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[Fog] 08-04-2009 05:13 AM

Ah just had a little rant in mine.

I'm a little confused at myself right now. I'm in the middle of a big SI session, but my brain's still working pretty rationally and I'm still online typing away. I really don't get me. Think I'm gonna stop in a minute anyway. Running out of room for one thing. How pathetic lol.

I'm sure things will get better. It's just so hard to see that at the time. That's what I keep reminding myself anyway! But definitely after the split with my ex it was a really difficult time trying to work out how to be one person not two. But I got there :) How long were you with your ex?

Haha well if it's good advice then you can take it too :P Sigh, you are so right. Grr! I definitely need to tell her. Things are so out of control in my head. Normally at uni I have my boyfriend and my best mate who both know, but where I am now no one knows and I could really do with some support. It's just that horrible first moment. It's been a while since things have been awkward/ bad with my parents and I'm not looking forward to going back to being the problem child. I know I'll be glad when I do it. I just kind of wish I could fast forward the actual telling her lol.

That's good that you're not cutting as much. So I say still keep counting :D Better to treat the slips as just that and not as going backwards if you see what I mean. I'm terrible with that, I messed up the beginning of this year and since then my cutting's increased really badly. If only my mind would listen to the rational part of me...

Yeah definitely, I've found this year really hard. I've been lucky in that so far my course hasn't really demanded too much of me, and this semester I had to tell a few of my tutors an edited version of what was going on. But the last few months I've been finding it impossible to concentrate. It's just like... I used to have panic attacks all the time about money and stuff. And at the moment I just feel so overwhelmed that I just don't care. I don't have the energy to deal with anything. So at the moment I have an unbelievable amount of essays etc to do, I need to find somewhere to live in Germany, I need to sort out the mess that is my finances... But I just can't get myself to. So frustrating. But yeah basically the point of that long paragraph was yes I think everyone finds it overwhelming at times!

Yeah it's nice being back at home. Like I said it kind of makes me feel unsafe that no one here knows all of the crap. But it's good having to be normal for my brothers, it's nice having food provided for me cos normally I don't bother with food lol.

Right I've definitely finished with the SI and I'm exhausted now so I'm gonna try and get some sleep...

It's been really lovely talking to you, will message you again tomorrow :) Hope you get some sleep soon and try not to dwell on things too much. Lots of hugs xxx

[Fog] 08-04-2009 05:13 AM

Woah that was waaaay longer than I intended, I was still in Rant/ Vent mode!! Sorry!!!

Long*Past 08-04-2009 06:01 AM

*offers hugs to Banana*

[Fog] 08-04-2009 01:50 PM

*Hugs back* That post was way longer than I thought it was lol oops!!

How is everyone today?

~*Rainbow*~ 08-04-2009 01:53 PM

*hugs To Everyone*

DOnt worry about ranting cause theyre will be ba big rant of mine on soon!!

Hells can you txt me when you are on msn!!! need someone to talk to!

*runs and hides in a corner*

[Fog] 08-04-2009 01:58 PM

Rant away :) What's up sweetie?


Jetforce 08-04-2009 02:50 PM


I agree..rant away

We r here to listen to u anytime! :-)

tc xx

~*Rainbow*~ 08-04-2009 04:10 PM

Where to start

My So Called friends up here have been phoning my other half telling him im cheating on him at every occasion i get!! Which is not true i wouldnt do anthing like that now he has to think to see if our relationship is worht the hard work as according to him relationships are ment to be easy not hard work!! but i just know im going to lose him if i lose him i will not survive anymore i am only free from SI because of him he is the one that keeps me going. But my so called Friends dont want to have me being happy they want me back to the depressed litttle girl with no stregnth and no happiness that they can push around and make a fool off - becasue the way i am now i wont let anyone push me arround and i dont take anything of anyone!!! I swear im going to kill them all!! If they make me lose the one thing that makes my life worth living then i will kill them!! Then i will go back to Birmingham and make him realsie that no motter what they say i will alwyas love him and make him realise that i have cut EVRYONE out of my life just for him!!! Im not even going out this friday/saturday night even though its a bassline night im staying in!!! in gonna sit at home and read a book becuase thats what good geeky girls do they dont go out and if i dont go out then no one can make up lies about me and tell them to HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why do i do this to may self why do i bother fighting for something that i know is gonna go away!! i cant lose him i really cant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My physio cleared me the other day from my Two Torn Achillies Tendon injuries which means i can play football on saturday just to find out i have a acromioclavicular injury in my shoulder (The acromioclavicular joint, or AC joint, is a joint at the top of the shoulder. It is the junction between the acromion (part of the scapula that forms the highest point of the shoulder) and the clavicle.) taken from WIKI so i cant play football on sat!!!!


*goes back into her little corner*

MammaMia 08-04-2009 04:21 PM

They are seriously selfish twats. He cannot believe them. He has no ****ing reason to and he can't dump you for something you haven't even done. But some guys do anyway. Gosh you seriously need to be here, where you have nicer people in yor life...LIKE ME!!

[Fog] 08-04-2009 06:22 PM

*Gets up from her corner in the denial tent in outrage*

They sound like total knobs. That just makes me so angry for you! Hope he does the right thing and recognises what they say as being total crap.

Sorry to hear about your injuries. I've had chronic pain for the last three and a half years and I know how frustrating and horrible it is. Anything they can do for your shoulder and/ or any pain relief?

*Sits back down and sends lots of bad vibes*

MammaMia 08-04-2009 06:45 PM

*gives gentle cuddles to everyone*

zowie 08-04-2009 07:47 PM

I've been smoking a lot in the past week.
I thought I'd quit.
Seems not >.<

Gah. I haven't got anything to say. Would love to reply to people but I'm really spaced out at the moment.

~*Rainbow*~ 08-04-2009 08:15 PM

He needs to think about things i know i have lost him there is nothing i can do!!!!!!

*runs away to a place where no one can find her*

wildly insane 08-04-2009 10:39 PM

*hugs Gil* I'm so sorry that your so called friends have done that to you and I can't even believe that he's thinking about it. I hope you've told him the truth, and if he doesn't believe you then he's as much in the wrong as they are but I'm sure that doesn't help right now *hugs again* I hope it's all okay x

~*Rainbow*~ 08-04-2009 10:42 PM

Thanks widly *hugs back* Im sure it will all be okay!! I've told him the truth and he just need to spend a couple of days thinking about it! which means he has a long weekend in which he is going out drinking so i wont hear from him at all :'(

Damnation. 09-04-2009 12:04 AM


Would it be cliched of me to say that my heart hurts?

MammaMia 09-04-2009 12:28 AM

No Dayna, mine ****ing hurts too right now *cuddles*

Damnation. 09-04-2009 12:49 AM

>__< *cuddles back*

[Fog] 09-04-2009 01:10 AM

Big hugs all round xx

Tears of Solitude 09-04-2009 01:11 AM

Big hugs go to

Dayna Sooooooo sorry you have heart ache

Zowie Hope your ok

Helen Sorry honey that your heart hurts, I hope its better soon

Gil Hope things turn out alright

Banana Big hugs xxx

Hannah I hope you are ok, and thanks for always thinking of me

Feeling like each day I try harder and each day I fail more. xxx

Love Jade xxx

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