Why does my ex have to screw up my head along with everything else. All I want to do is curl up and sob for a very long time and then die :(

Keep getting suicidal thoughts. They're getting stronger. Though I know I cn't die.

URGH. I wish I could either live without the thoughts or just die without any consequence.

But no. I have to live with the suicidal shittyness.

*grabs a blanket, her stuffed kitty, and fluffy pillow and settles down on a big comfy couch*
Thought i'd stop by for a little bit. Making some chamomile vanilla tea- anyone want some?

gosh it does sound tough. I didn't give in, I have no idea how I made it but it was definitely thanks to some friends who for some reason think I'm worth it.

*hugs to everybody*

Hi Tara, make yourself at home :)

*hugs Kat* sorry things are so hard, don't give up

*hugs Helen* Men, pah,, they just don't leave you alone do they :P you are worth so much more *cuddles*

*hugs Cheryl* it isn't, one day you'll be glad :)

*hugs Arwen* hope you're feeling better and you had a good evening with your dad watching a film.

*hugs Secrets* hope you are feeling better today

*hugs Dayna* it's such a shame we can't just stop loving someone just because they treat us like ****, but it will get easier, hope today is better.

*hugs Gil* how are you?

*hugs Katie, kahlia, hannahbanana, Shadowedseraph, Jem, bex, Hayley, onestepcloser and anyone else hiding or dropping in*

right now for today ...

*grabs her stuffed teddy and sits in a corner with a comforter* away from other people. feeling suicidal. doesn't want to hurt anyone else

*Hugs Cheryl* What's up sweets?

Tat's really touching, Bex. Thanks for sharing.

*Hugs Helen* Aww babes, I know how you feel. He's not worth your tears, seriously. Forget him, try not to let him get to you.


*Hugs Kat* Suicidal thoughts are horrible, but I'm glad you know that you can't die because of the consequences and people you'd leave behind. When you get those thoughts, try as hard as you can to think of the good things you have in your life and hold onto that.

Hello Tara. Welcome to the ward. Glad to see you've made yourself comfy :)

Hannah - Well done for not giving in, that was really strong of you.

*Hugs Anita* We're all here if you need to rant or anything. Stay safe hun.

--------

I'm feeling alright today. Wishing I had something to do. Might phone my CPN as the stupid woman hasn't contacted me in over a month, tell her about the dark thoughts I've been having etc. I also want a meds review so I can ask her to arrange that.

*Leaves hugs*
xxx

I'm really sorry don't have time for individual replies.
Thanks for the hugs, I'm not actually feeling any better but hey.

*leaves hugs and biscuits*

I should be happy for him right? I just don't know what to think or feel. Feel so confused about it. And I know one coffee doesn't mean ****. But what if it turns into something more? What if I get a 'new' mum? I don't WANT a new mum *sigh* Should stop being so selfish (Y)

*hugs BigBear* its hard to accept things like that, i think what your feeling is completely understandable and not selfish at all!

Oh bigbear.. you're not selfish!!
My parent's divorce isn't final yet but my mom is living with her new boyfriend- she even wanted to bring him to my graduation and prom! I don't think i'm wrong in the least in saying I don't want the divorce to be final.. I'm afraid she'll marry him after... I don't want anyone like him in my life... and I don't know how to get her to see what a bad person he is.. ugh.

*hugs zowie* I can identify with that so much, although it doesn't bother me he tries his best to provoke me which does upset me. How did contacting your CPN go?

*hugs cheryl* what's a waste of time honey?

*hugs bex* thanks for sharing that.

*hugs Helen* you're worth more than he is honey, try not to let him get to you.

*hugs Eclectic*a* well done for having the strength to fight them, I agree with zowie, focus on the positive. Thinking of you.

*hugs Tara* Welcome, I hope you find it supportive.

*hugs wildly insane* well done for not giving in!

*hugs anita* Feel free to talk if you want.

*hugs Bigbear* it's understandable to feel that way, you aren't being selfish honey.

*hugs shadowedseraph and any other lurkers*

I just wan this anxiety to go now, it's become constant and is getting worse. I'm so so scared but I'm not sure about what specifically.

if you have any tea, or hot cocoa that helps me when i get my anxiety attacks, secrets :) or a nice long shower helps too!

It's hard to focus on the positive wheneverything feels negative. Though yea, I can't die cause it wuold hurt my mum too much. Ick.

I finally managed to get hold of my CPN. She's seeing me Friday.
My dad and I are feeling pissed off that she left it this long and it had to be down to me to contact her. Plus I need to ask her to arrange a meds review, which should be every six months at least.
Ugh. Greenacres are useless.

I have the urge to get very drunk and hurt myself.

But I won't, cause then he'll rant at me even more.

He says he can't handle the stress of my problems, and threatens to break up with me 'cause of it. Maybe unless I start lying. But I don't lie.

And I don't even TELL him my problems! He watches the posts on here to look what Im thinking and how I feel! So why read it to see how I am, THEN COMPLAIN AT ME FOR STRESSING HIM?

He asks how I am on occasion and I say I'm fine.

AND I'M IN THE WRONG? Hah! It's just laughable now.

I'm in the wrong for doing nothing 'cept living and typing out my problems to a forum THAT HE DOESN'T USE.

Tell me i'm in the wrong. I must be somehow, else he wouldn't hurt me.

Ugh, wtf? Sense: that makes none x_x *hugs*

Fuming at how idiotic ans selfish guys can ****ing be.

IT'S PATHETICALLY STUPID.

I DON'T TELL HIM HOW I FEEL CAUSE I KNOW IT STRESSES HIM, SO I KEEP IT HERE, AND HE READS IT AND COM-****ING-PLAINS.

my boyfriend's kind of like that too- i don't tell him when i want to cut and he just goes on about how stressed i make him... which totally isn't possible if i don't tell him my problems. I have a good guy friend I talk to once in a while about my problems so i don't stress my boyfriend out with them and then he tells me he doesn't want me to talk to that guy.
*rolls eyes*
boys sometimes, right?
eclectic*a he sounds a bit like a douche to you, and i'm sorry for that *hugs*

*sobs in the corner* I'm sorry guys, I'm back again. And I'm in a state. I can't handle this anymore.