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i feel so ****ing fat.
it doesn't matter though. never mind... i'm being selfish again. can't seem to stop. :crying: |
you're not being selfish, promise <3
*snuggle* just wish had advice |
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Good Morning Wardies :-)
How is everyone today / tonight? I'm tired but yet to have my first coffee of the day . |
I'm feeling ill with hayfever. I hope you feel more awake after your coffee.
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i want mummy *crys*
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Lindsay I hope your hayfever clears up *Hugs*
*Hugs Amy if she can accept hugs* |
*glomps mark* :) mmm coffee, it's been months since my anxiety's allowed me to have a cuppa "real" coffee. :( hopefully it helps you wake up. how are you doing this morning?
*cuddles lindsay, if that's okay?* i'm sorry about your hayfever... that's got to be uncomfortable. how are you doing otherwise? *sets a hug on the table for amy* what's up, sweet? i'm so tired. and i just got up not 20 minutes ago!! i hate this. [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uXZJrGsdeM[/ame] very good song... and not triggering at all i don't think. :) i hope not anyway... |
Hey guys.
I am in a slightly better mood today, I hope everyone else is OK. Being away from school is getting me down now, I never thought I would say this, but I miss it. I'm on study leave and I miss pissing about in phyiscs, my English teacher's bad jokes, my drama teacher's constant change of character throughout our lessons, I just miss having something to do in the day which meant I didn't have to think about all of this. I miss having someone to put on an act for everyday because although that's hard, it at least meant I had to smile and couldn't wallow which was a damn sight better than this. Anyway, how's everyone else? I'm off to school now, to do some fun sociology. x |
I love Delta Goodrem & that song April!!!
I'm attempting to pack my suitcase LOL! I go away on holiday tomorrow, but have to go to my Dad's partner's house tonight :) So I won't be online tonight, not that I've been really posting. So you won't miss me anyway I'm sure :) |
*Misses Helen Already*
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i spies a hels!! *glomps* i have missed your posts and have wondered why you haven't been posting, but didn't want to pester you... if that makes sense? i hope that things are okayish... *extra cuddles* :) and that song is amazing, and so is delta goodrem... and britt nicole... my two new favorites. :D
lia, i'm a bit confused. you say you miss school but then that you're off to school? :-/ sorry if i'm being dense :-S it's just that that didn't make much sense to me. i do understand missing school though (kind of - i'm pretty over school at the moment though but i have missed it in the past when i've had to take a medical withdrawal, etc.). hopefully your day goes well!! *hugs* i'm really triggered right now... not as bad as last night but still not really all that good. blah. :( we're going over to my parents' in a bit to do laundry and maybe do some target shooting, not sure. but it should be nice. :) jarrod seems to be doing really well after his op, which is good, he doesn't even need pain meds!! so i'm proud of him. :) hehe. *random* my head hurts and i'm anxious... grrrr. :( *hides away after setting out a box of cuddles for everyone* |
*hugs Mark & April*
Things aren't okay, oh well, sure I'll get over it *rolls eyes* Just want to get away noooow :P Well need to pack first :D But to do that, I need to get off my ass :D |
*hugs everyone*
Hels: Have a great time. *big going away on holiday type hugs* Sorry I'm not doing too much with individual replies at the moment. I can't keep things straight in my head and it just gets me all confuzzled. For anyone who has been following my struggle with the complaint against the Mental Health system: I heard back from the Complaints Commission. The independent reviewer has found in my favour and are making recommendations back to the hospital. Thank goodness for that. |
Thats very good news Kahlia:) *HUGS*
Where are you going on hols Helen ? |
OOOhhhhh April , I really like todays avatar:)
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*yawns and stretches gently* sorry guys that i've been awful at being there for everyone. Just cant kick these bl***y pains. I just wanna curl up and sleep all day and I can't because I get too sore. I'm done with being in pain now. I'm done with recovery, I just want to get back to simply being depressed. oh wait. I am. *sigh*
*cuddles helen, mark, april, kahlia, lia, heather, lindsay, and everyone else on all the previous pages* |
*HUGS KAT*
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Thanks Kahlia, *squishes lots* Complaint news sounds good darling :)
Mark, I be going to Devon :) Can't wait!! But I has to sleep at my Dad's partners tonight. Should be fun. *huggles Kat* |
Hi guys.
I understand I may have confused folk earlier. I don't currently go to school. Technically. I'm on study leave, but I go in as reguarly as possible to do it there as I hate my home and my family drive me insane. I resent my mum too much to be around her properly for reasons I can never admit to those around me. People know I hate my home and wonder why, but they never ask and I never tell. I feel really selfish now. I hope everyone's Ok, and I hope you have/ had fun your parents' April. In an attempt to cheer myself up, I am listening to Busted full blast since no one is in apart from me. Sad I know, but strangly comforting. xx |
Sadder still I know the words...
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ah lia, 'kay, that makes some sense now. what's study leave? - is it as simple as it sounds? once again, sorry if i sound dense... :(
mark, how are you doing? *hugs* kahlia, that's lovely news. *hugs* how else are you doing? hels, sorry about the "cut-off" chatting earlier; my parents' comp was being weird and wouldn't load the screen. :( sorry if it seemed like i was ignoring you... *cuddles* hope you enjoy your hols. :) i'm really tired... :( but i've been helpful this morning so that was good, i guess, i don't know. i'm so triggered right now though because my parents' older dog is all skin and bones and it's so ****ing triggering... they should just euthanize him. :'( he's sooo ill. :( *hides in a hole* |
I did wonder what had happened :P *cuddles tight*
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Khalia~ that's excellent news! *tosses confetti*
Helen~ have a good time on your trip. *cuddles April* sorry you got triggered hun. *hugs everyone* |
Hmm I'm not doing well today. iam a little upset and
pissed off. I fail to understand how iam suppost to win this one. If I don't say anything you worry anyway if I do you worry, if I walk away you will just worry. It's a no win situation. rocks back and forth mubbling this sucks. =[ |
Right, I'm off you lovely people, will see you next Saturday!!! :)
*leaves lots of hugs & treats to last you* Don't miss me too much will you LOL |
Helen! *huggles* I'll miss you while you're gone! have a good time!
(I still spy you.. trying to get my bye in before u leave lol) WIll respond to everyone else in a minute |
*waves to helen* bye! have fun!
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*hugs kat and lindsay* sorry that you two are not feeling so well..
*hugs kahlia* I'm so glad that the reviewer sided with you! At least now something will be said to someone that they will have to listen too. *joins crimson in confetti tossing* *hugs lia? (i'mjustme)* I dont think i've met you before... If i have i'm sorry for being dense, but I'm laura. Sorry that you are missing school and that you're family is annoying you. I understand that to a degree, i mean, obviously i don't know what goes on in your family, but when I'm at home I sometimes feel like i better get out of there quick heh. *hugs april* Sorry that you are tired and was triggered. Try not to do anything too bad. *hugs crimson* how r u today? *hugs jill and mark* Its thunder storming again. I love it. Especially b/c i dont have to go anywhere so i can sit and watch. Sent my friend a message after he sent me 2 or 3 asking how I am and i skillfully avoiding answering every one with the information he actually wanted to know. But then I got one with direct questions that I could not avoid. So i guess now he is going to know about how different things are getting. With my ex gone at field training for the air force, things really are different for me... It's bad but I don't feel the need to be friends with all of his friends while he is away. In fact, it almost feels wrong when I hang out with them now. But that is kinda bad b/c that is my only social group here at uni really. I love my work people, but I just met them so we don't really hang outside of work. Anyway, this is getting long I know. And I have no idea why I am typing it all out except for the fact that I think I've needed to admit to someone that things feel so different... I guess this just reaffirms my "if i make it that far, i need to go to graduate school far far away" theory. |
Pops in and sees Helen leave in a whirlwind - hope you have a good time Hels whatever you're up to!
Hello all my other fellow wardies! Reggie and I send our love and snuggles and huggles! He's busy running round like a loon, lol, and I'm trying to rest as I'm going to see Green Day at wembley stadium tomorrow.....but they buggered up the tickets, they've given me general admission standing rather than the ambulant seating ones I ordered!! But I phoned them and its too late to change it. So I'm not missing it....think my crutches may need to come back out for me to survive the crowd, eek! I'm in limbo on whether I'll be moving soon or not. I'll keep you all posted. I just want to know so that I can then get the stress over and done with and bunny proof my new place. My living room currently has cardboard boxes blocking up things so that reggie can't destruct them, but he's gonna make his way through the boxes!! Sorry for all the self absorbed waffle, but far too much has happened for me to comment individually, so I hope that my post has helped to keep you distracted for the couple of minutes that it may take to read it. |
*hugs hayley* It's good to hear from you! Reading your posts is definitely a good distraction :-) I'm sorry that they messed up your tickets but I bet you'll have a lot of fun at the concert anyway, Green Day usually puts on a good show! Hope that you figure out the moving stuff soon too!
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I need hugs, i'm missing my Dad
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*huggles Lindsay and sits with her as long as she needs*
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Thank you.
How are you? |
eh i'm on the fence as for how i am today.better than yesterday so far though.
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*extra huggles for Laura, Lindsay and Crimson* just cos they're about in the ward atm - I don't want to seem as if I'm picking and choosing!!
*goes around ward, looking in all the holes and hiding places to give appropraite tlc to her other wardies* hmmm, to nap then do dinner, or do dinner then nap?!!.... |
i vote nap then dinner :)
*hugs back* |
Reggie has just been running circles round me - literatly! it means he likes me, I'm chuffed! Gonna have a fag, nap then dinner methinks. May pop back in later depending on my energy levels.
hmmm, strange thoughts, I miss you guys, so I wonder if i'd be better off still struggling....BUT then I KNOW thats not a sensible thought, its just weird how my priorities have changed and I've less time for the ward now I'm doing better....but I always think about you guys.... *toddles off for a fag before she thinks too much and gets in a pickle* |
i spy hayley!! *glomps gently* heehee... :) have missed you and your posts, glad to hear that things are going well!! hope that you do okay at the green day concern, enjoy your nap, have fun with reggie, and don't forget to come back and post all about it all. :P
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erm so yes... responses...
crimson *cuddles* how you doing today? have you "got off the fence" yet? glad that today's better than yesterday though... that's good. hels, do enjoy your trip!! i know you're probably long gone by now but just wanted to wish it to you again anyway. :) *cuddles* jill, sorry you're not doing too well, although your post confused me a bit as to whom you were addressing. *cuddles* laura, yey for thunderstorms... they are so impressive!! (as long as they don't have tornadoes along with 'em... heh) i hope you feel better over the course of the next few days - being low really, really sucks. (as you know - i don't have to tell you that!!) i'm sorry that things feel really, really different - but is that a good or a bad thing? *cuddles* maybe a little "change-up" in routine is a good thing... i don't know, though. how has si been lately? lindsay *sits next to as well, after setting a box of cuddles on the table for her and everyone else that i didn't mention in my responses - not leaving you out on purpose, promise!!* i'm so... triggered right now. still. i even took a nap for almost 2 hours and i am still triggered... just goes to prove that sleep is not always an antidote for triggered'ness. grrrrr... i feel so fat and ugly... :'( and those feelings are not likely to go away anytime soon. :( i see my new therapist for the second time on wednesday. i'm nervous. i'm going to have to take charge of the appt and make sure that she knows i don't want to do sessions every other week, etc. - exactly what i know that i need for recovery to happen. but... oh, i don't know. i still have to call the insurance company to see what my copay's gonna be... probably $15/appt but i'm not sure. that's what it was for my last therapist, and she was located in the same place. so yeah. i hate making phone calls though... especially to insurance companies!!!! anyway. sorry for rambling and ranting... :( *hides in a hole, mumbling "selfish selfish selfish"...* |
oh, and updated r/v...
feel so stupid. :'( |
*hugs lindsay tight*
*hugs crimson* glad to hear that today is better than yesterday so far. *hugs hayley* We miss you in here too, but I know that i like hearing that you are doing well. So feel free to post whenever you want/have time. *hugs april* I hate phone calls too.. Its good that you are trying to see the therapist more than once every other week though. Sorry to hear that you are triggered and that sleep did not help. It doesnt always help me either, or sometimes it helps a bit but not enough to stop anything. EDIT: Oh.. and I read your thread in the ED forum. April, hun, you are important and deserve support. No matter how long your problems have lasted it does not make you any less deserving. (i wouldve responded in there but i dont use the ED forum so.. yea) As for what you asked about me. I don't know if different is good or bad, both kind of i guess. Some aspects of life are easier like this, but I also feel guilty about other things, like I am abandoning or giving up on something that I am not supposed too. SI stuff is there. I'm following through on my "SI plan" that I made when I was at home a few weeks ago. It hides it well. I guess its bad b/c i'm hardly trying anymore. I mean i say that I am fighting the urges and i make it through a night maybe, but the next day i'll give in. I used to be cutting only about 1 or 2 times a month, not several times a week. So much has been happening lately though.. and if a lot is happening in the outside world, then 300x more things are going on in my head. |
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Woohoo! I just found out that Flyleaf is having a free concert tomorrow night downtown! I might even be able to go! *squeals in excitement*
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^ jeaaaalous =p
i getta see friend AND 'my kids' [triplets at church] tomorrow :) i spys laura :) |
iwantsleep :(
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Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't been very talkative. *hugs* I'm making vain attempts to get my life in order and it's left me feeling rather tired and unsocial. I'm up to the part where I get to sit around and wait for a few weeks.
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i spy a mark!! *glomps* how're things going? tonight's the biggish night isn't it? :( i'm sorry that you have to keep your happy mask on... wish you could feel like you could be honest how you feel... because i know how hard it can be to have a mask up like that. anyway...
*hugs jess* it's okay you haven't been very talkative, have missed you posting though. hope things are going okay - well done for trying to straighten out your life. :) proud of you. *hugs heather* hope you are doing okay and got some sleep last night... where are you located now? still in new jersey or pennsylvania? *huggles crimson* yey flyleaf!! free concerts = amazing. :D hopefully you do get to go... let us know and take some pics if you do!! :D i'm really quite tired. i have no idea what time i got to sleep even though i went to bed at 7pm... and i got up at 6am. so it's gonna be a nap sort of day. blah. at least we don't have anything that we need to get done... jarrod's still recuperating from his op so no hikes or anything, dunno if we should even walk into town from here. hmmm. i wonder what we will do today!! *curls up next to mark and dozes* |
So got to my parent's late yesterday afternoon for my parents big 60th anniversay only to be told by my SIster that my Mum had , an hiout previously slipped on the stairs , broke het foot , ruptured her ligament , but NOT dropped the baby , so Mum is in hospital as the Ligament HAS to be opourated on and the party is off .
Being in the hospital triggered me , bought back memouries of an OD years back , *Selfish much* Ohh Greenday in concert *Flaps in exitement* Enjoy Hayley!! ANd flyleaf too *Mini Flaps* *HUGS WARDIES* |
awh mark, i'm sorry to hear about your mum!! that sucks... and it's not selfish to have had memories come back about an od you took years ago, that's not the kind of thing you can control (the memories i mean - and sometimes not even the actions). *squishes tight* hopefully the surgery goes well... when are they operating or have they already? :-S
just got on wow for a bit, trying to figure out the whole horde side of things, hah. it's not working too well as i don't have anyone as a friend who knows it very well (i mean irl) that can show me the works. :-/ so yeah. ummm... couldn't focus much either. am anxious, tired still, blah. need to write up stuff for my internship (weekly report for my faculty supervisor and a post to my fellow interns on how it's going). grrrrr!! *hides in a hole in the warren to cry a little bit out of stress & frustration* |
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