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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

shadowedseraph 15-10-2008 10:04 PM

*snuggles* tis Becca

1ofmany 15-10-2008 10:11 PM

People like me should not be alowed to think. I am almost there...just need a little more time and research.

MammaMia 15-10-2008 10:16 PM

*hugs Becca*

1ofmany, why not sweetie?

1ofmany 15-10-2008 10:19 PM

All i think about is pain and death. Also about how my friends hate me...but they are my friends and dont hate me...do they? but how crap a friend am i if i think this of them.

Argh is like that 100 times faster and 1000 times worse shooting through my head!

MammaMia 15-10-2008 10:28 PM

*hugs tight* It's hard to deal with those thoughts I know, I've had a lot of them recently. It WILL get better. I know it's proper hard to believe that but it will :)

I helped a fresher from my uni today who I've been get friendly with and who also happens to be on here. It seems to have helped her somewhat and that's helped make me feel a bit better. I've felt like my mood is improving and the suidice thoughts are going away/less intense. Let's hope they stay that way eh? :)

Dramatic 15-10-2008 10:32 PM

A depression test?
How bizarre! I've never done one of them before.
I'm intrigued!

What sort of reading does he want you to do?
What reasons did you give him for feeling suicidal?

I'm glad you had Emma as company.
xx

Kahlia1981 15-10-2008 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hells (Post 1155112)
*hugs back* Thanks for making me feel less alone. I feel really guilty about it because if I don't turn up for lectures, my notetakers (I have 3!) don't get paid for working with me. It's like some of the time, it hasn't been my fault cus of my timetable being changed. But I could have gone in last weds and today. But I just didnt feel I could cope cus I was ill. Then had I not overslept Monday, that would have been fine. So I think I'm going to end up spending most of not next week but the week after (or maybe next week after all) catching up on notes/reading and doing any work I may need to do. Which reminds me I need to see my it lecturer about this assignment, well I may not need to once I've read it again LOL! I think I've gone into uni too soon somedays, I'm not coping that great...:S I wish I lived in halls, it'd be easier in some respects. So I could actually attend some society stuff without worrying about travelling there/home. I hope you've gotten some more sleep. =.

*hugs right back at you* Sometimes unfortunately things like that happen. I can understand why you feel guilty for not going. I hope that you make it to your lectures and tutorials as appropriate. *hugs*

*hugs everyone else*

I tried to sleep again but I didn't make it. Oh well.

1ofmany 15-10-2008 10:39 PM

I did a depresion test onece and lied on it. I told the person i would.
When they asked why i said cos it was a peice of paper and was easy to do it, why should i have to put it on the paper should you be talking to me?

She said "i see"

Detour. Derail 15-10-2008 10:47 PM

I feel sick :(

Dramatic 15-10-2008 10:57 PM

I have often wondered what the point of depression tests are.
Doesn't take much for anyone to lie on it does it?
I mean, someone could say they're fine..and they actually aren't, and vice versa.
It's quite obvious what the answers would be and what outcome there would be when handing it over.
I'm not sure if i'd approve to fill one out, i'd rather someone spoke to me face to face about it.

This isn't a dig at you Hells!!
More a dig at the doctors! Hah.
It's just a personal opinion on it! I know of someone who's had to take a test after having a baby - i'm guessing to define if she was suffering from PND - and she thought the whole thing was a bit silly as well.

MammaMia 15-10-2008 11:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dramatic (Post 1155328)
A depression test?
How bizarre! I've never done one of them before.
I'm intrigued!

What sort of reading does he want you to do?
What reasons did you give him for feeling suicidal?

I'm glad you had Emma as company.
xx

Indeed they are bizarre. But what's more bizarre is the fact he keeps doing them, like it's the first ever appointment he's had with me about being depressed :notsure: Plus the last time I did one with another gp and she's the ONLY person who's told me the result and that was mildly depressed & moderate anxiety, tho it was another test I think? You sure you haven't done one? LOL. They're like 15 questions and you have to answer them with never, rarely, often, sometimes, a lot, all the time kinda thing? He wants me to read two books to do with depression or something, I'll tell you when I've gotten them. I'm glad Emma came, wouldn't been able to do it without her!! Plus she's coming next week :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1155331)
*hugs right back at you* Sometimes unfortunately things like that happen. I can understand why you feel guilty for not going. I hope that you make it to your lectures and tutorials as appropriate. *hugs*

*hugs everyone else*

I tried to sleep again but I didn't make it. Oh well.

*hugs some more* Yeah sometimes it does. Though tbh, it just reminds me off all the times I skipped/had appointments in first term of last year. It was a horrible term anyway cus of a lot of **** going on and I had a lot of yelling at me lol. But yeah guilt doesn't help lol. I hope I will for second half of this semster, I'm determined to do so :D *hugs you again* Struggling with sleep sucks man.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1ofmany (Post 1155347)
I did a depresion test onece and lied on it. I told the person i would.
When they asked why i said cos it was a peice of paper and was easy to do it, why should i have to put it on the paper should you be talking to me?

She said "i see"

It's so easy to lie, even I've done online ones and lied before...but yeah =\ I know what you mean.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Voice Of Reason (Post 1155369)
I feel sick :(

How come darling?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dramatic (Post 1155387)
I have often wondered what the point of depression tests are.
Doesn't take much for anyone to lie on it does it?
I mean, someone could say they're fine..and they actually aren't, and vice versa.
It's quite obvious what the answers would be and what outcome there would be when handing it over.
I'm not sure if i'd approve to fill one out, i'd rather someone spoke to me face to face about it.

This isn't a dig at you Hells!!
More a dig at the doctors! Hah.
It's just a personal opinion on it! I know of someone who's had to take a test after having a baby - i'm guessing to define if she was suffering from PND - and she thought the whole thing was a bit silly as well.

Oh I knew it wasn't a dig anyway lol. But you're right, what is the point? Though I think some if not all use it to help make up their mind if it's just really anxiety or depression or both.....I didn't even fill this one out. I gabe the answers lol. I felt all confused lol.

Dramatic 15-10-2008 11:13 PM

Nope, i've definatly never done one!
I've seen 3 different GP's at different stages of my life with depression (17 - 18 & 20) and i've never taken one.
I wonder why they give them to some patients and not others? Hmmm.

What's the outcome of the appointment though? Did he just want you to read these books or did he offer advice etc?
xx

MammaMia 15-10-2008 11:14 PM

Oooh strange. Maybe ours does it because we have collberations with mental health or something (ask emma what I mean, she'll remember lol).

The outcome was for the reading, to see him next week and to go back if I get really desperate to the point I'm gonna do something!!!

Kahlia1981 16-10-2008 12:37 AM

I've done a MHI ... well several actually ... and they sound kind of similar. The last time I did one I added boxes of my own because nothing they had there really fitted how I was doing/feeling. Also because I hate my case manager. For me she is totally useless .... she's a fricking goldfish. Hence why I haven't been to see her for awhile.

While psychotherapy of some description may help me, I need to be well first.

*hugs everyone*

MammaMia 16-10-2008 12:45 AM

*hugs you loads*

Kahlia1981 16-10-2008 01:19 AM

*hugs you back Helen*

Dramatic 16-10-2008 01:20 AM

Hells are you in chat?
If so, what room?
If not - go on and tell me what room!
<3

*Hugs to everybody/anybody who needs it*

MammaMia 16-10-2008 02:19 AM

*hugs Kahila*

Laura, you still around? I'll go into one of the serious rooms if u stil wanna chat? *goes onto chat*

shadowedseraph 16-10-2008 09:10 AM

Morning all *hands out hugs*

zowie 16-10-2008 11:56 AM

Realised I only fit in about 4 tops and 2 trousers (one pair is too big, and one pair is a bit tight). I've put on so much weight. :(

shadowedseraph 16-10-2008 12:00 PM

*snuggles zowie* dont let it bother you too much honey

MammaMia 16-10-2008 01:04 PM

*hugs Becca & Zowie :)*

Having a bad day- can't wait to see my friend in a bit :(

Auburn Shadow 16-10-2008 01:13 PM

*hugs Hells*

Sorry haven't replied to your text hun, phone's kinda broken :/ I'm around if you wanna talk anyways hunni.

loves you always
xxx

shadowedseraph 16-10-2008 01:17 PM

*hugs Helen back* whats up sweet heart?

Pomegranate 16-10-2008 03:56 PM

*hugs everyone* I've taken a MH day today and given myself the day off uni.

Don't worry about it Zowie, it will probably settle soon *hugs*

Whats up Hells? *hugs*

Dramatic 16-10-2008 04:04 PM

*Curls up into the corner in complete exhaustion*

Bah.
Does someone mind knocking me over the head so i can get some sleep?
Gone 4pm, still not slept.
Hours worth of panic attacks for the past week due to the start of a new combination of meds.
Nightmares throughout the night, waking up in a hot sweat, more panic attacks.

Tired. Tired. Tired.
And i feel like my heads going to drop off my shoulders because it's hurting so much.

I'll shut up whinging now and go curl into a corner.
Feel free to come cuddle me, i need the company.

*Hugs everyone who needs it and leaves quietly*

Pomegranate 16-10-2008 04:17 PM

*sits next to you and gives you a cuddle* Don't worry about whingeing x

MammaMia 16-10-2008 05:46 PM

*hugs everyone*

Grrrr today has been seriously **** man. I didn't go to sleep until like 4.30 So anyway moving on to today.. Firstly I decided to try a different way into uni and went wrong at one point, so had to get off a bus that I didnt need and walk back a MILE to the train station. Then a frigging fast train had to pass through didnt it? Stuipd brain. Stuipd thoughts. Stuipd Hells. Then I eventually made it off the train and then couldn't find the bus stop. Once I got on the bus, i then suddenly realised I forgot my ID car and was possibly not going to be at uni for 10.15 (tho my lecture didnt start til 10.35) and was only 5 mins in meeting Nosheeen, or would have been had she turned up on time. She was then late. So we were both late for the lecture, I couldnt follow him today cus of missing the beginning and sitting in the worst place possible. Actually fell asleep on a desk yay :P Then was really getting pissed off when we left (cus today was going so wrong). Went to tutorial later and he threw the pair of us back out and asked to come back later, but we didn't because Nosheen had to go and I can't understand him and so wouldnt have followed or been able to make notes (this will serve me right in the end?) and anyway then met up with James and had lunch with him. Then finally met Krystal (yes she's a member here hehe) and had a VERY VERY long talk and came home to find my sound isn't working all the sudden :S GRRRR

I am so pissed off man >.< I am actually crying.

Why can't I have a good day?

shadowedseraph 16-10-2008 08:24 PM

*Hugs Helen* My poor dear its just not going your way at the moment is it

*snuggles Dramatic*

MammaMia 16-10-2008 08:38 PM

*hugs back*

Sorted silly sound problem and you're right it really ISNT going my way. Oh and I emailed someone at uni about my dsa assessment saying I'm going to cancel my counselling appointment and she reckons my assessment will only last two hours or so and therfore I should still go. Well she can **** off cus there's no way I'm going back into uni after that assessment, it's my choice what I do and don't do. Yes I may need the appointment, but grrr I just can't go next week. Whatever.

Dramatic 16-10-2008 09:11 PM

Are you not able to speak to your counsellor and get a later appointment, or another appointment on another day?
It would be worth while to see if you can keep the appointment Hells, as it will help you in the long run.

The DSA may not even take 2 hours, they often give a rough guide to give you time either way so you can plan things around it (much like most appointments with application forms etc).

Atleast you're seeing your GP next week again so you won't be going completely without help if you do cancel your counselling appointment.

Hug
x

MammaMia 16-10-2008 09:31 PM

I know it'd be worthwhile to keep it. I can't see her any earlier than that (she has a 12pm appointment on tues I think but I wont be back) and then she's all booked up on Weds. I know this cus of taking a mate to book an appointment today.

I wasn't even given that rough guide, it was someone from uni...but yeah.

Indeed, I've been doing a little better, today's just knocked me a bit.

Dramatic 16-10-2008 10:32 PM

So alone.
So unloved.
I'll never meet another person to share my life with.
No, i really know that, i'm really not just saying it.
Spending another christmas alone is enough to want to top myself,
although, hopefully i won't be here by then.
And if i am, i can top myself, so i don't have to go through it, and go through another **** year.

Bah.
I miss him, and i shouldn't.
I'm ignored wherever i go.
Just another spare part people use when they want some comfort,
then i'm thrown to one side like a bad penny.

You don't know just how lonely i really am.
And i deserve it.

MammaMia 16-10-2008 11:01 PM

*offers cuddles to Laura*

Hope they help somehow xxxx

Kahlia1981 16-10-2008 11:31 PM

*hugs everyone*

I slept last night. Woot!

*hugs everyone again*

MammaMia 17-10-2008 01:22 AM

Yaaaay sleep!!!

Suidice thoughts running around my head.
So many ways.
In one morning.
But I don't want to hurt people.
I don't to let everyone down.
People need me.
****ing hell I hate this so much.

shadowedseraph 17-10-2008 09:32 AM

hurrah for sleep

*hugs Dramatice* i'm sorry you feel so down

Dramatic 17-10-2008 10:25 AM

*Curls up into a ball*
This feeling isn't good.
I..don't know how to deal with this.
I just know it isn't good.
If this continues i know i won't be here for much longer.

Sorry.
Thanks.

Kahlia1981 17-10-2008 10:42 AM

*hugs Laura*

*hugs everyone else*

I'm really stressed .... I have no accommodation in Brisbane if I go down there ... and my flight is booked. I don't think I can get anything back on it immediately and I'm not sure whether I should go or not.

*goes outside and starts screaming*

shadowedseraph 17-10-2008 10:52 AM

*hugs kahlia*

Dramatic 17-10-2008 11:13 AM

*Hugs Kahlia*
We can be stressed together.
Rest assured if i lived in Brisbane i'd let you stay with me.
Not that that helps, considering i'm the other side of the world. heh.

Thanks for the hugs girls. xx

Kahlia1981 17-10-2008 02:47 PM

*hugs Becca and Laura back*

I think I'm going to start cutting again .... I don't know whether I want to or not. I mean I do, but I know that I'll be letting my friends down which I don't want to do. I think I'm going to have to take a couple of sleeping pills or I'm going to be awake all night. Or of course I'm going to start attacking myself. I've made it to 53 days SI free but right now I'm ready to just throw it out and cut. Cutting would be so damn easy and would make me feel a bit better.

Someone please hit me over the head with something ....

*hugs everyone then hides under the bed crying*

zowie 17-10-2008 03:35 PM

Going clubbing tonight. Gonna get drunk and act silly. x

shadowedseraph 17-10-2008 04:15 PM

*drags Kahlia out for a hug* you dont need to start cutting you do need to sleep!

MammaMia 17-10-2008 04:39 PM

*hugs Becca, Kahila & Laura*

Haha.
Just woken up and so therefore I've had like nearly 12 hours sleep.
I feel dizzy and even MORE tired.
Plus my mum asked me to do something, which involved going going to my 6th form college and it had to be TODAY!!
Guess I'll have to call college up and see if they can sort it for me for Monday.
Or I'm screwed :(
Bet I'm going to get yelled at :]

Kahlia1981 17-10-2008 09:32 PM

*hugs Becca and Helen*

With the aid of some sleeping pills I managed to stay SI free for the night. I got about 5.5 hours sleep. Which for me is brilliant. Sleep is one of those skills that I forget how to do regularly.

Helen - wow, approximately 12 hours sleep ? I think you must be sleeping for me. LOL. You obviously really needed it. I hope that you do feel a bit better for it. *hugs*

Becca - Thankyou. I also needed to get what was in my head out into the ether (so to speak) because doing things like that for me can help me to work out what is going on, and therefore to prevent the SI from happening ... not always though. *hugs*

Zowie - hmmmm. I hope that you enjoy your night out. I'll offer you some quick hugs in the hope that it's a pleasant evening/night. *hugs*

Laura - Thankyou for the hugs. I hope you aren't feeling quite so stressed right now. Seriously, thanks for the support. *hugs*

Thankyou everyone for putting up with me and my rants.

*hugs everyone who wants or needs hugs*

MammaMia 18-10-2008 01:47 AM

I think i did sleep for you :) But yay on that amount of sleep for you :]

YAY for staying si free hun

love ya *huggles*

xxxx

Kahlia1981 18-10-2008 09:19 AM

*hugs you back*

I'd quite like to get some sleep for myself if that's okay with you. :p I'm having a really ****ed up day. I've decided that I'm going to stay in Townsville. For the time being anyway. We started looking at 3 bedroom accommodation but we aren't eligible for a rental bond loan. So for a little while I can only afford to move in with one of my friends. We start looking for two bedroom accommodation on Wednesday when he gets back from Brisbane. Hopefully we should be able to stay on top of things that way and not have any of us going through debtors hell. From my point of view that also means that I'll be able to move back into town which means that seeing Nicole won't be as expensive ... and won't take as long. Currently it takes me 30 minutes to drive to where she is living.

I think Nicole hates me. :( Well at the moment anyway. I know that she really wants to move in with me and our other friend immediately. I'm really scared that she feels like we are deserting her. Something that neither of us wants to do.

I've made it through another 24 hours without cutting. I did manage to cut my thumb accidentally .... it really didn't help. I started wanting to cut 3 times as bad. Meh.

*hugs everyone*

I hope you are all having better or at least a little less stressful days that I've had today.

*more hugs for everyone*

Dramatic 18-10-2008 09:45 AM

Kahlia - have you explained to Nicole what's going on?
She won't hate you sweetie.
It seems things are planning out a bit better than yesterday atleast.
Just hang in there hun. *big hugs* I hope you manage to get some sleep.

---

I have chronic period pains and they just REALLY aren't funny anymore. It's the last thing i need right now with my emotions going haywire anyway.

It doesn't help that a prescription i put in about 5 weeks ago never got signed by a doctor, or so i THOUGHT. My father went to Tesco's pharmacy to pick up my mother's prescription, which he did, but he was also given one for me (he works at Tesco's so they know me/mum/dad).
The problem is..that there's 100 prescription painkillers in there.
And they're the brand name ones i OD'd on back in May 2007 - and i had an anaphalactic shock (throat swelling/hands & arms swelling up/unable to breathe).
My eyes just shone in amazement.

My mother snatched them off me and said "I haven't got the time to be running back and fourth from hospital" - er, don't worry about me wanting to OD on them then..just worry about the money you'd have to pay out on petrol *rolls eyes*.

She said *SHE* was looking after them, as i only got 50 of these painkillers on Thursday from my GP. (He's limiting me to 50 rather than giving me 100 due to my OD/Suicide Tendancies).
The problem is when i OD'd 4 weeks ago, even though i OD'd on these..they weren't the brand name ones, so although the main ingredients were the same, there's ingredients in the brand them ones are slightly different - and my body reacts differently.
All i know is, if i just took 10-20 more of these tablets i wouldn't be here, because i was told back then just how "lucky i was to be here", and how "If i'd taken 10-20 more" they'd have a major "Fight to keep me here".

Gah. **** it.

The thing is, i know exactly where my mother hides them.

Erk.
Not good.

And, my mother/father just recieved a bill from a debt company for an Electricity bill for over 400.
The problem is, we aren't with this Electricity Company anymore, and haven't been since we moved from our last house.
We had problems with this company when we moved here, they told us to pay up so much money - which we did NOT owe - it eventually got sorted out.
However, they're now claiming they've been trying to track us down for 3 years!
What waffle!

The downfall is we need evidence to prove we don't owe anything, and as it's been so long we haven't got any previous bills from our old house. Why would we keep them?
Erk.

Which means my mother/father are in a major HISSY fit, phoning all these companies trying to figure out what to do.
We've already got money problems coming out of our ears. This is the last thing we need.

*SIGH*
It's just ME who gets the brunt of the anger.

The urge to cut is getting ridiculous.
And the fact wherever i go on here, chat, forums, i feel completely ignored.
Except for here, but i feel unable to open up so publicly at the moment for some unknown reason.

And i have no ****ing cigarettes, which is making me majorly grumpy, because i smoke 20 a day.
*Bangs head viciously on wall*

God damnit.
Sorry for whinging.
I'll shut up now and go sit in the corner in silence.

Kahlia1981 18-10-2008 09:58 AM

Laura can you accept hugs sweetheart ?? *hugs you if you can accept them* If I could I'd hand you some cigarettes too .... I'm also out :( I'm sorry that you feel ignored on most forums in RYL and chat too. I just want to let you know that I'm here and reading, and I do care. x - safe hugs - x

Oh, and we have explained to Nicole what is going on and been straight out with the reasons. I'm just really worried that I've upset her. :(

*sits next to you in the corner and offers silent support*


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