*hugs everyone and anyone who needs or wants a hug*

I'll find them in the morning no doubt. Ugh before I say this- this has not made me sucidical, I was already feeling that way. Maybe not as much then as now, but yeah. I had a huge row with someone off here. **removed part of what was said**

I am sooooooo fed up of everything. Seriously. I even can't do 3 weeks of no cutting. I fail. I am pathetic. Real pathetic. I thought I could get past these urges that have been going for days...

*Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me. Stuipd me.* :(

**** it, going to A+E tomorrow/today again, such a screw up yet I don't even regret it. Godamnit I am ****ed up lol *goes to corner with wine and silently cries and rocks*

I have Pm'd you Hells hun. I don't know whats gone on but I don't think the public messge board is the place to discuss it hence the PM XXXX

You're not a screw up Emma. It's okay to not regret it. I'm just sorry that it's causing you to go to somewhere you hate so much. *snuggles gently* Yeah here's not the place to dicuss it, so will keep it to our pm's :)

Love you sweetheart. You have so much strength xxx

Hope you're both feeling slightly better now?? I don't think I want to care what happens to her if she's going to just throw it back in my face, I really don't. Not when I can care about what happens to other people, and it won't take nearly as much time out of my day.
Half of me wants to go ahead and give her another chance, but she's had so many already... Otherwise I wouldn't be so annoyed at her.
*sigh* I need to invest in a punchbag.

*snuggles Helen and Emma*
Helen, you are not stupid or pathetic. Not cutting is SO hard when it is what you use to cope luv. *snuggles*

Emma, hun, I am sorry you've got to go to A&E again... Honestly though? I am also kind of jealous... I cut badly enough to need stitches I've got to do my best to close it myself... An ER visit here cost somewhere around $1000 a pop:pinch: *snuggles* Emma hun, I love you and I am so sorry you felt the need to cut so badly. You are so wonderful hun, I wish you knew that... Believed that...

*hugs everyone again then retreats to her corner with her water and a bucket...just in case*

*hugs Hana*
Oh hun, I don't know what you're talking about but I know what you mean about a punching bag. I think I'd have a good handful fewer scars if I had one.
*snuggles* good luck sweetie, with whatever is going on.

Brief story being that I've stuck my neck out for one of my "friends" more times than I care to think about this past week. She was stabbed(not serious, just on her leg but still) fairly recently and yet last night she goes and meets up with the guy that did it. And then expected me to be there to bail her out when she needs it. Just feels like everything I've done the past week just really really wasn't worth it, and I'm just wondering why I even bothered at the moment. *sigh*

*hugs* how you going, hun?

*hugs Auburn Shadow* sorry to hear about your struggles with your friend.

i've had 17 days of no therapy....and i can't hold on for much longer. i am very suicidal today, and im freaking out because of exams and the amount of work i have to do.
want to cut.
want to do other things that i can't write here without hiding it and cant be bothered.
4 days till i see my psychologist for one hour. its not enough.
can i make 4 days?
do i have to?

****POTENTIAL TRIGGER****











if i died, none of you would know, you would all just wonder where i was for a few days then i guess just think i must have left or whatever.....you would never know what happened, nobody would ever find out.

just a thought.

*cuddles chloe*

Ur not going to do anything stupid there :-P

*hugs Chloe* Don't leave us hun, of course you can make it 4 days!!

-------
I may actually be dying. I feel ****, physically and emotionally. I am shaky, upset stomach and I can't hold down even water without throwing up. In short hang over from hell coupled with about 3.5 hours sleep. And now I have to leave for A+E. Crap.

Cuddles everyone.

I dozed much of the way from our home which is 60 miles south of Los Angeles, to Flagstaff Arizona. Except when my dearest husband aka mr trivia, decided there was something that we were passing that we just had to see. I love him, really I do. But every so often I want to hit him over the head with a clue.

More cuddles all around

Just popping in to hand out massive cuddles for everyone
I'm going to visit my family tonight which i'm nervous about... already feel like cutting, being in hospital only thing thats stopping me.
Take care everyone xxxxx

*cuddles Jo*

Ur in hosp for possibly one reason...to stay safe

I hope u take care of urself there and hope ur family doesn't react too harshly with u in hosp! Tc hon!! special loves for u xxx

*snuggles Chloe*
Chloe luv, please make it those four days hunni. Please. I'm sorry it's been so long since your last appointment and I'm sorry you're feeling so awful but despite what you believe... I think we would know if you died. It might take a day or two to be sure but I know I for one am pretty good at sensing when something really bad happenes/happened to those I care about.
Please take care, dear heart.

*hugs* Hana, I'm sorry to hear about your friend problems. Sounds like she's behaved very irresponsibly... Also sounds like there may be something more behind it for her to be taking such risks. It also sounds like you're feeling stretched pretty thin and a bit used..? *snuggles* I'm sorry sweetie...
--------------------
Well, it's about two and a half hours earlier this morning than when I got up yesterday... And I am SO exhausted :-( didn't sleep very well last night.
Ugh, and am completely frustrated as I haven't taken my meds for four (today will make five) days and I STILL don't feel bad enough to... Well, yeah...

*retreats to her corner with her blanket and stuffed sheep for a bit of a nap*

*hugs Jo*
Hope the visit goes well luv... I am sorry that you're nervous about it, that can't make things any easier...

Thanks for the hugs x

Chloe we would all be devestated if you died and we would realise, please hold on to that.

Its just hard explaining why i'm still in there, its been a long time and they think i should be better by now

*hugs everyone tight*