comes and hides in the corner and sobs her lil heart out

*sits next to cheryl and hugs so tight and cries with you*

*hugs everyone*

I managed to sleep last night - - with the aid of 8mg of Xanax but hey, what the heck.

*hugs everyone*



has anyone seen my creativity? it ran out mid bloody poem

*hugs helen, kahlia, and phoenix* Hope you guys are alright.

*hugs kiera* im sorry your EDs arent gone. Have you talked to anyone about it?

I am going to fail... like i always do

*hugs everyone*

And now once more unto the breach .... It's just after 7pm and I want to go to sleep but I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to. Damn that drives me nuts. And I'm in a down mood and thinking dangerous thoughts. I just don't know anymore. *sigh*

*curls up in a corner with a teddy bear and a pillow and tries to fall asleep*

Sending cuddles to all.

Kahlia, try to keep safe sweetheart. I know I'm a little late in responding to your post. But please *cuddles*

Laura, I'm not okay, but thank you for asking. How you doing? xxx

thanks mammia mia. hope ur ok

kahlia please keep safe big hugs xx

Why do things always have to get worse before they get better?
Could this stuipd situation get any worse?
Oh my god :'(

*hugs kahlia* hope the dangerous thoughts go away and that you can sleep.

*hugs helen* I often ask myself the same question about things getting worse... Sorry you are having a bad time. *offers some pillows and blankets for cuddling in*

Too much going on. I need to go back to school... 1 week until i can leave home. Although at school I have to deal with a friend situation that could potentially be very bad.. she is threatening some substance abuse issues. I want to help her but it is reminding me of days where i would try to help people with SI and suicide and it would just trigger me... idk, at the same time... i really like helping/attemptingto help.. so confused..

I.can't.cope.with.this.:'(

*cuddles tight* It's hard when you want to help someone but they're triggering you. Try keep safe and just let them know you're there for her if she wants to talk?

*Hugs everybody*

Helen, what's up hon? x

*hugs Vicki*
Can't say on here :(
I'll pm you.

Ok then...x

*cuddles everyone*

Yay, I managed to get 5 hours sleep last night. I still woke up feeling as though my mouth was full of sawdust ... I'm still not feeling all that good. The dangerous thoughts are getting stronger and I'm getting concerned that I'm going to start acting on them. My mood is still dropping... *sigh*

Just one question - - - - Does this ever end ??

i guess it does well it improves apparently u gota keep working at it.
keep fighting the urges u can do it i believe in u chick big hugs nething we can do

*gently hugs everyone*

I had an okay day today. I got 5 hours sleep last night but really wanted more. I had an appointment with my employment counsellor, and that went okay. I also went for a couple of walks. Hopefully I'll be able to get some decent sleep tonight. I wouldn't lay any bets on it though. *sigh*

My mood is low but I've been able to pretend that it's not and I don't think anyone IRL is aware of where I'm at. I'm having seriously dangerous thoughts, and my negative controlling voice is very strong. *sigh* Oh to step off the world for a day or two and just be in restful peace.

*curls up in a dark corner with a blanket*

*hugs everyone and offers delicious chocolates*

I'm not feeling good right now. I just want to stop thinking, stop feeling and stop breathing.

*curls up in the corner and attemps to sleep through this life*

My work got evacuated! ><

So I'm home and warm and Hi! :) x

*sends cuddles around everyone*

Wow Vicki, although I already knew that because of facebook lol. *cuddles* Ohh I need to tell you something if you can get on msn?? :D

I'm in a much better state today :D Plus it's snowing again, but oh so cold =(

Good morning everyone... we got safely to our friend's house, have been here since Sunday afternoon, etc., etc. It's been really nice, a good getaway... haven't been doing super great mentally but physically I feel more fit than I have in quite awhile. (He's our personal trainer... so yeh, started yesterday and am pretty sore!!)

I'm so sorry you all are feeling bad... Kahlia, can you talk to your GP or your therapist, if you have one? because I'm worried about those dangerous thoughts...

*gently cuddles everyone, then pops out*

eh.

going to see my son in a minute. he's sleeping so im gonna have to wake him up :/ Need to start painting my smile, don't know if i can be assed to.

i miss him but i dont really want to see him right now. does that make me a **** mum? i feel like it.

*cuddles to the ward*

am scared bout tomorrow =\
finding out bout whether this appeal got approved [so can stay at uni...], on top of first counseling sess, on top of class, and add food crap in there... greaaat lol


*cuddles jocelyn* nope, doesnt make you a sh*t mum, just makes you a human who's struggling alot right now <3

i concur... i think it just means you don't want him to worry about you or see you unwell. i feel like that sometimes myself.

And I agree as well... you're not a crappy mum, Jocelyn, you just want your son not to see you when you're struggling etc, as a_m said ^^. *gentle hugs*

My stomach hurts. :( It feels like I ate too much... although I'm pretty sure that I didn't. It was really weird - we went out to lunch and I was the only girl with three guys... lots of testosterone... heh. :-/

But my personal trainer (the one my husband & I are visiting right now) said that I can lose ALL of the fat that I don't need in a few months!! without having to resort to ED'd stuff. YEY!!! I'm still kind of skeptical but I sure hope he's right... because maybe then I will actually FEEL better about my body (which I currently hate...).

*cuddles everyone*

you'll have to tell me if that works out april. i'd like to try to lose some of my extra without falling back into an ed ish pattern...

*hugs and cuddles to all*

*heads off to curl up and fall apart in the corner with my plushie*

gah, this research...

I know it's voluntary, I kknow I'm CHOOSING to write it... but it brings back memories. I can't work out if that makes me the best person to write this, or the worst

*cuddles everyone lots*

*hugs everyone*

Went to the GP this morning and filled in the blanks for him. He was asking me whether I thought the lack of sleep, vomiting and so forth were related to a gastro bug or were psychological. I told him flat out that I didn't know what had started it, but it was possible that it was triggering psych stuff and then becoming recursive. He gave me a script for an antiemetic to help me out in the short term.

Meh. I didn't talk to him about the dangerous thoughts ... I don't know why, I just didn't. They are definitely still and there and very strong right at the moment. I guess that I'm hoping they will settle, against all prior experience. *sigh*

*retreats to a dark corner to try and get some sleep*

Well done for talking to your doctor, you really should have mentioned the dangerous houghts *cuddels*

*hugs Helen* - Thanks. I know I should have talked to him about them ... I really don't know why I didn't. I see him again next week - Tuesday I think - so we'll see if I can last until then.

thanks guys. I crumbled when i left. he started crying saying he didn't want me to go, he wanted to come with me. I was strong but i crashed when i left. I'm only allowed supervised access atm, it makes me feel like a leppar, like a peado or something... and all because i couldnt hold it together when my son wasnt around. It's stings. I would never do anything to hurt him. ever.

I have to get up to see a solicitor now, i'm being taking to court on friday to get something legal saying ethan stays with his dad til im better. It's hard because i know it's what I need but they're talking about it like it's what Ethan needs - again, like he's in danger when he's alone with me.

Sorry i cant be suportive right now *hugs to everyone*

is it ok to just curl up and cry till im gone?

*hugs everyone*

Well it's after 11pm at night and I'm starting to get back into the "do I sleep, don't I sleep" pattern of thinking. Meh. I'll be okay. I'm just getting tired of not sleeping and not being able to sleep. Dangerous thoughts very active. *sigh* I'm so tired of dealing with them now. I'd dearly love a 24 hour hiatus.

*cuddles everyone then disappears into a dark corner with a teddy bear and a pillow to try and get some sleep*

*cuddles everyone*

As far as I know, you can curl up & cry, downunder, but not til you're "gone" ... what's up?

*huggles Jocelyn* That must be really tough, but at least you know that you are doing the best for your son, right? I can't imagine... but also, you know that he's safe when he's with you, it's just that you struggle to care for him (and I don't blame you - young kids are a lot of work!!).

*holds Kahlia gently* Could you phone your GP? If these thoughts are as dangerous as you think they are then you need to get help before you act on them, love. But I'm glad that you went to your GP's in the first place and got an antiemetic. :) That's good. How're you feeling this morning/night?

Helen, how're you doing? *hugs*

*cuddles Franz* How you doing?

How was everyone's New Year's Eve/New Year's? We didn't celebrate, really - instead, got up at 2:45am and were out the door by 4am to go "daown Saouth." Heh. Man, was I - and am I!! - ever tired!! >_< I've been going to bed around 11:30pm-midnight and getting up around 6:30-6:45am, so yeah. I'm used to going to bed around 7:30pm-8pm, but no go here. I don't really mind - more time with our friend. :)

*more cuddles*

Sinking and drowning. What's the point?

*hugs joc* sorry i don't have words right now just hugs but i agree with what april said...

i'm gonna go hide now...

*hugs everyone*

~overwhelmed~

i'd like to be sedated right about now....
*hugs everyone who wants a hug*

*hugs imaginary_friend*
me too... me too.

*cuddles everyone and sets out some hot chocolate*

curls into ball and hides, i hurt so much. want to dissapear please ?

no dissapearing.

*curls up in corner and sleeps*
should be happy cuz can stay but meh.

Wish I could sleep.

Sleep?? What is this sleep thing??

*hugs everyone*

*cuddles ppl in the psych_ward*

to scarlett dreamer, there too much to say as to why, i just had enough.
I can't make this alone anymore, i have tried so hard and failed so often, i just can't anymore, all i want is a quiet place to curl up in where for once i can feel safe. A place with no mirrors, no nightmares, no nothing. Just a place to rest in peace