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Damnation. 11-01-2009 05:32 AM

Katie: I've been a lot better ;-; *hugs back* hope you're okay

Damnation. 11-01-2009 06:19 AM

Well, I think my housemate's gonna make an appointment to see the doctor for me tomorrow

Damnation. 11-01-2009 07:08 AM

What's left...?

Damnation. 11-01-2009 07:11 AM

I'm gonna lose my home.

I'm currently losing the one person I need in my life to keep me together. Lmao, he can't even be bothered to try and talk now, he admitted that himself.

I give up.

It's over.

I want to die.

I've had enough of hurting. I don't see a ****ing way forwards. And I still lack that vital courage needed to finally off myself. It's laughable, really, how Goddamn ****ing pathetic I am, how much of a coward I am.


I CAN'T LIVE ANY MORE, I JUST ****ING CAN'T. I HATE THIS. I HATE MYSELF. I just want everything to end >_<

ravynsoul 11-01-2009 01:55 PM

*hugs Dayna* don't have many words; but have been feeling similarly myself the last few days... i know how it hurts.

*hugs Katie* i'm not sure how i'm doing tbh... i feel lost.. thanks for asking. how are you doing?

*leaves hugs and cuddles for everyone* how is everyone doing? hope things are okish.

MammaMia 11-01-2009 02:35 PM

*cuddles everyone lots*

Eclectica 11-01-2009 06:09 PM

*Hugs Dayna*

Please please please stay safe. You're not pathetic or a coward. Not being able to go through with it is strength. Actually going through with it is being a coward. Things will improve. Just gotta get past the current ****. It'll be hard but in the end things will pick up. We care for you so much here.

I'm winning and losing battles...

ravynsoul 11-01-2009 07:01 PM

*cuddles Helen back*

*hugs Katrica* what battles?

feeling quite unsafe, if anyone has extra cuddles or hugs to spare, i'd really appreciate it.

*joins Nicole and BJ under the bed with the denial tent over it.. with my stuffed bunny*

Pomegranate 11-01-2009 07:22 PM

*pulls up a bean bag and sits with ravyn* I have lots of hugs to spare. Hope you feel better soon xx

Dayna- I am sorry things are so crappy atm. I really truely understand what that feels like. Thinking of you, for what its worth x

Katrica- I hope you are managing to win more battles than you are losing. Here if you want to talk about what is going on.

*cuddles Katie* I hope things get sorted for you. Please don't give up. Things can get better.

*pokes Helen* I have already spoken to you on MSN. But hope you are doing better today. *squishes*

How is everyone else doing? Mary Anne, Nicole, Amanda? *leaves hugs for you guys*

*rocks quietly* nothing even, specifically wrong that I can figure. Everything just hurts. Last night was very bad. I had a huge row with my best friend and ended up driving back home at 3am. Not going to bother trying anymore.

Eclectica 11-01-2009 07:30 PM

Forgot what I wrote now.

My battle with SH I'm winning, well, the cutting part at least.
The mental illness **** in my head I'm losing.
Battle to eat less I'm winning.

The main battle is my head. I'm losing.

Mary Anne 11-01-2009 07:40 PM

Hi all *big cuddles all round*

Forgot to check in yesterday, was trying to stop a window leaking (we are having freak weather here).

Feeling low, weekends are long on my own (did visit mum on Saturday, she is now the proud owner of all the crap that is associated with my wedding to the he-devil).

Helen - you must deffo are not forgotten, *big hug* please stay safe

*hugs Ravyn* hope that cloud lifts soon

*hugs Dayna* not got words but hope you are okay

*sends hugs tyo Ravyn, Katrica, Katie and anyone else around*


MammaMia 11-01-2009 08:03 PM

I'm slowly becoming convinced certain people (not mentioning names and please don't think this is aimed at any of you in particular) think I'm attention seeking & never going to follow out with my plans. But seriously one day soon I'm going to snap and do it in such a way that I seriously will get death out of it or...or if its unfornately fails (as per ****ing usual) then..severly injured.

I also know that some people seem to think my moods drop to the point of suicidal because of something like assignmnet comes and stresses me out and gets me to the point I get suicidal. Well I know for mysef, that's not true. I've been suicidal at times where there was one due...but also times *lots* where it really wasn't. But whatever. Maybe it's a good thing in some werid way if it was just because of that. I don't know?

I don't remember most of last night, I can't bear to even dicuss it anyway, but seriously, I did speak to someone, she thinks I need to see a shrink (I hate english people subtistuting english words with american ones :S) meh. I cba with help anymore. It doesn't get me anywhere. But whatever whatever whatever. We all just think (except me maybe) that I'll be fine again in a few weeks. *rolls eyes* Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Who gives a ****ing **** anymore?

Sorry for last night.

Emma & Dayna , I am worried about you both :(

Eclectica 11-01-2009 08:17 PM

*Hugs* I'm sorry to hear things are that way. Being thought of as attention seeking is horrible and no one should have to be tought as such in situations like so.

But it is nice to think things will get better.

ravynsoul 11-01-2009 08:40 PM

Emma - thanks for the hugs and sitting with me. *hugs back* sorry to hear about your fight with your friend. did you want to talk about it?

Katrica - *hugs* keep fighting, the tides will turn; hopefully sooner rather than later.

Mary Anne - *hugs back* thanks, I hope so too. Hope that the weekend passes quickly for you.

Helen - *hugs* please try and be safe. i'm worried about you. *sends cuddles*

*sends hugs to everyone else*

it hurts to be alive right now and i don't know why or how to change this

Kahlia1981 11-01-2009 08:46 PM

Helen : I'm afraid I have no words at the present time. Just wanted to offer you some hugs. I know, unfortunately, what it can be like in regards to both being regarded as attention seeking and people seeking out whatever reasons they can accept for your illness and/or moods being the way they are. Sometimes they are explainable by these things, but quite regularly they are not. I wish I could take your pain away, but I'm afraid that this is something I am just not able to do. *hugs you tight*

*hugs everyone*

* * * * *
I feel like I'm going to break down soon. My father is pissed off at me for something that is most definitely not my fault. I keep harming myself in my sleep while I'm having that lucid dream and in my waking hours I look at those cuts and start thinking it's not enough. I've taken to hiding out in my room and listening to the voices. I just want it all to stop.

ravynsoul 11-01-2009 09:03 PM

*hugs Kahlia*

Kahlia1981 11-01-2009 09:06 PM

Thanks Ravyn, I needed that. *hugs you back*

Damnation. 11-01-2009 09:08 PM

*Sneaks in and hugs all*

I'm trying. I really am. I don't want to worry anyone, and I'm sorry for those I have scared. I just...I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of things always ****ing going wrong, and then being kicked further while I'm still Goddamn down.

I'm sorry, I have nothing useful to say. Just for a change

ravynsoul 11-01-2009 09:11 PM

*hugs Kahlia* thanks for the hug back.

*hugs Dayna back*

sorry i have no words for anyone right now, just hugs..

Damnation. 11-01-2009 09:17 PM

Pretty much same here, Ravyn x_o

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