

Afternoon, just thought I'd pop in and leave hugs and things.
Really should move and get ready to go back to uni

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 01:16 PM

*pokes head out from padded cell*

Thanks guys for the support. Still struggling to do individual responses. I've been giving words of wisdom to ark on a thread in forum. No idea where I found my words of wisodm....gosh, I don't even know if they are wise words....but anyway, brain is all fuzzy again, damn M.E.!! Think I'm going to have a nap in here and then see if I'm up to coming back out. But I wanted you to know I've read posts and thinking of you all and wishing you all strength and happiness.

*closes door of padded cell....nearly on own head, but not quite*

~Kaytee~ 10-06-2009 01:25 PM

*hugs* take care Hayley. have a good nap :)

im trying to finish to my first chapter of my story so i can post it on ryl :)

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 02:08 PM

Thanks big bear - sorry not sure of your name, hope you find writing theraputic. My naps not happening, can't still my mind as much as I'm exhausted, the fuzzing and whirling won't go. So....to do something that'll probably make my M.E worse but is good for my mental health....Super Clean!!! whilst listening to green day! :) Kitchen done.....

wildly insane 10-06-2009 02:33 PM

me again :) I'm applying for the position of data officer with the British Oceanographic Data Centre in Liverpool, it should be perfect for me but how to make my application stand out is beyond me and so demoralising - meh - talking of which I spent an hour on the phone signing onto jobseekers allowance only to have to change my appointment because it was booked for next week and I'm going to Ireland on holiday and guess what they've now cancelled and I have to do the whole thing again when I come back because you can't go on holiday and claim jobseekers - it's beyond me the logic of this, but a waste of a good hour. Have jsut been for my first run, went okay, am not taking the dog again - he held me up!!! Am going dancing tonight if my job application gets anywhere, well probably if it doesn't as well. Sorry I'm babbling.

*hugs**huggles**cuddles**squidges*to anyone who wants them :)

*hugs Hayley* ooh cleaning, definitely good for MH hope it doesn't affect your ME too badly and green day are ace.

*hugs Katie* ooh a story, I will look out for it :) sorry to hear you had such a bad day, I hope today is better, take care hun, look after yourself

*hugs Secrets* good luck going back to uni

*hugs Arwen* am so glad you had a good night with your sister

*hugs HannahBanana* don't be too hard on yourself, take things slowly, good luck with the coursework and I hope you keep your food down.

*hugs Helen* I hope you got some sleep

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 02:44 PM

Bathroom done!

Hannah - good luck with your job application form. Sounds such an official grown up job! When I worked my title was 'waitress' or 'Drama Tutor' lol, much easier for me to spell though, hehe! Have fun dancing tonight, what type of dancing do you do?

*decides should come fully out of padded cell and go to smoking shelter for a fag - fire hazard n what not*

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 03:01 PM

now really must lie down before I fall down. then will continue super clean with flat later.

*snuggles all round*

shadowedseraph 10-06-2009 04:23 PM

*snuggles to everyone that wants them* My psyche appointment was muchos scary. It wasnt my usual psyche but the consultant and a lady from the crisis team, they've put me under the crisis team for the time being so i think i'll be virtually inhabiting the ward, my mums so sad about it i cant really cope

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 04:32 PM

shadowedseraph - psyche appointments with consultants are scary I think, so you're not alone there, but they are an essential part for in order for us to be able to recover. Don't worry bout being put under the crisis team. I was and also jumped the waiting list of 4-5months for therapy as somehow I must have said something in my assessment as I was deemed 'at risk'. I didn't think I was that bad!! but tell your mum that rather than being sad about it, its a good thing that they are recognising your need and putting help and support in place for you, which is a good thing when you are finding things so hard to cope with. In the mean time, make yourself comfy in here. *supportive huggles & snuggles*

shadowedseraph 10-06-2009 04:49 PM

*hugs CrazyHayley back* Thank you for the advice :) I feel less lost and confused because of it. I too didnt think i was that bad, ah well the Shrinks are supposed to know best!

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 05:55 PM

Glad I was of some help Shadowseraph.

Wow todays been productive for me, given advice that's helped someone and managed to super clean my flat when this morning I wasn't sure if I'd be able to (due to my other medical conditions, not MH). I need to focus on that, that I've 'achieved' something, no matter how small, especially as I've got therapy tomorrow, which triggered me really badly last week, and she'll ask me what I've done and I don't want it all to be negative and get me into even more of a downer.

*plonks self by big pot plant by window & day dreams*

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 06:01 PM

What the F*ck am I on about?!!!!!

Why on earth should I, at 28years of age, be feeling that I've achieved something by cleaning my flat?! I'm more off my rocker than I thought I was!! So what that I've got other medical conditions, there are plenty of people worse off than me who manage to clean their flat and do a job or some other worthwhile activity. stupid, whining bitch that I am.....raaa.

*bangs head on big pot plant*

sorry plant

[Fog] 10-06-2009 06:45 PM

Hayley please don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing really well, and giving people advice and cleaning your flat is really great and you should be proud of that. The most important thing is that you don't rush things or overwhelm yourself so that you can get better. When I was rushing around working and doing uni and stuff it made me a million times worse and now I've realised that it's actually ok just to stop everything and rest and be proud of the small achievements. Take care xxx

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 06:56 PM

thanks banana for the support. I have moments when I can think like that and then as you can all see, 5mins later I loose the plot again. I can't keep up with my mood swings sometimes, its soo draining.

Anyone for a game of snakes and ladders?

*tries to roll a six*

Damnation. 10-06-2009 10:39 PM

Okay, I'm feeling even stranger than usual today. I kept having weird moments last night, like my head would feel really peculiar for a brief moment, not even a second long. I can't really describe it. I feel sort of...faintish? Maybe not. I really don't know how to explain it. I dunno what it is, but it's triggering the void o___O;

MammaMia 10-06-2009 11:06 PM

*crawls in*

<offers hugs to all>

Hope people start feeling bit better soon :(


Damnation. 10-06-2009 11:10 PM

*Hugs Helen back* Hope you start feeling better soon as well.

>_o Getting very spacey. ****'s sakes. The sooner this appointment with the MH team comes round, the better

Eclectica 10-06-2009 11:16 PM

i knew today woulod hbe bad. inside felt weirdd all day

in the middle of dissociatin abd bein here

wildly insane 11-06-2009 12:14 AM

*hugs all round*

~Kaytee~ 11-06-2009 02:18 AM


Originally Posted by CrazyHayley (Post 1675814)
Thanks big bear - sorry not sure of your name, hope you find writing theraputic. My naps not happening, can't still my mind as much as I'm exhausted, the fuzzing and whirling won't go. So....to do something that'll probably make my M.E worse but is good for my mental health....Super Clean!!! whilst listening to green day! :) Kitchen done.....

Thanks hayley, you can call me katie :) writing is therapeutic for me.. i havnt finished the first chapter though. hopefully today after i do my essay.. grr.

good luck with the job application hannah! hope u get it :D

*cuddles everyone*

Kahlia1981 11-06-2009 03:49 AM

*pokes head out*
*offers cuddles all round*

Still at least another month and a half with this cast on but it looks like my shoulder surgery is going ahead so i'll have my dominant arm ouit of action for 3 months or so. Fun. Apologies for hiding in a corner somewhere but with my arm like it is it is just so hard to type.

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 09:37 AM

*hugs to everyone* i have started the new medication the psyche gave me and i feel weird spaceyish (if thats a word) and the crisis team are coming between 10 and 12 so i've had to drag myself out of bed. boo hiss. Hope today is a better day for everyone

zowie 11-06-2009 10:58 AM

Went to the doctors about the horrible cigarette stain on my fingers, he said it was nothing to worry about and that the lumps were just hard skin. He prescribed me some cream, and after two days of using it, the nasty skin has peeled off!

realflifefaerie 11-06-2009 11:09 AM

*hides in corner until all this is over*

zowie 11-06-2009 11:44 AM

*Hugs Secrets*

CrazyHayley 11-06-2009 12:07 PM

*gives up on trying to roll a six*

*snuggles with everyone in ward*

Hey peeps, I'm off to therapy soon. Rather anxious as it triggered me so badly last week that I cut after 4weeks free :( I've made it 6days thanks to you guys and I'm worried I'll mess up again. Why do things have to get worse before they get better?! *sigh*

zowie 11-06-2009 12:18 PM

Good luck with therapy Hayley. It can be hard and triggering, but in the long run it is there to help you and get these thoughts and feelings out in the open.
Don't worry too much if it triggers you to the point where you slip up, just remind yourself how brave you are for going to therapy even though it can be that hard.
Let us know how it goes? xxx

Revival 11-06-2009 01:25 PM

*pokes head in* Is it ok if I come in?

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 01:33 PM

Sure melancholia come right on in theres room for eveyone *gives hugs to everyone on the ward that wants them*

Hey Hayley hope therapy went ok, its ok to slip up but i know its a bummer when it happens

Revival 11-06-2009 01:40 PM

thanks shadow *hugs back*
Is it possible to be 'normal'?

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 02:05 PM

I think first of all you'd have to know what normal is, and why you'd want to be it! *offers chocolate*

Revival 11-06-2009 02:22 PM

very good point *ponders*

what are you up to tonight/today?

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 02:41 PM

Just hanging around the ward really :) i've had the crisis team in and as usual failed completley at talking to them, why is it always so hard to talk about how you feel? *sighs*

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