Some people are so strange. Someone begged me not to leave them and I promised I never would unless they wanted me to go. Now they've gone and left me, although they promised they would always be there. I can't even summon the energy to be that upset. I expected it all along. No one ever stays.

Hopefully =/ Mum's phoning for me tomorrow, to see if I can just walk in/or get an appointment. I can't go til Thursday.

No, I really struggle. :crying: I cannot explain how distressing it is. I don't want to, I'll cry again lol. Hoping to have a new one when I go on Thursday or have one before I go away gaaaah >_< I rely on them so much.

self injury and self poisoning
 

Well yesterday I cut, and today I self poisoned.:pinch:

I'm scaring myself with my compulsion to hurt me. Today I wanted to carry out my plan to commit suicide even though I didn't want to die. That's just weird. Before when I've felt suicidal I've wanted to die.This is way more confusing and personally I also find it more upsetting.

I phoned the duty worker, I don't know why. What did I want from them exactly? I suppose I was scared and needed reassuring, but after chatting to them the compulsion to self poison got the better of me. :cry:

Anyway I'm seeing my CPN on Wednesday. Its a shame I don't trust her so don't think it will help too much:-(

My GP is away for the next two weeks, so all I know is I've got to keep busy and be careful.

I'm glad this forum exists, hopefully checking in on the ward will help me keep safe sometimes.
I hope you can be patient with me at the moment:crying:

Hugs to all that can accept them

Hannah

*hugs Hels* I hope you can get it replaced soon.
*hugs Lia* I'll stay around. =)

So... I'm okay, just tired and hungry, but I have a meeting soon so I have to wait to eat. Also, I miss my brother. I'm listening to tons of rap music since he likes a lot of it, and giggling cause of our craziness whilst listening to the music. I'm slightly pathetic, I know.

*Hugs Hannah* I sorry You S.I.'ed , please try and stay safe until you can see somebody useful .We don't need to be patient with you , this thread exists just so we can talk and get empathy and advice from the other wardies :)

*Hugs the ward goodnight* I'm not really tired but I don't want to be tired tomorrow morning and I don't want to harm (again) tonight so off to bed I'm going .

*Hugs Hannah* I'm sorry you're so low. I wish there was something I could do.

*Hugs Felicia.* Thanks. People say that though and then they do. It's not that I don't trust you, more than I don't trust myself.

*Hugs Mark* Night night.

*Hugs Helen* I hope you get it sorted soon.

Oh. Dear. Life. "I feel sorry for you" Someone actually just said that to me. I think horrified is just about the word to cover how I'm feeling right now. I don't want people's pity, not now, not ever. It's part of the reason I am shut off like I am, I DO NOT want people to see me as a victim. I'm not. Urgh. I just hate that so much. People's pity is the last thing I ever want. Lucky she lives 5 hours away, I don't think I could ever look her in the eye again...

*hugs everyone who wants of needs them*

My good mood has disappeared. I'm not entirely sure why, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Had a rough day today :(

Just want to curl up in a ball and disappear now.

*hugs Lia* I understand that, so many people have left me. I know it's hard to believe.

*hugs Claire and Sarah* I hope you guys feel better soon.

I just want to sleep... forever. (And no, I mean nothing bad by it. I just want to go to sleep... seriously)

Ever just wanted to dissolve into tears and then disappear? *sigh*

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Felicia*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Claire*

*Hugs everyone else*

*Spots and hugs Julie* :) How are you Julie ?

*cuddles marky then scratches my arms* i am very itchy

*Hugs Julie* Hmm why are you itchy? allergy maybe?

mhmm i think so just so itchy *scratches lots*

I need a hug :(

*HUGS Claire* Do you need to talk ?

I honestly don't know. It's just like life has it in for me, I just never get a break from anything. I just want things to be okay, just for once. *hugs*

It was my Sisters 28th yesterday , I can't beleive I have a 28 year old little sister . Thats the last family occaision before my 30th , up until now I've been focusing on my grannys birthday then my Grandma's then my sister's but now it's all focused on mine , I've been asked for my gift wish lish . I am SO freaked out about turning 30 , I don't want to , It's coming close to the date I set myself to kill myself, although my Dr put me on more Lithium when I mentioned this and I'm not so suicidal now I STILL have that date in my mind :S unhappy.........

*hugs Mark* That does sound hard. I really don't have any words, I'm afraid.