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Detour. Derail 01-08-2008 03:46 PM

Bloody hell.
Im all backwards.
Just drank a cup of coffee...
now I want to sleep.

MammaMia 01-08-2008 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zowie (Post 971995)
Thanks Helen.
How was your holiday?

I want to OD. Dad's not here, might look for my meds.

It's no problem sweetheart :)
My holiday was amazing...I really must write a post before I leave again on Sat night :p

Please don't OD, tis not worth it :(

zowie 01-08-2008 04:11 PM

I'm trying to phone EIP but they're not gonna help. Might end up in A&E the way things are going at the moment.

~*forever_broken*~ 01-08-2008 04:12 PM

*pokes her head out of her corner*

Jess, have fun luv, it's good to see you excited about something.

Chloe, I'm sorry you're feeling so lousy and then have to deal with these folks. Good luck sweetie.

Helen, sorry you're feeling sick hun, not fun :-(

Zowie, I agree with everyone else... Seems to me Beth is once again trying to distroy you anyway she can... But I think explaining to the cops or having someone else help to with that is a good idea.

*hugs everyone then returns to her corner and huddles there miserably, wishing to die*

I hate this! It's always poping in my head... Pills, my blade, both... I won't do it though the urges are so strong... But gosh, I wish they'd go away :crying:

MammaMia 01-08-2008 04:12 PM

Huggles both of you.

I hope A&E help Zowie...

MammaMia 01-08-2008 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~*forever_lost*~ (Post 972077)
Helen, sorry you're feeling sick hun, not fun :-(

*hugs everyone then returns to her corner and huddles there miserably, wishing to die*

I hate this! It's always poping in my head... Pills, my blade, both... I won't do it though the urges are so strong... But gosh, I wish they'd go away :crying:

*cuddles Ally* We're still holding remember. I hope you can keep fighting against the urges and eventually they'll see you're not giving in

I'm feeling a little better. Just a bit upset atm :( x

Casper_Fading 01-08-2008 05:16 PM

*cudleseveyrone*

movie was awesome! now... it's 2:16am. my friend is asleep but me... i havbe a headche and am woried cause my hadn hasnt even tstarted to close... and i think... well...

The following content has been hidden - Reason : si - dont read if culd triger

Maybe... it wont hurt to re open it... if i cut it bigger, took away the soft edges they could stich it and it would heal... maybe. i'm not sure. i'm thinkign bout it htough. ****.

~*forever_broken*~ 01-08-2008 05:22 PM

Aww, Helen, yeah, I remember, but thanks for reminding me :-)

*cuddles up to her Uncle Jeff and laughs a bit at his sanity joke*
lol I needed that :-D

Zowie I hope A&E helps luv, *cuddles*

Jess, hunni, if it's healing leave it be hun, please? It's been my experience that what you are considering can often make it worse*snuggles* love you sweetie

*returns to her corner for a nap*

Casper_Fading 01-08-2008 05:33 PM

it's nto helaing though. there are steri-strips.. buterfuly strips on it but i'm allergic to them so it's red and puffy cus eof that. it's wepign alwasy. and it's not clsoign. at al. >.< shud just do it gain.

cupbard.. is safe.

MammaMia 01-08-2008 06:36 PM

heheh Ally I love you <3

Jess, please leave it alone? xx

1ofmany 01-08-2008 10:50 PM

*brings in a bag of toys*

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Poss trig?
Think an injury i did about a month ago is going to scar buts huge and means i will have to constantly wear semi long sleves...why was i so stupid and why does it make me want to do it again.


So lost. So wish i could ask for help. Wish i knew why i wont cry.

~*forever_broken*~ 01-08-2008 10:50 PM

Was going to drink but decided to leave the alcohol for Monday after my therapy session (oh, God, I don't want to go to this one). Instead I am eating cake batter and drinking caffeine free dirt Pepsi. Woo-hoo...
*WARNING: possibly triggering content to follow... But I can't hide it on my BlackBerry*

I can't even cut, it is SO not fair, I've got no motivation or something, I can't explain it but I want to cut, I just can't... :crying:

~*forever_broken*~ 01-08-2008 10:55 PM

Marc, I can't tell you why buy I can tell you that very rarely can I cry, and I know, it sucks... *hugs*

1ofmany 01-08-2008 10:56 PM

I feel the same as you (no motervation) For anything practicaly. *hands over a fluffy sheep toy*
baaaa
*sigh*

MammaMia 01-08-2008 10:57 PM

*massive cuddles Ally*

I'm glad you're not drinking tonight at least :)

MammaMia 01-08-2008 11:16 PM

2 minutes is better than 2 seconds :]

1ofmany 01-08-2008 11:19 PM

Have to start somewere...

~*Rainbow*~ 01-08-2008 11:23 PM

*checks in*

I think i need to be in here................i need to be somewhere....................somewhere safe

blondiebear 01-08-2008 11:23 PM

*cuddles Ally*
*cuddles Zowie*
*cuddles Jess* Do you need us to phone the doctor for you or drive you down to the walk in clinic?

Brother, we all have days like that, sometimes jobs like that. Hopefully things will settle down, in time.

Had a good meeting last night and another good meeting this morning. My sponsor after the meeting today, my sponsor praised me for having positive sharing. People were nice about me showing off my new sun-shirt too.

My hands are shaking today. Sometimes happens with the meds. I'd considered doing the changes to my shirt pattern, drafting the pattern pieces with the necessary modifications to make it into a denim jacket but not with my hands like this.

I plan for the denim jacket to be my birthday gift to myself. The denim has a pink pinstripe woven into it.

I'd still rather be shaking than as depressed as I was this time last year.

And yet again, i talk too much.

1ofmany 01-08-2008 11:26 PM

Head feels wrong, better go. Will catch up later.

~*Rainbow*~ 01-08-2008 11:30 PM

is it wrong to feel like giving up?????
because if it is then i will put my hands up and say i am wrong!!!

everything is going wrong and there's no one to help!! they have all left me - thay have all given up on me - even my best mate gave up on me


i am a failure

~*forever_broken*~ 01-08-2008 11:42 PM

*hugs Marc* I love sheep... *sigh* sorry you're in the same boat there pal...

Yeah, Helen, decided to leave it for Monday when I really need it...

*retreats to her corner with her stuffed sheep and attempts a nap*

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 12:58 AM

crap crap crap my life is one big pile of crap.... does it ever ****in' end???

Casper_Fading 02-08-2008 01:03 AM

and we have the first blister. dammit. at leat i'm going riding today. it's better than nothing! >.<

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 01:23 AM

*hugs* to all - even though im falling down i am here for anyone to chat!!!

blondiebear 02-08-2008 01:31 AM

I want to shred and i'm not quite sure why. Probably the same doggone thing that people see as normal and I see as a character defect.

Spit.

Sixx, what's up with you?

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 01:36 AM

BlondieBear - im sorry i dont kow you name - but whats up??? *hugs*

blondiebear 02-08-2008 01:39 AM

My name is Susan, but I like being called Blondie.

Same old same old for me. Feeling needy, want to put a lid on it and just have to live with it.

btw, shred is my form of SI. I won't say what it is but that is my name for it.

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 01:41 AM

*snuggles Blondie*

blondiebear 02-08-2008 01:50 AM

I so hate this! It is something I hate about myself. I'm comfortable in my own company for a bit, for a day maybe. But not for longer and not if i'm in a bad place.

The last two times I SI'd were because of being needy. it took many weeks for those marks to heal. I actually wish the last one had scarred though people told me it was better that it had not.

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blondiebear (Post 973010)
I so hate this! It is something I hate about myself. I'm comfortable in my own company for a bit, for a day maybe. But not for longer and not if i'm in a bad place.

*understands* I am the exact same way. :sad: But here recently, I haven't been comfortable in my own company much at all... *sigh* which is why I've been here so much... :-(

~*forever_broken*~ 02-08-2008 01:57 AM

Jess, riding? What kind of riding? Horse back? Cause if it's horse back riding I am SO jealous. :-)

*tackles her RYL mum in a hug*
What's making you feel so needy?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:11 AM

:crying: I feel so alone...

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 02:28 AM

*hugs Blondie*

Awww babe, i wish i new what to say but all i can do is offer *big HUGS*

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 02:28 AM

Bound by though (sorry yet again dont know name) you are not alone

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:31 AM

Thanks Nikki
(I'm just assuming that's your name... please forgive me if I'm wrong)

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 02:32 AM

your close enough its Sixx

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:39 AM

Sixx??? that's your name? Hmm... interesting...
mine's Amanda... (it's in my sig)

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 02:43 AM

well real names Gil but no one call me it they all call me Sixx

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:45 AM

ahh ok... well it's nice to meet ya Sixx

~*Rainbow*~ 02-08-2008 02:49 AM

you to Amanda

Hows are you feeling now?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:50 AM

meh... honestly... dreadful...

blondiebear 02-08-2008 02:53 AM

*catches ally and hugs her back*
*hugs amanda*
*hugs sixx*

It is the whole mourning my parents thing. Continuing to come to terms with the role that my father really played in my abuse.

Of all things that go through my airy blonde head; I go to an aa meeting on Thursday nights, that is mixed men and women. I think I've gotten more hugs from them in the five years i've known them than from my father in 42 years.

That mean authoritative clueless wife-whipped hillbilly.
It makes me feel so betrayed and so needy.

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:54 AM

*hugs Blondie*

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 02:59 AM

*sheepishly walks over and rests her head on her daddy's shoulder*
I just feel so... I don't know... selfish I guess... for feeling needy...
I mean I feel like there are so many more people on here that have
more legitimate needs than mine... more legitimate than my
"I'm depressed but I don't know why so I'm needy" needs... :(

blondiebear 02-08-2008 03:11 AM

*Shuffles over to her brother and leans on his shoulder*

Everyone else's needs are fine. I'm old enough to be mom to most of you. Shouldn't i be a strong adult about all this?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:19 AM

*starts to cry*
daddy... how did you finally manage to beat your demons?

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 03:36 AM

Stupid ****in method sharin rule!!!
I mean... I know it's in place for a good reason,
but... ARRRGH!!!!!! I am just asking how to BEAT
something... it ain't like I am asking how to kill
myself!!!! ****!!!!!
ok... sorry... I'm shutting up now
*goes to find a lonely corner so she won't
lash out on anybody else*

blondiebear 02-08-2008 04:20 AM

Amanda, Jeff said that he faced his demon straight on. There are lots of ways of doing that.

I'm doing that right now as I separate from my family. To start with, I give it some distance and use their names instead of their relationship to me. Then I can ask myself would this have really been appropriate not if "mom had done it to me," but if "Julia had done it to Susan."

I'm organised, so i actually list what and why. So I have to own it. That way I face it straight on, like looking down a ladder into hell.

Then it takes a while longer to figure out the emotions. "Mean authoritative clueless wife-whipped hillbilly" as a description of how I feel about my father is rather new in my life.

I think it is different for each of us. What I'm doing isn't tip sharing, so i'm offering it as my experience.

BoundNoMore 02-08-2008 04:22 AM

Thanks Blondie
*hugs*


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