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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Scarletdreamer 06-08-2010 09:34 PM

I don't want to have to pretend that I'm okay.

Because I'm not.

So... I'm just gonna hang out in here for awhile I think...

*hides again in her hole* :'(

Doikers 06-08-2010 09:44 PM

:( *Hugs Nicole as best I can*

*Roots around and finds April in her hole and squishes*

Scarletdreamer 06-08-2010 09:45 PM

Just updated my r/v...

*goes back to hiding* :crying:

nicole94 06-08-2010 09:52 PM

*hugs mark* thanks, im just very aware of the fact i'm home alone and there is paracetamol in the house again and im finding it very tempting. :(

misskitty112 06-08-2010 09:54 PM

Hey guys,
So I'm sorry for my lack of individuals... too much reading for my brain.
but *hugs everybody* I did notice quite a few people having a hard time... so I hope it gets better for all of us.

Last night I went to a Young Women's Conference with a few of my friends. It hit me hard, it was all about good relationships vs bad (I've known for a while, my relationship is severely emotionally abusive, and becoming increasingly close to physically... So even though we're technically not together but still kinda together it hurt), and then it was also about seeing yourself as beautiful of worthy and love and such.... which we all know I don't see myself as. Also, since it was a Christian thing, there was a local worship band there called Treehands, and I got their CDs cause they've written so many songs about bad times that could've been written about me.

And... I've been triggered since last night. go figure.

Scarletdreamer 06-08-2010 10:24 PM

*cuddles Felicia & Nicole and then goes back into hiding* :( Sorry, am not much use tonight...

nicole94 06-08-2010 10:25 PM

*cuddles everyone* dont worry april, neither am i.

Doikers 06-08-2010 10:31 PM

*Hugs Felicia* Do you like your new CD's? Treehands and Tori Amos :)

*Hugs Nicole* Try not to give into temptation with the paracetemol:(

*Hugs April* Sorry I was quite crap on FB chat :(

nicole94 06-08-2010 10:34 PM

*hugs mark* im trying, i know i should do some ice diving because it always helps when im feeling like this, but im freezing cold already and dont wanna get any colder.

misskitty112 06-08-2010 10:41 PM

Mark, yes, and I also got another Tori Amos and a Fiona Apple CD in the mail today. I feel like I'm in music heaven, but I also need to weed out my old unlistened to songs on itunes so everything will fit on my ipod lol.

I think I'm going to take a walk guys. I will talk to you all in a bit!

*gives hugs and cuddles on her way out*

Doikers 06-08-2010 10:50 PM

Nicole , this may sound like a stupid question but whats ice diving?

nicole94 06-08-2010 10:54 PM

lol, its one of my DBT skills, basically just shove your head ina bowl of ice cold water, it triggers this reflex which slows down your breathing and helps calm you down.

shadowedsoul 06-08-2010 11:46 PM

Cuddles all. Hmm at the risk of sounding dramatic I may disappear for a while, I feel hmm I got no idea how to fininsh that really no idea. Sorry =(

nicole94 06-08-2010 11:48 PM

*huggles*

MammaMia 07-08-2010 12:04 AM

*cuddles everyone*

frenchhorn 07-08-2010 12:35 AM

*cuddles you all*

just had a great night, saw an amazing outdoor production of Romeo and Juliet, was just fantastic.
but now I'm home and bloody dreading tomorrow and the week that follows, want to just curl up and cry

Scarletdreamer 07-08-2010 12:40 AM

Hmm ice diving sounds interesting... lol... but kinda like a treatment used a long time ago in insane asylums, "shock treatment," where you basically were dunked in a tub of ice cold water until you came out of whatever funk you were in. Hope that made sense (and didn't offend anyone).

Am doing a bit better now, thankfully. >_<

Mark, it's okay that you were "crap" on FB... you weren't really, unless I were too, because I didn't really have anything to say, just wanted to talk with someone and I talked with you so that was good. :) So, no feeling bad and no sorries. :) You were fine. *cuddles* How are you feeling now?

Hels, Oliver, how are you two doing? *cuddles*

Nicole, feeling any better? *cuddles*

Felicia, I hope your walk goes well. And yey for music heaven, hehe, I was like that a bit ago when I had a new Delain cd and a new Sirenia cd. XD They both went on my iPod and I've been listening to them a lot. More Skillet and Plumb and Evanescence lately, though. >_< *cuddles* I'm sorry to hear about your relationship & how it's been going; I'd say get out of it if you can... because that's not a healthy relationship (d'oh). But, easier said than done, I know. Sorry if that was dense advice. :-S

So effing tired. Started another rep grind tonight with my main on WoW. Should be fun... >_< It's going to take awhile as you start at neutral with the faction, then go to friendly --> honored --> revered --> exalted, and THEN you get the reward (a Wintersaber [purple-ish striped tiger] mount). Woohoo. :) But geez. It's going to take a looong time...

Anyway. Ummm... I don't have anything else to say, really. Just really stressed and exhausted and anxious, all at the same time. And low. Mustn't forget that. >_< Haven't texted my NP yet, need to do that... :-S

Scarletdreamer 07-08-2010 12:41 AM

Oliver, what's tomorrow & the week that follows? is the the orchestra course where you have to "be a girl"? Sorry if that sounded dense, I really don't know a lot about this type of thing so yeah. :-X Don't mean to offend. *hugs* Glad you enjoyed the production of "Romeo & Juliet" though. :)

frenchhorn 07-08-2010 12:50 AM

yeah its the orchestra course where I have to pretend to be a 'girl' and you didn't offend or sound dense in anyway, I'm not understanding everyone in here to understand trans stuff so its fine.

its just suddenly hit me, I thought I was stronger and braver and could do it, but I can't, plus I won't have internet so won't be in here until next sunday.

Kahlia1981 07-08-2010 01:51 AM

*huggles all*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies - there's been four pages of posts since I was last in here. :-(

Just thought I'd do a quick update on my appointments yesterday if anyone is interested the full update is in my support thread.

Pain Management: Being referred to quite a few different people and getting an assessment by the physio - although he said that my hospital physio probably did "quite a thorough" assessment - so he knows what to work on. He's taking it to the meeting next Thursday (12/Aug) and then I should get letters. (Yay)

I walked out of there quite literally shaking like a leaf.

Psychiatrist:
Firstly, coming down off the Proprananol (beta-blocker) from 120mg (40mg/80mg) until I'm off it;
Secondly, starting to take Anafranil (tricyclic antidepressant) starting with 25mg nocte (nightly) for 5 days then going to 50mg nocte
These two things are actually happening simultaneously but we (me, my housemate and my psychiatrist) are keeping fully open lines of communication. I am emailing my psychiatrist in a week - about August 13th and seeing him again on the 20th.

Because I'm on a tricyclic we've got some special rules in place, but I'm really hoping that this works. I'm sick of feeling like a prisoner in my own home. I know that it will take some time, but it would be nice to be like a normal person . . . to be able to leave the house just for fun - to walk away from the house without having to have "a reason". *sigh*

Oops, sorry. Talking about myself WAY too much.

frenchhorn 07-08-2010 09:41 AM

I'm off in an hour , everyone take care and I'll be back next sunday evening.

*cuddles all*

MammaMia 07-08-2010 11:19 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Doikers 07-08-2010 11:21 AM

*Hugs Everyone* Morning :)

Hey Helen , I spot you :)

MammaMia 07-08-2010 11:40 AM

You don't spot me :P I posted before you aha!!!

Kahlia1981 07-08-2010 11:45 AM

*hugs Helen && Mark*

How are you two/both/all going?

*cuddles everyone*

nicole94 07-08-2010 11:52 AM

*huggles everyone*

Doikers 07-08-2010 11:53 AM

oop! so you did Helen :)

*Hugs Kahlia* I'm frustrated at myself , and numb (constantly) , the sedative affects of meds plus depression = me not being able to get out of bed at a "reasonable" time and I struggle to function at all until about 3pm when I "Wake up" and I'm usually numb/low so I just want to sleep ,sorry .

How are you doing Kahlia?

shadowedsoul 07-08-2010 11:56 AM

Cuddles all. Hmm being think is there any point in all this. Feel like want to burst into tears right now.sorry being pathetic. Hmm April would you mind if I pm you? If it's okay.

nicole94 07-08-2010 12:36 PM

lol, i told my friends that i thought it was time we moved on and made new friends cause we are too different and are focusing on different things, and this is what she just sent me.
y'know what? I reckon I've come to a conclusion. Now, I may regret this later, but I don't give a flying **** atm. If you wanna be a fatshit sad sack of tears who does nothing more than just sit around and bitch all day despite having good quality of life compared to others, who thinks she'll easily get a job in the recession with ZERO qualifications, who has deluded herself into thinking she's an adult, who has deluded herself into thinking she's somehow better, therefore USED ME, ABI, LISA AND ALL THOSE OTHERS AS NOTHING MORE THAN DISPOSABLE BACKUP, then fine. Go for it. You can go for it, we know you'll die alone in the end. If your new buddies leave you, do not ****ing expect sympathy from us. Thankyouverymuch, rant over. Reply as you may, I don't give a toss.
lol. she is so pathetic.

Doikers 07-08-2010 12:51 PM

OOhhh Nicole *Hugs* are you okay? That sounds harsh and an overreaction to say the least :S

nicole94 07-08-2010 01:02 PM

*hugs mark* yeah im fine. she is SO possesive :/ lol

Doikers 07-08-2010 01:08 PM

Good :) Not that she is possesive , that you are fine :)

nicole94 07-08-2010 01:13 PM

lol, yeah, i just think its quite funny.

shadowedsoul 07-08-2010 04:29 PM

Cuddles all. Hahaha today just getting better, next week is going to be intresting I reckon half an hour to a hour for hell to break loose.

Scarletdreamer 07-08-2010 05:30 PM

Oh Jill, love, sorry for not responding before... yes, it's fine if you PM me. :) Sorry I've not replied to your last PM... bad April, bad bad. :(

Am so tired. Guhhh. Hate being this way!!!!

misskitty112 07-08-2010 05:46 PM

School starts in a little over a week.

I'm going to have to make myself function. This not even being out of bed at noon just isn't going to work.

Doikers 07-08-2010 06:29 PM

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs April*

*Hugs Felicia* I know how it is to just be unable to get out of bed early :( I'm finding it hard to function too .

MammaMia 07-08-2010 07:09 PM

Decisions decisions decisions!!!

*cuddles all*

Wow that was harsh Nicole, glad you can laugh at it and not get upset. Is that same person you mentioned previously??

Doikers 07-08-2010 07:11 PM

OOhh Helen ! What Decisions do you have to make ?

MammaMia 07-08-2010 07:15 PM

Just thinking about going back to college (again!!), whether I could cope with it this time or not and stuff. I need to know that I will get the support that I should have received last time & never did. Plus there's two colleges I'd like to avoid and not sure where to go at the moment.

one_step_closer 07-08-2010 07:22 PM

Who can help you with those decisions, Helen?

I didn't sleep well again last night. I don't really care though except through the night and morning when it makes me cry and get frustrated. I'd rather be a zombie anyway, maybe it will dull things down for me.

misskitty112 07-08-2010 07:34 PM

*hugs Hels* I second Lindsay, is there anyone to help make these decisions?

*hugs Lindsay* I'm sorry you're having problems sleeping

*hugs everyone else*

It's 2:30 and I'm still barely functioning. I'm like a freakin' zombie, and it's not that I don't get enough sleep at night... I sleep for like 8-10 hrs. I hate this and it has to end.

MammaMia 07-08-2010 07:36 PM

I don't know...I suppose I could talk to my personal advisor at the job centre (I'm on jobseekers) in a couple weeks time, but it might be too late for September then....

Doikers 07-08-2010 07:47 PM

Helen , could you make an appointment to see your personal advisor sooner? Also could you get a prospectus (sp?) from any college you are considering so you could look through them and figure out what course you'd like to do ? Most colleges have like ... Open days I'll call them where you can just go along and speak to any tutors of courses you're intrested in and they will answer any questions you may have .

Felcia and Lindsay , *Hugs* I'm sorry you are feeling like Zombies, :( ,that word almost perfectly sums me up too , NUMB.

misskitty112 07-08-2010 07:55 PM

*hugs Mark* I'm sorry you're so numb. I really don't like feeling like that either. I'm not numb, I have all sorts of emotions swirling around.. only, I can't identify them at all... They're just there making me tired.

Oh, and I just got an urgent call for my mom about my cell account on my number. I feel like this means that my phone's in danger of being cut off, and I will have no way of communicating with my family while I'm at uni cause my grandparents don't really use computers. Well, **** it. I'm sick of my mother claiming she'll help me. Did she pay for uni? No. Did she say she would? Yes. Didn't she claim she would never abandon me? Yes. Who came home from uni for the summer to find her family gone? Me.

MammaMia 07-08-2010 07:59 PM

Mark, I know what college course I'm wanting to do anyway :) It's just difficult because I know of 2 colleges that do it, but their student support systems have both treated me shitty. One was before I got my GCSE results, so didn't know which college I would be attending (ended up elsewhere, which was amazing) and the other was the college I attended for a short while last year. I just can't risk it....

I'm going to search through my options over weekend and my call my advisor and see if I can bring it forward and see if he has any better suggestions/contacts :)

EDIT: Think may have found a good college, going to wait for their open days and speak to them ^_^

Doikers 07-08-2010 08:00 PM

OOhh Felicia*Hugs* I'm sorry your emotions are all swirling:( and that your family seems to be letting you down :(

shadowedsoul 07-08-2010 10:18 PM

Huggles everybody. It's okay April i know u got a lot going on. Answear the pm when u can. hmm feeling low still. Curls up and crys

Doikers 07-08-2010 10:27 PM

*Hugs Jill*

*Hugs April because I spots you :)*

Scarletdreamer 07-08-2010 11:34 PM

I'm so damn tired.

And anxious.

And just... blah. :(

*hides where no one can find her and cries* :(


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