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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedsoul 08-07-2010 06:59 PM

Hugs mark, sorry it's taken so long to reply to u.today has been **** our overall manger was at our store today, so everyone was running around like blue arshed flys. And we of course get the usual **** about about they expect us to be all happy and chaty to customers. (1 i find that hard at the best of times.(2 yeah that would be fine if I acutally felt that way. But I don't , I'm having a hard enough time trying to be all happy around my parents. Urgh it's all bulls*it anyway and I don't care. =(

Wish I didn't feel so damn tierd all the time, lost count the times today that I just wanted t curl up somewhere and sleep. lieing on my bed now and I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Doikers 08-07-2010 07:43 PM

Lindsay*Hugs* It is horrible yes.

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry you had a crap day , maybe a cup of tea and some early sleep might help ?

Kahlia1981 08-07-2010 07:50 PM

*offers hugs to all wardies*

it's freaking cold. would any of you in the northern hemisphere like some cold weather?

i'm sorry so many of you are struggling. i wish that i could wave a magic wand, or just sort of lightly touch you on the shoulder and make it all better for you. :-(

my anxiety is really bad, and to top it off i have really severe stomach cramps. my psychiatrist put me on beta-blockers for the anxiety and (it's only day two) they aren't doing anything yet, but i know i have to give them time.

my housemate keeps forcing me to leave the house, but i really don't like it. i have to leave the house today .... i have to get some vitamin c, but i really don't want to. :-( .... especially because the stupid v8 racing cars are in our town this weekend.

sorry, i talk about myself far too much. i'll shut up now.

*grabs invisibility cloak and disappears*

Doikers 08-07-2010 08:04 PM

TO April, and Hayley and all other WoW players . has WoW added an update? because mine sais it has and refuses to let me log on and I really could use the distraction , it just sais to try again later or contact technical support thankyou for your help guys , sorry this is off topic.

Like I said I REALLY could use the distraction , my left sleeve is all rolled up without me thinking about it and I'm not VERY safe , besides I really need to catch up with Hayley on WoW lol I'm so far behind and I haven't felt like playing and the one time I force myself to get off my backside and try and DO something it won't let me , Frustrating much!!

I'll take a few less degrees Kahlia, I'm finding it hot , I HATE Hot weather hmmm.

PoisonedApple 08-07-2010 08:29 PM

*declines the offer of lower temps (it's 59F right now... high of 64F today)* Thanks though, Kahlia. You don't talk about yourself too much you just update us all :)

Mark~ I know those of us in the states have been having mandatory updates in prep for the next expansion but we have to download the patch before it'll even let us go to the log in page so my guess is that its a server down... They may be trying to fix something and have the servers down and that would say to try again later but usually on the side of the log in it has a box that tells you if the server is down... Sorry just guessing and rambling. Could check with blizzard's website...

*hugs everyone*

Doikers 08-07-2010 08:35 PM

Thanks Crimson , I'll try again tommorow I guess . What to do to distract myself tonight ? I could say the hell with it and go to bed but I'll just lay there stewing and end up S.I.ing , I guess I'll loiter around the ward try and help folks as they pass through

Doikers 08-07-2010 09:06 PM

*Spots Lia* Hows you?

I'mJustMe 08-07-2010 09:18 PM

Helen- I'm sorry your appointment didn't go well Helen, but you don't have to do it alone. You have us. Do you already have any support outside of RYL? I'm glad you were able to talk to someone, it's more than I have ever managed. Why was it so bad? The appointment that is, what went wrong? Maybe you can give it one last shot, because believe me, you don't want to be alone. I've made myself that way and now I don't know how to ask for help anymore and it's just the worst...It's just...well never mind, just don't do it alone. No one wants to be alone, not even me.


Mark- Please do try to resist cutting. You've done it before and can do it again. Maybe you could try something to distract yourself, do something that doesn't involve lying on the bed. I know doing nothing is often the easiest option, but it can make you feel so much worse.


Angelic Monster- sorry, I don't know your name. What's up? Are you OK? I mean really, not happy mask.


Jill- Maybe you could just sleep. If you're just on the bed, you're obviously not too busy, what's the matter with an afternoon nap every now and again. Only now it will be a 9.15 nap, but still. You know what I mean. Unless you have already fallen asleep because it's taken me so long to reply which wouldn't be surprising. Sorry.


Luke- Glad the appointment went well and things seem to be better for you at the moment. Or at least for today.


Lindsey- What's the matter? Anything we can help with? Or just something that might help to get out. Don't give up though, like Mark you can resist the urges, you just gotta hang on and I know it's not as easy as all that, but you could try something to distract yourself. The very fact that you're trying to hang on shows you don't really want to and do have some will to get better. Other wise you would just give in to all the urges all the time. Just think about how good it feels when you beat an urge and focus on that.


Kahlia- I know it's hard to go out and stuff, but maybe it's a good thing people are making you do so. It's the only way you will and the only way anything is going to get any better. I for one have to be forced to do some things or I never will. Like getting out of bed. Usually, my alarm drives me so nuts I get up, I don't often want to. I had to be bullied into chemistry lessons for two years, I only scieved off one of the once. Sorry, rambling. You don't have to shut up, talk about yourself as much as you want. And WOW! An invisibility cloak! Is it one of the deathly hallows?!


April- How are you at the moment? Your post was quite a while ago. Glad you felt OK enough to do individual replies. Don't hate yourself, there's no need to. You're beautiful and strong, Jarrod's lucky to have you. If he does go, that doesn't change the fact that he loves you and you love him. I know you will be scared and I know how hard it is to cope without the one you love when they are quite often the only thing holding you up, but you can still contact him in other ways, and he will be home some of the time. It's not forever, and it's not a goodbye. Just a 'see you later'. I'm Christian too and know all of this must be for a reason, I just don't know what the reason is and wish he would enlighten me. Perhaps he has and I am just being dense. Don't worry about offending people who aren't Christian, you have ever right to your faith and if they don't believe it they don't have to comment.


Haley- How are you today? Finished tidying yet?


I'm tired of being 'OK'. I'm tired of doing this alone and I'm tired of being the strong one. Sometimes, it's so hard to do all these individual replies when all I want to do is...*breathes deeply and shuts herself up* I can't, sorry, I've said too much. (See what I mean Helen? You get stuck and it's not good. Don't get to this same place. It's lonely and horrible here. There's no company.)

Doikers 08-07-2010 09:34 PM

*Hugs Lia* , Thanks for the truely EPIC reply post , I've managed to stay up till 9.30 , thats an ok time to go to bed right? sensible time.

Lia you seem to be having a really tough time opening up , I'm sorry you are haveing a tough time but when you are ready we will all be here to lend support , I hope you are safe *Hugs*

PoisonedApple 08-07-2010 09:36 PM

Quote:

Angelic Monster- sorry, I don't know your name. What's up? Are you OK? I mean really, not happy mask.
I dunno... How do you define OK? I'm surviving... I'm here. I'm out of bed. I'm at work. I'm functioning. I have not cut. I did eat.
Sorry but past that... like you I'm in a lonely little place and tend to shut down rather than talk about it after I get to a certain point I can't talk about it... *thanks everyone for the PM offers though* Too much going on and too much in my head... I haven't even been using r/v recently...

Oh yes... and I'm Crimson.

PoisonedApple 08-07-2010 09:37 PM

but I do read along even when I don't say anything... well most of the time... so I usually know what's up with everyone *hugs all the wardies*

Scarletdreamer 08-07-2010 10:13 PM

*spies lia and hugs* sorry for the time between posts... it's just that i've been busy getting resettled back into our apartment, updating my paper journal, and cleaning a bit. it's so ****ing warm here, near 100'F in the sun i'd reckon, so yes kahlia, some cold weather please!!! hehe. umm, i'm doing alright. i'm just really worried about our future. i mean, i'm not worried about jarrod's and my relationship, as that is very good, better than most couples i've seen, which is saying something. just worried about his need for a "drastic change" in his career, which i've written about earlier. guhhh. just don't want to "lose" him to the armed forces. don't want him to go overseas, don't want any of that. i'm selfish i know, but it's something i'm soo terrified of. :'( i'm sorry for the melodrama of all of that, but... still... :-S *hides in a hole for awhile*

PoisonedApple 08-07-2010 10:34 PM

*wants desperately to go to the park and play on the swings but 3 more hours of work to go...*

It is a drastic change April and you have valid reason to be concerned. Does he know what type of job he'd want if he did join the military? Are you concerned about deployment or merely overseas stationing? *sorry for the 3rd degree but since I was military I can probably ease some anxiety on the issue if it's something I know about... hugs*

MammaMia 08-07-2010 10:47 PM

Lia. I'm sorry it didn't go well too. I do have to do it alone. I know I've got you, my best friends etc. I have no support outside of RYL except my best friends. Professionals just keep saying that I'm fine. Yeah, so fine that I'm wanting to die etc. I'm going to put a complaint in about today anyway and their service towards me overall with help of PALS. Hopefully. I didn't really talk to her at all. She didn't do the assessment that she was supposed to be doing. It was so bad because I broke down, so therefore she wouldn't do the assessment and it was supposed to be with an ED team, not a CPN :S Plus she said some very hurtful assumptions. That WAS the last shot. I've been trying for over 3 years. Looks like I'll have to give volunteer organisations, but they're so busy. I don't want to be alone in this sense but I am. Meh.

*curls up and cries*

Scarletdreamer 08-07-2010 11:01 PM

Okay, question for you all - do you have any idea how, in Mozilla Firefox, you can make breaks in the text? because otherwise this is just going to be a wall of text. It's so annoying!! so I'm going to do separate posts for each reply (guhh, maybe) simply because otherwise it would be impossible to read. I think. Unless maybe I separated each paragraph with a line of asterisks or summat? ************************************************** ****** Anyway Crimson, ummm, I'm worried about deployment AND overseas stationing. I know next to nothing about the military except that it gives good benefits (heh) which is the main reason we're looking at it. Well, for other reasons too, obviously, like it would give Jarrod opportunities to advance in a career and actually do something he could be proud of, instead of working at his current job, which he is NOT proud of. Anyway. Um, he's thinking the airforce or something similar, National Guards a little, but I really really don't want him to do that. I don't even know if he could get in, and I don't want him to be on the "front lines" ... I know, I'm being so ****ing selfish... but it's so hard!!!! :'( Crimson, if you could give any enlightenment on it I'd really appreciate that!! (I don't even really know what I mean, just some information on what it's like in the military and all - and maybe Hayley could help with some info on what it's like having a significant other be deployed??) ************************************************** ****** Hels, I'm sorry that your appt was rubbish. :( That really sucks. I wish that I could do something to help you, to make those (stupid) professionals see that you really do need and deserve help. I don't understand how they can keep saying that you're fine!! (no offense intended, love, hope you understand that - I'm just upset on your behalf) But at least you have us... and like you said, volunteer organizations. Don't give up, please... ever. *cuddles* ************************************************** ****** I'm really not doing well tonight. Played WoW for a bit and that worked to distract... but I'm trying REALLY hard not to cut, and I'm not so sure that it's going to work. I've cut for the past 2 days and while not badly, it's still... addicting. Very, very addicting, as many of you know. But Jarrod NEEDS me to be healthy... :'( ************************************************** ******* *cuddles everyone else*

I'mJustMe 08-07-2010 11:02 PM

Well carry on talking to us and your friends. Just don't make yourself completly alone, please. Don't do what I did because then you're trapped and it's too late for me now. That sounds really dramatic, but I need saving, only I've pushed everyone out so there's no one around to do it and I have been hurt far too much to let anyone and just don't know how anymore. Please don't get to that. Really, it is so much worse. If I could drill it into you I would, just trust me. You do need someone, even if it's a friend because being alone sucks. It really bloody sucks.

April- I know you must be worried. If you knew what he was doing, you could find out more about it. Have you tried telling him how you feel?

Hey Crimson, I'm glad you're sort of ok, but then again, I am always functioning, but hardly ever OK. I know what you mean. There's an almost phyiscal barrier that stops me saying things too.

xx

MammaMia 08-07-2010 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2392796)
Hels, I'm sorry that your appt was rubbish. :( That really sucks. I wish that I could do something to help you, to make those (stupid) professionals see that you really do need and deserve help. I don't understand how they can keep saying that you're fine!! (no offense intended, love, hope you understand that - I'm just upset on your behalf) But at least you have us... and like you said, volunteer organizations. Don't give up, please... ever. *cuddles*

It does suck. I ended up telling my Dad's partner about it and stuff (well my Dad was there & listening but yeah..) :blink: I wish someone could them see that I do need and deserve help. However, after the way I've been treated, I don't want it from that particular place I've had to go. Is that bad of me? :pinch: I don't understand how they can keep saying I'm fine either. Never will. No offence taken honey :) *cuddles*


Quote:

Originally Posted by I'mJustMe (Post 2392798)
Well carry on talking to us and your friends. Just don't make yourself completly alone, please. Don't do what I did because then you're trapped and it's too late for me now. That sounds really dramatic, but I need saving, only I've pushed everyone out so there's no one around to do it and I have been hurt far too much to let anyone and just don't know how anymore. Please don't get to that. Really, it is so much worse. If I could drill it into you I would, just trust me. You do need someone, even if it's a friend because being alone sucks. It really bloody sucks.

I will keep talking to you guys (well try anyway) and my friends. I won't make myself completely alone, it sucks to feel it, let alone actual be it :( It's never too late for you sweetheart, you can turn things around. I'm scared that one day my best friends and that will stop telling me my put downs are wrong, that I'll push them away when I didn't and/or they'll run a mile. Without my very bestest best friend, I'd die. You're not alone Lia, you have us, I promise

Sorry my replies are short to you both. Am very tired & feeling sick. Going to crash to bed very soon.

Scarletdreamer 08-07-2010 11:14 PM

Lia, Jarrod and I have talked over this extensively & he knows that whatever he does will cause me extreme emotional burdening. This is kind of an "ultimatum" to me going into res - he doesn't mean it that way, I know, but it feels like that. I have yet to tell him that. I don't know; I have to talk more about it to him. It's just frustrating that I feel the "pressure" to recover like I did in 2006, and that led to 581 days cut-free (but not SI-free, sadly) and then a relapse of "magnificent proportions" ... so yeah. I want to recover for ME... not feel like I HAVE to recover. Gahhhh. I don't know. The options, if I don't go to res/get accepted to res/become capable of holding down a GOOD job (that has health insurance & enough money for rent)... we're either going to 1) move 1200 miles, if the place he wants to go is hiring, and that would be on a rotating shift, or 2) see about him going into the military. I AM TERRIFIED. Sorry to keep rambling on about this... :crying:

Scarletdreamer 08-07-2010 11:15 PM

*cuddles Hels* I'm glad no offense taken. I hope that you feel better soon, love, and get some good rest... you need it after the long day you've had. *extra special sleepifying & healing hugs* hehe...

shadowedsoul 08-07-2010 11:17 PM

Hmm sleeping not working got way to many thoughts running through my head and images as well and my mind will not shut up.
Hmm what if I deseverd what happened, I mean I really liked this guy, maybe I wanted that to happen or a lot worse. Argh Idk and this makes no sence at all. And that sounds so messed up=(


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