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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedsoul 27-07-2010 03:17 PM

Cuddles everyone. Curls up tight and shuts out world can't deal need to shut down. =(

Doikers 27-07-2010 04:37 PM

Had a meeting with the volunteer lady ( Anne) She is super nice and I just talked about some of my problems , including my sui plan with her . I'm telling as many people as I can about my plan it's hard though. Some part of me wants help. Some part of me wants to die . I'm SO confused and conflicted , my mind is battleing itself and I'm caught up in the middle :S Sorry I needed to get that out somewhere....

I'm Scared they will want to put me in Hospital.
I'm Scared they won't want to put me in Hospital.

PoisonedApple 27-07-2010 04:58 PM

*hugs everyone*
just popping in to say i'm around and reading everything even if i'm not posting right now...

misskitty112 27-07-2010 05:36 PM

Nicole, I'm thinking of you. I'm sure you'll have a good time, but being nervous about it is normal. *gentle hugs*

Mark, I'm super super proud of you telling your plan. You are so brave. *hugs*

*cuddles everyone else in the thread*

I'm doing a bit better today. The post show slump isn't as horrible, although I expect a relapse in it sometime this week. Right now, I'm just stuck in the problems with the (ex? I suppose?) fiance. I know if he doesn't want me, then he probably isn't the one and I shouldn't fight it. But I'm terrified. Loneliness scares me. What if I'm undesirable? Untouchable? I feel I am, and I don't want that for the rest of my life.

Doikers 27-07-2010 05:51 PM

Thankyou Felicia *Hugs*


But I'm terrified. Loneliness scares me. What if I'm undesirable? Untouchable?
^^ You said this Felicia , I feel the same way a LOT of the time If you want to PM me to talk it's okay :)

nicole94 27-07-2010 05:56 PM

*hugs everyone.* i dont think im going tomorrow....

PoisonedApple 27-07-2010 06:02 PM

*hugs nicole* try to go hun. it'll be fun. they already know about your si right? and you know them all... i'm sure after a short time you'll forget all about your worries and just enjoy the trip.

nicole94 27-07-2010 06:05 PM

yeah they all know about my si. but i only know 2 people going, out of 20 :/ and i dont have some of the stuff i need and im too panicky to walk up to tesco and get it, and my mum wont take me :(

PoisonedApple 27-07-2010 06:11 PM

2 people is better than no people. *cuddles*
could you try drinking tea or doing something to help the anxiety and then walking up? maybe take music with to distract you from the walk and the people?
think about it this way... walking up there and getting the things you need and your trip will get you out of the house and away from your mom and siblings.

nicole94 27-07-2010 06:16 PM

maybe....i'd probably feel a lot better going when its dark (but my mum probs wont let me go then.) cause there wont be so many people about.

shadowedsoul 27-07-2010 06:29 PM

Argh!!!! I'm so stressed out right now, just want to curl up and die. so over this now.=(

hidingme 27-07-2010 07:25 PM

can we move in here? we are not doing well and having trouble figuring things out that we need to do. everything is negative and bad it seems..nothing seems to get better..only worse.

i belong here.. i need to just live here i think


MammaMia 27-07-2010 07:25 PM

Course you can :) I practically live in this thread =P

*cuddles all*

SoMuchMore 27-07-2010 07:37 PM

*hugs nicole* I think you should try to go. It will probably be fun and maybe it will be a great distraction from other things going on right now. At least that you know 2 of the people and you may even make more friends while you are there with everyone

*hugs jill* i'm sorry that you are so stressed. We're here if you want to talk more.

*hugs mark* i'm glad that you are talking to people about your plan and that they have been nice about everything. Its hard being so confused about everything though.. I can understand that. Sorry I don't have much advice, here if you want to talk though.

*hugs crimson* I was wondering where you had been lately. It's good to see you around! Hope you are doing as okay as you can be.

*hugs felicia* Glad that you are feeling a little better today. Try to not just expect a relapse... that kinda makes it sound like you are planning on one rather than trying to fight it... and i think if you can fight it that you should. Oh and I can relate a lot to what you said about being scared of loneliness and feeling undesirable. I feel like that a lot too, especially when thinking about my own break up situation from a few months ago. Just remember that if things dont work out with your fiance, then it was not meant to be and you will someday find someone who is completely worth it. You are young still (your profile page says 20.. so im assuming thats true) so just give it time.

*hugs jess* I'm glad that your meds are working now, but not about the panic. Having your arms on display might not be as bad as you think... sometimes people don't really notice... in fact, Ive found that lots of people don't notice unless they are looking for it. Try to do something nice and relaxing for yourself. Maybe that will help with the panic situation.

*cuddles helen* I think that you should stop texting the guy if he is triggering you and talking about rape. I'm sorry that he is doing that and that you are feeling so low still.

*hugs april* i'm glad that you slept better last night. Its good that the nightmares are slowing down. I hate nightmares. Sorry that you are so tired. Hopefully you are more awake as the day goes on.

*hugs oliver* Sorry to hear that that both you and alex are struggling. wish I had more advice then just to tell you to make sure you both know that you are there for each other. I think that is important though... to know that the other cares and will support.

*hugs beki, kahlia, and everyone else i've missed*

EDIT: *waves to hidingme* I'm laura. I don't think i've introduced myself to you yet. Of course you can stay in here. I pretty much only post in the ward lol.

Sorry, I've not been replying much. Life has gotten a tad crazy.

hidingme 27-07-2010 07:54 PM

thanks ..

ive got alot of stuff going on .. worries, anxieties..and i feel helpless and worthless..

wish someone could completely take care of me and make decisions for me..
just all too much..

MammaMia 27-07-2010 08:12 PM

Thanks Laura. I did stop texting & thankfully they didn't persist on this occasion. Considering speaking to police about it, my best friend agrees with my concerns that he could be hurting other people...hmm. Sorry I didn't reply to your PM x

Doikers 27-07-2010 09:34 PM

Luke *Hugs* I'm sorry you had that experiance with your local MH team , what that person said is totally f'ing ridiculous , is getting a second opinion an option from a different Mental Health Professional ? Sorry I don't have any really constructive advice . Nice to have you back though :)

PoisonedApple 27-07-2010 09:38 PM

oh my wow....i don't know quite what to say to that luke... just wow and seriously? wtf? really?
wow *shakes head* she ain't so bright is she? i'd think they'd admit you (or give a referral to being admitted) so you were safe if getting an appt was going to take up to 6 month... but honestly to mortify her as much as she's mortified everyone the response to "Well, your so low and suicidal at the moment hopefully you won't go any lower - fingers crossed" should be "yeah i can't go lower, just be dead. thanks" but then i'm rather bitchy and the woman angers me (and to think not even my psych nurse)

PoisonedApple 27-07-2010 09:43 PM


*hugs crimson* I was wondering where you had been lately. It's good to see you around! Hope you are doing as okay as you can be.
*hugs back and nods* i's surviving at present

shadowedsoul 27-07-2010 10:13 PM

Curls up, may end up loosing someone I care about. Not sure I can handle much more right now, everybody so stressed out and it just seams to be getting worse as more and more keeps getting added on. Hell knows what it will be like in 4 weeks. Probley not good which will get everybody more stressed. Can't do this anymore just need/want it to stop.

MammaMia 27-07-2010 10:20 PM

I'm baffled Luke... :|

Scarletdreamer 27-07-2010 11:05 PM

guhh feel like ****. :crying:

SoMuchMore 27-07-2010 11:17 PM

*hugs luke* What the hell? I am so angry at the MH system for what they have said to you. I am completely baffled by the whole things. I'm so sorry that they are treating you like that.

*hugs jill, april, helen, and crimson*

Sorry its not more right now.
Can't talk about myself...

PoisonedApple 27-07-2010 11:27 PM


Sorry its not more right now.
Can't talk about myself...
Here to listen if you need an ear...
*offers plushie, chocolate and hug*

SoMuchMore 27-07-2010 11:59 PM

*curls up with plushie and hides from the real world*
I'm just.. well to simplify.. i'm getting very tired of always having to watch what i say around my friends. Its stressing me out more than anyone could imagine. I want to just be able to talk without analyzing if what i am saying could be construed as mean/wrong... Its taking a lot of effort to hold it together right now and I dont need this extra annoyance. Okay.. yeah, now i sound selfish.. but saying that i don't like an (american) football team from another state is not a reason to get upset or think that i am dissing their state/have no respect for them... some people need to grow up. grr! Sorry i'm really annoyed, and this is going to turn into a long rant if i keep going.

Thanks for the hugs crimson.

April - whats wrong hun?

Scarletdreamer 28-07-2010 12:07 AM

i'm just so damn over it all. frustrated that jarrod & i can't seem to find things to do together anymore. he comes home from work, he goes on a run/jog (& i'm invited but either it's too hot, or i'm struggling with abilify side effects, or i'm exhausted, and i know i wouldn't be able to keep up anyway), then he goes on wow or does something similar. and even on wow we don't play together anymore because we enjoy different aspects of the game. i don't know. it's just driving me insane. :( i hate how this is going, but i don't know how to change it.

plus i mail ordered some meds really late today and i feel so stupid for that.... gonna be about a week before they get in and i don't know if i'll actually be able to get them at all... tegretol & neurontin (gabapentin). one a mood stabilizer, one an anti-anxiety. stupid stupid stupid me.

i don't know. i just feel like, well, ****. i'm struggling yet no one sees it. or maybe i'm not struggling at all? i really don't know...

Kahlia1981 28-07-2010 12:11 AM

Luke: I was tempted to ask if you were living in Townsville - where I live - (even though I know you aren't) because that's almost exactly the response-type we get all the time from our MH crisis/A&E workers. I hope you find something soon - I'm sorry I don't have any advice . . . I just really hope that your psychologist can get you that referral 'cos it sounds like you need the meds. But I really hope you do start to feel better soon.

Sorry for the lack of individual replies everyone . . . I have to go to the hospital today to see the psychiatrist. :-( I'm already starting to get a bit edgy. My housemate has given me instructions to have no more Xanax than strictly necessary so that the Doctor can see things as they truly are. He's also asked me to bring certain things up. [Mentioned in my thread if anyone is interested - link in signature.] I'm seriously stressing about it - but also because I'm going to ask my psychiatrist to set up a meeting to try and organise the Institue of Mental Health Services enforcing the recommendations from the HQCC and that means supporting my real diagnosis [schizo-affective disorder, DID] and appropriate treatment for the diagnosis - the two things they have been refusing to do but the HQCC says they should do and should have been doing. I'm a bit scared to be perfectly honest. And that doesn't help . . .

SoMuchMore 28-07-2010 12:20 AM

*hugs april* im sorry things arent going smoothly right now with jarrod. Try to be patient, relationships go through rough patches, as you probably already know... And i mean, you two sound like there are major changes coming up/going on in your life so things are bound to feel a little off for awhile anyway.
And you are not stupid for ordering your meds late. It happens sometimes. I hope that you are able to get them all.

*hugs kahlia* Hope things go okay with the psychiatrist and that he is able to help with the anxiety. Try to be as honest as possible. Also, hope that you can get that meeting set up. You should be treated for your real diagnosis, thats so unfair that they currently aren't.

shadowedsoul 28-07-2010 12:22 AM

hugs everyone. Sorry guys. I'm so over all this, so over fighting. Sick and tried of fighting this day and night. Trying to keep my anger all bottled up so I don't say something I later regret. Friday couldn't come soon enough, really past the point of caring. It will be better this way as I can't see the point trying to pretend anymore. Sorry

MammaMia 28-07-2010 01:04 AM

*cuddles everyone lots*

Scarletdreamer 28-07-2010 01:11 AM

*hides in the warren & cries softly*

PoisonedApple 28-07-2010 01:31 AM

*chuckles to self* some of the things people say where i work... true gems...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : gems all of them
"i can do that but then i'd have to bend down and that hurts my back... when i do the rest of it, standing on the stool, i'm just uncomfortable" _my mental reply= well then you must be too old to work here, retire and get the **** out.
"people in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones. they're the worst at... (trails off with list of bs)" ummm...p, what was that you were saying about glass houses?
both things said are by the rudest most condescending make any excuse to get pity points people in the office... she actually accused me of being racist because a person in one of our cases couldn't remember a name for who he talked to so he described her as "a short black lady" so when she asked shy i was transferring the call to her that's what i said was "he said ..." she tiraded through the office for days and didn't even talk to me for 3 weeks (not that i minded)
*rolls eyes and heads home*
*hugs everyone and hopes everyones doing ok*

Kahlia1981 28-07-2010 04:28 AM

*huggles everybody*

Back from the psychiatrist:
- beta-blocker has been massively increased
- next option is to add a tricyclic anti-depressant to try and control the anxiety
- he said that the anxiety is definitely not psychotic but most likely is from the schizo-affective, definitely agoraphobic or generalised anxiety disorder types
- the SH type urges he thinks are my brain trying to help me find a way to cope with everything that's going on
- he agreed with my diagnosis and has agreed to uphold it and support it if I required hospitalisation
- he also said that he would organise a second-opinion if required
- he didn't think the meeting would be necessary, although he would organise it if I really wanted to go ahead, because he, as head of my treatment team, could set and keep my diagnosis and treatment options

Overall quite a good outcome. Just got to process and work out what is going on. So ...... stressed .....

SoMuchMore 28-07-2010 08:35 AM

*hugs crimson* wow.. those people in your workplace sound.. um.. interesting. Thats so ridiculous.

*cuddles april, helen, and jill*

*hugs kahlia* im glad that the psychiatrist meeting went well. Hopefully you start getting some better treatment.

*hugs luke* sorry to hear that you had a nightmare. If it makes you feel any better, here in this virtual ward nobody would ever treat you like that. If you feel that calling your psychologist would help, I encourage you to do that. I know you are very discouraged right now with the whole MH system, I would be too if I was in your position, but reaching out to someone who you know cares could potentially help. Oh and I was gonna ask: have you thought about having someone advocate on your behalf?

I'm trying to write... and I dont mean journal... I mean actually write, caring about the words. Maybe i'll post it in here if I am able to do so. I dunno why i always get the urge the write at 2:30am.. but here I am. Wide awake. Thoughts going every different direction. Want to disappear and just want to be held.. to be gone and distinctly alive all at the same time. Stupid me.

Doikers 28-07-2010 09:27 AM

*Hugs Everyone*

Busy Busy day , Bloods to be taken by the nurse in less than an hour , then housing support worker coming at lunch time, then accupuncture at 3pm (I quite like the accupuncture when its quiet) , hopefully all that will distract me from my Psych Dr appointment tommorow afternoon although I am worried about the evening , I don't want to dwell on it I'm freaked out enough as it is :S

Doikers 28-07-2010 09:46 AM

*Hugs Kahlia* I hope the increased meds help you , you had a LOT of news , must be overwhelming.

*Hugs Luke* I'm sorry you feel so crap :(

*Hugs Laura* Writeing (Sp?) could be good just to get things out ,it could be cathartic , I know what it feels like to want to be in all different directions I'm doing that right now too :S

frenchhorn 28-07-2010 12:31 PM

I'm so lazy, got up about 12, its now 12.30, had my breakfast and now I'm just lying on my bed again, I really want to get out on my bike and go for a ride in the woods and I need to tidy my room and practice but I havn't got the motivation, I just want to sleep.

*hugs all*

*curls up in corner*

Scarletdreamer 28-07-2010 12:58 PM

*cuddles Luke* So sorry that the MH team that you see is being so crap. But other than condolences, I don't have much else to offer, sorry. :( I hope that the ADs you're going on now will help, not harm. Thinking of/praying for you (that is, if you don't mind the prayers). Hang in there.

*cuddles Oliver* Sorry you're feeling so low & tired/drained. Personally, I wouldn't call that lazy, I'd call it a symptom of depression. But I do really want to just sleeeeeeeeep myself, hah, and my parents and friends are kinda forcing me not to. Oh well. :-/

*cuddles Laura* I hope you managed to get some sleep last night, and also managed to get out some good writing. I'd be interested in reading it if you care to share - if not, that's okay too. I'm sorry that you feel like a paradox lately... I understand that, though, and I think it's something that a lot of us (here, at least) go through from time to time.

*cuddles Kahlia* So glad to hear the good outcomes!! That's awesome. :D

*cuddles Mark* Hope your bloodwork goes well as well as all of the other stuff you have going on today, & hope that the acupuncture helps a lot to calm you down. Anxiety sucks. Also, good luck with the meeting/session tomorrow... hopefully you meet some lovely people. *curls up next to*

Me, I'm going to spend some time with a "new" friend - someone I knew at uni but with whom I only recently became close friends. She's a real sweetie, I think, and is fun-loving and kind of crazy (in a good way). :D So it should be a blast. I'm just really tired is all, which is really super annoying!! :-X Hopefully I will be able to sleep some this afternoon... naps are becoming a daily thing now, which isn't that good, but at least they aren't super LONG naps, right? :-X

*cuddles all that I didn't mention & leaves out a tray of no-cal cookies & some juice/hot chocolate/coffee for those who want some*

shadowedsoul 28-07-2010 12:59 PM

Cuddles everyone. Hmm I'm feeling kind of low today, would love to just crawl back to bed and just sleep away the rest of today.=(

frenchhorn 28-07-2010 01:11 PM

thanks guys, yeah i guess it is a sympton of depression, I just hate it, especially when my mum is always having a go at me for being lazy and not doing anything, even though I told her I'm on AD's, she just thinks its because I'm a little unhappy.

*hugs all*
sorry no individual replies, I just havn't got the concentration at the moment, I will reply when I can

MammaMia 28-07-2010 01:48 PM

*cuddles all*

Feeling really low today, sore (damm wisdom teeth) and really ill. Ugh.

*curls up with blanket*

wolfos3d 28-07-2010 01:59 PM

*waves meekly* Hi. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, I slipped up earlier, and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever get the will to live back. *sigh*

*hides in the corner with a blanket*

Kahlia1981 28-07-2010 03:11 PM

*huggles everybody*

It's just past midnight here and I was contemplating going to sleep .... but really don't feel up to it. Just feeling blech and over it all. Kind of like ... I don't know ... I guess it could best be summed up as: I spent ages working on an assignment (web design thing) and then got it to work, walked away and when I came back it had stopped working ..... I've fixed it now but it just .... irks me.

Doikers 28-07-2010 03:38 PM

ARG!! My accupunctre appoinment was canceled , they didn't ring me , I walked all the way across town , it took me like 25 mintues , I took the scenic route but thats not the point , they have my number and I think they should have called . I was REALLY hopeing the accupuncture would help calm me down with regards to my Psych Dr appointment tomorrow which is FREAKING me out , will he hospitalise me ? will he not hospitalise me ? I want both and neither ARG!!

SoMuchMore 28-07-2010 07:28 PM

*cuddles everyone* I'm so drained right now. I'll try to catch up with individuals later. Oh and poem I wrote is in my r/v if anyone is interested... Its not very good... but at least its something.

Doikers 28-07-2010 07:33 PM

Laura I like your Poem , it's good , I'm no expert but I do think it's good *Hugs*

SoMuchMore 28-07-2010 07:40 PM

Thanks Mark *hugs* I'm sorry the acupuncture place didn't call you before canceling... that is really annoying. Hope that things go okay with the psych appointment tomorrow.

shadowedsoul 28-07-2010 07:54 PM

Hugs everyone. Not a great night tonight, it's crazy and sad when you see how bad things have got. and you know it's not going to get any bettter as there is no know cure, sorry just want to curl up and cry.

Doikers 28-07-2010 08:23 PM

*Hugs Jill* I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now:( we are always here if you want to talk :)

MammaMia 28-07-2010 08:34 PM

I feel like giving up.

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