Thanks Guys
I think the reason I haven't done anything is because of you guys and I promised my grand father on his death bed I wouldn't hurt myself over loosing him. No matter how much I miss him or how upset I get about it I will fight tooth and nail to keep my promise to him.

*gently hugs Davengenzz*
Need to talk?

*hugz Shadowedsoul*
You are not being selfish hun you Care about her and yes the kids will loose her but so will you.
*Snuggles up next to you offers shoulder and a blanket*

*Hugs MammaMia offers blanket and other shoulder*
I so sorry about your friend *squishys you*

*hugs scarlet*
hun Don't hate yourself you are beautiful in every way. if you try to loose the weight plz do it in a healthy way. I don't want to see you hurt.
*Hugs offers lap and a blanket *

*hugs everyone and hand out Tea and Blankets*

I'm okay I guess. Just feeling fragile. One of my musical idols died yesterday, so that's not making me any better.

*huggles and nibbles biscuit*

*cuddles helen* I'm so sorry about your friend. *offers blankets and pillowss for hiding or sleeping in*

*hugs april* I agree with Kiera's advice to just eat healthy and maybe get some exercise. I hope you are feeling better soon. You are a beautiful person inside and out.

*hugs shadowedsoul*

*cuddles franz and wraps with blanket*

*hugs death dancer* I seems like your grandfather would be proud of you for hanging in there. Stay strong hun.

*hugs kahlia* so sorry about everything that is going on. It sounds very difficult. I agree that maybe you should try to talk to another doctor, it doesn't sound like yours is being very helpful at all.

I feel okay right now, I just woke up but so far... We'll see. I may be going to a party tonight, which could be a fun or awful experience with this particular group of people as my anxiety seems to kick into full on guard mode when I am around them sometimes. Still waiting to hear back from my friend. It's fine though, I'm kinda scared to hear the response.

*nods off to sleep, still cuddling spatula and drumsticks*

cuddles close to deathdancer. rests head on shoulder shuts eyes. sucks thumb cuddles teddy.

*borrows kitty* =]
am... yeah.
*leans into scarlett [i should know your name im sure ><]*

It seems like everyone is going through so much :(

Shadowed soul, I'm so sorry. I hope u are able to spend time with her and that you have people who can support you through this hard time *cuddles*

*hugs* mammamia - i'm sorry about ur friend and that its bought up your own loss. I hope ur days picked up? i really hope u get some sleep tonight *offers fleecy blanket*


April - u do know that sex is the best exercise don't you? enough said. :P Plus i really don't think u look obese at all. I think u look gorgeous and i'm sure your husband would agree! Try to be sensible about any weight loss, u know the whole make it part of your routine stuff. I hope you're feeling better now hon x

I'm sorry Davengenzz *covers with a blanket and gently kisses your head* I hope u feel better soon

thanks for the tea death dancer. That's still very brave of you hon. That's an amazingly beautiful and equally difficult promise to make but i'm so glad you're keeping it. Have u got friends who can cuddle u while u cry and shout etc? I really hope u are looking after yourself *offers a big squishy cuddle* x x x

Laura look after yourself if you do go out. Enjoy yourself but make sure you're feeling ok first *hugs and offers a pretty new bracelet*

I just watch drag me to hell with the mrs. Not the best film in the world but hey. I'm feeling alright atm but quite up and down. I feel depressed and triggered but my mind isn't really entertaining the feelings which is bizarre. I don't really know how to explain it but I'm doing alright.

Pizza anyone? I might cook a cottage pie tomorrow, please sign the list on the ward fridge if you want some or have any dietary needs. Sorry April you won't get fish from me, i'm not a big fan!

I'm Jocelyn btw Heather :) x x

Wow, lots of posts!! ^_^

OKAY... since there are two Scarlet(t)s here, Scarletdreamer - ME - is APRIL!!! and Scarlettwhore is Jocelyn. No more calling us just Scarlet... because I don't know who you are talking to then!! me or Jocelyn. :-X Hehe.

Anyway, erm yeh. :o

Jocelyn, yeh I know that sex is good exercise... heh... but I have PTSD so sex really doesn't happen that often. Thankfully my husband understands. I blank out/dissociate sometimes when we are getting intimate, even just cuddling at times, so... :-X

Hrm, fish is the best!! :P And it's good for your brain cells too... makes teh gray matterz better!! (sorry for the weirdness... I am in a weird mood :( ...sorry) But chicken will do. I had a chicken bleu melt today from Subway for lunch - a lot of protein!! Woohoo. :)

Thanks for the compliments. I really don't feel all that pretty... nuff said about that... I guess. You guys are probably really tired of my ED'd ranting. :(

*cuddles Franz*
*wonders why he is still holding the spatula and drumsticks?* :P
Which musical idol? (probably someone I've not heard of... heh)

*gently hugs Shadowedsoul* I'm sorry that you have to put up with the joking and all... it must be so difficult!! Wish I could say something that would make it all better... help her survive... etc. Is she in a lot of pain right now? *hands you a teddybear*

*huggles Laura* What's up now, love? It's been a few hours since your last post... still feeling okay? Are you going to go to the party? I have never been to a party, can you believe that? :o Unless you count the birthday ones I had when I was 6-9... lol. Hope you have fun whatever you do decide to do. :)

*hugs Deathdancer* You're doing a really good job... so very proud of you. I know that that probably doesn't mean a whole lot coming from someone whom you don't know very well, but... it's true. :) You're doing so well... keep fighting.

I'm meh. Got my car fixed up for the trip we'll be taking, tires rotated, oil changed, and brakes totally replaced - had no idea that that had to be done!! It all cost $600+ so I'm glad that we have extra money in the bank. >_< But now she is set for the road. Woohoo. We'll be leaving later this week... am really looking forward to that.

I'm listening to iTunes on shuffle again. :) And I has the kitty on my lap again. He smells like kitty litter though >_< so not the best. Oh well.

Hrm...

*sighs*

hugs april. thanks for the teddy, its probley just her way of copeing. yeah she in pain mostly sleeps alot. just want to wave a magic wand and make it better. cuddles kitty walks into corner with teddy closes eyes.

April- Teh Rev from Avenged Sevenold. >.< Le sigh... *cuddles drumsticks* He's bes the drummer, and an epic drummer he was.

Not feeling great. Very dissociated....

*cuddles everyone*

Now I feel really dumb, heh. The post I put up in my venting thread was against the rules, due to numbers and the photo with deprecating comments. Grrrr. I'm not angry at the mods at all about this, just with myself - predictably. I should've thought of that - the fact that the photo could trigger, that the numbers could trigger, etc. I just thought, at the time I guess, that those rules only pertained to the ED forum. :o

I'm struggling now with the urge to purge. Predictable, huh?

I HATE MYSELF.

huggles april,im sorry. argh!!! i feel so pis*ed off and angery im biting peoples head off for no reason. just so damn angery. *goes to corner hugs knees and rocks* need to came down need to came down.

*holds shadowedsoul & rocks gently*

holds on tightly to april, and cries i cant came down,every little thing is driving me nuts. im sorry,im sorry,jill bad. i keep getting angery and angery.

*hugs everyone*

Jocelyn, thanks ... it's been very hard just recently. I don't have anyone that I can ask for emotional support right now. I'm in a bit of an isolated position. I take my meds well away from when I'm eating but do have to throw quite a bit of water down after it or they get stuck in my throat and I tend to go in a reflexive chocking sort of mechanism. Yeah, at the moment no one would say I have an ED, my BMI shows as Obese still I think - due to having been on Risperdal a few years ago. Right now I'm feeling extremely tired due to another night of not having slept and still nauseous as hell. I managed to keep down a coffee this morning though. Also, my head's playing up. I think overall the answer to how I'm feeling would be ... meh.

April - At the moment I'm on Seroquel XR for the psychosis, Lithum for the bipolar, Xanax for the anxiety (on a PRN basis) and my asthma puffers. Thanks hun. I don't think anyone can actually help at the moment. Yeah, I'm glad that I've been able to keep the fluids down. Cordial is .... well a concentrated flavouring that you dilute with water. I can't explain it any better than that I'm afraid.

Helen - *grabs you and huggles you tightly* I'm so glad to hear from/see you again!! I must admit that I don't feel well ... and I think it's going to get worse. I'm going to have to consider seeing another doctor right now. *sigh*

Laura - *hugs you back* Things are pretty difficult right now. My housemate at least is getting back on track so maybe things will start to settle for me as well.

It was another long night last night. But I guess, it's over now. And I just have to make my way through the day in such a manner as to appear normal. Or something like that. I just really wish I could sleep because I think that would help. Oh well. It might be a case of nipping down to the pharmacy if it ever stops raining and getting an OTC sleep aid or antiemetic or something to give me a helping hand. *sigh*

*huggles everyone*

Really really want to cut :'(

*holds Jill* (sorry, forgot your name!! :o) Have you tried any calming coping techniques? Breathing exercises, yoga, listening to quiet music, journaling? because those might help... and so might being active (about the anger). Try beating up a pillow. Rip up a phonebook. Take a piece of paper and scribble on it until the pen rips through the paper. Just take care not to hurt yourself in any way... because you are worth so, so much more than that. *wraps you in a fleece blanket and holds you some more*

*gently hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry that we can't do anything much... but keep us all updated on how you are doing, okay? even if it's a long post. I'm sure that no one will mind!! :) It's good to hear from you anytime. :)

I'm really doing rubbish right now... want to purge so badly. Had meat lover's pizza for supper as I wanted something that had a lot of protein on it and also wanted pizza, but I think my mind isn't okay with it. The eating disordered part of my mind, at least. I hate that I can't purge. I'm so angry!! at my husband, for keeping me from doing so, and at myself, for not "letting" myself purge. :(

I know it's wrong, but I just wish that my ED would take me... I don't want to commit suicide by OD'ing or whatever, I just want to die... I know that no death is really that easy or pain-free, but... oh, I don't know!! *cries*

*hugs Helen* What's going on, hun, that's making you feel like cutting?

Thanks for all the support about me and my friend guys. It's much appericated. Today's gotten worse to be honest. I'll be fine

I got really triggered. Still am. Just so much ****ing **** in my life all the ****ing time. I'm trying to cope and I cant..