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MammaMia 29-08-2010 04:11 PM

Hi everyone, I'm home. Been about four & half pages since I buggered off yesterday, so no individuals.

My bestie is really really really sick right now :'( I feel utterly useless and worried sick about her.

*curls up and rocks*

nicole94 29-08-2010 04:13 PM

*huggles helen* welcome back hun, how was it?
sorry your friends not doing to well, hope she gets better soon, are you ok though?

MammaMia 29-08-2010 04:16 PM

It was okay thanks Nicole. No I'm not ok, how can I be ok when my best friend is in hospital seriously ill, my other best friend won't ****ing pick up her godamm phone and nobody else gives a **** right now???

Sorry. I know that seems like I'm having a go..

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 04:18 PM

*hugs Helen* We care.

nicole94 29-08-2010 04:19 PM

*hugs helen* sorry, im not gonna answer that cause i dont want it to turn into an argument, but i hope your ok as in safe. obviously your upset.

MammaMia 29-08-2010 04:20 PM

Why care about me? Not worth it. I'm just...argh. Never mind.

Nicole, I suppose I'm safe. Even though I don't want to be "good"

nicole94 29-08-2010 04:31 PM

*hugs helen* we all care about you sweetie, and you are so worth it! im glad your safe, please try and stay that way

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 04:34 PM

*Hugs Helen* I care about you and I think you are worth it. I'm sorry about your friends. I really don't know what else to say other than I pray that she's OK. I know that's useless. Sorry.
x

MammaMia 29-08-2010 04:35 PM

*hugs Nicole and Lia* Sorry, I'm just worried =[ Don't mean to be like this.

Lia, not useless at all hun.

nicole94 29-08-2010 04:41 PM

*hugs helen* dont worry hun we all have bad days.

i really wish i could feel my foot :/ its starting to worry me.

MammaMia 29-08-2010 04:42 PM

Can you get it checked at all darling? *cuddles*

Oh I forgot to say, found out why my best friend wasn't picking up the phone & is going to call me back later..

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 04:45 PM

Is it something you want to talk about Helen?

Nicole, Helen's right, any way you could get it checked? How deep was the cut?

xx

nicole94 29-08-2010 04:47 PM

no way of getting to the hospital to get it checked and theres nowhere else to go, hopefully it will be better soon....:/
lia-i dont think its that deep but its right on the bottom of my foot where i cant see, its not bleeding anyways, its just numb

Doikers 29-08-2010 06:16 PM

Helen , would you like me to put your name on Hayleys new home card I'm sending from us wardies ? *Hugs*

What about you Lindsay ?*Hugs*

*Hugs Nicoles foot*

misskitty112 29-08-2010 06:30 PM

Can I just give up now? I've lost control of my urges.

I suck at life.

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 06:42 PM

Mark, please put my name on the card. Thank you.

Felicia, you don't suck at life. What's happening for you right now?

RYUU 29-08-2010 06:45 PM

* hugs everyone *

Am home alone am scared am going to do something dangerous

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 06:48 PM

Is there someone you can be with, Reaper? Keep talking to us.

RYUU 29-08-2010 06:55 PM

No there not my husband has gone to take my nephew home he will be about an hour all of my friends are away the other side of the country so
i cant get them to come over

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 07:01 PM

If you're feeling really unsafe can you get to hospital?

frenchhorn 29-08-2010 07:03 PM

*hugs reaper* what about calling a help line, samaritans if your uk, or I guess there will be one where you are.
Or anyone else you can ring, please keep talking to us.

Nicole I hope the foot is ok, please try to get it looked at asap.

Helen we do care abut you in here, I'm sorry to hear your friend is ill.

Felicia you don't suck at life

*hugs all wardies*

RYUU 29-08-2010 07:04 PM

I cant leave the house on my own i have social Anxiety i never leave the house with out my husband coming with me

MammaMia 29-08-2010 07:08 PM

Mark, yes please, forgot to mention it in my post.

Nicole, maybe it's numb because you hurt it but it'll be ok in a few hours? Depends where it cut your foot I guess.

*cuddles everyone else*

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 07:22 PM

I'm scared. There's something in my closet.

MammaMia 29-08-2010 07:26 PM

What do you mean Lia?

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 07:26 PM

What kind of something? Big, small?

Doikers 29-08-2010 07:30 PM

*Hugs Lia*

RYUU 29-08-2010 07:38 PM

i called a crisis line talked a little the lady on the phone was nice
and helpful
my husband is back now
so am safe

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 07:52 PM

That's good to hear, Reaper. How are you feeling now?

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 07:58 PM

Sorry, almost a page or 2 pages of posts since I last posted (can't remember, haha)...

...and sorry about no individuals, although Nicole, I'm worried about you & your foot. Sorry for how dense that sounded, but usually injuries there don't make it go numb (at least, in my experience... guess it can change person to person and where you cut it). I hope it's okay and if it's still like that tomorrow (?) I would have it checked out. :(

I'm really... I don't know... numbish? but angryish? (if you can be an angry numb that's what I am) Just want to do something, anything really stupid. Don't worry, I won't. I'll stay safe and I'll keep others safe and I won't explode at anyone. Hah. As much as I would love to.

Haven't talked with my parents today and probably won't. Really want to just feel normal with them but I don't, I feel raw & exposed instead. And I hate that feeling. I doubt that it will go away anytime soon. Stupid, stupid sister!!!!

:crying:

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 08:08 PM

Something big and scary. Something that wants me to see it. It's going to make me see it.

I'm sorry you feel no better April. I felt like that once. A friend told my English teacher about my harming, and in my English lesson that afternoon, I felt as if I were sat there naked. It was horrible, but the feeling does pass. I was comfortable with her in a few weeks. *Hugs*

x

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 08:16 PM

I don't want to have to wait ****ing weeks to feel comfortable with my parents again. They only live 20 miles away and I am used to talking with them pretty frequently and seeing them frequently as well. I'm sorry, I know it sounds like I'm also having a go but I'm... well, yeah. Not in a good place right now. Thanks for the reassurance, Lia. That had to have been an awful experience as this one is... :(

I just want things to go back to how they were. I don't give a damn about change. I just... want them to go back. Where they - none of my family - knew about the SA.

*hides in the warren where no one can find her and cries*

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 08:21 PM

Sorry.

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 08:30 PM

Aw Lia, I wasn't expressing anger at you. I'm sorry. The tone of my post was all wrong. Nothing you said was wrong. It's just that I am dealing with a mountain of stress at the moment and I guess I really have to be careful what I say. Or at least, how I say it. *tentative hugs?* I apologize for seeming like I was having a go at you or disregarding the feelings of the person behind your post, because you DO matter, don't let that make it feel like you don't. I'm sorry. :(

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 08:35 PM

It's alright, just me taking things in the wrong way again. I do that a lot. *Hugs back*

x

RYUU 29-08-2010 08:41 PM

i feel a little bit safer now but i still think am going to do something dangerous trying to keep busy

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 08:46 PM

*huggles Lia* How're you doing now? & what makes you feel/think there's something in your closet? (wish I could be there to check for you) I have had those fears before... even had my mum come and check for me, hah. But it (whatever closet/cubby it happens to be) is empty of everything but my own stuff 99% of the time and the other 1% of the time it's a mouse or something kicking up a racket. *extra comforting hugs*

Go go Reaper, with the distractions!! :) What are you staying busy doing? (if you don't mind me asking) Please keep distracting yourself because I/we really don't want you to do anything dangerous... I'm worried about you, love. Stay as safe as you possibly can. *gentle hugs*

RYUU 29-08-2010 08:49 PM

busy being on forums and watching my husband playing games talking with his friends online
looking stuff up on testosterone and listening to the radio

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 08:51 PM

Haha. I don't mean that kinda closet. Although there's probably something in there too. I don't even wanna know what's in my real closet, but anyway. I was on about the skelingtons in my 'closet' if that makes any sense at all.
*Returns comforting hugs and hands tissues.*

xx

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 08:54 PM

Oh whoops, lol, my bad. Gotta admit that's one of the funnier mistakes/interpretations. :P Yeah, I understand what you mean about the "skeletons in your closet" thing. I get that too sometimes. :( It can be scary. If you want to talk more about it, I'm here to listen - real closet or skeletons closet. ;) *cuddles*

Reaper, those sound like good ways to distract yourself. :) Way to go!!

Doikers 29-08-2010 09:07 PM

*Hugs Reaper , Lia , April*

Sorry I've not really been in a position to post much , am watching a movie with my parents . Just to let you know I am trying to keep up and reading the posts .:)

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 09:14 PM

Thanks April. I was gonna call you Lia just then- then I remembered that was my name. Wow, we're a clever pair.

Pain pain go away, come again another day. Then again, maybe don't. Please just go now. That hurts to much. I can't deal. Go away before I do. We can't both live in this body together. Go...please...

Wow, now I'm talking to my emotions. I have truly cracked.

one_step_closer 29-08-2010 09:30 PM

*hugs everyone*

I just spoke to someone from the crisis team for over half an hour. I think i'll be safe for tonight because it passed the time and now i'm almost ready to go to sleep but I don't think i'll be safe tomorrow. My support worker is calling me in the morning and then i'm going to the gym with her in the afternoon but if i'm still feeling like overdosing i'll do it in the evening.

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 09:33 PM

Hi Mark. *cuddles* Glad that you're managing to keep up, also glad that you're distracted (are you??) at your parents'. Hopefully you can stop yourself from SI'ing at all when you're there although please don't beat up yourself if you can't. Post when you can, we're here for you. :)

Lia, lol, that made me giggle. Yes, we are a clever pair indeed. ;) I have to admit I've never quite pulled that one - I mean, calling someone else by my name - but I have talked to my emotions before. Doesn't mean you've cracked or are crazy. Just means that you're expressing how you feel. It doesn't really matter how (as long as it's not in a destructive way, although I understand where that comes from too), as long as you manage to do it. Because - as many of us have found - holding emotions in is NOT healthy. :( *cuddles*

Hels, how are you doing now?? *cuddles*

Lindsay, how are you? still managing to fight off the OD urges?? I really hope so... *cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 09:35 PM

Whoops, we posted at the same time. :P I'm glad that you're gonna be okay for today... worry about today, today, and tomorrow when it comes. Please try & keep fighting the urges. You deserve health and safety and happiness. Please take care of yourself the best you can and if you can't, phone the crisis team just like you did. (Well done, btw!!)

*hugs*

Doikers 29-08-2010 09:38 PM

*Hugs Lia* Talking to your emotions doesn't make you crazy , hmmm I talk to myself all the time and a lot of it I don't even make sense :P

*Hugs April* I haven't harmed today but it's (to use your expresion) driving me bats !

*Hugs Lindsay*

*Hugs Reaper*

Scarletdreamer 29-08-2010 09:39 PM

Yey for not harming today, but no yey for it driving you bats. :( But at least you've been safe. :) That's a plus!! ^_^ I'm happy about that now... hehe.

My stomach hurts. I ate too much for lunch. Stupid'ness. :'(

FlyingNy 29-08-2010 09:45 PM

You're not stupid April. How are you feeling now? I know. That holding in emotions isn't healthy that is, but I can't help it. I have to protect myself. It's explained on my R/V thread. First post. I've been too hurt.

Well done on not harming today Mark, we're proud of you :)

Linday- I'm glad you're safe for now. Please do try and stay that way.

I'm tempted to cut. That will make it the second day in a row.

x

Doikers 29-08-2010 09:48 PM

Thankyou Lia , That means a lot :)

taz35 29-08-2010 09:53 PM

*hugs Hels, April, Mark, Felicia, Lindsay, Reaper, Lia, and anybody else*

Just got back from work, urgh. Brother is having a ton of friends over tonight for beer pong. Most of them are alright, but the last thing I want is people over... hopefully I can hide in my room in the basement and not be bothered.

I SI'ed earlier today which I'm kinda bummed about... because it was just out of frustration at the new meds, and how my brain still can't comprehend that they don't mean I'm psychotic... this probably doesn't make any sense so I'll stop rambling now.


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