*cuddles april and helen* neither one of you are ugly. You both are beautiful inside and out. Hope that you guys get some sleep. I <3 both of u.

*hugs kahlia* i hope that your packing goes well and that you feel less fragile soon. Sometimes when things are loud it is really hard. I have that problem around my family too sometimes.

Im trying really hard to not disappear like i want to... This situation just sucks.

*Hugs group*
You guys all look very pretty , I'd post a pic of me if only I could work out how :s I'm dense about that.I don't look good , overweight , scarred and generally ugly . I'll try and post a photo of me when I'm back at my flat .Sorry this post turned into a self involved one.

Good morning, everyone!! :)

(No, I'm not really in a chipper mood. I just decided to try one on for size and see how it felt... which isn't that great.)

*cuddles Hels* Haggard = dishevelled, basically the effects of being exhausted and sad and worn down for a long period of time. Make sense? How're you doing today? any better? & you ARE pretty!! :) I'm glad that you feel/felt that way sometimes... maybe try and recreate those feelings sometime?

Awh, I can understand that about baths... they can be very seductive, if that makes any sense... I kind of have the same urges but Jarrod usually keeps me company in the bathroom whilst we're taking showers/baths so no opportunity there. :P (sorry if that was WTMI... lol)

Oh, and I hate my curves!! They suck beyond all belief. :( I wish I were a beanpole... like my best friend (*growls* lol... sore point there). Aaanyway... EDs suck and are horrid and they should just up and GO TO HELL!!! :(

*cuddles Laura* Are you feeling any better today? Please don't disappear... things will get better, it just takes time. *more cuddles* Sorry that I don't have better words of advice, but that's the best that I can offer...

*cuddles Mark* I bet you don't look as bad as you think you do... and to upload a photo you need to use something like photobucket.com to upload it to, then link it to here. :)

I has a snuggly kitty in my lap - he's kneading my pecs, lol, with his paws, like next to my shoulder - anyone want kitty snuggles? He's clawless!! so no scratches. :)

I really am worries about this paper... it's not writing itself, damn it. And I don't have enough energy to do it... but I'm going to have to. I'm scared... :crying: I need to get it done somehow... by 2:30 today, at that. :(

I see my SW this morning... am worried. Dunno what we'll talk about.

*hides*

Gets first in line for kitty snuggles :)
Good luck with your paper April ( not that you need it ) and with your SW too, and Thanx for the instructions about photobucket , I'll give it a bash soon *hugs April*

*hands Daniel over to Mark... Daniel immediately snuggles up and starts kneading Mark's shoulder and looking completely satisfied* :)

How're you doing today, Mark? *hugs back* And I do totally need luck with my paper!! Lol. I think it's well written so far, but I'm worried that I won't be able to get enough written to make it good enough to get a good grade... really really scared actually. :-S I'm working on it now despite the urge to cut or go on WoW... tomorrow if I get it done today I'll be able to go on. It's only 6:45am now though... AHHH!!!! I'll have to leave for my appt shortly and I'm not even dressed... heh. :-S

I feel like ****. I really, really do. :(

*hides in the darkest corner possible to find in the ward*

ARGH I am so anxious... and I really don't want to eat any breakfast, but I know I'll get shaky/cranky if I don't... so scared about my SW appt even though I don't think I need to be. I don't know. :crying:

Just want to hide away for a long time. So sick of this ****. So over it. Don't want to think about my senior sem paper, wreck that it is, anymore... just want to die. :crying:

Sorry, so sorry, sorry...

*cuddles Laura, April & Mark*

April, I guess I understand now. I'm bit dumb :) I've had too much sleep. Opps. But I don't really feel much better. Still worrying about two people pretty much non-stop :( Plus all the struggling. I don't think I even care anymore?? I'm not pretty :)

I'm glad you can understand about baths. I'm sure most people can. It did make sense about them being very seductive. Glad Jarrod keeps you company thus keeping you safe :)

You should love your curves :( They don't suck beyond all belief. I promise. ED's definitely should go to hell & stay there!!!!!!!

Hope you're making progress with the paper now & SW appointment wasn't too bad :(

*cuddles Laura* Are you feeling any better? Please don't disappear... things will get better, it just takes time. Just like April said. *more cuddles*

*cuddles Mark* I bet you don't look as bad as you think you do...

*cuddles everyone lots and lots*

You ARE pretty... but I won't argue the point because I know that ED won't give up. ;) How are you doing now? don't even care anymore about what? *hugs tightly* You'll be okay, love, I promise. Just keep fighting... you can do it. I have faith in you, and so do a lot of people. ♥

I hate my curves. Wish they would go to hell too. I hate looking like a woman instead of a girl. :( If that makes any sense.

Got 10 pages on my paper done... am taking a break now. >_< My brain is totally fried and I'm trying to figure out if my paper is cohesive, etc., or if it's just a jumble like it feels it is!! I hate doing stuff last minute, definitely not for me... I tried to do it over the weekend, though, and no go there... not really anyway. Maybe because Jarrod was around distracting me? Just his being around is distracting because I want to spend time with him, just time, not even intimate time... does that make any sense? I don't feel like I'm making any sense whatsoever!! :o

My SW appt went okay... she wanted to talk about the abuse that happened in high school.. and I didn't, it made me more anxious, so I really felt/feel like SI'ing now. :( But I forgot my tools, so yeah.

I'm so tired...

*hides* :crying:

Updated my r/v thread... again... I write in it a lot, I guess... dunno if that's healthy or not.

I wish that I could talk with someone. I'm at tutoring now, kind of working on my paper, and I'm all alone. :( I just want my best friend to text me back... no word from her since last Wednesday. I hope I didn't make her angry, can't think of anything that I said/did that would've made her angry, so I hope she's okay. :( :( :(

Feel like ****...

I'm not pretty. But I should stop trying to argue the point. What ED?? I'm still struggling. I'm incredibly worried about both of my best friends. Particularly the one I had a row with. She was texting last night, well this morning, when she went offline. Said about feeling dizzy, getting worse and something like feeling like this before her last fit. Or something like that, I may have read it wrong. So I told her to go wake her Granddad up, so if she did have one, he could get her help if necessary. However I've texted her twice more and no replies to the three texts. So I think she's had one or more and is back in hospital again. I really don't know :'( Normally her aunt would text me but she's in hospital herself still I believe so can't.

Am worried about my other best friend because she's really low at the moment. I think she may be going through one of her breakdowns. I hope not. I'm just hoping it's a result of everything that's happened recently & her being ill. Then will be okay in a couple of days or so. But somehow, I don't think that's going to be the case :'( However not TOO worried as I know her husband will be keeping an eye. Wasn't going to text her again today, to avoid making it worse, or whatever but I just gave in and texted :( She texted me last night, after ignoring my texts (understandable) saying she was going to bed & would try to text tomorrow. Hmm :( Maybe I shouldn't have texted???

I'm still struggling but not really feeling it right now, which is good I guess? Still waiting for my sisters to see my email. None of them have read it still I think. One may have seen it, but not read it?

*hugs tightly back* I wish I could believe that I'll be okay. I really can't at the moment. Don't know why since I always am? I don't know why people have so much faith in me for.

Wish you didn't hate your curves :( Why do you?? I can understand hating looking like a woman instead of a girl. If it's what I'm thinking of anyway or similar to...

Yay for getting 10 pages on your paper done. You should be proud. Taking breaks are good. I'm not surprised that your brain is feeling totally fried :( I'm sure your paper is more cohesive than you realise :) Maybe get someone else to look at it?? Think most people hate doing things at last minute ;(

I'm glad you've forgotten your tools and can't SI. *squishes lots*

Writing lots in your R/V thread is good. Just hope it helps you to do so? :)

*waves to Laura*

Well they've both text me. Both told me not to worry. Hahahaha. One said more than that though.

But I can't help it & am rightfully worried. If that even makes sense. I feel like crying to be honest.

:'( :'(

*hugs helen* sorry hun, not got much to say :( but, *big big hugs*

*hugs Nicole* How you doing?

I just got a job interview :O :D

*hugs April* 10 Pages is great , you are doing really well . I think writing in a R/V thread could be really healthy I was going to gather opinion from you guys who do it to try and figure out if I should start one , I feel I need an outlet sometimes .
*hugs Nicole* How are you ?
*Hugs Helen* A Job interview! Good for you.thats great news:) what sort of job is it for ?

I spy a Mark!! :D *cuddles*

Hels, love, you are pretty... and I thought that you said that you had trouble with food? maybe not a "real" ED but still... anyway, sorry if I got that wrong. :-X But you're pretty anyway. :P And there I stand. Hehe.

Yey for a job interview, where and for what job?

I'm sorry that you're so worried about your friends... I wish I could be there for you IRL but I can't... :( If I could I think we would have fun together... hehe. :D It would be awesome if the "RYL psych ward" group could meet up somewhere... maybe someday when we're all rich & can travel!! lol. :P

I got my paper as done as it's going to be - 13 pages including references and an unwritten abstract. It's going to be longer once I analyze some case studies... just didn't have the time (or the ****ing ENERGY) to do it this time. But I'm happy that I managed to get it done... even if it was only an hour and a half before classtime!!

I'm glad that you're not really feeling that you're struggling... guess that's good? dunno... I kinda feel the same way, I don't know. I've been mussing about with a SI area on my hand, so it's all red and irritated now... *sigh* Was doing it in my SW appt and she noticed, of course... we talked about what hospitals there were that I might go to were I to go to one... and that got me really anxious. :( I really want to SI right now... but I guess I'm glad that I left my tools at home. I don't know, I really don't. :(

*cuddles Nicole* How're you doing, love?

*hides*

Mark, I think you should start an r/v thread... they are good, at least for me... although it can be all too easy to just use them as a place to put yourself down. I've mostly stopped that though, at least intentionally. Am NOT saying that you whinge too much as is in here, just that an r/v thread is a good place when no one is on to talk to you. Hope that made sense!! :-S *curls up next to*

Man, am I tired... :(

*hugs helen* a job interview? thats BRILLIANT :D what for?

*hugs mark* im good thanks, you?

*hugs aprill* well done for getting it done :D and bless you, its ok, the urge to SI will pass.

Ooh, I spy a Mark, a Hayley, and a Crimson!! Busy place today... :D *cuddles*

Thanks Nicole. :) And yeh, I know the urge to SI will pass, but it will come back, again and again, until I do it... gahhhh... :( How are you doing??

I'm really tired. Just updated my r/v thread... :-/

*hides*

I don't know how I'm feeling , I'm back at my flat so a little releived to have privacy, I've had a bath so I'm all warm and my hairs wet and I was thinking I would watch a movie and try to relax this evening .
I WANT to S.I. though , really badly , I just don't feel good , I feel disgusting......

sorry no individual replies... 4 pages is a bit to read through...

*huggles everyone*
I got pretty triggered over the weekend but made it through. might update my r/v thread in a bit.

got my work all caught up on friday. feels nice to have it that way for once. now to keep it that way :)

how is everyone?

mark~ a movie and relaxing sounds like exactly what you need. *hugs* stay safe, hun.