Okay, so as I've mentioned once or twice before in here, my housemate and me are being evicted. We were given three weeks by the courts to find somewhere else to live and GTFO, and those three weeks elapsed without us finding anywhere. Hell, we weren't even offered anywhere to look at! So, the landlord would have to go back to the courts and get a warrant in order to get us to leave.
That warrant came through the post today. We have until the 27th to **** off, and if not, bailiffs'll come round and
make us. We have nowhere else to go. When we were first told we were going to be thrown out, my housemate looked at a load of housing associations, and kept speaking to a guy called Lee, who's been helping us with accomodation.
We got to see
one place. In all this time, since about Oct/Nov-ish, we've been shown ONE ****ING PLACE to look at. And guess what? It was too. ****ing. Expensive. The rent was at an
already reduced price, and wouldn't be lowered further. My housemate was tempted to go for it
anyway, but after consulting my grandparents and father for advice (an idea that sounds odd to me, for some reason), decided against it. 'Cause, y'know, the same thing'll happen all over a-****ing-gain.
So at this rate, we're going to be thrown out with nowhere to go. Katrica told me that her mother said they
can't just leave us on the streets, they have to provide emergency accomodation, such as a B&B. When I mentioned this to my housemate, oh no, that's not a viable choice, we can't do that. Apparently we wouldn't be able to take the dog with us, so she downright refuses, won't be seperated. I can appreciate that, but wtf, what other ****ing option is there?
My father has said that I can stay with him and his girlfriend if needs be, but I'm reluctant. I
like the fact that I no longer live with either of my parents, and to move back in with my dad would feel like taking a step backwards. That, and plus what about my housemate? I don't think he'd be able to home her and the dog, as well.
Not to mention the fact - how would I get there? How would I be able to travel from Lancashire to Suffolk? I
don't travel well, unless I'm accompanied by someone.
And also:
- My housemate wouldn't be able to go with me, 'cause she can't leave the dog for the day
- My dad wouldn't be able to come and fetch me, as he has a demanding job. His girlfriend has a job plus is doing a college course
- The easiest way to get from Lancs to Suffolk would be to fly. I don't have an up-to-date passport. That costs money to sort out, if I'm right. Even if it doesn't, plane tickets do. If we can't even afford Ģ25 for rent for a ****ing house, then we can't ****ing afford plane tickets!
- My paternal grandparents probably wouldn't be able to help much either.
- The less said about my mum's side of the family, the better (I nearly started a family feud =D they don't like me any more)
- There was probably another point, but in a brilliant display of excellence and intelligence, I've forgotten it
So I am
not in a good way. Horrible thoughts and urges have returned, and really, it's getting to the stage where I just don't see the point in living any more. I keep thinking about suicide, keep having mental images of it.
I've always said that I wouldn't ever deliberately take my own life, but now...I'm not so sure. Seriously, what
is the point? I'm gonna be stuck on the ****ing streets, if I'm not careful, I don't see anything good lying up ahead. I'm tired of being falsely optimistic, reassuring other people by saying 'oh, I'm sure something'll come up', because I'm NOT sure. So mm. I had more to say, but again, I've forgotten it. I don't want to take my life, but I can feel my resolve, the ole 'omgdunworryIcouldneverdoit' breaking. And I'm still too cowardly to go to the docs =B.
TL;DR: I fail
