*spies Mark and cuddles him* I'm sorry that your meds have made you numb & apathetic, but yeh, I do suppose it's better than being constantly madly suicidal. :( I wish I could help you more, love... :(

Ugh, my head hurts. I'm dehydrated I think, and I have eaten practically nothing yet today... that's probably why. :-/ But I don't want to eat my "lunch" yet as it's only 9:35am and I have hours yet before I can go home. :( Boo hiss. I hate waiting. I hate not having a lot to do. I hate no one noticing (here - at my internship) that it's my birthday. :(

I'm so sick of life. I really am. So over it. Just want it to end... and I wish that I could be HAPPY, damnit, on my birthday!! but no, I'm not. Not right now anyway. But Jarrod got me a TWLOHA shirt for my pressie and I'm wearing it now... so that makes me smile. Hehe. :)

*hides in the warren, in a deep dark corner where no one can find her*

*Snuffles out April in her hidey hole and Squishes her*

*squishes Mark back* You found me!! You must've used your super-April-detector... lol. :P How are you, love?

It's starting to get sunny out............ :D

Oh and yeah, I updated my r/v. :-/

Am really really tired.
Am frustrated because I can't focus.
Just want to sleep.

:'(

I read your R/V thread April , Hmm I wish I could have been there for you but I had an volunteer buero appoinment at 12.30 back here at 1pm ish grab some cereal for lunch and back out for accupuntctre at 3pm and I literally just got back from that now at 4.37pm

*Hugs you and will try to be there for you*

It's okay, Mark. Sorry to seemingly put pressure on you when you've got so much going on. *squishes* Don't worry too much about being there for me, I'll be alright.

Got home from work early as the staff there (and my supervisor) were going to be spending most of the day out of the office, and I didn't want to be the only one there. So ta-daa, I am at home after a nice lunch out with Jarrod. :) We're heading over to my parents' in a little bit so that should be nice... :)

It's sooo quiet here today!!!!

Argh feeling so low just can't do this anymore.iam so sore
again, iam really iam over all of this.

*Squishes April back* I don't feel under pressure , I WANT to be threre for you .It's nice that you got a part day on your birthday ,YEY!

*Hugs Jill too*

O took a nap from 5.10 -7pm , I'm still tired ,I just wanna crawl back under my covers and hope for a fantastic day tomororw , which I know won't happen ,I'll just be plagued by urges until I give in and then it will be better until I realise oh I have more scars to hide and I feel low again , still might go to bed though despite the early hour , I might be up in an hour if I don't sleep . I am so very over this , over life .........:( sorry

Okay I was cheesed off before now I'm really cheesed off
bloody two faced mangers, here was me thinking you
were diffrent, haha I guess the jokes on me. You
work your ass off and get very little thanks. Just more
bulls*it. Why the hell iam I bothering, really want to
cut now. damn it

sorry for not doing individual replies... too many posts and the focus just isn't here... but wanted to update everyone on my happy news. M and J and L will be moving out by the end of the month! yay! just 2 extra people left! and my credit report should be much better come august so we're gonna try to get a loan and a house in sept or oct... *crosses fingers* we even know what one we want. *happy dances then runs off to have lunch*

Just wondering, how quick is a referral?
I don't want to be wasting my time with a doctor who I haven't seen for like, 4 years.

*waves to everyone*

*gives big squishy hugs to each and every person*

*gives birthday card to April* Happy birthday

Sorry for lack of individual replies. Really struggling and trying to avoid anything that could push me over the edge. And with that, my presence on RYL has really cut down.

Hopefully I'll be back full force soon. I'm thinking of you all. <3

*cuddles Taz* Awh love, I'm sorry that you're so close to going over the edge... I totally understand staying away from RYL in that case. It can be pretty triggering... that's why I just came back this year - er, I mean, 2009. Hah. Because before that I posted for a little while, then got triggered and took a break, then came back... yeah. *more cuddles* I hope you feel more stable soon - are you talking with anyone IRL about "stuff"? (sorry, I forget who's got who IRL to talk with :-S)

I'm really anxious right now, and I totally ate too much at supper... but we've got some awesome photos of my birthday. My dad even made a video, which I would share with you all except I have no idea how to post one. Haha. And plus, it would probably take up too much bandwidth. It's only about 30 seconds long but it's pretty funny. Might post it on YouTube, but I really don't want it to be public... hah. Anyway. It's just me trying to blow out the candles on my cake. :P They were the trick kind, so I was blowing... and blowing... and blowing. Lol. :-/ I hate that type of candle!! :P

I'm really, really tired right now but don't want to take a bath yet because I'm too full. (I really do think my stomach's shrinking... I can't eat half as much as I used to be able to, and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. :-S)

*cuddles everyone* Quiet day on the ward...

EDIT - J.Greens, I have no idea how to answer your question, sorry. :-/

*hugs Heather and Amy* How are you two doing?

*cuddles Crimson* That's awesome news!!! *does the happy dance just for you* :D

*cuddles everyone*
*waves to O*
been a busy day so far... hopefully it doesn't turn into a busy week. Moderately busy or slow (so I can catch up on my own work) would be okay but this jam packed day where I don't have time to do any of my own work is killing me... I am so far behind its getting obsurd. *repeats to self 'progress not perfection'*
Hope everyone's doing okay today.
*extra cuddles to those that need them*
Taz- we love to have you around but if it's triggering we'd rather you take care of you instead.
April- happy happy birthday!
JG- Sorry I have no answer for you...
Heather and Amy- How are you two?
*runs out the door for the court run*

im...fine?

nope not allowed to use the f word no more

*cuddles all*

April & Mark, to answer your question, albeit hours later, I was seeing Black Eyed Peas tonight. Those with standing tickets have to queue to get in -those with sitting do queue too but only when doors open- but some go hours before they open, to get to stand at the very front/nearest to the stage.

I had an amazing night once the acts started. As it was Cheryl Cole supporting them, then it was about two or so hours filled with fun of Black Eyed Peas :D :D :D

However, before that, I didn't. It built up through the day really. When I first signed on this morning, my friend immediately asked if we could start queuing at 3pm (instead of 5pm as planned) as 'apparently people are already queuing'. I told her no, that we'd go at 4pm if she was so desperate & that it wasn't likely to be true. Anyway, I stuipdly changed my mind & we started just before 3pm. It was POURING with rain the whole time. My coat & hoodie are STILL soaked now (it's 1.30am and we got in at 6.20pm!)

If that wasn't bad enough(!), she started making me feel like I didn't exist when her friends had turned up. Makes ME put their drinks into the plastic bag I had for ours. Then, I asked that everyone took their drinks before we got in, which got ignored conviently!!!

So got in, bag searched, they told me I'd have to hand in my cans. Told them it was fine, because weren't mine. Whilst I did that, my friend ran off with hers to try get to the front. But came back (or waited) for me to catch up. Then runs off again when I got stopped (again!) as had plastic bottles. So had to transfer TWO bottles of water into plastic cups. Then had to try find my friend & her mates. Eventually found them, sat down (to stand up again a few minutes later) nearly crying & in agony with foot cramp. Then she acted even more like I ****ing didn't exist. So I'd had enough by then, wanted to go home. Would have done, if hadn't been for varying reasons.

So went into the loos. When my sister texted me (my mum took her as an early birthday present, but they had seated tickets) to say they'd arrived && to describe where I was/wearing so they could try see me, when my sister phoned, as I was replying. Had already been crying but ended up sobbing down the phone to my sister.Lucky I was in a loo to be honest!! So I texted her what happened, they spent rest of the night texting/calling to check on me & would have texted about the concert anyway :D Which they did. Ugh. So had to stand on my own at the back rest of the night.

****ing back was crippling me at the end. Still aching now, as are my legs & throat. So worth the pain though, they were AMAZING!!!

Got my interview at 4.30pm today. Eeek!! My Mum helped me pick my outfit :D Bless her, she's been a real sweetheart tonight. Was totally on my side once I told her later on everything. Plus she's now coming to the last concert me & my friend should been going to. As we booked (over the peroid of 3 months) to see 4 concerts. It'll be great, because my Mum loves Leona Lewis as much as I do. She wanted to come anyway. Also, when I won competition tickets to see her last year, I took my Mum, as she loves her and we had the most amazing few hours together :D

Sorry I've not done individual replies & then had a whingefest of my own.