*huggles everybody*

Sends extra supportive *hugs* to ALL who are struggling.
Counting down the minutes until I come back with an important announcement ... *acts mysteriously*

Time's up!

I've made my 2 year SI free milestone !!!!!! :sohappy:

WELL DONE KAHLIA!!!!

I've made 6 months free!!!!!

I SAY PARTY FOR US BOTH =P

*hugs everyone*

WOOT WOOT!!!!!! *throws confetti for Hels & Kahlia*

And tomorrow, I'll have met my 2 month free mark!!! ^_^

Congrats to all of us, I say. XD Especially you two ladies, though. *ginormous hugs*

Congratulations for you too darling. Tomorrow being Wednesday? :D It is here already!!! :P

*jumps about the ward in celebration* LOL

(Still worried about Nicole!!)

Woot!!!!!! Woot!!!!!! Woot!!!!!!
WARD PARTY!!! *throws confetti*

Congratulations Helen - so proud of you!!! And isn't your 1 year OD free soon as well?
April, congratulations to you as well!!!

(Also still worried about Nicole. :-S)

I should throw some confetti too!! *throws*

Thank you Kahlia, it sure is, next Tuesday infact :D

*opens up all my stored confetti and throws it excitedly for Kahlia, April, and Helen* I'm so proud of all of you!!!!!! :-D

Thanks Laura =D

Yay!! Does anyone have a bubble-wand or something?
Let's rock up the tunes and wake the neighbours or something like that. lol.

I got a new kitten! And he's so super adorable!
I will post pics and properly read and reply when I'm not so tired.

*gets out her celebration bubbles and sets them on the table going back under her blanket in the corner. still not okay wanna SI the only thing stopping me is... http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._1729879_n.jpg him nope hes not my hubby

*Hugs Claire* Welcome to the ward :)

*Congratulations and Hugs to Helen , Kahlia and April!!!* *Throws confetti over each of you* :)

*Hugs Crimson*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Taz*

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs anarchistl0ve*

WOOO *puts some tunes on*

Thanks Mark :)

I'm still really worried about Nicole, I know a few of us are. I fear something's happened =[ Just hope I'm wrong.

Congratulations!!!

I'm feeling so low right now and don't know what to do with myself. I am supposed to be doing another programme with the Prince's Trust about the environment, it started on Tuesday but I got lost and today I didn't even bother going. It's hard to find the motivation to do anything now that my brother has moved out.

*Hugs Lindsay*

Good morning everyone. *cuddles all*

Am still so proud of you both, Hels & Kahlia. ^_^ *throws some extra confetti*

Lindsay, sweetie, is there any way that we can help??

Laura, how are you doing, hon? feeling any better physically?

I'm worried about Nicole too... :-/

Mark, how are you??

Becca, love, what's been going on to make you this low?

Sorry, I know I didn't get everyone... but I did try. :( And with a head as muddled as mine is right now I think that's pretty good. :-/

Today is my 2 month free mark. Woohoo!! :) I'm happy... especially as a few days ago after a massive row with my parents (well, it felt massive, it's made up now) I felt like cutting so much... but didn't. ^_^

My ED is messing up my head again. Jarrod's disappointed/pissed off/frustrated that he can't fix me and that's annoying me... I don't know... I can't do anything about it. :( He's gonna act the way he's gonna act... and I can't stop him from being that way. He loves me & I know it but he just doesn't get it... :(

And I'm terrified that my new nutritionist is going to want me to go PHP... :-/

*hides in the warren & cries*

Unless I'm mistaken April....you, Kahlia & I are all celebrating our achievements on the same day (25th - today!!! GO US!!!! Kahlia, if I'm wrong, feel free to correct me :D

I've also had more good news today :D I've got a group assessment (interview) for the same Christmas job that I had last year. Not long just found out, so that's really pleased me. That's next Friday. The college enrolment sessions are next week aswell, I'm going on the Thursday, so hopefully will get a place. It's all looking up right now :D

****, as I was writing this, I got some bad news about one of my besties :( Oh dear. She's in the right place to be though (hospital).

Yep, the 25th is the day on which I'm celebrating!! So woot, we really have good coordination of celebration days!! XD Lol.

I'm so glad, Hels, that things are looking up for you (except for your bestie - but at least she's in hospital and getting the help that she needs, right? I know not much comfort but that's the best I can offer :( sorry). I hope that you get that job and also that you get into uni... all of that would be awesome. ^_^ You definitely deserve things to look up for you - we all do. :)

Ugh. I really need to eat SOMETHING for breakfast even if it's small, otherwise Jarrod will be so disappointed later. Stupid stupid me. I told him what I was going to eat and now I'm trying to figure a way around that... :( Stupid eating disorder, stupid stupid April, stupid everything about me.

:crying:

Helen , Good luck with your Chrismas job assesment and you college enrollment , Do you know what you are going to enrol for or are you going to sus it out there *Hugs* Sorry to hear about your friend abut she will be taken care of in hospital .

We really do have good coordination of celebration days!! XD Lol.

I'm glad things are looking up for me :) But least my bestie is in hospital getting the help she needs indeed. Just hope this time, she doesn't have similar experiences to the last two, but I suppose her Gran will be round lots more and I think the staff involved won't be allowed near her. I hope I get the job and into college too (it's not uni, already did that for a year :P College usually happens before uni, you can't get into uni without it.) Fingers crossed :) It would be awesome & thank you =) It's not been the best of years but even if I only got into the college course, it would mean so much.

Try eat April :( Not stupid at all.

Mark, we must have posted at same time, thank you :) Hopefully the staff will look after her in hospital. They don't always look after her properly. Which is why I often worry bit extra when she goes in. I know what course I want to do, but not sure what level to start at so going to ask when I go in next week =D I will be there for 3/4 years depending where I start, eek!! Going to be an old woman by time I get to leave lol, will be 23/24!!

Im sorry guys...I have no individual replies today.
Ive just got back from seeing my nana in hospital.
The cancer has grown. And spread.
I saw my nana breakdown and cry for the first time in nearly 20 years.
Ouch.
So I went and got stoned.
im a **** up

Hmm, here college = uni, and uni = college so no wonder I got confused!! lol. I do hope that you get into what you want to get into, Hels. Will be keeping you in my thoughts/prayers. :) Have you had any news on your bestie? *hugs* Or the job, for that matter?

Lex, hon, you're not a ****up. You may make screwups but that doesn't mean that you ARE one. If that makes sense? And I'm so sorry that you had to see your nana that way, that had to be really really difficult. :( *gentle hugs if okay?* Is there anything I/we can do to help??

I ate a little bit... but not a lot. I can't. My stomach is unhappy with my right now & I swear it's not psychosomatic, it really is real and I hate feeling ill. :( Stupid ED. Stupid life. Stupid me. And I am stupid, for letting this take me over. I'm barely even fighting. I'm so damn over it all. It's like every day is a new battle, some lost, some won, but barely any feelings of victory if I do "win." I just don't want to fight anymore. :'( I know, I'm a loser, but........ :crying:

No news on the job. I've been told that I should probably call them just to see... but I'm scared. And I am being so ****ing lazy today, hardly doing anything... wanted to talk with someone so texted my sister about half an hour ago and no response. Ugh. So I guess I don't talk with anyone. And it's probably for the best as whomever I would talk with would probably try and convince me to eat but it's too ****ing hard, and I'm not going to fight like that. :( At least, yet... only X lbs to lose until I'm in a happier place.

I really need to go to sleep somewhere. My eyes are heavy and I've got a headache. :(

Sorry for all of the blather about me. >_<

*hides in the warren, curls up, & cries softly*

I just wanna curl up and cry.
Im sorry, please be patient.
One minute im fine and the next....meltdown

*curls up in a corner and cries* I don't want to do this

thanks for making me feel old :P *huggles*

Lex I'm sorry to hear about your Gran :( But you are not a **** up , you are just struggling to cope and thats understandable. *Hugs*

*Hugs April* You can call about your job , it would be a weight of your mind I reckon , you CAN do it :)

*Hugs Kat* Whats the matter ?

*Hugs Helen* Thanx for making me feel old too :P

*hugs everyone*

Dang I must be ancient... :P

No wonder you get confused. Silly systems. Thank you April, that means a lot to me :D Well she woke about half an hour ago, she's just being examined as we speak, will update when I know what she/her gran have been told :) *hugs*

*cuddles tight* I'm sorry things are so bad right now hun.

Sorry :P *huggles* You're not old :P

Sorry :P But you're not old either.

*hugs Lindsay*

Of course not :)

hey everyone *hugs all around*
so ive been out of hospital sice sunday afternoon, and somehow managed to not SI. the urges are very strong, but dont know what is keeping me hanging on, but its a good thing i suppose. my cpn has been of sick since last wednesday (when i went in). so i refused my 48 hour follow up... dont see the point in seeing someone who doesnt know me, so therefore wont really get what i am on about.

ive got my college interview tomorrow afternoon, and am well stressing because of what happened last year. and ive just found out, if i do get in, i start on wednesday :s , not long to get everything... i DO want to go, just so anxious. it'll be good, give me something to do with my day, but dont want to have to go through meeting all new people again. at least one of my tutors has retired, so hopefully i wont get as much hell this year.

one of my mates has invited me round for a girly night, going to finally get to see the end of coyote ugly!!! so at least i will be distracted for tonight. cant have anymore cuts on my arms for tomorrow, i have to prove to them that i am "better". i'm really good at the work, so what does it matter if i'm messed up in the head?

anyways, sorry for going on, i am reading all the posts, but so much is happening, but i am thinking about all of you, and am worried about nicole too. please keep as strong as you can everyone, people DO care about you xx

I'm glad that you're doing well, Steph. Stay strong. We are all here to support you. Good luck with your college interview.

*cuddles everyone*

Mark, how's your busy bee day going??

Hels, how're you doing now? just wondering because your status on FB doesn't sound like you feel the best. :(

Crimson, how are you doing? how's getting the paperwork etc. done for the new job going? ^_^

Steph, so glad that things are going okayish. I'm glad that you have a "girly night" ahead... do enjoy!! It's been so long since I've gotten to do something like that... blah marriage and blah not having many female friends in the area!! :-X Oh well, I love my hubby... hehe. :) Oh & good luck at your college interview!!

Lindsay, how are you doing, sweetie?

Kat, what's been happening lately? I remember your last post your head was in a muddle, but I hope that things have calmed down since. :( *extra hugs*

I'm sorry if I didn't get everyone that's posted since the last time I did... I tried though!! :-S

I'm... I don't know. I forgot how many kcal I've eaten today & that's distressing me greatly... rationally I know that it shouldn't matter if I'm off by XX amount of kcal but I can't help it!! Ughh. And I talked with my sister about the SA stuff that's happened to me... which was helluva challenging thing to do... and she wants me to tell my parents, or even offered to tell my parents herself if I so chose, but also said that she wouldn't talk with them about it unless I said she could. I have no idea why I wanted to tell her about it but I did and now I feel like I let loose something from Hell... :'(

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop................. :crying:

So yes. Not the best day for me. >_< And I can't even type, keep making so many typos it's not even funny. Especially for me as I usually type pretty fast & accurately. :(

That was a very brave thing for you to do, April. Of course you will be feeling emotional about it. *hugs*

I've just cut, but not badly, I was just over a month free. I want to cut so badly that I need stitches. I want to overdose. I have been looking into catteries so that I can overdose and someone can look after my cats but they charge £12 a night. I'll have to ask my neighbours.

Steph, good luck with college and have fun tonight :D Haven't had a girlie evening myself for ages!!

April, you're so so so brave, I'm so proud of you. It'll be hard to tell your parents if you do. I know my Dad (just recently as you know) was really upset and angry, but not at me and stuff. They'll just want to help you I'm sure. I'm feeling pretty **** pain wise, these chest pains keep coming back, going to get an appointment tomorrow, can't wait until I make one that Jane's coming to. >_<

Lindsay, I'm sorry you've cut and want to harm more. Please look after your wounds and more importantly, yourself *cuddles tight*

anxiety riddled... I have all but the typing test number entered in their resume thing online... I need at least a 40 WPm and I know I can type faster than that but every time I sit to take the typing test I get anxious and nervous and my hands shake so bad while I'm trying to type that I've taken the test 6 times and only topped 40 once... *cries* I don't know how to fix it.

Good luck Steph!
*cuddles April* Well done talking to your sister.
Please stay safe Lindsay.
Good for you for making the appt Hels.
*cuddles and hugs for all*

huggles all. Congrats Kihila April and Hellen, that is great welldone.
Hmm I'm feeling like ****,just want to die. Don't really see the point anymore.waiting for world war 3 kicking off.

Thanks Crimson, just hope she takes me seriously, last time I mentioned it to a doctor, he said it was just stress, no tests or anything :S

Well done Kahlia, April and Helen! That's really great! So proud of you all and it actually made me feel better.

Grief is crushing me. It hurts so much. I need her, now more than ever. Ironically that's because she's gone. Will I ever get over this? Will I ever feel better?

xx

*gnaws on fingernails* Well I gave in and submitted a score of 41 even though I can type faster than that when I'm not too busy screwing it up... at least its over the minimum. Now it's down to the waiting game I guess... I have another week and a half before the listing closes so I'll either forget I applied or be nervous for the next 2 weeks as I wait to see if I get an interview. I REALLY REALLY hope I get this job.

So much better than the job I have now... better pay, better benefits, warmer climate, a real zoo, pools, closer to my family (it'd be about the same distance from our new place to my closest fam and to d's fam), no extra boarders, etc etc...

I don't want to do this any more. I need out of life. I wish I had no family, or more family to support my brother. Then I could kill myself.

Thanks for all of the support... sadly I don't feel that great about having told my sister, just because it brought up a lot of feelings that I don't want to cope with, so instead I kind of got spacy. :(

Lindsay, sweetie, I totally understand what you mean - with the wanting out of life thing, at least. I'm sure a lot of us do. Please try and take care of yourself though - things will look up, it just takes time, a lot of time - cliché I know also but it's true, I think. *gentle hugs*

Lia, it will get better... same thing as I told Lindsay though, it takes time. I wish I could help you more, but I just don't have the words right now. :( *hugs you gently*

Sorry for no more replies, brain's not working, instead it's twisted about calories and the fact that Jarrod wants me to have XXXXkcal in me by the time he gets home. I've been trying sooo hard to reach that goal but he'll be home in a bit and I've only reached XXXkcal and I don't know if I can make it any higher, since I feel sick. :( He doesn't get it, no one in my life gets it, and it's so. ****ing. hard. :'(

I just wrote all individuals but lost them grrr
*Hugs you all*

*Please stay safe Lindsay*

Sorry for lack of more individuals , I find my parents lappy hard to use with its mouse PAD thing :S

I think I need to update my r/v.

I hate this. What right does he have to tell me how much I "have" to eat by the time he gets home?! I AM NOT HIS CHILD.

:crying:

Ps. *spies Nicole & glomps her* We were worried about you!!

*Rugby tackles Nicole.* That's for making us worry. *Picks her up dusts off and hugs* How are you?

xx

dksfhoieukjhgsfdlroiueoutgg!!!!!!!

I've gotten an interview at the peer counseling place!!! Tomorrow!!! I am so damn excited, my first job interview for a job that's "perfect" for me!!! It's parttime, paid, and, well, yeah. ^_^ I had given up hope that they'd call me as it had been a week but they did call me, just now... XD

Updated r/v too with rantiness. :-/

*bounces around & dances with Lia* XD I am so so happy right now...

...but go figure - happy happy can combine with sick/frustrated/angry. I didn't know that... feelings are so ****ing weird. :(

*hides*

Well done, April! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.