Thank you for the warm welcome. :) And for the bean bag, I appreciate it. Sometimes niceness is comforting haha.

*sits on bean bag in corner* It looks like you've been here awhile, Mark? :)

And visible, thank you. I appreciate it. I'm struggling but am still doing okay. :) Just trying to keep breathing and distracting.

Well I guess things went well today with my counsellor, no medical intervention thank god, my counsellor just wanted to go through a letter he'd written for me, he has said if I need him to get in touch, which is really nice, he also wanted to make sure I was safe and hadn't self harmed after Tuesday's incident, and that I have first aid supplies, he didn't take away my blade, as he doesn't want to risk me using dirty blades or glass in place of my clean blade, but asked that I try my best to pick up the phone and call him before I do. I'm still apprehensive about how I'm gonna manage through the weekend, and through my Safeguarding Training on Monday, as well as my volunteering meeting on Tuesday, and my meeting with my mental health support worker on Wednesday to fill in the paperwork for my anger management referral, so I think I'll stick around here for now where it's safe, curled up on my bean bag :)

It's been too long. Sorry I've not been around much. Life is rough right now and I'm struggling quite a bit.

Hi all
Just hiding here for abit

You would think kids would be a great distraction but waking up every day before dawn is a total mood killer. Coffee use to help some but I'm finding more and more it does nothing. I need a MH day. Not me by myself but just me and hubby. He doesn't get how I'm always so stressed out and seriously on the brink of insanity. I've half joked about running away. Just drive until I'm tired of driving. Find a nice hotel and spend the night. Drive back the next day. Not a run away for always but that's crossed my mind too. Just give hubby a taste of what it's like with 3 kids and a million Dr's appointments and house repairs. *Sigh* back to reality. Hubby's off to work.

Yeah children don't distract. They add more stress. I'm considering running away too.

Hey Annie, Mark and Kat. I'd say it's nice to see you, but I'm also sad to see you as it means things aren't going so well.

VisibleMemories, Jelli and Stumpy: I believe this is the first time I am meeting you (apologies if that is incorrect my brain isn't working very well right now), so hello. Come along inside and make yourself comfortable.

Hot chocolate or milkshakes anyone? Personally I think I would prefer a lemonade, but the heat and humidity are getting to me.

*creates drinks for everyone that wants one*

Drowning in a lake of my university work, stress, not punching someone in the face (maybe more than one person if I'm honest), and my mood. *sigh*

*disappears into pillow fort*

*puts brownies and cookies on the table*

*Makes a hot chocolate*

Its like 60 degrees here right now, but I love hot chocolate lol.

I haven't been in here in awhile, so hi to the new people in here -- Jelli, Stumpy, and VisibleMemories *waves*

Hi to everybody else *waves to them as well*

Having a really tough time right now with SH/SI stuff and writing in my journal isn't helping that much... I have a psych appt coming up soon but I really don't feel like going and getting into trouble with him again.

Hi Matt. Sorry to hear that the journal writing isn't helping right now.

Having a crisis right now that most of you would laugh at. Oh well... that's life.

*sneaks her dogs in and takes them into her pillow fort for cuddles*

*knocks on the pillow fort* can I come in?
I've staved off physically harming myself for a week through a really rough patch. Don't know how much longer I can hold out so I'm hiding in here.

Wonders into the psych room

i think i need to come hide in here for bit, everything is really overwhelming me and making me think bad things tonight. have spoken to crisis team who are passing a message on to psychiatrist in the morning, until then i feel like i'm stuck in limbo not knowing what to do with myself to be honest.
i'm also in a lot of physical pain with my fibromyalgia. so not having a great time of it at the mo.. can i hide here from everything for just a little bit?

Feeling so fragile today. At work anyway.
Hi everyone * curls up under a bed*

Work didn't work out. Feel pathetic and low and I just don't want to do this any more.

*lurks* I hope that the reason the board is quiet is that everyone else is doing ok.

2.5 months in hospital with another 2/3 to go is becoming unbearable...
*curls up and cries*

*Leaves a Jar of Hugs*

Hi Kahlia and Mark.
*Hugs if people want them*
I'm really down.

Annie - *safe hugs*

*curls up in pillow fort*

*hugs* for anyone who wants/needs them

*hugs back* I'm struggling.

*hugs* for anyone who wants them.

Annie: Hang in there chicky. I believe in you no matter what. *hugs*

*curls up in a corner with her bear*

Thank you Kahlia.

Argh!!! Work is doing my head in. Just ******* over it. Don't listen to me then. Ignore policy. Screw it.

Annie: *hugs* I wish I could do more for you, but I'm always around if you need something.

*hugs* for anyone who wants/needs them.

For a change I'm sharing some positive news, but I still feel like ****...
I'm going to have overnight leave on Saturday and only have about a week left in hospital.
Now I'm going to go cry in a corner

Yay for you Kahlia!!!
i think im in a mixed episode. impulsivity. disturbed sleep. whispers. intrusive thoughts, specifically about how im worthless. more SI.
every so often tho, like right now, i get clarity without emotion. i have insight into how im thinking and behaving. its crystal clear that im unwell, despite the fact i am being good with my meds. there just is no motivation to do anything about it.
*cookies and hugs for those who want them*

Annie: I totally get you there. A lack of motivation can be a real pain to deal with. For me it's getting harder and harder to turn up to the physio gym twice every day, but I keep going because I have so few left.

I'm out on my (first) overnight leave with only one more week to go - providing tonight goes well. We went to see a play my parents were in and got Thai food for dinner. Mum even told me to audition for the local production of Wicked.

Now we wait to see how the night goes...

Struggling with constant urges, failing at resisting them. When I'm not consumed with those my mind turns darker. Not coping.
I have one positive thing. I want a platonic real life snuggle buddy. I don't want sex or a relationship. I just want someone to snuggle with on a regular basis. So yeah I have a positive thing that I want. Doubt I'll get it, but I want it.

I'm sorry I haven't kept up here. Life has just seemed to get in the way. I hope everyone is doing alright. <3

Just coming by to crash for a bit. I need a safe place to stay and try to get some (hopefully restful) sleep. *curls up with her blanket*

On the positive side I've been home from hospital for 2 weeks, I've had support workers since leaving hospital and cyclone Debbie skipped us by heading to the south.

Unfortunately the GP is bei a prickelnd, my pain is completely uncontrolled, the heat is unbearable, our air-conditioning unit broke and my mobility is going downhill.

Right now it'd be so easy to just throw everything away so I'm just going to curl up in a corner and cry.

*hugs for Kat and Kahlia*
I'm considering making a doctor's appointment. Dont see a counsellor until the 11th.

Annie: *hugs*

After Easter I'm dumping my GP - as in not ever going back to see him. Now I just have to find a replacement. Preferably before I need a new referral to my psychiatrist...

Between now and then I'm just going to curl up and cry.

Hi everyone. Would anyone like some purrs as my cats seem to be full of them right now?

i need to hide here please?
 

i cant deal with anything... to be fair all i need is a really tight hug,
i feel so ****ing useless.

*hugs* to all who need one <3

Life is beyond chaotic. I'm so stressed out I'm getting sick over it. Things just seem so overwhelming right now. I watched a movie last night, which I'd seen before, but for some reason it triggered me. Just a bunch of ugh.

I'll just color in the corner and wait for summer to pass and the cooler weather to come back around. Maybe then I'll be ready to adult again.

*big Hugs for those folks who need them*

I am checking in now,
i can't explain how i feel but i just need a safer place,
i am gonna hide here and just drink tea and eat chicken :P

Kemicalwarfare: Do you mind if I call you Kazimierz? *hugs* I hope you are safe, or in a safe place, at the moment. Enjoy your tea and chicken. :)

Kat: I hate it when life just wants to throw everything it has at you. I'm hoping you have managed to get some peace and/or rest from the chaos. I might be ready to adult again when the weather warms up over here. *safe hugs if you want/need/can accept them*

*hugs to anyone who wants/ needs them*

So much is happening right now that I'm struggling to keep up. Between pain, life and my head I need a break. If anyone wants me I'll be hiding in my pillow fort.

i don't mind at all :) still busy enjoying my food... i kind of have too, but could i possibly join you in your pillow fort i need somewhere squishy to sleep tonight?

*waves* in general, feeling better. Some down days, Lotsa irritability. Hey, is it normal that after a long term relationship, you go through a stage of contemplating how many things you overlooked or put up with that were really irritating, and just go through rage at yourself for doing so? I've never been so angry about an ex before, or at myself for being such a doormat. I've had long term relationships before, but never have I just sat there and gone, "well, normally, if anyone did that to me, I'd yell at them, so why'd I let it go?"
So with all this irritability, I'm wondering if it's related to the meds, valdoxan being typed as an antidepressant with the normal warning of be careful with bipolar cos it might tip them to mania, or if it's genuine irritability caused by the frustrations abundant in my life right now.

Kazimierz: My pillow fort is your pillow fort. Feel free to drop in any time.

Annie: It probably is quite normal, especially if it's a long-term relationship or you invested a lot of emotion/yourself into it. With regards to the irritability, obviously I can't say it's one or the other but keep in mind they could both be contributing. Regardless of the cause I hope it settles down soon. Here if you need a chat hun.

My husband was loving and caring so decided to give me his cold. I'm going to curl up with a cup of tea until I feel better...

*opens the door to the padded room, steps in holding a heavy blanket and shuts it behind her*
Im So mad at everyone and everything. I can't help it.

You know when you want to write stuff and then you don't and then you just think what's the point and so you disappear and come back and hover and then bugger off again and la la la la.

Sigh

I'm lonely

Really lonely

Sorry. Hello everyone. It's gonna be ok. Ok

*huggles for you Matthew *

Between the pain, the almost constant headaches and the depression I need a break.

*slips back into pillow fort*

I shouldn't be at work. If I had equivalent physical symptoms to how I feel I'd at least be home, if not presenting to hospital. But because it is mental health related I just force myself to power through.

I'm done. I am tired of trying, fighting, pushing through. I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel and then it's as if it all goes black again. I'm so tired. My head hurts. Giving up is seeming like a viable option. Meh.

*hugs* to all who need one!

*hugs for Kat and Kahlia*
Forcing myself back to work. I think I pinned the trigger. Mother's Day. I don't feel like a mother. I'm also a terrible daughter. And a useless granddaughter.
Can't do anything about the trigger. So just have to ignore everything until passes.

*bakes some goodies*

I just want to curl up and maybe color. What's the point of having friends if they aren't there for you when you need them? And it's not even like I need them to meet me or come to my house. Just reply to my text. Give me a few minutes of your time. *sigh*

*safe hugs Kat, Annie, anyone else who wants/needs some*

Annie: I hope things settle down quickly.

My sleep and my mood are both going down the drain right now. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep, and getting up every hour. *sigh*