so so not been great this past couple of days

Do you want to talk about it?

*hugs everyone*
Hope your trip goes well, Mark. Is there a way Felicia can pick up a new refill on her meds over there?

~~~

I have come to the conclusion after having my ex's fiance call me this morning that I am a terrible person... But I can't keep from laughing about the whole thing... O.O

Do you want to talk about what happened? *hugs*

*Hugs Crimson* You are not a terrible person ! <3

*Hugs Lindsay*

*hugs Mark and Lindsay*

*shrugs* I think poorly of the fiance... have since before they were engaged. I'll leave that part of it alone, if I elaborated you'd see my point on being horrible.
Long story short... He owes about $18,000 in child support and the state he moved to is prosecuting him for felony level refusal to pay it. He has a court date next month apparently. She called thinking I had sent them after him when I didn't. She threw a fit saying how she was disabled and didn't know if she could live without him for 6 months... (same way ya did before you met him last year maybe?) I filled her in that all the papers he said needed turned in by me he had a copy of and child support up here has 2 copies of. And she called me at work to address her issues. -While I was covering the front desk- CLASSY *insert dripping sarcasm here*
And I think I'm losing it because the whole thing from her, the situation, child support refusing to acknowledge the paper work, etc etc etc is F-ing hilarious to me. Like I burst into giggle fits to where I laugh so hard I'm crying out of no where about all this. And I don't feel bad about their problems being funny to me. But then I feel bad that I don't feel bad...
I am a complicated individual... *sigh*

How are you guys doing?

*hugs Crimson*
*hugs Ian*
*hugs Oliver*
*hugs Mara*
*hugs Laura*
*hugs Mark*
*hugs Lindsay*
*hugs Louise*

*hugs everyone*

The crisis team were supposed to phone me at 7 but they didn't. I'm not going to phone them. If they want to abandon me then that's their choice.

*hugs Lindsay*

How are you, Laura?

I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm going inpatient in 4 weeks and that they have me go to the closed ward first. All I know is that I'm scared and I want to injure so badly.

How are you?

*Hugs Laura* Do you HAVE to go impatient?

*Hugs Crimson* You are lovely , end of.

*Hugs Lindsay*

*hugs Mark* no, it's voluntary. I'm forcing myself. I'm forcing myself to get better, but really I don't know if I want to get better. I'm forcing myself to talk in therapy. I don't think I can force myself to cooperate there the whole day.

Recovery is hard sometimes, i'm glad that you're forcing yourself to do the things that you think might be beneficial for you. What do you think will be difficult about cooperating for the whole day?

I have my voluntary work tomorrow and I really don't want to go. It's so exhausing to put on a face and I feel distracted and like i'm going to cry.

I really want to injure and purge and I don't want to be stopped, or maybe I do want to be stopped but I can't ask for help. I don't want to cooperate and I'm not strong enough to force myself all the time.

Is it the whole day tomorrow?

What do you want to get from injuring and purging?

It's from 11 to 4 tomorrow.

I don't really know what I want to get from it.
I don't know why I injure most of the time. I do know that I purge when I'm feeling full and/or fat.

That's 5 hours. Seems like a long time now, but it is probably going to be over much faster than it seems like now. Don't check your watch too many times, then it wont feel as long. You can do this.

*cuddles Mark* You make me smile :)
*hugs Lindsay* What kind of volunteer work is it?
*hugs Laura* Proud of you for helping yourself. Is there any way that since it is voluntary you could start on a non closed ward? It seems to be the biggest snag in your... reluctance/willingness/ comfort/whatever word is right cuz I can't find it.

*hugs Crimson* I don't think the closed ward is the thing that bothers me. I guess I kind of prefer it that way, they said that I'm going to have less therapy there, that's relaxter I think. It bothers me that there are people going to watch me all the time.

True but would they watch you as much in an open ward?or watch you less?
~I could be wrong... kind of a feeling in the dark for the light switch kind of deal for me.