*Hugs April* OOhh I must have teleported to the wrong booksale lol

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Jill*

Hmmm... am just finishing up lunch now after talking with my sister for awhile on the phone. Bleh. I mean, I don't MIND talking with her, but I don't LIKE it either, feels rather uncomfortable because it feels like she can see my every fault and doesn't mind pointing them out to me. Which she may be able to, I don't know, but she doesn't really point them out to me. Usually. I don't know. I'm just uncomfortable around her (or talking with her) ever since a convo we had about a month-ish ago about how I "can't call myself empathic" because of some of the stuff I say about people in my LJ. Like saying that Jarrod wouldn't make a good dad. Or talking about my jealousy of my bestie. I mean... okay... I totally don't fit in with my family. Because they are experts at covering up the truth and making themselves look perfect. Blah. Do.Not.Fit.In. End of story. :(

Sorry. Didn't mean to go on a family-problems-rant. Because I know a lot of you - probably most of you - have it worse off. But then again, as I'm trying to tell myself, if it hurts me, it matters... right? :-S

Back to the booksale, since that's a happy topic for almost everyone in here, it appears. ;) Well, everyone that's posted for a bit anyway. I feel very lucky because while my uni's not doing diddly-squat for Banned Books Week (*pouts*) the town in which I live has the BESTEST PUBLIC LIBRARY EVER!! :P I say this because it has 2 booksales a year, with thousands of books at one and hundreds at the other. The first one is a week-long one in April (dunno if any of you remember me mentioning that one? I ALWAYS overspend there... but when you can get ~25 books for the price of ONE book at a place like Barnes & Noble or Borders... it's worth overspending :D), and then the second is the one I went to today, both annual. Today's is only a weekend-long one (or a day-long one? not sure). Anyway. Happy thoughts, April, happy thoughts. :P

Blah. :( Just can't do it. Happy thoughts that is... :'(

April, if it hurts you, it matters. *hugs*

Come to my uni! We're having a book sale, a bake sale, a read out (where professors and students read passages of banned books), a make your own book contest, a poster contest, an essay contest, showings of Alice in Wonderland and To Kill a Mockingbird with tea parties, and tye dying shirts!
Also, my public library has book sales once a month, hence why my grandparents converted a spare room in the house into my own personal library. haha, I can't go to any book sales at our library while uni's in though cause they're on mondays, and I go to class then go to work

curls up

*hugs everyone*
april-yeah we've called the cops, she was due in court the other week but they postponed it so she can have a mental assesment. and the media course thing was that she needed to make a music video for the song tell it to my heart by taylor dayne, so her idea was like a big party with like people making out and stuff, but i mean she only advertised for gay/bi people cause well, its easy enough to find straight people lol

I'm warm and logging off from my parents lappy . be back at my flat tomorrow afternoon . but will try and get on here tomorrow morning.
*Hugs the ward*
I hope you all have a good night /day/ evening .

cuddles all. damn i feel very dizzy spacey tonight. curls up

I cant fight him any more sorry

I love being ignored.
Wow I sound so...attention seekerish.

I hope you sleep well, Mark.
Ryuu, please stay safe.
Hels, *hugs* if I ignored you, I'm very sorry. What's going on?

*sits in corner and sighs* ick im huge =\ and the iced tea wont do anything april.

and i'm tired of dealing with life but meh. and im going to a NEDA walk next month but gonna be surrounded by tiny people the whole day >.<

*hugs everyone* sorry no individuals really =\ cant focus

*hugs Heather* I think you're gorgeous =). I do hope you have fun at the NEDA walk when you go, and don't let yourself get down based on who surrounds you.

I'm happy. I finally found the article I needed to kick my Chaucer paper in gear.

hugs everbody. hugs helen you okay.

*Hugs all and notices Helen especailly*

I'm not a cold hearted cow, I'm not, I'm not...

hey all, long time no posts.

I'm not in a good place, i'm hyper(manic) and i shouldn't be. I don't understand it. It can't be meds induced like the last 2 times cos i stopped taking my AD....i've not been sleeping, i've been bouncing off the walls, i'm talking ten to the dozen about crap, getting paranoid, thinking i'm better than people,missing appointments, hearing HER again etc.

erm =[ curls up and hides

Yes I am :(

I deserve this pain.

I'm better of dead. Everyone would be so much happier if I was. They might say they wouldn't be now, but in the long run you'll all see how much better off you are without me. I hate myself so much! Such a cold hearted, selfish bitch!

Cuddles lia very tightly. I can't do this no not again. Curls crys softly so no to bother anyone.

*hugs*

just to add i love the song in your siggy

not true lia <3 not at all. *hug* i wish i could find some way to help you believe it <3

grr gotta go take shower... effort.

*Hugs the ward and Especially Helen*

Hey how is everybody?

Ooh Beki Hi again :) welcome back

cuddles all.
erm not sure i can do this anymore. sorry guys =[

*Hugs Jill* You can do this hun , you are stronger than you give yourself credit for .

*huggles everybody*

Well it's nearing the end of my birthday here and, to be perfectly honest, it has felt just like another day. I have to remember to send my sister her birthday wishes tomorrow but then it's all basically over for another year. We had a joint birthday breakfast this morning and my brother got called in to work (he is an ICU/emergency nurse so this happens quite a bit). Thankfully he was able to stay for some of it as I don't get to see him very often. *sigh* I know that 29 isn't all that old but I'm definitely feeling it at the moment.

Sorry for being so self-centred and the lack of individual replies but there have been quite a number of posts since I was last in here and I don't want to get you all confused.

*leaves hugs and safe love and care packages for all in the common room*

*Hugs Kahlia* Happy (Possibly belated , sorry) 29th birthday :)

*hugs everyone, especially helen* i'm sorry if you feel we've been ignoring you hun, we dont mean to, honest! is there anything you want to talk to us about?

Happy lateish birthday Kahlia. x

Mmm *thinks* I'm gonna try to do indivs but I will probably forget some of you... blah. :(

Hels... Well, all I'll say is *hugs* :)

Lia, hon, you are NOT a selfish bitch and we all would NOT like it better etc. if you were dead!!! We'd miss you a ton. Please don't "do anything stupid." You're worth more than that and someday you'll get to see that, I hope. *cuddles*

Mark, how are you this morning/afternoon? *cuddles*

Jill, Mark's right, you ARE stronger than you know. *hugs gently* You'll be okay too... just keep hanging on.

Crimson, I know you posted yesterday, but just wanted to send a shout out to you to let you know that I MISS YOU. :) Work sounds awfully busy and I hope you're getting some rest today... *gentle cuddles*

Heather, you're not ugly, not at all, and also, as Felicia said, try not to get yourself down about the NEDA Walk in NYC. I wish I could go... :( ...but can't, boo hiss. But... even if you ARE surrounded by "tiny people" (I got the funniest mental image of what that could be, all these miniature people that are about six inches tall all marching down the street with you in the middle of them, normal height!! :P but I do know what you meant), you will be able to show that even people who aren't emaciated can have EDs. Fair enough? :) *hugs gently*

Kahlia, happy birthday!! Sorry we kind of forgot about it... :( I'm sorry that it felt like "just another day" and that you feel old... *cuddles*

There. I think I got (almost?) everyone... those to whom I didn't reply, oops, I'm sorry!! Not ignoring you, promise, just missed you. :) *extra cuddles for all*

I've just gotten up about half an hour ago after a very weird set of dreams. First, I dreamt I was going into the army with an old crush of mine from high school... it was just an all-out weird dream, I wasn't acting like myself AT ALL. :-/ Then I dreamt about WoW and that my dad starting playing, but apparently a patch had just come out that changed it so you get mounts at LEVEL ONE (normally now it's level 20 that you get them) which pissed Jarrod and me off (in the dream), and also that they changed one of the race's major characteristics (which also pissed Jarrod and me off, heh). Weird. Weird, weird, weird. It's like I ate pizza right before bed or something, which I totally didn't do. :P

I'm "meh" this morning, Jarrod's off at work again and I'm trying to figure out something to do. I'm not gonna go to church because, well, it'd feel weird without him with me and I don't really know anyone else there that would sit with me... don't want to feel like a loser & sit alone. :-/ I don't want to/can't hang out with my parents because my dad's still sick. And no one else is around that I really want to hang out with or anything, which is very ugh. :( So I guess it's another day of reading and journaling. Or something. I really don't know. So ****ing lonely. :'(

That is all.

Erm this is turning into one of these days again. Great just great.

*Hugs April* You always have us to hang with :) I know it's not the same, but I hope you see us as better than nothing :).

*Hugs Jill* What's wrong honey? We're all here to listen if you want us to.

*Hugs Mark and Nicole* How are you both this afternoon?

*Hugs Heather* Gah, that energy. I'm thorsty, but making tea would require going all the way down the stairs...

Sorry about my rant last night. I hate this self hatred of mine and I'm sorry that you always get landed with my self rants. I'll try and stop that because to me it just seems as if I am throwing all your efforts to make me feel better about myself back in your faces and I'm not I do appreciate it, really I do, I just can't believe it. The way I see it, it's everyone else who's under the dillusion and I'm the only one who can see me for what I am. And my mum and sister maybe.

I shouldn't have said anything about that either. I should have kept it to myself, I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry that I once again have something to be sorry for.

*hugs lia* y'know, i'm really not sure how i'm feeling today.....i mean, i have college tomorrow, and i love college now, but at the same time i dunno, i'm just scared because i have told people at college how much i am struggling, but i'm still scared they're gonna turn on me and treat me like the teachers at school did :(
and lia sweetheart, you dont have to be sorry about anything, i think we all suffer with self hatred at some point, but you just need to beleive in yourself, we all do.x

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Jill*

*hugs mark* how're you today?

I'm feeling okay today Nicole Thanks A bit anxious but managable. I think your college people will be more understanding than your school people . I think college people can be more mature :)

Sooooo cold! I am wearing: black clothes including jeans, a cardiagan, my huge furry dressing gown, my fluffy winnie the pooh bed socks and the duvet. I also have a cup of tea and am still freezing!

glad your feeling ok mark, and ok so the students at college should be more mature than at school, but surley that rule shouldnt apply to the teachers aswell? :/ they should all be mature, no matter where they work, idk, i mean they have been really good about it so far, i'm just scared they might turn on me :/
lia-i know right, i'm freezing! i might go make myself a hot chocolate if i can be botherd to get up XD

OOhh Lia , I hope your not cooking a cold :S *Hugs*

*Hugs Nicole* You either :S

Nicole- I'm sure they won't turn on you, but I do know the feeling. I'm scared of admitting my feelings to even myself. I'm all out of hot chocolate :(

*Hugs Mark* I already have one, and it's just about -100 in my house. Gah, winter! ALthough I actually like wrapping up in about a million things, and it means Christmas is coming! :)

*hides in the warren where no one can find her and cries softly*

I.Am.So.Sick.Of.Life.

And lonely. Lia, you're right, you guys are definitely better than nothing - DEFINITELY!!! - but at the same time... not quite the same as having someone right next to me with whom I can chat. Anyone care to be teleported here?? :) We can... ummm... clean my apartment. Yeah. :P (I know, sounds like fun, right? haha...) And make pancakes for lunch (dark chocolate chips, anyone??)... and talk... and go for a stroll perhaps, down my road if we can do that without getting hit by a car. :P

Anyway. Yeah. I'm lonely. *stops whinging and hides again*

*hugs mark, april and lia*
mark-i already have a cold too!
lia-i know they shouldnt turn on me, ahwell, will find out tomorrow! and i'd better not be out of hot chocolate :/
april-aaw hun, sorry your feeling fed up, i will be teleported over :D (but i cant be botherd with cleaning, we could just teleport all the dirt away somewhere?) lol

I'm sorry you're lonely April *Extra comfy hugs* I get lonely when I'm alone at my flat sometimes too

*hides*
i dont understand :/

*cuddles everyone*

What don't you understand Nicole? *cuddles*

*cuddles helen* everything :( i don't understand my feelings, or my eating/sleeping patterns, i mean, i've gone from sleeping in the day and being up all night, to not really sleeping at all, and i just looked in my purse and relised i have like £20 in there and trying to work out where it came from i realised that i have stopped eating on days i have college :/ i dont understand it! :(

Babe, you're just bit out of whack with new routines and stuff, you'll soon settle down, I promise *cuddles*

Hey there my fellow wardies - this is just to let you know that I'm going to be offline for a while. My M.E has been really bad again recently and I'm struggling to have the brain power to type, form scentences and it hurts my eyes to look at the laptop screen. Which is why I've not been active in the ward as much as I would like to be. But I thought its best to let you know that I am ok (well, in a way, I mean I'm not unsafe or triggerred) and I don't want you worrying about me or wondering where I am or thinking that I'm not thinking of you all and wishing I could be more supportive. I thought that if I let you all know I'd be away for a bit, then I wouldn't get myself so upset about not being able to be in the ward either and can just come back when I'm feeling better. It may be in a week, two weeks, a month, who knows with this ****ing illness, but putting pressure on myself only makes things worse, so for now, I'll go and rest in the medical wong of the ward and hope to be giving huggles and support again to you all soon. Thnaks for all of your help and support that I've recieved during m,y times in here.

*cuddles helen* i suppose..just wish it would hurry up and sort itself out.
*cuddles hayley* HEY, havent seen you online in ages :D glad your doing ok, apart from the M.E. hope you feel better soon.x

Hey all.

*Hugs Nicole* Helen's right, you'll soon settle back into routine. It's just cos you're used to sleeping in the day and now obvs you can't.

*Hugs Helen* How are you today?

*Hugs Arpil* I'll come :) It all sounds fun, even the cleaning. Cleaning on my own is boring, but with a mate it sounds like there's some fun to be had :) I actually wish I could come over there now :( But since I'm in the uk...We should arrange a psych ward meet up, but it would have to be in like 2 years when I am 18 and my mum can't stop me leaping on a plane to go and meet a bunch of people I met over the internet.

*cuddles Hayley* Feel better soon, love. We understand - may not totally get the M.E. but I'm pretty sure we all can grasp the basics of it. :) Take care of yourself... will miss you but methinks we can all agree that it's best for you to take care of yourself. <3

*cuddles Nicole* I agree with Hels, you're probably just out of whack with a new schedule and all. It'll probably settle down soon and if it doesn't, well, I guess maybe try talking with someone at college about it?

*cuddles Hels* How are you this morning?

*cuddles Mark* Sorry to hear that you get lonely at your flat sometimes too... and sorry to be whinging so much about something that probably a lot of you have to deal with a lot. I know I have a pretty good life... so I'll just shut up now. :-/

Cuddles all. Erm having such a messed up day. One more thing goes wrong. Sorry hides somwhere safe.