oh and meant to add, updated r/v... if anyone cares.

it's another one of those nights where it feels like no one gives a damn. :'(

i'm sorry i'm not replying to everyone... i feel guilty because of that.

today's been an okay day, i guess. bit frustrating as i just want to make jarrod happy and he's currently miserable, or close to, due to lack of things to do on furlough, me being less than healthy, and a few other things. i don't know. i just want to make him feel better. he implored me to call res tomorrow and start applying, do something, throw myself into therapy, something - how can i ignore a plea like that? .... i love him, i do, but i don't know why it's so hard for me to show it. :'(

i feel so... bitch-ish. :'(

Hels: Hon it's okay. I've been in a similar situation several times. And in relation to the "bleed" ... I'm on the pill to try and regain my control as my PCOS mucks with my system. Been through 4 "cycles" and now had 2 weeks since the last bleed and bleeding again! Over it, seriosly. So hearing you on that one. *huggles you and sits with you*

April: I'm sorry if I made you feel left out or ignored. I didn't mean to. :( I wish I had some words for you hun. I guess that all I can offer is some *hugs* if you can take them or a *safe love and care package*. I do give a damn about you, even though I'm half way around the world.

Currently not in a good way. Lower back and shoulder are in agony. The shoulder pain extends down into the R hand - the last two fingers are alternating between shooting pain and numbness. And I have to go soon to go to physio. Yay.

Sometimes I just wish this was all over. *sigh*

*steals a huge pile of duvets and makes a fort in a dark corner and then disappears into it*

*cuddles everyone*
rosie- your writing is definitely getting better :)

*curls up in corner of room and hides*

I'm drunk, lonely, sad and I have no one to talk to...so I came to post here. Pathetic, I know. How's everyone?

I'm afraid to admit that I have no reason to live...at least it's been years since I've found one.

*slumps down next to Ileana, so she's not so alone*

feeling quite sad and alone myself at the moment (even with a house full of ppl).:sad:

Thank you Jackie. :)

*hugs everyone*

I'm starting a course with the Prince's Trust today but I really can't be bothered and i'm so nervous. I don't want to fight to live any more, I just want to die.

*Hugs Lindsay , Ileana , Jackie , Heather , Kahlia , Helen and Everyone else on the ward *
AND

*SPECIAL BIRTHDAY HUGS FOR APRIL*

*hugs/waves everyone*

**special birthday hugs for April** - Hope you have a good day!

I'm going to head to bed soon, it really wasn't a good day today. Hopefully I'll get a good night's sleep *sigh*. Somehow I doubt it. Oh well.

*toddles off to bed*

Kahlia, you didn't really make me feel left out, no worries. :) *huggles* I'm sorry that you're in pain right now... how did physio go?

*hugs Ileana and Jackie* Welcome to the ward, both of you... Ileana, I know you've posted before but I figured I'd "rewelcome" you. :) I'm sorry you're feeling so low and sad and lonely... wish I could help you. :( I know the feeling though, Jackie, of feeling "alone in a million crowd" (Lacuna Coil lyrics). *huggles*

*safe hugs for Amy and Julie* How are you, love?

*cuddles Laura, Hels, Oliver, JK, Taz, Kat, Kathryn, and everyone else I must be forgetting*

Thanks Mark. :D I can't believe that it's my birthday... lol... that I've lived to be this age (not that I'm old, it's just, well, I didn't think I'd make it past 20 and here I am at 22). Woohoo... *curls up next to Mark and bounces a little* Hehe... yeah, I'm like a little kid... but this is the first time someone's wished me a happy birthday online really... Jarrod didn't even wish me a happy birthday when I woke up, so yeah. :)

Happy Birthday April :D

*cuddles everyone else*

*cuddles Lindsay since she missed her the first time 'round* I think it's good you're doing that course, sweet, even though I don't know exactly what it is. (What is it? lol... sorry :-S) Maybe it will give you something to live for...

*cuddles Hels and spies Mark, so cuddles him too* :)

Hahahaha, I have to go queue soon for THREE hours. I must be mad right? :P Tonight's going to be amazing =]

Thanks or the hugs and acknowledgements.

Feeling a little better..........sort of.

*curls up on a lounge somewhere to not think*

Queue for what, Hels? *huggles*

Jackie, glad that you're feeling a little better. :) *hugs*

I'm at my internship now... I'm hoping I don't have to stay for the 4pm meeting as I'm supposed to be at my parents at 5pm and I want to have time to stop at home and get changed before that. GRRRRR ARGH.

Ahhh so tired...

*hides in the warren* :(

Kahlia , I've had this problem with my meds making me tired and no motivation and apathetic for a while , I bought it upith my PyschDr and he said "that what those meds are supposed to do" hmmm I guess it's better than full blown constant suicidal depression and I still get Sui urges just not ALL the time but I knows I am depressed more days than I'm not :(.
Sorry

Whats you queing(Spelling?) for Helen ? :)

*spies Mark and cuddles him* I'm sorry that your meds have made you numb & apathetic, but yeh, I do suppose it's better than being constantly madly suicidal. :( I wish I could help you more, love... :(

Ugh, my head hurts. I'm dehydrated I think, and I have eaten practically nothing yet today... that's probably why. :-/ But I don't want to eat my "lunch" yet as it's only 9:35am and I have hours yet before I can go home. :( Boo hiss. I hate waiting. I hate not having a lot to do. I hate no one noticing (here - at my internship) that it's my birthday. :(

I'm so sick of life. I really am. So over it. Just want it to end... and I wish that I could be HAPPY, damnit, on my birthday!! but no, I'm not. Not right now anyway. But Jarrod got me a TWLOHA shirt for my pressie and I'm wearing it now... so that makes me smile. Hehe. :)

*hides in the warren, in a deep dark corner where no one can find her*

*Snuffles out April in her hidey hole and Squishes her*