know how ya feel sarah...we are in the same boat. just want to die...and I have the means to do so just an arms length away... -cuddles helen again-

-hugs crimson-

Sorry errybody that I am so useless..

Don't Kitty, I need you :( x

-feels horrible- I had to lie to the lady at the appointment today. She asked me if I was actively suicidal... but as much as I want the help, I can't afford it. Why do I have to pay to live? Its not fair...

*cuddles Kitty* I'd help you if I could, I wish I could afford to help. Its not fair at all :(

I mean, it's not my fault I'm like this...even though my husband tells me it is. He gets so pissed off when I can't sleep at night but its not my fault. Thats why I don't talk to him about it anymore. And he has turned into a massive hypocrite. Over everything. It's ok for him to do anything and everything, but if I do the same things, he yells and bitches at me. -sighs-

I just want it all to end..

*cuddles Kitty* is there nowhere you can go for a few days for a break? To stay with family or a friend? This isn't your fault hun, he just doesn't understand I assume, my fiance doesn't.

Just stay strong for me darling x

Edit - I'm heading off to bed again now. Night all *snuggles ward* stay safe please <3

No, I don't have any relatives close. The closest relatives to me are on my side of the family and they are a 2 hour drive away. Thats why I want to move in the summer, if I am still alive by then... :(

Night Sarah -hugs-

Anyone still around at all?

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6W0AZgZMzB0&feature=player_embedded"]YouTube - Naree's &quot;Last Chance&quot; to Nana[/ame]

Interesting video, crimson. I liked it. Couldn't listen to it, just watched it. -hugs-

yous okies crimson? yous quiet..

*cuddles Kitty*

-cuddles felicia- how are you doing hun?

I'm really shitty tonight.
I'm sorry.

Are you feeling any better?

A little, not really but a little.

-hugs-

What's up? You can rant all you want. If I can't do anything else, I can listen. I am sorry I'm not 100% but I can still listen.

It all boils down to I'm tired of pretending to be happy. I'm tired of pretending I don't feel abandoned by my mom when I really do... And I'm so afraid of seeing her on Christmas, of seeing my stepfamily. I know I don't belong. And I don't how how I'll cope.
I just wanna sleep through this part of life.

:( I can relate to that. Honestly, the only part I look forward to is spending time with my husband's family. I get to get drunk and high. Sad, I know. But the majority of time will be spent with my mom and dad (we have to stay for a week...she basically told us that). And she is in denial about everything, doesn't really believe I have issues, etc. She thinks it's all "just a phase", as she likes to call it. I pretend that everything is perfectly fine because that's what she wants to hear...but I'm tired of pretending. So I can relate a lot I think. I'm sorry, it sucks, I know. -hugs again- You don't have to pretend with us, though. This place is the only thing keeping me alive right now, quite honestly. I'm not sure why I'm still alive, though. Still want to die, but at least I have people here who actually give a **** about me. And, if nothing else, I care about you, and I know I am not the only one.

P.S. Sorry it took so long to reply my internet went all wonky.

*Hugs* I care about you. This place keeps me alive. I love everyone in here so much.

-smiles and hugs again- Me too. I'm glad I found this place. Even when people don't think they are helping me, they do. They help by listening more than anything. I don't even have anyone in rl that I can talk to openly and honestly, except for my counselor, and I can't even be completely honest with her otherwise she will order me to go to a hospital, but I can't afford it. So yeah, it sucks. And I know it's pathetic that all I have to look forward to during the holidays is getting drunk and high. But meh, that's what it's come down to for me. Sad, right?

I dunno. I tend to look forward to times I can get drunk without anyone saying anything. It's not the greatest thing to look forward to, but can't say I don't empathise.

oh god why do I have to be so easily triggered? it wasn't you