Why thank you, Mark!! *cuddles* (oh and I spy you!! :D) How are you doing today? I'm also glad that you didn't die when you attempted (or planned to)... if you did die now I would miss you so much. :( But, that's getting morbid 'cause I'm not gonna let you die now. Hehe. Aaanyway... have you been playing Runescape much lately? what's it like? (never played it - Jarrod says it's not much like WoW)

Hels, how are you doing now, love? And if it helps any, I'm struggling with delayed grieving now... won't go into details now as it's the beginning of the day and I don't want to get too low, am already feeling sad and shitty. :( But as JK said, time heals... you'll get through this.*holds you & rocks gently*

JK, how're you? *hugs*

Kahlia, I've heard that "****itall" thing before... but it still made me smile. :P There should be a magic cure... but sadly, no go... :( How are you doing today/tonight? *squishes gently*

My bestie finally texted me... at 6am today... apologizing for yesterday like it was no biggie. :crying:

I'm just a mess. :(

*jumps for joy on finding April* glad your friend texted, yeah I get all weird when my friends don't reply, might well be part of depression and the like huh.

I just put a picture of myself up on
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...79#post2235779 , if anyone's interested in who I am. *hides and shakes a little*

Probably I will take it off again tomorrow, but just wanted to introduce myself to you lot.

I'm a bit fragile, but off to bed very soon, all tucked up and drugged up and safe from harm today. One day at a time for us all, we're all survivors in here, I too could have succeeded in any one of my ? attempts all those years ago, and tbh I would have missed a hell of a lot of fun stuff.

*leaves hugs for all and wanders off in her PJs*

*huggles everyone*

Re the "****itall" drug. The segment is hilarious the way he does it. "Your life is crap? ****itall." etc. His standup is very funny but definitely not for kids.

I am ... surviving. Having major issues with su and si urges and anxiety. Having to leave rooms etc at times to allow myself to gain control. I'll be okay, just not quite sure what is going on. Guess I'll have to wait and see.

*big hugs for everybody*

JK, you're very pretty. :) I love the setting for the picture. Sleep well... sweet dreams, be as snug as a bug in a rug (lol)... and talk with you, well, later today. Hehe. And I'm glad that you didn't succeed in your attempts either. *hugs*

Kahlia *cuddles* I'm sorry that you're struggling so at the moment... but it will pass, as you said... it just takes time. :( I wish I could help more... I'm here if you need to talk and I can offer a cat to snuggle. Hehe. *more cuddles*

I'm off to my SW appt in a bit... am not really looking forward to it, feel like such a failure in therapy because I can't get my words out right. I don't understand why people call me "brilliant" (my advisor) or "very intelligent" (my parents and friends) when I can't make forward progress in therapy, and feel stuck all of the time, etc., etc., etc. :crying: I don't know what to do, I honestly don't...

I need to update my r/v thread but I don't have the time now... probably will around 9am though.

*cuddles all* ♥

*cuddles everyone*

April: *big hugs* I hope things go okay with your SW appointment. Talking about what's going on in our lives can be far from easy. I always struggle with it. Feelings and thoughts can be hard to express, especially when your mood isn't playing ball. Just take it easy on yourself.

*huggles everyone else lots*

Lots of posts but will attempt to reply to them all. But definitely cuddles all round. I wish I could make us all feel better too :( We have each other, even when we can't support, we still have each other right? :)

I've heard of that I think. It would be very very nice.

I know time heals, even if me (and my closest best friend) hate that phrase so much!! Impatient ;) But thank you, seriously. It is tough. There's four days that are the worst, the -rword- that made her happen (that day/anniversary is traumatic in itself), anniversary of when she died, what would have been her birthday & Christmas... Never seems to feel any better, but I'm sure you're right. I don't feel like I've ever properly cried about it. Perhaps on one occasion last year when I was really going for it & about lots. Obviously I've had a few tears since then, but nothing much. Maybe I shouldn't? I know some of my real life friends, well definitely one, belvies that I shouldn't have decided what sex & name. As "it's made it harder for you to forget about it". Well...I don't want to forget about 'it'. She may not be here, but she's still MY baby, MY daughter, a HUMAN BEING!!! Yes, she didn't do all her growing, yes she didn't ever get born, but she's still a person to me :'( Sorry..P.S. I love your picture, you're so pretty <3

*clings* Sorry. I'm not doing so well today. Yet I have a sudden burst of :D :D :D I'm bit scared lol. Had another nightmare this morning, thankfully I can't really remember anything :) Sorry you're not doing so well but glad your best friend texted. That's good right?!

I'm glad you're surviving, but I'm sorry you're struggling sweetheart. We're all here for you *snuggles*

I hope it goes well. I can understand not looking forward to it. I remember dreading several counselling appointments (ok, not same thing but still). You're not a failure. All sorts of people struggle to get words out/talk and stuff. It can be so hard & daunting sometimes. I remember one session, I had to talk about thatrword and couldn't talk and struggled when I could. But you ARE intelligent, brilliant etc. You're a really good friend of mine. Hate anything to happen to you April :(

Kahlia, we were writing at the same time, big cuddles.

hey everyone *hugs*

helen-how you feeling today hun?

JK-*handes a basket full of positive energy*-there you go lol

Breathless. Hopefully it'll pass soon :S

You? *cuddles*

*hugs* aaw. why you feeling breathless hun? im good, bit nervous cause i've got DBT today and i hate it, but i'll be fine lol

I don't know. I'm not surprised you're nervous. Hope it goes well. What time is it at? :)

oh ok lol. it's at 3.30. not looking forward to it :/

I spy a Helen!! *pounces* Hehe... *holds and rocks some more* You'll be okay, sorry to hear that you're not feeling the best right now though. Is the breathlessness gone yet??

*hugs Nicole* Best of luck with the DBT, I've heard that it can be difficult so I don't blame you for being nervous about it. But I'm sure it will go fine. :)

I just got back from breakfast, and then going & buying stuff from the uni bookstore. Got some books by an author that I really like (Linda Hogan), whom I just discovered, and a "sweatshirt blanket" (made out of sweatshirt material) with my uni's logo on it. Woohoo... :) Spent too much but oh well... :-X

Feeling shitty but was really open with my SW. She's pretty much a counselor, so Hels, it wouldn't really be that much different from your nervousness about your counseling appts. I can't believe how open I was actually, it surprised me. :-/ I don't know if that's good or not...

*hides*

*finds april and hugs her* thanks for the good luck :D sorry you're feeling shitty, but well done for being open with your SW

urgh. sorry to ruin my bout of positivity, but my good mood just dissapeared :( my friends just been rushed to hospital with a burst appendix.........

*holds Nicole and rubs her back, if that's okay?* I'll be keeping your friend in my prayers and thoughts today... hope s/he will be okay. Try and stay positive though... because things are rarely as bad as they seem. I'm so sorry about your friend though... that has got to be very scary. :(

I'm doing okay... triggered though... I have to keep a food log and I'm scared about that, scared that the prof might think I eat too little or too much and judge me because of that. :( I mean, I could always lie, but... :crying: I HATE THIS...

But only 3 weeks of school left. :D That's a happy...

*hides again*

thanks :( urgh. now im really triggerd too. i dont wanna do DBT! :'(

Hey my fellow lovely inmates! *GROUP HUGGLE!*

well there's been 10pages since I last posted, so I've read through most of them to get the jist of whats been going on whislt I've been under the floorboards hiding. Still PMDDin, but I'm due on on saturday, so just a few more days to struggle through. I'm not feeling well today though but I'm determined to go to spiritualist development circle tonight. That may be a bad idea when not feeling well and not being sane, but I'll hate myself more if I miss the opportunity.

Anyhoo, lots been going on in my family whilst I've been hiding under floorboards to stress me out and worry me, especially my 23year old brother. I fear I am watching him waste away before my very eyes. The difference that I noticed in his weight loss in just the 3weeks since I last saw him is scary. I've posted a thread on the ED forum 'can you be sectioned for an ED?', so if any of you think you may have the strength in you to read it, it would really mean a lot to me. I so need to update my journal but I'm just feeling to overwhelmed with it all at the moment.

*goes out to smoking shelter - some chain smoking is needed*

I'm back from my ENT appointment , I had my ears sucked out with a mini vacuum cleaner ,it's an odd sensation , and super noisy.
April I have played Runescape a little but I don't "Get it" anymore I used to play for hours on end .hmmmmmmm
*Squishes group*
Oh and JK you look very pretty :)

*huggles mark* thanks for reading thread and your comment. Ears getting sucked out does indeed sound noisy and odd, lol I hope that its helped!

Time for my afternoon meds. Going to get in the shower and hope that that helps to revive me.