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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 04:24 PM

Dw, it's not. I can't remember where I put my blades anyway, so even if I wanted to cut...there's on in the back of my phone, but where my phone is is another matter altogether. Try squeezing it, or holding a wet paper towel to it. That sometimes helps with the bleeding. When did you do this? What is it that triggered you to cut? You don't have to answer, just if it would help to get it out.

xx

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 04:30 PM

Hello guest viewing this thread, you can't reply, but I hope you're ok.
xx

Doikers 10-07-2010 04:31 PM

I was just VERY triggered last night, very angry at myself, no ONE thing triggered me , lots of little things mounted up , I think the wound is about 24 hours now , well almost , sorry my replies are taking so long , downloading a patch and my P.C. is slow because of it :)

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 04:52 PM

Lol, dw, I'm reading now so mine are likely to be a little slow too. Sorry we weren't able to help you last night when you were triggered. Why were you angry at yourself? You've done nothing wrong.

Oh, is April your actual sister btw, or your 'sister'? I've always wondered.

xx

Doikers 10-07-2010 05:08 PM

I don't know Lia , I just HATE myself sometimes and have been very low for quite a while , I have Chronic Depression which is no fun.
April is my RYL sister . but I care about her a lot :)

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 05:18 PM

Sorry. I'lll stop questioning you now.

I do to. Hate myself that is. People think I can be big headed at time, but it's all an act. I hate myself so much I can't even open up on here because I don't deserve the support. Everyone else matters so much more than me and I hate to hear myself whine, so I don't. I keep it in because I don't deserve any sympathy or support. It's selfish of me to ask for it, especailly when everyone else is struggling so much. I wanted to cut myself yesterday because of my rant, the only thing that stopped me is because someone asked me not to. I don't even know her, we're email buddies, but only for about two weeks. But for once, I was going to do something right by someone else and not be so blody selfish.

Sigh, another selfish rant. Oh well, at least it was all down grading and not whiney.

Do you know April outside of RYL then, or did you just meet on here? Sorry, I know I said no questions, but at least this isn't a heavy one. A nice light subject. I think.

xx

CrazyHayley 10-07-2010 05:25 PM

I spy a Lia, Oliver and Mark!
*runs over to and tackles them all into a group hug!*
*picks them up and dusts them down*
*gives all other wardies hiding and dotted around appropriate tlc packages for when they have time to open them*

well I saw the doctor about crutches, pain meds, back problems etc. Trying a new (well old really cos I used to be on it) painnkiller, good old tramadol. Pain has been lessend but oh my goodness I'm so dopey!

May be back on here later depending on dopiness, just wanted you to know that I'm ok(ish), safe and all. bleurgh, brain so slow, fingers moving slowly...

I did a PM to April (I said I would about my ED) and it took 45mins to type, lol now my brain and fingers are even slower.

I should shut up now and go and lie down with reggie.

Thinking of you all - in a spaced out way!

Doikers 10-07-2010 05:28 PM

Lia , You deserve as much support as everyone else , It's good that you didn't cut yesterday for whatever reason you have , for someone else is better than cutting. You're not selfish , not at all *Hugs*

I Met April on here , but I know her all over the net , sadly due to geography not met in person .

shadowedsoul 10-07-2010 06:18 PM

Hmm I feel extremely low tonight, really stuiped thoughts running through my head, really want to act on them. really don't care tonight.

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 06:30 PM

Mark, thanks, but I don't. I really don't. *Returns hugs.*

Hey Haley, glad that you're not too bad at the moment, even if you are a little out of it on drugs. Maybe it's better not to be able to think straight.

*Hugs Jill gently* what's wrong sweet?

xx

Scarletdreamer 10-07-2010 06:48 PM

Lia, sweet, you really really do deserve the support that we can give. I understand - somewhat - that it's your self hatred & life of abuse speaking here, but you are worthwhile. And you are a good person. You wouldn't support others if you weren't, especially since you aren't really looking to get anything from it. I'm so glad that I've met you and that you've opened up some... that was huge of you, it really was. *hugs gently* And I'm glad that you didn't cut, and as Mark said, even if it were just so you wouldn't hurt someone else, that's still an okay reason not to hurt yourself. *extra hugs* Oh and yep, I'm not Mark's real sister but we do know each other all over the 'net, after meeting here first. :)

*cuddles Mark* How are you doing, love? Has your wound stopped bleeding yet? :( I'm sorry that you're having trouble with it... how have things been lately? Sorry I didn't comment on your last LJ entry... and I need to read your r/v, will in a bit. Just didn't feel up to it when you posted, sorry. :-S

*cuddles Hayley* I will try to reply to your PM shortly. :) Be warned, I SUCK at replying to PMs, although I do try... but thank you very much for putting forth such effort!! :) It meant a lot that you cared enough to do so. You are amazing - as is everyone else (and yes, I do mean EVERYONE) in here.

I'm still really nervous about the future, but not as much yet... I don't know, perhaps God is helping calm me down, who knows... But in any case, I'm actually kind of excited about Jarrod going into the Air Force, I don't know, does that make any sense? I guess you could definitely say that yeah, I'm conflicted. Hah. :-X Dumb me.

Anyway... um, I just took a 2 hour long nap... while Jarrod powerleveled my toons on WoW. Whoops!! I usually try and at least keep him company... but I am sooo close to having my mage be level 60 - she's 59 now - and I can't wait until she's 60. :D Oh and Crimson - sorry I didn't answer this sooner, but yeh, if they're still the right levels, I can run your toons through BFD sometime, although I don't know my way around it (lol) - have only been through it once or twice, if we're on at the same time. Or if not, I can do SM - not very fast as I'm not sure how much health my main has as a tank, not too high I do know that!! simply because I've not invested in filling out her tanking spec. Anyway. :) Sorry I didn't answer you sooner on that, it was completely accidental. But my mage got TWO EPICS from Scholomance (the dungeon that Jarrod's using as a powerleveling place)... that means that they are truly awesome pieces of gear... I'm so excited. They're gear that the BoA leveling gear was modeled after. :D Sorry, I know I'm a nerd... :-X

I'll shut up now...

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 07:36 PM

Glad you seem to be ok at the moment April, it must be catching because I am randomly happy! Mind, with my weird mood swing that probably means I will be as depressed as anything in about ten minutes, but let's enjoy this for now.

I spy Helen! How are you sweet?

Thanks April, I'll try to believe you and Mark, but it's hard. I just think that my mum has the right idea about me. You don't know me, you don't know what I can be like, how pathetic I am. I don't show my emotions much, if you saw inside my head, you would hate me too.

xx

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 07:39 PM

Grr, sorry about posting the same thing twice, I thought it hadn't done it first time.

Doikers 10-07-2010 07:50 PM

Lia , oops My computer went off then on then off then on and cycled like that for a bit so I didn't mean to abandon you *Hugs*

April My wound is still bound tights under a dressing and tape to add pressure , I hope it's stoped bl**ding but I check when I next change the dressing before bed *Hugs*

*Hugs Jill*

Scarletdreamer 10-07-2010 08:00 PM

Lia, sweetie, I believe that you are a good person... someone who IRL is a bitch (pardon the language, hah) wouldn't care so much for people on here, especially - as I said before - without expecting anything in return. You don't know me IRL either... what's to say that I'm not a bitch? And what you call "pathetic" probably just means that you need support/help and can't get it... and that's not pathetic. Not at all. It just means that you're struggling a lot. I wish that we could help you more. :( It makes me sad that I can't do more for everyone in here...

Mark, I'm glad that you've got the wound bound up tight. :) That's wise of you. *hugs* Oh, and have you got WoW straightened out yet? because (as I mentioned in my reply to your LJ comment) Jarrod probably could help. He's pretty clever with computers & WoW (not that you aren't!! please don't think that you're not, it just takes awhile to learn the ins & outs of WoW etc.).

I'm meh right now. Planning on going to my parents' sometime today to see Daniel (our cat who is staying there, as our apartment STILL has fleas!! after 2 bug-bombings) and drop off his "favorite" kind of litter (the stuff he's used to). I don't know, though... although it would feel nice to be in a/c for a bit. Hah. :-X And Jarrod probably wouldn't be coming which means I would need to be awake enough to drive... guhhh... :-X

I feel so blah. *sigh*

shadowedsoul 10-07-2010 08:00 PM

Hmm nevermind that was a load of bullcrap. =(

SoMuchMore 10-07-2010 08:07 PM

*hugs everyone*

I'mJustMe 10-07-2010 08:22 PM

Jill, we are all here for you and you can open up to us and tell us things. You don't have to keep it all bottled up. It wasn't a load of crap if it's affecting you. *Hugs*

Wow, I felt like the biggest hypocrite ever the whole time I was typing that.

Hey Laura. How are you?

Mark- Don't worry. I disappeard too. I went to the shop for the mother and then for dinner, so I haven't been around for a while. Good that you're looking after your cuts. How are you now?

April- I know what you're saying has a point, but my life isn't half as bad as loads of people on here and it makes me feel so pathetic. People have been through so much worse and I have no right to come here and ask for support when others need and deserve it so much more, savvy? Glad you're still sort of ok, even if not completly woo! I'm not as happy as I was before, but I've not gone into ultra depression either, so that's bang tidy.

How's everyone else?

xx

Doikers 10-07-2010 08:48 PM

Despite being a bit down , having eaten a bowl of cereal I didn't need *Beats self up* I Eat when I'm low eat,sleep,cut the only things I know how to do well *Sigh*
oooh and Lia you get the prize for using the word savvy in conversation :)

shadowedsoul 10-07-2010 08:53 PM

hmm just a hole load of stuff pileing on top of me, more and more stuff keeps getting added, I feel like I'm being dragged under. It's okay tho not sure I care anymore. Sorry I'm not explaining better that the best I can do right now. * *curls up in corner and trys to sleep*


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