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SoMuchMore 29-01-2010 01:39 AM

*cuddles for everyone* Sorry i can't do individual replies right now.. my brain is pretty much done for the day after 2 anxiety attacks and other drama..

I feel like I am being manipulated... but i can't put my finger on what the point would be.

MammaMia 29-01-2010 02:28 AM

*cuddles everyone lots*

Sorry, I can't do indvidual replies.

Keep having flashbacks tonight :'( They've stopped again for now at least. Plus panic attacks. Ugh. Had a really good laugh with my best friend J and we involved my other best friend G a little bit :P

Imaginary_friend 29-01-2010 03:22 AM

i get drunk because it's the only way i can cope. i guess it's just another form of self harm. but it is getting ridiculous. he doesn't even wanna see me. ****. why does it make me feel so bad? :( i just wanna hurt myself even more now. :'(
*hits her head against the wall and cries*

Kahlia1981 29-01-2010 09:11 AM

*cuddles everyone*

April: In hospital they put me into PICU to reduce the stimulation but other than that they did nothing. They told me one thing and then did nothing about it - I was supposed to get an ultrasound of my shoulder that never happened - I was put on brufen for the excruciating pain in my shoulder and that only once every 12 hours. No med changes. I don't have a pdoc or tdoc so I'm a bit out of my depth. They just wanted to get rid of me because I was taking up a bed that someone more worthy than me should have.

AMCarmody 29-01-2010 09:23 AM

*hugs everyone*

No sleep again. Sensory overload. Cold. Sleep but not quite. Headache. Arms and legs and tummy sting. Hungry. In 12 hours Partner finds out. We're scared of how he might react.

Kahlia1981 29-01-2010 12:03 PM

just wanted to give you all cuddles, and to please ask for some in return because I really need them.


Scarletdreamer 29-01-2010 12:33 PM

*BIG cuddles for Kahlia* I personally can't think of anyone more "worthy" of a bed than you, love... you need the help. Is there any way that you can get a tdoc/pdoc so you can get some meds etc.? I'm so sorry that they hardly did anything for you... that's awfully rubbish heathcare, really is, and I see absolutely no point in what they did(n't) do. Well, giving you the Brufen was a good thing but they obviously didn't do it enough... *more cuddles* Wish I could help more... I'm here to talk though, anytime - I check RYL throughout the day at uni & today I don't have to be there (uni) until 1:30pm so yeh. ♥

*cuddles LauraStar* Why & where do you feel like you're being manipulated? Hopefully not here on RYL... how're you doing today? did you get any sleep last night? I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks... they suck. Do you know what brought them on? are you on any anti-anxiety meds? ♥

*hugs Annie* I hope that your partner will be kind & understanding about the injuries. He ought to be... I also hope that you managed to get some sleep last night & are feeling a bit better this morning.

*huggles LauraFriend* I'm so sorry for what's going on in your life, love... :( Getting drunk IS another way to self-harm, it can do awful things to your liver as you know, and you don't want to get cirrhosis. Please be careful... *holds you gently*

Kitty snuggles are once more available. :)

I'm feeling okayish right now. Just got up a bit ago... started the Depakote last night & am hoping against hope that I won't have any bad side effects. Guess if I haven't had the GI ones like nausea etc. yet, I won't... I hope not anyway!! I'm taking Depakote ER if that makes a difference... and the pills are GINORMOUS!!!! :'( I hate huge pills. :(

I want to listen to music... hmm, what shall I put on... I think Steven Curtis Chapman... pretty calm music. I really need to look into getting the album "Miracles of Santiago" by Anonymous 4. It's religious chants/songs from the 6th-14th century, very lyrical & anxiety-relieving. :) I heard it in Women & Spirituality and it was VERY calming... good because I was having an anxiety attack the entire 3 hours. Heh. :( Not good.


[Awakening] 29-01-2010 12:39 PM

:-( horrible headache

I'm not feeling great, i could really do with some kitty snuggles...

MammaMia 29-01-2010 01:42 PM

*gives everyone cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 29-01-2010 02:48 PM

*sends Daniel over to snuggle with Jocelyn* What's going on, love? *cuddles*

*cuddles Helen* How you doing today, sweetie? flashbacks still, or have they calmed down some?

I've been on WoW for awhile... got some dailies (quests that you can do every day) done so that's good. Feel icky now though because I ate breakfast like my mum told me to and now I really want to purge... so ****ing full!! I HATE FOOD. :(

Want to cut kind of too, but mostly I just want to sleep. So exhausted. Got up at 6am today when I ought to've slept in until 7am... so rarely do that & it would've been so nice!!

I don't think I have a ton of schoolwork to do (at least, that I can do at the mo)... just reading the next chapter in soc and reading 2 chapters in health psych and one or two in advanced counseling. *shrug* Lots of reading - oh, and reading more of Joan Chittister's book, gotta finish it by Wednesday. Gahh. Guess I have more than I thought I did!! :ermm:


MammaMia 29-01-2010 04:00 PM

They've calmed down, hopefully won't come back for a while. We'll see.

Imaginary_friend 29-01-2010 04:17 PM

*hugs everyone*
*slides down to sit on the floor*

Jetforce 29-01-2010 04:22 PM

*goes makes some cakes for everbody to share*

Scarletdreamer 29-01-2010 04:34 PM

*cuddles Helen* I hope that they won't come back... ♥ How's your day going so far?

*cuddles LauraFriend* What's up, sweetie?

*huggles Jet* How're you doing today? Oooh cakes, what kind? :P

MammaMia 29-01-2010 05:18 PM

It's been a mixture of good and bad. Sat here crying over something really lame.

Imaginary_friend 29-01-2010 05:20 PM


Kahlia, Annie, Joc, Helen - i hope you're all feeling a bit better *hugs if wanted* take care :)

Jet - cake?!?! om nom nom :) i looove cake :)

April - i dunno. everything is p*****g me off at the moment. people are like "blah blah blah" without realising what they're saying is just making me feel worse. and it's just stupid things but it's all making me feel rubbish :(

my friends want me to go out again tonight...i'm really not in the mood for it. i'm shattered, i haven't done enough work, i'm still hungover and my arm kills after cutting last night...but i'll get massively bored if i stay in which will just make things worse, but if i go out i'll get horrifically drunk and i don't want to feel like i did last night again. argh.
i should just sleep. stay in and sleep. a lot. and not get distracted and go out somewhere....argh.

[Awakening] 29-01-2010 05:25 PM

Hugs graciously received thanks Laura friend and April

mmmmmmmmm did someone mention cake???? yum yum yum...

ive got a nasty headache, painkillers didnt help. I'm alright just a little exhausted i think. Ive got ethan tonight aswell :-/ eek!

sorry the pcs hurting my eyes when i read for too long so i cant catch up properly *cuddles to everyone who wants them*

*sinks into the new large corner sofa (its a pretty damn cool sofa) under a fleece blanket*

SoMuchMore 29-01-2010 06:03 PM

*cuddles kahlia* Im sorry you are feeling so poorly and that they didnt even help with your shoulder at the hospital. Stay strong.

*hugs april* that sucks that you have so much school work to do.. i have a ton too. Keep fighting those urges.. I know its hard...

And no i am not on anti anxiety meds. I don't actually see any doctors or anything about any of my issues... I've been there and done that.. it didn't help and i cant go now b/c i cant afford it and ive convinced my family that i'm alright, so i cant ask them for money help on this. and i dont think im being manipulated here... its with that friend that i had a fight with over the weekend... she wasnt talking to me and then she sent me a message that i dont want to just dismiss b/c she could be in a very dangerous mood... but she has so many people to talk to, idk she would ask me about this thing.

*hugs laurafriend and jet*

*hugs helen* its okay to cry over lame things sometimes... hope you are alright

*hugs jocelyn* sorry that you have a headache. Hope that it goes away soon.

I feel like i should just go back to sleep... even tho i didnt get up until like 10am. Idk why i'm always soo tired. Anyway, hoping that today is better then yesterday.. I'm not sure i have high hopes for it though...

Strawberry.Bananas 29-01-2010 08:05 PM

*sobs* I need hugs.
I've just had a message from my ex...I'm not going to tell you what it said cause it's personal but basically, there's no hope of us getting back together and I was so, so sure that I could get him back :(.
And what's more? I realised I have nobody in trw to talk to anymore. One mate has moved away and we don't talk much, 2 don't like me talking about him, 1 is an ass, 1 is in hospital and 1 has just had a miscarriage. I'm alone. Completely.

Scarletdreamer 29-01-2010 08:07 PM

*cuddles Helen* As LauraStar said, it's fine to cry over lame things sometimes. If you want to talk about it we're here... or you could always PM one of us. :) I don't think anyone would mind chatting with you further. How're you feeling now, since it's a few hours later?

*huggles Jocelyn* I'm sorry you have a headache; those suck. Did you try taking a nap? because sometimes that helps... also sometimes, for my mum, an icepack on the head helps too. It depends on where the headache is centred though. How are you doing now?

*snuggles LauraFriend* If you don't want to go out tonight, then don't... especially if you know you won't be wise about how much you drink. Please try & take care of yourself, love... take some time out tonight for you - to be spent in healthy ways... like painting your nails, taking a bubble bath or a bath with salts, reading a fun book, journaling, writing poetry (even if you suck!! - lol - it's still a good release of emotion), etc. Coddle yourself a bit. :) There's nothing wrong with that.

*hugs LauraStar* Ah I see, about the having been-there-done-that thing. I wish that you could get some help... I mean, help that actually helped, you know? I have an anxiety & phobias workbook that I need to start - when I do I'll let you know how it goes. :) Maybe something like that, that you do on your own time & at your own pace, would help you more than therapy & meds? I don't know, just an idea. Hmm, be careful with this friend... I hope that it goes okay & that she's not in a dangerous mood OR manipulating you.

I'm doing "meh." I have lunch sitting in front of me but don't want it, oddly enough... don't know why not. It's really odd. I was hungry earlier but now I'm not. I wonder if it's the Depakote? making it harder for me to eat... I don't know. And I am soo tired... a friend suggested iron levels and so I might start taking my supplements again. I totally forgot about them, TBH.


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