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Doikers 06-06-2010 05:00 PM

So I have spent 1pm - 4pm in bed in an effort to not cut , it worked but I stll feel low , and not just run of the mill "A little blue" I mean full on slipping into a depressive episode and I can't stop it low , sorry

I don't want to be super-depressed again , I can't take it , I CAN'T , What am I going to do? , I 'm just gonna have to smile through the next month as its my parents birthdays so on gos the mask . I Can't take being depressed again :(

SoMuchMore 06-06-2010 06:23 PM

*jumps on oliver* Hey!!! We've missed you in here!!! Glad to hear that you're alright. Hope you had a good time at the orchestra course.

*hugs julie* How r u today?

*hugs kat* It's probably good that you are leaving yourself open so that you can learn more about your system. How r u doing today?

*hugs jill* wish i had more words for you. But if venting helps, there is no reason to be sorry about it, we are here to listen and help one another.

*waves to anarchistl0ve and wolf* Hi! I'm laura. Nice to meet you.

*spots heather in the corner* why r u rawr-ing? heh. *hugs*

*hugs kahlia* congrats on finishing stage 1!

*hugs mark* It sounds like you are having a rough time right now. I'm sorry that you feel like you are slipping into a major depressive episode. Its good that you avoided SI-ing though. Can you tell anyone that you feel like you are becoming more depressed so that maybe they can help? Putting on a mask is hard to do :-/ Remember, we are all here if you need us.

First official day of work... anxiety is through the roof. AH! i hate that i have to feel like this.

Doikers 06-06-2010 06:30 PM

*Hugs Laura * I hope you have a good first day at work and that your anxiety (GRR) doesen't play to big a part in your day . :)

I don't know who to tell , I am in the place of not trusting my proffessionals , I don't feel comfy talking to most of them :( I'm glad I can talk to you guys though .

ihaverabbits 06-06-2010 06:58 PM

did anyone else spend the morning cutting poop-cakes off of their dog's butt?

frenchhorn 06-06-2010 08:39 PM

*hugs all*

I'm really anxious, have my end of year recital tomorrow, stressing slightly, but going to have a relaxing night tonight and try not to think about it.

Doikers 06-06-2010 09:19 PM

Best of luck with your end of year Recital Oliver!!! I bet you'll knock them out :-)

Doikers 06-06-2010 09:30 PM

It's so early , 8.30 pm but I can't take much more of this , bad thoughts , BAD!! want to harm , so to bed I'll go , Pain Killer first as I have an Headache ( Because being depressed just isn't enough sometimes )

*Leaves bundles of hugs and fairy cakes on the ward table* Night night :)

frenchhorn 06-06-2010 09:43 PM

Thanks for the luck Mark. *hugs you lots* I'm sorry your feeling bad, keep yourself distracted from the bad thoughts, I hope sleep helps.

I spy April!! *glomps*

katnovia 06-06-2010 10:02 PM

*crawls in and curls up in a heap in a corner sobbing* Dont want to do it anymore

Doikers 06-06-2010 10:35 PM

*Slinks up to Kat and Hugs* whats the matter :(?

Doikers 06-06-2010 10:42 PM

As for my big plan of sleeping it all better , well it's not working , thats what happens if you spend all day in bed practically , I just eat a bowl of cereal, , maybe having something in my stomach will help me sleep in a bit , I took a Diaz and all my night meds, not even tired hmm, maybe the bad thoughts need doing , maybe I need to harm , again , to sleep , it's coming up to 10 pm (sort of) , I hope it's not gonna be one of those nights where I just get up and cut just to sleep, I would like to sleep though , I'm rambling so will stop , sorry.

katnovia 06-06-2010 11:00 PM

it's all gone so wrong.

he's got the kids, and phil might be there and hazel and..*sobs*i cant even think coherently

xxjuliexx 06-06-2010 11:13 PM

-frowns- wat wrong

katnovia 06-06-2010 11:39 PM

*breathes* let me do this in stages...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : TRIGGERS Sexual assualt,adult,OH and LONG.

I reported P last year cos he raped me when I was 15, and abducted and forced me to be his sex slave for 6 weeks when I 16.

P is being looked for by child protection.. and D knows this. D has told Police that he doesn't know where P is.

P is brother of D. D is father to H&A my neice and nephew.

H&A live with my sister S and 5 other kids.

H&A told D false stories about living at home, basically they are being fairly disciplined, but they are complaining to D, like kids do.

D threatened a couple of weeks ago to take H&A away from S if they said anything more.

D had H&A for a couple of nights tues-home thurs. But D rang S and said that H was crying about things being hard at home, so D would look after until sat. Now D refusing to send H&A home.

Turns out, last time H&A visited D, P was there and H&A were told to keep quiet about it. Also, D has rung S and told her to tell my hubby J (who is a policeman) to stop sending his cronies round and to stop bothering P because he hasn't done anything and has been mentioning things about the incidents that D says he 'doesn't know about'.

P&D have a habit of running.

I've just spent an hour on the phone to Police and s and J. and am so frazzled, my heart is racing, my hands are shaking, heck my whole body is quivering. My teeth hurt from being clenched. I'm frightened. I hear a car driving madly and I panic..J is at work right now. and Hazel is really restless, so I spent an hour chasing hazel back to sleep every 5 mins, followed by an hour of digging up stuff i'd really rather forget and without any warning.

sorry, so long :S :( I had to get that out.

nicole94 06-06-2010 11:55 PM

hey guys, sorry havent been on in ages, not had the time. hows everyone been? im feeling pretty **** tbh :(

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:02 AM

*points up at previous thread* can't. write. again.

Kahlia1981 07-06-2010 12:13 AM

*huggles/waves at all*

Sorry in advance for the lack of individual replies.

Kat: From what you have been though the fear reaction and what you are going through now are understandable. I know that doesn't make it go away. You don't want other people to go through what you went through, and that is really showing. My instinct was to offer you hugs, but I remembered that when my memory dredges up stuff from my childhood SA I can't stand to be touched, so I thought I would ask you first. I wish that I could offer you more sweetheart. This sounds like a very scary situation for you. I'm going to send you some *calm and warm wishes* that you will get through the next hour, and then the next hour and so on. Please try and hang in there sweetie.

katnovia 07-06-2010 12:25 AM

*hugs kahlia* thanks lovely, cuddles are okay, welcomed and needed. I just wish I could calm down, i'm so...well spiked.

Scarletdreamer 07-06-2010 12:28 AM

*sends warm wishes, thoughts, and prayers Kat's way as well* I will send you a cuddle in a package also, that you can use when you feel safe enough to. Sound okay? I'm so sorry about all that's happened... and I don't blame you for being shaky and restless and having such a fear response. I would too. Jarrod and I will be praying for you tonight... ♥

Kahlia, how are you doing? *cuddles*

Nicole, welcome back!! why are you feeling like ****? *cuddles*

Oliver!! *glomps back* Good luck with the end of year recital - I'm sure you'll do fine. :D But sending you warm wishes and good thoughts... :) How else have you been doing??

Hels, where are you today? haven't seen you about. *cuddles*

Laura, best of luck at your job!! I'm sure you'll be fine. Update us when you can!! :D *cuddles*

Mark, I'm sorry that you can't sleep... hopefully you can now... and I hope that you didn't have to cut to sleep. :( Sending cuddles and prayers your way. *tucks you up into your ward bed* :)

*waves at Owen* How're you doing?

Just got back from a partial hike... I am pathetically out of shape and fat. :'(

*hides in a deep dark corner of the warren* :'(

Kahlia1981 07-06-2010 12:29 AM

*hugs Kat* I know the "I just wish I could calm down" feeling hun.

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