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MammaMia 23-03-2010 12:23 AM

I feel like that a lot of the time :/

nicole94 23-03-2010 12:24 AM

i wanna go HOME! :'( i want my home with my bed and my duvet and my teddies and my cat and my stuff! i want HOME! *sits in corner and cries*

MammaMia 23-03-2010 12:43 AM

Where are you sweet?

nicole94 23-03-2010 12:48 AM

at my aunties. i go home tomorrow. but well....i need my teddy and my blankets to sleep :/ and also, my uncle is here too, i dont like men :(

PrincessSparkle 23-03-2010 12:57 AM

Do you get on with your auntie?
Just try and sleep,the sooner you sleep the sooner its morning and you can go home and your teddies will be waiting for you! :)
whats your coping mechanism mamamia, how do you stop yourself running away and going crazy?Im tired of pretending everything is ok!

nicole94 23-03-2010 01:05 AM

i get on with my auntie...but she has a husband. he is nice, but hes male. i dont like males. i dont feel safe :(

MammaMia 23-03-2010 01:30 AM

*cuddles Nicole* It's a new day babe. You just got to get through next few hours & then you can go home.

Sparkle, my coping mechanism is usually self harming. But yeah, trying to talk to people can help aswell..

nicole94 23-03-2010 01:37 AM

but. what if i cant get through it?? i cant deal with this anymore

MammaMia 23-03-2010 01:46 AM

You can get through it sweetheart. You're getting through it.

nicole94 23-03-2010 01:54 AM

yeah but...i know there are pills here. and i know they're not locked up..................................

MammaMia 23-03-2010 02:34 AM

****, I missed your post. Hope you haven't taken them sweetheart. Keep talking to me xx

Kahlia1981 23-03-2010 09:08 AM

*hugs all*

Feeling really su triggered today. Thinking quite a bit of my baby girl (my little miniature schnauzer) that I had to get put down last year. :( Feeling blah and a bit meh, and really down. Just wish I could ... I don't know ... either hurry up to the other side of the depression or whatever ... but just be free of this depression demon forever. *sigh* Sometimes I wish there were easy answers.

*hugs everyone then slips into a dark corner hoping that she can sit and rock and cry and eventually just disappear*

Scarletdreamer 23-03-2010 11:03 AM

Nicole, sweetie, were you okay last night? Sorry I wasn't on, had to go to bed as was exhausted. :( I hope you didn't take the pills... and today you get to go back to your own bed and teddies. :) That will (hopefully) help you feel a bit better. And I understand about not liking men... in general, I don't - they scare me. Or stupefy me by how stupid they are!! My husband is a good man, though, so I'm not scared of him.

Hels, I'm so sorry about your dog. :( That is so awful, what happened to her/him... will s/he be okay? *cuddles* A girl in my Theories class last term, well, her dog was attacked by a loose K9 police dog!! And her dog is a miniature something-or-other, really cute, and was on a lead, doing nothing she shouldn't've. That was appalling. I mean, a K9 unit dog attacking without provocation or command?! :( Anyway, sorry, tangent.

Sparkle, I feel like that a lot as well. I think a lot of us here do... and I think that a lot of us have "bad"/maladaptive coping mechanisms for dealing with feeling that way. Me, I try to lose myself in something where I can be someone else for a bit, like WoW (World of Warcraft) or a really good book. Sadly, that doesn't always work...

I cut last night. Not bad, just very minor, but there went 2010 being a SI-free year. DAMNIT. Why does it seem like I set myself up for failure?! why does it seem like I want to sabotage myself ALL THE ****ING TIME?! :crying: I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of the semester... our senior sem paper rough drafts are due on Monday, a week from yesterday, and all I've done on mine is the outline, and haven't even gotten feedback on that. I am freaking out.

I just want to die... :(

Doikers 23-03-2010 11:20 AM

*April* I'm sure your S.I. is just a minor blip . So far 2010 has been S.I. free for almost 4 months for you and you've only blipped the once , thats really good going :-)*Hugs*
Yeah I'm the guy who likes Paramore , and Flyleaf and now Superchick thanks to you , which is a good thing, ( Although I still haven't decided which album to buy :S)

Erm awkward question , there have been a couple of posts saying you guys don't feel safe around guys(Men) , should I stop coming here ? I don't want to upset anyone.....

*Group Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 23-03-2010 11:26 AM

Mark, for me it's fine. It's mostly IRL contact that is uncomfortable for me. I'd say don't worry about it... sorry!! :-S *hugs* Oh, and I'm scared that the SI wasn't just a blip, because I'm feeling triggered this morning and really want to cut. :(

Yey for Paramore, Flyleaf, and Superchick!! You should also try Skillet. :D "Hero" and "The Last Night" are my favorites of theirs... :)

*cuddles Kahlia* Sorry I didn't respond to your post sooner... I hope that the depression lifts for you too. It sucks to be in that low spot for oh so long - how long has it been now??

*hides in a dark corner*

Doikers 23-03-2010 11:36 AM

Ok April *Thanx* You are putting me onto so many new bands my bank account will never cope at this rate :P I'll have to be sensible and just check out Superchick for now . *Hugs you and hopes the trigger goes away* and no sorry's! I seem to remember you telling me that was the rule in here :)

Possible trigger S.I.

There was something else but it's gone clean out of my mind *sigh*
*I'm feeling kind of odd , calmer but still anxious , I HATE to admit it but S.I. helped me this morning , helped me to calm , but deep down I've still got THAT knot of tension and I still feel flat and crap. Ugh.

Kahlia1981 23-03-2010 12:19 PM

April - It's been 10 weeks since the depression started. I have lifted a little, but am still definitely depressed.

*hugs everyone then disappears into the darkness*

PrincessSparkle 23-03-2010 12:52 PM

Hey Nicole how you today?Home safe in your own bed yet? *hugs* Doikers (mark?) haha yeah...HMV is eveil they take all my money...and ticketmaster...no fair! April from what I hear you've been doing really well just try and stay motivated and strong so you wont do it again! Hmm.I have no intention of starting to SI but I think I need to let go of mask because its kinda driving me crazy.But that means talking to my lil sis and Im not sure how that conversation will go...scary!

Doikers 23-03-2010 01:07 PM

Hey Sparkle , Yeah I'm called Mark :) , Good luck with your conversation with your little Sis * Hugs*

PrincessSparkle 23-03-2010 01:17 PM

Teenagers are scary... Specially when you suddenly have to be parent instead of big sister and they dont take anything you say seriously.. I wanna talk to her and chat about whether or not she's still SI and if maybe she'd be better of in foster care than with me but how do I do that without being patronising or making her think I'm getting rid of her? :( I kinda ran away to BF's Sunday nite, now I gotta hitch home cos Im broke... Life sucks! *apologies for ranting just sad confused and scared*

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