*huge hugs for everyone*

*Hugs Lindsay* How are you hun?

*Hugs Matt*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Mark* How you doing Mark?

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Ian*

How is everyone?
I'm pretty low :(

I'm sorry your feeling low Mark. Do you know whats causing you to feel that way? I could be better. I'm fed up. I'm having a lot of hassle with this back to work programme thing i have to attend through the jobcentre. The staff treat you crap and are horrible. They dont care. It all started because i turned up before i was meant to. I'm meant to go at 1.00pm until 3.30pm but i was there from 11.00 am until 2.00pm.

She had a go at me and asked why i was early i said i was bored and needed someone to talk to which was why i came early to see my friend who also goes there. She said i needed to go at the correct time so i do now but they still have a go at me and treat me like crap. I'v made complaints but they just make excuses and talk round it. I ended up hurting my hand last night because it gets me down being at the horrible place. I just think its far to much to be job searching for two and a half hours!

Oh Ian I'm So sorry they are treating you so awfully *Huggles*

*hugs all* how are you?

I feel like I have to kill myself. There is no other way that I can cope with all of the pain i'm feeling. My psychologist told me that if I start planning my suicide I need to call someone but there's no one who cares or takes me seriously since I have been diagnosed with BPD.

How is everyone else?

Could you call your psychologist? It seems like he is taking you seriously. Do you still see him/her?

I feel like cutting again. But I have been free for almost 3 months. I never thought I'd make it that long without SH.

Do you know what's making you feel like cutting, you're really well. I believe that you can get through this.

I'm not very good at making phone calls, i'm allowed to email my psychologist but not to say that i'm suicidal.

why aren't you allowed to say that you are suicidal?

I'm not sure what exactly is making me want to cut again. It's been on my mind a lot. I put my tools somewhere hard to reach so I don't get tempted too easily, but at the same time I started to have one with me almost all the time.

I find that when you're trying to give something up it can be on your mind quite a bit. What have you used so far to help you through the past nearly three months? Try and build on those things.

I'm not allowed to say that i'm suicidal because she might interpret it as meaning i'm going to kill myself right now.

hugs everyone

*hugs Louise* how are you?

*hugs Lindsay*
Could you tell her that you are suicidal, but not going to kill yourself right now? Or instead of telling her that you are suicidal you could tell her that you are thinking about death.

I don't know what I did. I wasn't triggered and I dunno. I 'just' didn't do it, I didn't do anything instead though. I stopped when I went inpatient August 30th, but slipped 3 times during my time at hospital. Maybe I'm thinking about it so much lately, because I'm not allowed to feel bad here at home.

I'm fed up with this place i have to go to. Its awful. So stressful. Oh well i guess il just have to hurt myself again if i get stressed. They havent caused any hassle yet but its just being there so long it drags and it makes me feel worse.

*Hugs Louise*

*hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Ian*

*hugs everyone*

I very carefully worded an email to my psychologist about how I am feeling and asked how to get help but she still misinterpreted it and said that I was threatening suicide. I feel like i'm in big trouble now.

*hugs Ian*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Louise* could you write a reply telling her that you aren't threatening suicide, but that you need help and don't know how to get it? When is your next appointment with her?

I told her that I wasn't threatening suicide. She said i'll just have to contact the people who would have the least worst outcome. I see her again in just under 2 weeks but it doesn't even help to see her, or anyone else.

How are you today, Laura?

what does she mean with 'people who would have the least worst outcome'?

I'm impulsive today. I like it when I'm like that. I felt like baking cookis at 7pm, so I did that.

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Laura*