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MammaMia 19-07-2010 12:51 AM

Ha, I got forgotten about as always :P

Lia, April, my trip to London was soooooooooooooo good. Just what I needed :) I got to see Mamma Mia. It was SO ****ing awesome. I love Mamma Mia more than life itself. Not as much as my best friends though, they beat it :P But have wanted to see it in theatre ever since seeing the movie. Did lots of other fun stuff too :D

Lia, I'm tired but ok.

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 12:57 AM

*hugs/waves at all*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies, I'm just struggling to keep up at the moment.

Finally managed to write the email I've been trying to write all week yesterday. Hopefully she will get back to me this week.

Tomorrow I have to go to an Education Day *shakes head* for Pain Management Clinic. Sorry, but I'm only going to it because I have to. I'm pretty much expecting it to be a waste of time. They are going to tell me "All about Pain". Considering I studied OT up to third year so did anatomy and physiology as well as neuroanatomy ... I think I know about the neuro-stimulus for pain .... and I know exactly where my pain (in my shoulder) is coming from. *sigh* But it's compulsory for them to waste my time . . .

On Wednesday my housemate is having an Echo and a Stress Test and I'm going to sit up at the hospital and wait with him. I'm not going to enjoy it, but I'll do it.

That makes two days where I'll be swallowing Xanax like M&Ms. . .

Oh well. What does not kill us, right?

time to change 19-07-2010 01:00 AM

I'mjustme: i have a cpn and 2 support workers who i see weekly, my cpn i have just started seeing though, because my old one left about 4 weeks ago. and i love hugs :D they make the world seem better :D . i dont really have a lot of friends, and the girl who was my best friend said some vry hurtful things to me last week... my family live 70 miles away, so dont really see anyone, my other close friend lives about 40 miles away, and have only seen her once in 2 years, we ring each other regularly, but it isnt the same... just wish i lived closer to people.
hope everyone else is doing ok, pm me anytime xx

I'mJustMe 19-07-2010 01:09 AM

Hey Steph, my name's Lia. :)

Bummer when people live so far away. The one person I can talk to who is quite possibly the best friend I ever had lives in Cheshire and I'm in Kent, so that's like 5 hours apart. Glad that you have the support. There's no shame in struggling, if you're not in the best place, no one would want you to bottle up and pretend to be happy, therefore making yourself worse to live up to their expectations. *Extra hugs and a jarful for later*

Glad you're ok Helen :)

April- London was great. I got loads of new clothes and had a laugh with my friend Lauren, especially when we realised our ex phyiscs teacher (we're dropping it next year) was on the train well within earshot when we were bitching about the other phyiscs teacher and having an extreamly inappropriate conversation. I read your R/V and I'm sorry your anxiety is so bad right now. You're right though, God will give you the strength to get through this. He won't give you anything you can't handle. I was wondering...is it ok if I PM you? There's something I just need to...well I don't know what I want, I guess I just want to get it out when I am calm and rational so won't go off on one. Don't worry if you're, like, not in the right mental place right now though. It's not going anywhere.


Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 01:12 AM

Lia, sweetie, it's fine if you PM me. As I said, my inbox is always open. :) *hugs gently* And I'm doing better now that I typed all of that out.

Kahlia *cuddles* Sorry, don't have any advice or anything, but I do think that it's brave of you to venture out of the flat to do those things. (Sorry if that was a dense thing to say... :-S)

*cuddles everyone else* Sorry for no other individual replies...

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 01:21 AM

April: (cuddles) It's okay. The hospital is a big trigger place for me - especially because of the mistreatment I've received there and the case with the HQCC - so it's hard to go there anyway. Plus there's bustrips, which are bad in this town. And with my anxiety up so high it kind of compounds things.

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 02:34 AM

*cuddles all then hides in a corner & cries*

risenfromperdition 19-07-2010 03:38 AM

*sits next to april and offers hugs*

PoisonedApple 19-07-2010 05:17 AM


Does this make me jealous ? or just petty? I'm also acutley aware that my online Lil Sis April is Married and Hayley and Crimson and Oliver , all in couples hmmm I think it does make me jeolous , sorry .
No need to be sorry Mark. And it's not petty. Even I get jealous over things I myself think are kinda dumb... I get jealous of my husband because he has close family and friends and I have like 1-2 friends that I rarely see or get to talk to... It happens and you have a right to feel the way you feel...

*hugs everyone*
I did read everything but I'm not up for an epic style reply...
but... Oliver, glad things are going okay with Alex's parents.
*cuddles to those in need*
*calming thoughts to those with anxiety*

misskitty112 19-07-2010 06:15 AM

I feel like I shouldn't post right now, cause I'm just so unable to do individual replies.
I don't even know what's wrong with me anymore. I'm not resisting my urges anymore. I SI more than I ever have, I'm letting my ED rule my life. And I'm not to the point where I can care.
I've debated seeking out someplace I can go once I'm done with my play... 7 more days, just 7. Surely, I can survive. Then maybe I'll let myself seek help.

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 10:20 AM

It's 5:15am and I'm awake. Up, because of "the dreams." They were bad last night... scary AND weird. :crying: I can't get away from them. I tried praying, but that didn't work. I tried going to bed later than usual, but that didn't work. I tried talking to people about them, but that didn't work. I don't know what to do next. I'm lost. And I can't keep having these dreams. They make me terrified to go to bed... :crying:

I don't know what else to say...

OH, and Felicia, it's fine if you come here just to let us know how you're doing. If you feel guilty about not doing epic replies, well, toss us a few hugs or something... :) You don't have to do epic replies, I totally understand why you aren't. *gentle hugs*

Doikers 19-07-2010 10:47 AM

Morning /afternoon/Night Wardies :)

I crawled out of bed a little while ago . Such an effort and it really shoulden't be. I am Numb , numb and anxious and I know that doesn't make sense , How can I be Numb AND anxious surly they would cancel each other out but no . I'm not super anxious its just .. there. Still I'm doing .... how am I doing? Not sure *sigh*

Thanks for your reply Kahlia and to everyone else who replyed.

*Group Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 10:51 AM

*cuddles Mark* I'm sorry you're numb & anxious... that sucks. No matter what it "should" do, cancel each other out or whatever... it still is awful feeling that way. Is there anything that I can do??

Still kind of uptight about the dreams. It's Tegretol/Equetro, I swear. I didn't have THIS much of a problem with dreams prior to starting the med about a week & a half ago. :crying: I HATE dreams. Why can't I dream good dreams for once? I HATE THEM!!!! :crying:

Anyway. Umm yeah, I've got it all together, totally...................

MammaMia 19-07-2010 11:04 AM

*cuddles all*

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 11:11 AM

*cuddles all*

My housemate and I just watched Dogma. It was really funny. I have to go to Pain Management Clinic tomorrow morning and I'm anxious about it already - and I've got residual anxiety from today. Also, our neighbour asked us to look after her son for a couple of hours and didn't even so much as thank us.

I was standing in my room staring out my window (third floor and no flyscreens or anything) and I think I freaked my housemate out 'cause the next time I was in there he walked in and shut the window. :-(

Sorry for the lack of replies.

*cuddles Helen* - Glad you got to see Mamma Mia.

*cuddles everybody*

Doikers 19-07-2010 11:14 AM

*Cuddles April* I don't think there is much you can do but Thanks for the cuddles :) Very much appreciated :) Can you talk to someone about your Meds/Dreams link ? , A Dr or Text your NP.

*Hugs Helen*

Doikers 19-07-2010 11:20 AM

*Hugs Kahlia* Dogma is funny heh :)
Sometimes people can be really inconsidderate like your neighbour was hmmm. Obviously your flatmate is concerned for your wellfare , It's nice to have people who care but it's not nice to think you are freaking them out .
*Hands over Camomille tea to help with your anxiety*

shadowedsoul 19-07-2010 11:36 AM

Hugs Helen and lia, glad you both had a good time in london.
Damn it I feel so stressed out already, getting worked up over stuff. Damn I really want today to go away. =(

Scarletdreamer 19-07-2010 01:01 PM

It's awfully quiet in here...

*cuddles Hels & Mark back*

Am still feeling low from the dreams. :-/ This bites. It really does. I HATE NIGHTMARES... and WTF is with me having them every night for a week?! :crying: Sorry, the feelings from the dreams are still being acutely felt and I feel so awful right now.....

Plans for the day: clean up apartment as a prospective buyer is coming... maybe hang out with my bestie (not sure)... fill my script for Klonopin... maaaybe get my hunter on WoW to hit level 66 (:D)... that's about it really. Gonna be a quiet day in this household. Heh. And I might play my cello - am super excited as I ordered (finally!!) a top-end rosin for the bow as well as a new book for me to play out of. I'm nowhere near done with the books I have now, but just having this book optional... can't wait for it to get here. :) It might be a little above my current playing level, but I will get there. :D

*hides in a corner & cries some more*

Kahlia1981 19-07-2010 01:19 PM

*cuddles Mark* - Yeah Dogma was great. Thanks for the tea. My housemate is great, he usually doesn't show when I've unnerved him.

Jill: *offers hugs* Sorry it isn't more.

April: *offers gentle hugs* Sorry about the nightmares. I know how bad/disturbing they can be. When I was learning/playing flute I used to love having music that was challenging. When I played in high school the majority of the music I was playing was too easy for me so I would get bored and start to improvise. Sorry, I was going to say that I hope the wait is worthwhile. :-)

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