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nicole94 12-07-2010 04:02 PM


I'mJustMe 12-07-2010 04:04 PM

Michelle- *Massive hugs if you want them* I'm sorry you're strugggling so much at the moment. You can always come on here and talk to us if you're feeling lonely. Is there anyone else you can talk to? I know how you feel about losing friends, I feel I am drifting away from half of mine because I keep people at arm's length and although I love all my friends to bits, I never really allow them to get as close as I would like. I had one who used to text me all the time if I wasn't on msn to bully me online, but she doesn't anymore and I know that's my fault. We're always here if you need someone though. Check your local area for vacancies and things. Even if you can't find anything big, there's bound to be a job in a shop going or something. If nothing else it will provide a distraction from day to day life. *Hugs again* You don't have to be alone in this. xx

*Hugs Jill too* Sorry you feel that way sweet. Please do try to resist the urges because you are worth it, you're worth stopping for and you deserve to be happy. Do something to distract yourself, keep your hands busy. Even jus typing can do that. Ramble on here, I do it all the time. I think I am now. I'm just a natural talker and once I start I don't shut up until I make myself because I think I am getting on people's nerves which might be right about now so I'll stop typing. Stay strong. :)

Oh hello Nicole. Sorry I didn't reply to that other thread! I pretty much collapsed in bed. I'll go now though if you still need the support. How are you?

Heather, Laura, how are you both today?

nicole94 12-07-2010 04:28 PM

hey. im pretty **** TBH, got flu and am really suicidal and triggerd and i feel like theres nothing left for me here, i lost the last thing i had saturday night when i was stupid enough to self harm whilst babysitting my cousins little boy :( yes please i could still really do with some advice.

MammaMia 12-07-2010 04:39 PM

Lia, hey sweetheart. Things are a little better than yesterday :) Still feeling low mind you, trying to do stuff that can't be avoided any longer, but it's hard >_> I do feel invisible sometimes. The invisibility is an old joke between me & April, as sometimes she (and others) would 'miss' my posts when making replies to all/most as I popped in so quick and didn't appear on the active list. I do feel bit invisible to some people. But I appreciate a lot of of us are struggling and my paranoia is bit higher than usual. I should hope I can always come here =P I'm the one who's stayed the longest now *giggles* Nah I kid, we all deserve to be heard here, but I really have stayed the longest =]

Nicole, I'm sorry you're ill and suicidal. Try look after yourself and be kind to you. Please?? *cuddles*

Doikers 12-07-2010 04:47 PM

*Hugs Jill*

nicole94 12-07-2010 04:49 PM

*hugs helen* i will sweetie, and you try and keep safe. tbh, i just wanna get away from here now, i only came back off holiday friday and i already need another one!

Doikers 12-07-2010 04:54 PM

ooooh I "Lost" a whole page .
Please take care Nicole *Hugs*
*Hugs Jessica*

nicole94 12-07-2010 05:02 PM

*hugs mark* i just wanna get away from it all. i wanna go back to butlins where i felt happy and safe :(

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 05:50 PM


Sorry no individual replies at the moment... I feel so selfish for not... but... oh, I don't know. Jarrod & I talked more about the Air Force last night & it seems more doable now that I know that (probably?) for advanced training I could live with him on the base. At least, that's what it seemed to indicate on their website... not positive though. Crimson, do you have any illumination on this? :-S Because I really don't want to be living on my own for weeks/months on end... I don't think I'd do too well. Anyway. :-/
When I was in AIT we had to live in the barracks with little more freedom than Basic Training... that being said that was 10 yrs ago and a different branch of the military and may have changed if it sounded different on the website. You could call a recruiter's office and double check. My husband's uncle was air force and I could ask him about it but since he was in technical training a long while ago it's got a good chance at having changed since then.


I Met April on here , but I know her all over the net , sadly due to geography not met in person .
Stupid geography... It'd be awesome if we could have a RYL VPW meet up and just all teleport to the same place lol

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 06:00 PM


April- I know what you're saying has a point, but my life isn't half as bad as loads of people on here and it makes me feel so pathetic. People have been through so much worse and I have no right to come here and ask for support when others need and deserve it so much more, savvy? Glad you're still sort of ok, even if not completly woo! I'm not as happy as I was before, but I've not gone into ultra depression either, so that's bang tidy.
Note before I comment* Having no idea what you've been through and blocking out a good deal of my youth I am not saying what I have been through is less or more horrific than you but I do have to comment on this...

1- You have just as much right as anyone else to come here. Who's to say that you have or haven't been through 'enough' to have that right?
2-you deserve support as much as anyone else. And who's to say you do or do not need or deserve help?
3-Some of us actually feel better getting out of our own minds to help other people that need support.

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 06:09 PM


hm.. i feel like i killed the conversation earlier in here. i'm sorry.

irrational i know... but feeling like its my fault anyway.
I know that feeling... I feel like that often. It's hard but you just have to remember real life can get in the way and some of us are literally on the other side of the world. *hugs*

*cuddles Oliver* I'm sorry you had a flashback and that it got worse than usual because you couldn't cut with your gf there to snap you out of it. Maybe you could talk to her about that helping to snap you out of it. See if she could handle that or would be willing to leave the room if it happens again... She stayed with you and tried to help even when it got bad though, she sounds like a keeper. ;)

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 06:15 PM


It's been pretty much decided, then, I suppose - we're going to go see the Air Force recruiter tomorrow - "we" so I can ask some questions and just basically learn about the Air Force and Jarrod so he can take a sample ASVAB and see where his abilities lie. I'm really nervous about this step - it's so freaking huge!! - but at the same time, excited. I don't know... basic training's gonna be tough because that'll mean 8 weeks apart - but at least it's not a year - and from what it SOUNDED like on their website, maybe I can live with him (on base) for advanced training? (Crimson, do you have any idea if that's true or not?... Sorry for keeping on bugging you about military stuff!!) I don't know. In any case, this is just to see... but it's our plan.
It's good that you are going to go too. And remember he has to sign/ swear in 2x before he's in. once when he gets all the basic stuff done then once before he leaves for basic. He IS NOT enlisted until that second time. I just want you to know because when I enlisted I did not know that and was told I couldn't post pone leaving till my grandfather died (he had 6 months according to his dr -we found out a week before I was set to leave- and he died after 1... ) so I was quite upset and irate...

*sorry guys for so many posts but I'm replying at the end of each page so I don't lose what I've copy/pasted...

MammaMia 12-07-2010 06:20 PM


Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2398252)
*hugs helen* i will sweetie, and you try and keep safe. tbh, i just wanna get away from here now, i only came back off holiday friday and i already need another one!

*hugs Nicole* I will try sweetheart. Think we all get that feeling of needing another holiday soon after we're back haha!!!

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 06:23 PM


Guh. Basic training and advanced would suck, though, because I'd probably not be able to be with/near him then. And that's a good what, 4 months at least? :-X
Odd thought April but since you were looking into res could you go res while he's doing training? Have your parents watch Daniel and have them added to you guys' bank acct to pay your bills while you aren't there?

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 06:36 PM

WooHoo! Caught up!

*huggles everyone*
nicole- i'm off to read your other thread (so I know what's going on).

SoMuchMore 12-07-2010 07:12 PM

Nice job on the replies crimson! *hugs* how r u doing?

*hugs everyone else* feel bad for not doing individual replies but i just cant right now. So sorry everyone.

Might go back to sleep.. dont have much point in staying awake right now. i wish someone would see me.. i mean really see me. feeling alone.

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 07:15 PM

Thank you, Laura.
*hugs back*
I'm ok so far today. Not getting much work done (though I should since D isn't getting files closed so I could be getting caught up...) just not super motivated. Trying to follow my written routine and do stuff 15 min at a time...
How are you doing this morning?

SoMuchMore 12-07-2010 07:22 PM

*sends over some motivating juice and music so you can get a lot done* :-) The 15 min of work at a time thing can work really well though, hope that you can get some stuff done.

well its 1:20 in the afternoon here, so not morning anymore lol.. but its been alright i guess.. returned my rental car after going back to my hometown over the weekend b/c my mom has been in and out of the hospital.. Other than that just generally feeling low/lonely/blah. I'll be okay tho, always am.

PoisonedApple 12-07-2010 07:35 PM

lol yeah I guess it isn't morning for ya anymore... it's just 1030 am here lol
Is your mum doing okay now?
*wanders off to work some more*
Lunch today is gonna suck... I'll be working on essays... Anyone up for proof reading later? lol And I still have to find someone 'qualified' to give me the proctored exam (which I'll probably fail when I get anxious and freak out)

taz35 12-07-2010 08:27 PM

*wanders back in and sits in the corner, trying to catch up on everything*

I'm back. Momentarily at least. We'll see how long I last :)

*big hugs for everyone who wants/needs them*
*care packages for everyone too*

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