I know but I'm a letdooooown
Look i up....

LET-DOWN: Noun: Also see Disappointment. Failure. Headcase. Alex Carter

Seeeeeeeeeeee....

and she COULD do better than me....it isn't hard....and she'll read this and feel bad coz i'm an idiot and then I'll feel worse...but I'll continue to type because I make soooooooooo much sense :pinch:

It's stupid.
I share too much information.
Like last night. Wanting to break my own bones with a hammer.
Pffft.
From now on I'm fine.
Fine.
Fine.
:-D

Lunch was nice.
Still feeling bad though, Beth is being really aggressive.
Took some olanzapine and waiting for the EIP lady.

EIP = Early Intervention in Psychosis.

*squishes ally*
Nooooo!!! *throws some soft toys at u* :P
Good luck in ur exams...i'm sure u'll do fine :-)

*cuddles emma* Stupid hospital and their policy..they should of stiched it up so it wouldn't get infected coz of the gaping hole. I hope u recovery soon tho ;)


*hugs susan* how is ur friend doing so far?? What is ur friend in for??


*Squishes alexx* Ur a special person :-) and definitely not a let down or a disappointment!! even tho i don't u that well hmmmm

I think I might grab an hour's sleep, but I don't want it to mean I'm up half the nite :(

*hugs emma lots* I'm sorry A&E's are so damm useless :pinch:

Me> I feel utterly ill today damm cold & hayfever on top. Jane was late today but I respect why and I really needed to talk to Julie about something and couldn't find her :crying: So I'll have to wait til fricking Monday now.I am soooooooooooo tired, and doesn't help that I'm having really bad nightmares =[

I believe there was a mix up with the names, certainly shouldn't say Alex Carter.
Hey ho; Bad - yep.
Helpless - yep.
Confused - yep.
Emotionless - yep.

*hugs everyone*

I wish I had the words for you guys, you're all wonderful, but me? I... I don't know what I feel anymore. I'm... oh, who'm I kidding? Nothing's wrong, and yet I still feel like utter crap.

*shuts up and hides*

Ohhhhhh. Thanks hun. Glad to hear lunch was good. I am sorry Beth is being so awful sweetie. Glad you took the meds though. You are trying, and you can do this *snuggles*

*cuddles her RYL lil' sis*
No, not you're not a let down. It's not stupid, and you don't share too much hun. I wish I had more for you but I'm pretty crap atm

*Hands Emma a glass of wine*
Good lord, that's not cool, I hate parking areas like that. But believe me I forget where my car is all the time... I almost lost it in a parking lot once... and not because it was too full either *hugs*
______________________________________________
Me? I'm ****ing fantastic (Read:Absolutely ****)

Pretty sure I am not going to finish uni... Haven't done so well in one class and no amount of extra credit is going to help me... Called in sick to work, not checking up on either job I looked into yesterday, and don't really want to go to the meeting about the place I want to live but I need to because I need someplace to live, even if I am a loser who couldn't get her degree because of a class she attempted THREE times!! (granted, I withdrew twice but still...) And it's just one ****ing class!! And I can't go home, I'll never be left alone :-(

*retreats to her corner, curls up, and alternates sobbing and staring blankly into space*

*sends hugs to anyone that needs them*

I don't feel to good tonight, i feel like i'm going to have a total breakdown, i should be happy but i'm not :( everyone is letting me down like my friend who said i could go over there for a week now changed his mind and now my auntie who promised she'd ring and come and see me today but didn't bother :( i swear this week needs to hurry up and end. xx

I neeeeeeeed an early night :(

*hugs Emma* people suck I have decided sometimes. But we won't let you down. I hope things get a bit better for you. You have been so brave these last few weeks.

*kicks Ally and steals bottle...screw the glass* you don't know you've not passed yet hun. Could your counsellor write a special circumstances thingy? (check out my technical language!) Replied in your thread but wanted to leave more hugs x

Auburn, you don't always need a reason to be depressed, sometimes it just happens, thus is the nature of depression. There does not have to be a reason but that does not invalidate what you are feeling.

Jess *hugs* you are amazing, I am sorry you are feeling so well, nothing, but bad if you get what I mean.

*pokes Alexx* I wish you could see yourself as the person we see you as then you would know those things aren't true.

*kicks Chloe up the &*^%* Where for art thou Chloe?

*leaves hugs for everyone else*

------------
Had meeting with M-H co-ordinator today joy of joys. She is helpful, not always nice but when she is not nice it is helpful if you get what I mean? Anyway, I am now not seeing her until 1 October because of summer break. Now is just not the best time for me to be left supportless. I am trying to shut out the bad thoughts but I don't have the motivation still, for , well anything. I spent hours and hours today just staring at a page unable to concentrate. I want...well I don't actually know what I want. I think I am going to ask do go back on AD's because this is just simply ridiculous. *goes to rock in the corner and try to cry*

I agree Helen, I think it may make things feel a bit better x

Time will only tell :tongue2: I feel so ill today and so so tired of being tired.

"not trying to hit on you but it was really nice seeing you that day. I realised how much i like you. Seeyou soon Ducky.X"

Maybe...all those years ago...it was mixed signals that confused him.
If I'd spoke a little louder...been a bit more assertive... he would have stopped.
He didn't mean to hurt me.
Not really.

He builds me up
He knocks me down
Way down
Just the way he likes it
Likes seeing me hurting
Kicks, stupid kicks
Can't take it much longer :/
Need. To. Get. Out

So get out huni.
I've told you this before....
I'm worried what he's going to do to you....
please....
pleasepleaseplease get out...:(

Why did reading that ^ make my bottom lip wobble? :-(
Why does part of me think know your right?
Why, just, why? :-(

I agree with Alex.

*snuggles you both*

because im your best mate...
and i wouldnt lie to you...

If you need to get out Jess hun, get out.
Put yourself as number one.
--------------------
Sorry for being really drunk etc...yesterday (like 3am).
Meh. I don't want to read what I wrote.

I want to carry on writing
Carry on losing myself in my own little world
My little empire...owned
Listening to my beloved Manics, hopefully, they'll lift my mood
Sorry everyone :/